


Twisted Wonderland - Part 2

by Editor1



Series: Twisted Wonderland [3]
Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland (Movies - Burton), Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Related Fandoms, Original Work
Genre: A broken Wonderland, Anal Beads, Are We The Baddies?, Cheshire Cat - Freeform, Choking, Cock Warming, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Gay, Hangover, Incest, Jabberwocky - Freeform, Knife Play, Large Insertion, M/M, Master/Pet, Mind Break Aftermath and Recovery, Nobility, Object Insertion, One day I promise I'll write which tags go where but today is not that day, Politics, Polyamory, Porn With Plot, Rape is Legal, Royalty, Snowballing, Somnophilia, Sounding, Teasing, Terrorism, Threesome, War, Wonderland, Wonderland AU, Wonderland After Alice Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 16:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 95,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15319299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Editor1/pseuds/Editor1
Summary: A world where Alice left Wonderland forever and it degraded into insanity.There is a war on the horizon for Wonderland. Benji must choose between what has always been, and what could be. But he has other problems. Asentual's antics leading to his own destruction, new actors on a political stage, and treachery around every corner.TAGS UPDATE. THE KINKY SHIT IS FURTHER DOWN THE LINE. THIS BOOK IS MORE PLOT THAN PORN AT THE BEGINNING. I'M SORRY.





	1. Chapter 1

“And his voice, his voice too. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I don’t understand how someone can simultaneously annoying and attractive at the same time so easily. He just seems to accomplish everything he sets his mind to…” 

“I want to hear about his eyes again.” 

I grinned and moved closer to the pale girl on the bed that watched me so intently. “His eyes are like stars. They’re the most mesmerizing thing you’ll ever see. If you look at them too long it’s almost as if you’re straining your own just to keep looking at them. They’re bright, and shockingly yellow. And they’re just… When you stare at him and he looks back at you like that, it’s like he could do anything to you.”

The girl giggled and clasped her hands together. My eyes softened at that. Making Sadie happy was half the reason I talked to her about these things. I liked seeing her forget about the pain for a while. And if Asentual did it, then all the better. 

“And his hair, I want to hear about his hair again!”

“Again?” I grinned teasingly. “You’ve already heard about it a thousand times.”

“But I’ve never seen red hair before, I always like the way you describe it.” She paused to cough, and I carefully moved closer to rub her back. The bumps were still there, as always, coupled with a back that wouldn’t straighten. I don’t think being cooped up in a room would help it much more than walking around. But walking caused her pain, and I didn’t want that as much as anyone. 

“Well, his hair is bright, bright red, like an apple. And it always falls into jagged lines like a bird’s nest under his hat. Like he’s never heard of a brush before. And it falls over his eyes all the time like he needs a hair cut. But when you dip your hands through it, it’s so soft and not at all like straw. It’s more like down.” I smiled at her as her eyes lit up again. 

“I wish I could meet him,” She crooned in her soft and breezy voice. It was as light as a feather and tired sounding. I could understand why. “How do you find people so amazing like that? Only a few years older than me, too...”

“One day you will,” I reasoned as I stroked her cheek. “You can meet him and see just how amazing he is. Crazy, too. He already knows about you at least a little.” 

“But what about me, just that I exist?” She pouted. “I wished he could be my paramour. I’d love for someone like that to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magical adventure. You have all the fun.” 

“Well, he knows about us…” I angled myself closer to her. “And you still have me, you know. I’m sorry I left before, but now we’ve had lots of time together, right?”  
Her smile was light and airy as she pressed my hand against her cheek with a purr I could feel through to my arm. “I know, Benji. I've missed you lots. You can be my paramour too.” I smiled back with a slight flush as I kissed my sister sweetly, then pulled her into my arms gingerly to lie beside her. 

“I know he’d like you,” I murmured by her ear as I played with her icy blue hair. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh. “He’s a wonderful person. And I think he might have a thing for Duchess nobles, I’m not entirely sure.” 

“Every time you talk about him, I get this picture in my mind of him and I just want to see him all the more. It’s bittersweet.” 

“I can stop talking about him if you like,” I teased. She gasped and glanced back at me with her chilled blue eyes that reflected so much pain inside. 

“Please don’t. It’s the highlight of my day. I want to hear as much about him as I can. Can you tell me the story about the brothel again? I love that one.” I flushed slightly as I buried my face in her hair. 

“I think you just like to see me flustered more than anything, Sadie.”

“Well,” she giggled. “Yes. But not just you and what he did. I like hearing about him and what he’s like…” 

“Him, and a lot of the outside world are completely different to here. In here, everything is so perfectly made to work properly, and everyone just does their job all the time.” I sighed softly. “Out there, there’s a lot more to the world. People who break the law, with how uncle died. People who don’t care about who you fuck or end up with…” I stroked her hip gently. “People who’s only purpose in life is pleasure. Like Asentual… Life isn’t fair out there.” I thought back to the boy still there in the dungeons. I wondered if he was dead, or alive. But that line of thinking was dark. I didn’t want it. “But it’s colorful, and interesting, and like some kind of ocean in comparison to this island of a Palace. I sometimes wish I was born a Queen Noble, so that we wouldn’t be stuck all the way at the edge of the map. Imagine, what it would be like if we were raised in the capital?” 

“I think it would be very loud and smelly,” she yawned, then smiled. “But nice. I think I’m tired now, Benji.” 

“Would you like me to leave you to sleep?” I moved to let her go, but she gripped my hand on her waist tighter and brought it around her stomach. 

“No, stay. I like you here with me. You help me sleep better.”

“Does it help with the night terrors?” She nodded subtly as she turned back around with another yawn, closing her eyes and slumping back into my arms. The purr from her was soft and light. I had missed this. I didn’t even realize how much I had before, but months after returning I still felt happy every time I heard it. Knowing it meant she was happy despite the pain I knew she was going through made all the difference to me.

“Get some sleep then,” I whispered. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

She drifted off to sleep only minutes later. I felt the haze of sleep pulling at me as well but before it’s hold could completely get to me, there was a knock at the door that tensed me up and immediately brought back. I groaned softly as I stretched, then carefully wriggled myself to the edge of the bed without touching my sister. Standing up, I struggled for a moment as the feeling went back into my legs from sitting for hours before I went to do the door to stop the incessant knocking that bothered my brain. 

“I’m coming,” I growled. As I opened the door, a human servant looked at me tentatively with a frightened expression. Well, he deserved it. And perhaps today I felt like throwing my weight around a little more. “Is there a reason for this disturbance?”

“The Duchess asked for your presence, I apologize for the disruption. But she wished to have tea with you. She was rather insistent.” I stared at him for a second, then glanced back at Sadie’s sleeping form. 

“Fine… I’ll come down.” 

….

The throne room wasn’t much different from the others I’d seen in my travels. Still the same grandeur with tapestries lining the entrances and columns of marble holding up a tall and entwining ceiling that lead in natural light on every side. And near the back, steps that led up to a throne above everything else. The difference? The colors, and comfort. A light silvery color etched with blue everywhere one could see. Cold, and yet calming at the same time. Nowhere was the feeling of unnatural fear that one had in the King’s court, or the feeling of submission in the Queen’s. I loved my court. I didn’t know how anyone could live in theirs. 

Beneath the throne was a large table populated with various desserts and sandwiches, and a lone woman sitting at one of the simple dining chairs that had been laid out for her. I approached from where the hallway entered into the main room in the back, and as I turned about to find my seat, I took in the Duchess’s presence.

No royal could capture the majesty of a face like hers. No one else could quite show the eloquent nature of her features, the elegant eyes or the way she held herself. Not fearful, no. But something to be respected. Her lustrous blue eyes took in mind as she raised her head in greeting, and I nodded back to her as I sat across from her. Her hair was more than blue, it was like a deep and unquenchable sky nearing twilight. There was something ancient about her I could never place. But she felt like a mother. And that was something I treasured. 

“Benji, it’s nice to see you again.” I smiled warmly at her as I made my own tea to emulate her. She never let the servants touch her things, liking them a certain way. 

“Same to you, your Majesty. You look well.” Looking back at the other royals, I almost felt worried for the way I talked to her. Never bowing, or using ridiculous honorifics, just enjoying the atmosphere… When I returned it was difficult at first to get out of that habit, and I don’t think I’d fully left it. 

“How is the position of Right Hand treating you now?” She asked in a soft and selective tone. No one could ever copy the way she spoke. It was strange, alien, and welcoming on the ears. 

“Oh, it’s been a pleasure serving you. I was trained for this role, and it fits me like a glove. The position grants me a lot of insight into helping the court, and I’ve helped raised our trade using diplomatic relations, though the paperwork is difficult with the messaging services.” She nodded to herself as she sipped her tea. 

“I supposed it would fit you well. It’s partially why I requested you be schooled so carefully on it. Your uncle was reliable as the Right Hand as well. But… There always seemed to be something missing with him. Though, I do not wish to speak ill of the dead.” 

“It’s alright, everyone knows he always acted high strung-” I caught myself as I said that, but she merely chuckled and took a bite of her blueberry tart. 

“Perhaps it was his flowery language I do not miss, or maybe his pretentious nature. I enjoy that brash attitude of yours. It was concerning how much it led your life before you left last year, but after you returned, well, it’s more of a breath of fresh air than it is a whirlwind.” 

“I suppose so…” I took a quiet sip of my tea. “… I heard that the execution of the man responsible for my uncle’s death went as planned.”

“Do you wish you were there to see it? Even if you didn’t like the man, many do like to see justice enacted.”

“I…” I bit my tongue. “Not for him.” 

“But you wished you could have returned to the capital, correct?” I wasn’t exactly trying to hide it, but she latched on so easily to what I really wanted.

“Well, yes…” I sighed. “I would have liked to be there again, if just to see the world like I did before. I love this place but… It’s cold. And boring.” 

“I understand the feeling,” She mussed. She traced a pattern of white along the blue silk of her sleeve. The embroidery was careful and exact in the way it fell on her. It was an old dress, forty, perhaps fifty years. “I wish sometimes that I could leave and explore the world. But I have a kingdom to take care of. And so I do what I can with what I have. Though that idea is always there, is it not? Both of us feel it.” I stared at her with the tea cup stuck at my lips. If she were to leave the castle… The danger it could cause would be unprecedented. 

“That’s a frightening thought,” I said softly. “There’s no telling what could happen out there to you. We’re trapped away from the rest of the world with the forest blocking our path. If you tried to go past it… If you passed…” I shook my head. “I don’t want to think about it.” 

“It’s just death, Benji. It happens. It’s a part of life.” 

“But you don’t die!” I exclaimed. “None of the royals do! If something like that were to happen… Wonderland would be thrown into chaos.” 

“Wonderland is already in chaos. If I can’t die, then there wouldn’t be any harm in me crossing the forest now would there be? But regardless, that’s not what I wanted to discuss with you today.” She finished her cup, and began to pour out more tea herself. “I’ve heard snippets of your travels with the hatter.” 

I coughed as tea went down my air passage. “Sorry?” 

“While you may not have discussed at length with me on your various exploits, that does not mean that rumors don’t travel.” 

“I…” I flushed faintly as I stared hard at the table. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Falling in love is always a big deal, isn’t it? At least in my experience.” 

“Ah…”

“It’s not difficult to see how Asentual affected you.” She smiled. “You’re more cognizant of issues around you, and careful with your words. And I can’t say I miss all those pranks you’d pull day in and day out on the other nobility.” I flinched slightly. 

“It’s not as though he made me into a different person. I simply grew up. I needed to see more than just this part of the world. And I did, I found out how much more there was to Wonderland. It makes me want to go back and see it again. The good, the bad… All of it.” 

“The bad?” She questioned as she leaned forward. I choked back a noise. 

“Well, I… I know that the Queen enjoys the world this way. But I see a lot of… hardship that comes with it. Along with any other method of ruling a kingdom would have, of course,” I stammered.

“Do you think this world is ruled unfairly, Benjamin?”

“I-I’m not sure that’s exactly how it should be phrased. What do you want me to say?” I leaned back slightly at the intensity of her expression. There was that intimidation the other royals had. She just kept it far off and away. And when she used it, it just made all the more impact. 

“I want to know whether or not you would consider changing the rules currently in place in this world.” She drew back and set down her tea. “The Queen has made decisions that have led us down the path of slavery, debauchery, and greater institutionalization. I feel it on the wind, Benji. Wonderland is dying.” 

“… What?”

“Wonderland is dying.”

“I… I don’t know what you’re trying to insinuate, your Majesty.”

She took a slow breath, then leaned back again, folding her hands in her lap. 

“The world doesn’t remember a Wonderland before the Queen’s true insanity. When Alice was still alive. But she was. And there was a time when this world was lush and alive.”

“You’re speaking of fairy tales, your majesty,” I cautioned. “I don’t want to disagree with you, but… You have lived hundreds of years and-“

“Benji. Please.” She stared at me in desperation, and I closed my mouth quickly. “I’m trying to entrust something to you that I can’t to any part of my court. Only you can fully understand what is going on in Wonderland. No one else seems to care but I’ve heard of the stories you’ve spread. And I have reason to believe that I can entrust you with this.”

“… A-alright. I apologize, your Majesty…” 

“Thank you…” She paused. “There is something coming on the horizon. It will change Wonderland. I can sense it. Whatever it is, it will cause massive disruption.” 

“Like some kind of premonition?” I blinked. 

“Something like that, perhaps. I can sometimes feel changes, like the disruption of pure snow against foot fall. It’s difficult to articulate, but the other royals can have these feelings as well. It just appears that most of them have decided to fall away from it all. From what I’ve gathered, none of them listen to the rest of the world anymore. The Lord as I understand it has locked himself in the furthest reaches of his palace in paranoia. The Queen has decided to indulge in the worst that mankind has to offer. And the King abuses his power to create fear and distrust among his own people. Which leaves me.” She smiled coldly. “Hiding away little better than the Lord, cut off from the rest of the world.” 

“You aren’t like that, your Majesty!” I shook my head quickly. “You work hard to keep this court intact. We are the wealthiest because of you. We couldn’t control where the palace is… Or even if we could, you’ve done the best with the hand you’ve dealt. And as for the changes… Is there anything specific you can help us be aware for?” 

“I know that I can do better for my people. All of my people. Benji, what can you tell me about slavery?” She watched me curiously. “About what we’ve done with the humans.” 

“Well, only what was necessary. Their enslavement helps to keep Wonderland turning. Slavery helps with free labour costs and makes the overall spending far less than it could be. It…” I couldn’t help by think back that stage I had been on so long ago. They’d treated me like a slave then. I was going to be sold. I could feel that fear. Kept down so long ago, now it was at the tips of my fingers. “It…” The capital. All of those slaves forced to do what they could to satisfy the needs of nobility. Forced to die if it meant giving them what they wanted. “It’s for the good of Wonderland.” 

“The good of Wonderland?” She echoed. “Those humans that we enslave… Do we forget that they too live in this world with us?” 

“Your Majesty…” I stared in disbelief. “Do you believe that humans deserve the same rights as nobility?” 

“I believe that slavery, and what we’ve done to the people we procreate with and have romantic lives with, are unjustifiable.” Her gaze softened. “We look to the side when we see humans forced into these lives, and yet depend on them for labour and the continuation of our own species. Who are we to take their agency away from them?”

“What you’re saying… it spits in the face of the Red Queen and everything she’s worked towards…”

“And what does that say about the Red Queen? Where her priorities are? I love my sister. I care about her. But I know what she’s become. I know what she’ll turn into if she keeps on this path. And how far she’s already gone… It’s unsalvageable.” Her eyes grew darker as she stared at her untouched second cup. “I know that if she were the person I still knew after all these years, she would know that there was already a rebellion planned from the ground up underneath her very nose.” 

“You… You can’t be serious.” 

“Benji.” She watched me seriously. “Would you consider, knowing everything you do about the real world around us, joining that rebellion? Without people like us, they’ll be destroyed eventually. But… If we put our resources to work with them, there could be a chance to save Wonderland.”

“My loyalty to the Red Queen and Wonderland, or my loyalty to you. That’s what you’re asking of me.”

“No,” She spoke sternly. “I’m asking you to think for yourself, and choose what you think the right decision is. I’m asking you not to let your loyalty blind you to everything around us. It’s blinded everyone else. It blinded your uncle. It’s blinded everyone in this godforsaken place.” 

There were people in this world that are lost and afraid and forced to be punished for things they didn’t do just for the satisfaction of others. I knew of one personally. 

To save them. It’s what I wanted for the longest time. I forgot about him because I knew that I couldn’t do anything realistically. But.

“I can’t make this decision right now.” I got up quickly, my head still spinning as I looked to her. 

“I can’t expect you to.” She smiled kindly. “It’s far too much to put on someone’s shoulders at once, and then expect you to make a choice about it. I simply want you to think about it. Consider it.” 

“You’re asking me to make the choice for you to join a rebellion.” The insanity of what she proposed boggled my mind. 

“No, I have already made my decision for myself. I’m asking you, personally. To force people into one direction or the other without question is why Wonderland ended this way in the first place. I want you to figure this out for yourself. A test as a Right Hand, if you will.” 

“A…” I chuckled coldly. “A test? Your majesty… This is… This is insane. This kind of treason would get me killed. But you… You aren’t supposed to be thinking like this. You can’t be thinking like this, you’re one of the four pillars of this realm. You’re one of the reasons we are alive and thriving under the winter conditions of this palace. With you thinking to overthrow the government, the Queen… Your sister…” 

“Benji, just think about it. You don’t have to agree with me. I know you can take the amount of burden I place on you to simply question things.” She stood up with her voice imploring me. “All your life, you’ve questioned what others haven’t on smaller scales. And when you returned, you were touched by the life of Wonderland outside. And by your hatter.” 

I turned away. “Thank you for the tea, your majesty. But I think I have to go and think about this on my own, without your intervention.” 

“That… Is acceptable.” I heard the chair move as she sat back down again. “You’re excused.”

I walked quickly out of the throne room without knowing where my feet were taking me. Brushing past doors, shaking in an unyielding fear and confusion at what had just transpired, I could barely breathe.

Changing Wonderland. Destroying Wonderland. Rebuilding it. 

Those were the words of a traitor. Something I once considered but was talked out of, rightfully, by Asentual. But these were the words of the Duchess of Diamonds. How was I supposed to take treachery from a royal herself? 

“Sir? Benjamin, sir-“ I brushed off the servant trying to catch up to me and turned into another hall. 

“Leave me be,” I growled. “I have business to attend to.” 

“Sir, please. The hatter.” He grabbed my shoulder and I raised a hand to hit him, but he didn’t pause as he spoke in watery words. “The hatter is here to see you.” 

I stopped. Dropped my hand. And stared at the man. 

His face was beaded with sweat from chasing me. “He’s at the side gate, where we take in the slaves. He requested you specifically. It looked as though he’d been riding non-stop from the Capital to here. He-” 

“Take me to him,” I interrupted. The shaking paused. There was a chance something could be right after all.

“I… Yes sir.” He turned and waited for me to follow, and then we were walking through the cold blue and silver halls towards the servant and trade entrance. “I thought that you should know beforehand, he didn’t look like himself.”

“Like himself? How? How would you even know what he looked like?”

“Well, I’ve heard rumors and I know what kind of person he makes himself out to be, and… He looks as though something happened to him.” 

My stomach churned. 

“I don’t think that’s your place to decide,” I muttered, but there was no real bite to it. I was too busy wracking my mind for reasons he could be unlike himself. Perhaps he simply missed me? Or something had happened. That rebellion… Maybe they’d done something to the Queen? Now that the Duchess had let it slip, I was beginning to think it was only a matter of time before something terrible happened. God, to think I could have a hand in that…

“Yes, sir, I apologize. He’s over here.” Abruptly, he took a left inside one of the side halls near the entrance where there weren’t many others. Mostly it was just cook underlings getting supplies from the recent shipment, and none of them seemed to notice us. I barely paid any attention to them as they thinned out the closer I got.  
What I was focused on was that familiar red head whose crooked hat lay lopsided on his head, with hair that fell in his eyes no matter how many times he tried to brush it away. He stood slouched in the hallway with his back against the dull blue walls tapping his foot. When I make a noise, he looked up sharply. 

“Benji.” A quiet voice. His eyes were dull. Something was wrong. He was acting cold as long as the servant was there, but there was something desperate in his eyes. 

“Sensi…” I glanced at the man who’d led me here. “You can go.” He nodded and sped off, leaving me in the hall with the hatter. I took one step closer, then another, then nearly fell on him before I knew what I was doing. I gripped his arms tightly and nearly shook as I hugged him. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve had nothing without you. It’s so boring here… And I think – with- the duchess, I mean-“ 

“Benji.” He gripped my shoulders and slumped back against me. I actually had to hold him up. “I can’t.” 

“What do you mean, you can’t? What’s wrong?” I stared at him blankly. “You’re scaring me, Sensi. Are you alright?” 

“No. I need your help.” He looked up at me with an almost fevered expression. I had never seen him so submissive before. There was an aura about him that I couldn’t put my finger on, something that just seemed to eat further and further away at him. 

“Help with what? What… Why are you like this…” I whimpered. “What happened to you?” 

“Help me forget,” he murmured as he pressed his head against my chest. I could feel him shaking. “I need to forget. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I need your help.” 

I remembered what he sounded like now. It was familiar. 

The sound of a broken man. 

“Tell me what happened.”


	2. Chapter 2

He could barely talk, and when he did, it was quiet and subdued. I took him back with me to my chambers, avoiding anyone who might see us. He was uncomfortable with everything, whether it was my hands holding him up or the eyes of wary servants. I could feel it in the goose-flesh on his skin, or the way he looked at the ground. Something was desperately wrong, but he wouldn’t say a word. I stopped pressing when he looked at me, and the hollowness in his eyes made me fall silent.

It wasn’t until he sat with me on my bed in my chambers that he said anything at all. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he muttered. He stared at the chill grey flooring as if it had all the answers in the world. I hesitated to touch him at all now, other than to walk him here. He was utterly exhausted. You could see it in his eyes, the hollowed-out holes that they were. 

“How long did you ride?” I asked, eager to start somewhere. Perhaps the dominoes would then fall, and he could tell me something. But he merely looked up to me. Not looking at me, but past me. To the window that overlooked the snowy courtyard of the castle, bordered in the soft blue wallpaper of my room. 

“Two weeks,” he said. Impossible. 

“How? Did you stop at all?” I stared at him. 

“I didn’t know what else to do.” 

“Sensi, I… no one could have made that trip in two weeks, unless you never stopped. What happened to you?” I gripped his hand, and stared at him when he flinched back. “Please. I need to know before I can help you.” 

“I need to see the cat.” He said it like a mantra, but it didn’t make any sense. “I need to see it.”

“Are you delusional?” I scoffed. “What’s wrong? Just put it into words. Please, Asentual. You need to tell me.”

“The cat,” he said again. 

“I’ll even take you to this cat or whatever, if only you’ll tell me what bloody happened to you…”

“Benji.” His voice seemed to gain just a tinge of it’s old power as he turned to look at me. Truly this time. “Do you know what my profession is?” 

“A slaver,” I answered without hesitation, but my eyebrows furrowed as I struggled to get what he was intending. “What of it?” But he wasn’t as bad as the others. He wasn’t like them. Like the people the Duchess wanted me to… Overthrow.

“And what does a slaver do?”

“… Subjugate slaves for the use of the Wonderland public. I don’t understand, Sensi.” 

“I was… He reached out and gripped my arm, as tight as a vice as his words were sounded out, slow and hollow. “Treated like that. By a man. At a party.” 

“You… I…” I stared at him. “You were raped… How could that happen? How could…”

“There are things in this world that can make anyone into nothing.” He smiled for the first time since before I’d seen him. It wasn’t a good smile. It was cold, and dark, and full of something desperately afraid. “He had a potion.”

“You don’t have to keep talking about this,” I urged, curious though I was. He was looking more exhausted by the second. 

“I don’t want to. I have to. So you can understand why I need to see the cat.” I shook my head. 

“You still sound incoherent, talking about this damned cat so often. Please, rest, and talk about this once you’ve had a chance to catch up on the sleep you should have had instead of racing to see me. I understand that-“ His grip tightened harshly on my arm, but it was his yell that made me jump. 

“You don’t understand!”

“Then make me understand!” I pleaded as I stared at him. “I want to understand what happened, but I can’t unless you tell me what you’re feeling.”

His voice nearly whined. “You have no idea… I lived my entire life with control, and power, and the ability to keep myself no matter the cost! And then… And then…” He stopped and seemed to shatter. There were tears in his eyes. “He had something that forced me to show him something I’ve never showed anyone. Not even you. And I actually care about you, but this man – he just...” I could feel his arms shaking as they let go of their tension. “It wasn’t even the potion in the end. It was me. Just me. Agreeing to whatever he did. I couldn’t even think. I wasn’t thinking. I was- I was-“

“Stop it!” I held him against me as he broke into wracked sobs, shaking myself. “Stop it, please… You’re working yourself up, and I can’t…” 

‘And I can’t see you as a broken man. Because if you’re a broken man, then I have to be the one to pick up the pieces. And I don’t know if I have the strength.’ I wanted to say it to him, but the selfishness held me back. I didn’t want to make it worse. 

“He took away my control, but it was my obedience given willingly that he craved.” He muttered against my neck as his arms wrapped around me, although hesitantly. “In the end, I gave it to him. There was nothing left of me. I had no one else. No one. Mother and father dead, Margret gone and probably dead, the Queen’s a monster, no one. Just Benji.” He pressed his face deep against my chest and let out one final sob. “My dog. Help me see the Cheshire Cat before I lose my mind.” 

“Cheshire…” I faltered. Mother and Father? And someone named Margret. If he wasn’t being incoherent, there were things he wasn’t telling me. “Why would you want to see something like that? And… Who’s Margret?” I asked softly. “You know that thing works with no one. Begging to see him… I won’t help you live out a death wish, Sensi, even if this is too much. We can work through it together-“ 

“The cat likes me, Benji. It’s one of the reasons I can go through the forest without issue. He, it, whatever… lets me go through the wood, and enjoys my company. It would be safe.” He ignored the second question and it made me wonder if it was delusion or avoidance. I decided not to press. 

“How could you trust something like that?”

“He hasn’t let me down yet… And he’s got something I think he’d be willing to give. But I can’t… I can’t make it on my own.” He buried his head further into my chest. “I was single-minded when I came here. I just needed someone. But now, I have to entrust this to you. I’m not in my right mind, Benji. Everything is seeping away. I’m going mad. Madder.” 

“What can that thing do to help you? I still think this plan… it has a lot of holes.”

“Take away my memories.” He murmured. I froze with my hand in his hair. 

“… You would want that?”

“Anything to take this away,” he whimpered. “Anything to feel whole. I’m not me anymore.” 

“I don’t think…” I couldn’t understand how something like this could make him into an entirely different person. One night of subjugation, one night of something terrible, but how could it lead to this? What had really caused this? This need for control being stripped away like that… Just how deep did that control overpower his life? “I don’t think this is a good idea. We could work through this, maybe… Maybe it would be for the best to use this as a chance for-“

“What are you saying?!” He looked up angrily. His voice trembled as he gripped my shoulders. “I need it gone. All of it. I need it out of my mind. I never want to think about this ever again. It’s breaking me down inside day by day. I can feel myself becoming something I can’t become. I…” He paused to gasp for air as his voice buckled. “I still feel myself drawn to him and I can’t stand it. There’s a madness, pulling me towards the person that did this to me, and I want to kill it before it takes over. Do you understand, now? I’m becoming…” 

“I understand,” I stopped him. Submissive, was what he meant. Everything in his body hated that loss of control. But now he was little better than Wyvern and he didn’t know what to do. I gently held him and felt something strange and not entirely alien well up inside me. This protective need I’d felt before, but I never thought it would be Hatter that I would feel I had to protect. “We’ll go to the cat, then. Together. I’ll help you in any way that I can.” But something deeper inside me knew that this was wrong. Running away from someone’s problems like this would only end badly.

“Thank you,” he nearly whispered as he fell against me with a sigh. His body was so warm it was nearly fevered. I stroked through the knots of his hair as the bright red thatches appeared dirty and worse than usual, with a straw like texture. His breathing was faint against my ear and occasionally the gasp of a breath aching for air in the aftermath of the sobbing. 

“But first, you need a bath, and some rest,” I cautioned. “If we’re going to make the trip into the forest for the Cheshire, you need to be ready for it. You look half dead, Sensi. A bath should ease your mind. And sleep. And that’s final.”

“Fine… But I don’t want you to leave me.” I had to stare at him. He was so needy. I never thought I’d see the day that I’d be the one in control. 

“Do you want me to bathe you?” He nodded sullenly, and something strange twisted in my chest at the thought. To bathe hatter myself when he’s like this, it made a strange flutter in my chest. “You can sleep in my room, if you like,” I added, and he nodded again.

“Please.” I smiled at his adamant nod, but inside the worry grew. The childlike obedience was utterly unlike him, and it pointed towards something that could be much worse than I thought. The was everything the hatter wasn’t, and he did it as though it were second nature. 

“Alright. Let’s get you into the bathroom then.” I stood up, bringing him up with me and noticing how weak his legs had become. That I could understand, with all the riding he’d done. The aching he must have felt afterward should have been evident on his face, but there didn’t seem to be pain etched there. It was simply hollow depression, as though he didn’t even care what he felt.

I led him to the adjoining room of my chambers where the white marble of the flooring reflected a silver inlaid bath, sink and toilet, porcelain with the shimmering trim. I left him with his arms reluctantly letting go of me to grab the towels in the other room and returned to see hatter already tugging off his clothes. There was no tact to it like he had always done before. It was mindless and methodical, not caring for what I saw no how I saw it. There were dark purple and yellow fading bruises on him from what I didn’t care to guess. The marks on the insides of his thighs couldn’t have only been from riding.

I turned away. No matter where his mind was, he was still the hatter, and offering him dignity was important. Even if it appeared he had little to none left. 

But he tugged my sleeve instead of going to sit in the clawfoot tub. I turned back to look at the worried eyes that ached for help and smiled kindly as I began to pull him towards the tub. “Come,” I said. “Just sit down, I’ll get the water running.” He did exactly as I asked as I led him to it. No question, no comeback and no insult or twinkle of his eyes. He simply sat down against the cold ceramic with the dull yellow looking at me for what I cared to do next. I gulped, placed the downy towels down nearby and started the water running. It was warm, not hot enough to be scalding but certainly relaxing. Steam rose from it against the cool air of my room and even I found the water a welcome gift after the chill that hung around the rest of the castle. The water had been boiled only minutes before, from the kitchens by the servants who then sent it up through the plumbing system. The hatter watched the water fill the bath silently. I could feel the awkward silence in the air as I sat on the marble floor beside him. 

“Benji.” I looked up at him quizzically. 

“Yes?”

“… Can you make it hotter?” 

“Oh, sure.” I paused before I turned the knob. “How much hotter?”

“Scalding.” I bit my lip as I glanced back.

“I don’t want you hurting yourself.” He merely dipped his head down with no argument, but I decided to comply regardless. I didn’t make it quite as hot as he wished, but it was certainly a little too warm for me. He seemed to enjoy it though, relaxing back into the tub with his eyes closing as his hair fanned out into the heat of the water. My breath caught in my throat. 

It wasn’t fair. He was just as amazing as I remembered in physical stature, but mentally he was nearly gone. And as long as he was like this, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. He wasn’t there in spirit anymore, and the hatter I had been waiting all this time for… I would have to wait even longer.   
But that just stung, that train of selfishness. He was looking for a safety net, and here I was acting as though I deserved him to treat me like he always did for my own amusement. Even if he did look like he was just as amazing as before, I’d have to treat him carefully until we could get the problem fixed.

“Do you want to bathe too, Benji?” His voice broke me out of my trance. 

“No, it’s a little warm for me. I think I might burn.” 

“Oh… It’d be nice if you did,” he sighed. I didn’t know how to tell him that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control myself if I joined him. “It helps. I don’t feel hands anymore. It’s too hot for that.” I blinked. 

“Hands?” He went silent for a moment. 

“… His hands,” he finally said. It was reluctant and quiet. Fear dripped off every word.

I placed my own hand by his forehead and stroked out into the fanning hair that the water had thoroughly soaked. 

“I’m sorry you still feel him.” That’s what he wanted the heat for? My heart grew heavier, but I couldn’t bring myself to make the water hotter. I didn’t want him to harm himself, regardless of reason. 

“I hate it.” He murmured. “I hate all of it. I hate when I’m left alone to question if I ever hated it at all. I didn’t even know him. I don’t know his name, or anything…” He went quiet. “He said he was my enemy, but I didn’t even know who he was. Why did he want me hurt? To what end…”

“He never gave it to you, did he.” I sighed. “His name. Could you ever track him? Perhaps if you could find him, you could have him executed.” 

“I don’t think I could. He’s probably long gone by now and…” He shuddered, and the water rippled. “I just want to get as far away from him as I can. With my mind and body both.”

“I’ll do what I can,” I reassured him. “I want to help you. I love you, you know that? If you need to rely on me, you can.” 

“Love…” He let himself fall further into the large tub, until his face was nearly submerged. “We left each other before. Even after that last night, it all ended and it’s like we broke apart. I’ve fucked others since then. You were stuck here the whole time and I didn’t come to see you. You still love me? Even after that?” 

“Sensi… we already agreed that we didn’t have to force ourselves into whatever confines of a relationship others might dictate.” It hurt for him to say that. He already should have known the answer. “I still love you. Whatever kind of love that is.”

“I don’t do anything but drag you around.”

“And I love being dragged around,” I pressed as I reached for the soap. “I loved our adventures. It was boring here without you. And no matter where you are in your state of mind, I’d still care for you.”

“You made me say I love you.”

“… What?”

“It hurt to say it. I didn’t like it.” 

“I… Well, I’m sorry that I did that.” I began to add the soap to his body, unsure of what else to say. 

“That’s what it felt like at the time.” He rose in the tub to sitting, and faced me as the water drained from his hair to his chest in rivulets. Before I could say a word, he grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled me against him. I expected a kiss, but instead, he pressed his heated forehead against mine with his hollowed eyes sparking for just a moment before returning to their dimmed state. “Thank you,” He murmured. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. “For making me say it. Because I do. I need you, Benji.”

“I’ll make things r-right,” I stammered. His body was too close and I didn’t want to take advantage of him. But the heat of the water and his body soaking it up, it was all warm with steam that made my mind heavy and want something I knew he wouldn’t be able to give. He didn’t even seem to realize my gaze with the way he was, the water dripping off his chest and settling back in the pool. He was so warm and inviting and there were so many fantasies I’d dreamed up in the long absence of his presence. But I settled for a gentle kiss instead that he barely reciprocated. He turned away quickly, but the feeling of his lips on mine still lingered.

I stroked his hair and gently tugged it back behind his ears as I washed it. He made a small noise when I pulled and I immediately stopped with a slight flush to my cheeks, focusing instead on his shoulders and trailing down with a sponge. It was nigh impossible to think of anything else other than taking advantage of him like this, but I tried to keep my touches as platonic as possible. I knew he would appreciate it; every time I got close to his groin he’d tense, and I didn’t want to make anything worse. But when I thought I pushed too far and would stop with worry mounting, he’d lay a hand on my arm and make the smallest noise. Both helpless and sweet. He knew I was trying. I didn’t know what else to do. I just wanted to help him. But this was just walking on eggshells in treating something that needed more than a ginger hand. 

“Alright, that looks much better.” I smiled at him as I unplugged the drain of the tub. The steam had already dissipated with the water cooling, and I didn’t want him to remain in cool water. Catching a cold was a real problem in this palace, so I quickly placed a towel around him when he got out of the water. His hair plastered itself to the sides of his head but when he rubbed it dry with the towel I’d given him and pulled away, it was already back to it’s spiked and wonky self. He pulled another towel around himself for warmth, and I left to get nightclothes from the drawer by the bed. 

I selected a pale blue set of nightclothes and returned to him quickly to hand him the clothes. Ignoring his half hard state, probably due to the way I’d cleaned him, I instead walked back to the bedroom to change myself. 

He followed quickly after me into the bed by the light of the candle that stood on my bedside table. It flickered around the room to emit a warm ambiance that contrasted against the cool color of the walls. I moved for him to fit in beside me, and he half burrowed under the covers against the cold. I didn’t blame him. After living in the Capital’s eternal summer for so long, it was understandable to dislike the cold temperature of the Duchess’s eternal winter. 

But he didn’t just hide under the covers for warmth, he moved up to me until he was pressed against my side with his breath gently tickling my neck. I turned to him and gently pulled my arms around him. His skin was still hot from the water, like a heated blanket. 

“I want to leave tomorrow…” He murmured. His eyes were half closed with exhaustion. I smiled sadly as I leaned over to blow out the candle, then returned to him. 

“If you’re feeling up to it, we will. But I want you to rest as much as you can, alright?” I stroked over his hair gently. It felt soft, not straw-like at all. Feathery just after being washed. 

“I can’t wait for the memories to continue to ruminate in my mind. It’s getting worse.” He breathed out softly, seeking the touch I gave him as he pressed back into my hand. 

“How?”

“I’m losing myself. At least I can do so safely, with you.” He tugged the hem of my shirt gently and made a noise that died in his throat. “I want…” I bit my lip. 

“Want what?”

“You.” 

“… What do you mean by that.” He pressed his body against me with his eyes open now, but dulled as though there was nothing inside. 

“I don’t know. I just… I feel like I need you. And you’re…” He looked away. “You’re the one person I trust. I felt like… You touching me… It could overwrite something that he’d written before. But then I’m afraid, and I feel I don’t want to do anything ever again.”

“You don’t have to make a decision like that, Sensi.” Despite my flush and hardening flesh, I ignored the need and held him gently against me. “I’m here for you, but if you’re uncomfortable, we don’t need to do anything. I promise you that.” 

“But what if I wanted to…” his voice was soft again, with his eyes closing once more

“W-well, I-… I suppose, if you wanted to do something like that, I wouldn’t mind. You let me do that to you before, and I certainly enjoyed it, but this is different now, isn’t it? You’re hurt, and I don’t want to take advantage of this... You said yourself you felt like your mind was leaving you. And if I were to give in… Sensi?” I blinked. He was breathing softly without response. “Oh…” He was already asleep. His breath was slow and even, his chest rising and falling with the heat from the water emanating under the blanket to warm up both of us. All the tension in his body was gone, and he looked like his old self again. The person I had submitted to so long ago, happily. But now everything had changed, and I had to take care of him. 

I pulled his head against my chest with my heart fluttering. So many things I had to do and think about. Who would take my place when I left to help him? How could I explain myself to the Duchess? Not to mention the Duchess’s offer. If I were to actually agree with her, and help in something that treacherous, then that path would be even more difficult than anything thus far. She wasn’t wrong, but to go against the Queen? The thought made me pale. If I were to do that, it would mean going against the hatter by extension. I could never fight him. It would have to take my own convincing him to join me instead. But that was only if I even agreed to her offer in the first place. 

Then there was what Sensi had spoke to me of before. Someone named Margret. A woman he had taken before, perhaps. If he was coherent, not delusional, then there was something else he wasn’t telling me. Maybe it had to do with what had happened before? There were a million questions about what had happened to him in the time we had separated, but I was afraid to ask in case I dredged up even more memories that would make things worse. I couldn’t even begin to know how to broach a topic like that. Perhaps I’d save it to ask him in the morning. 

I let the lull of sleep take me with the hatter’s hair tickling my nose. He smelled like soap with a hint of the scent I missed. So close to me, and yet so far away. I missed him more than he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonderland is not a world, but a country, bordered by three lands and an ocean. 
> 
> To the north, past the King’s palace lie crags and cliffs and mountains that are nigh uninhabitable, where it is said the dragons as large as mountains used to live as it was the only location they could stay in that could accommodate their large size. The snows here are eternal but natural, unlike the strange supernatural winter that keeps its hold over the Duchess’s domain. 
> 
> To the east, past the Capital, is the Sea of Tears. The ocean’s seemingly endless waters bring forth the occasional ship from far off lands that bring with them strange and interesting imports that no one from Wonderland has ever heard of. The people that come from these ships are almost as interesting as the things they bring with them. All colors of skin, yet human of hair. They can be subjugated just as the local human population of Wonderland can, but one cautions taking them for slaves as they are worth more for their imports and strange collections they sell. Diplomacy should be used when dealing with these merchants.
> 
> To the south past the Duchess’s palace and Lord’s is the hot lands, deserts and tropical forest that some adventurers may traverse in order to find the colorful small birds they bring back to the pet shops to sell. More humans live here, but once again, they keep to themselves and are friendly in diplomacy and economy for their strange tropical wares. Some may find these people in the streets of the Capital selling their items and delicious spicy food. Down in these countries, one may find the ruins of intelligent dragon cities, miniature creations made of stone like honeycomb structures. 
> 
> To the west, past the hatter’s shack, lies the unending forest. The pines, oaks, and ash stretch on for miles and miles, and no one has ever seen the need to try and explore it. There is nowhere to see or go, and the creatures said to hide within it are far worse than anything that the Wonderland forest could hold. However, some say it is within this forest that Alice’s original manor may have been, and perhaps the giant ruins are still there. But it impossible to tell with the thick and unyielding growth of trees that sometimes stretch up for hundreds of feet.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up to the feeling of a warm body pressed against me. It took me a second to realize it wasn’t Sadie, but rather Hatter. When I opened eyes to see that scarlet hair, my heart leapt for a moment before the rest of the previous day hit me. I winced internally as I sat up. He was still asleep before, but the slightest movement from me had him blinking awake before I could move anymore. 

“Benji…” He mumbled, then closed his eyes again. It was strange that he woke up only after me; even the slightest movements usually had him wide awake. I stroked his hair soothingly. His voice, still tired and sleepy, was all too cracked. He was still broken, and one sleep wouldn’t change anything. And what else could I do? Nothing but be his loyal dog and do as he asks. That was my job, wasn’t it? Be the dog he wanted, loyal to the last as someone he could rely on to do what he asked. 

“Are you sure about the memories?” I asked as I gently pulled the hair from out of his eyes. “Maybe it isn’t the best idea. The Cheshire cat could be incredibly dangerous. The only one he cares about is himself. And perhaps… Something like that would be best worked through slowly, piece by piece.” I smiled tentatively. “We could talk things out together, perhaps? I know it’s awful, but perhaps coming to terms with something like this is better than losing all memory of it? What if they ever come back?” My voice grew in nervous tenor. “Maybe the Cheshire’s magic won’t be enough. What then?” 

“Benji…” He groaned as he pressed his face into the pillow. His voice grew muffled against the satin. “I need to forget all of this to be myself again. He took something away from me. And it doesn’t matter if no one knows it. Because I’ll bloody know it. I know exactly what he did and what…” I bit my lip as I began to speak tentatively. 

“You don’t have to answer this, but… What did he do to you, exactly?”

“… Don’t, Benji.” I winced immediately as I realized my mistake. 

“I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to make you relive it. Alright, we’ll get those memories out.” 

“Good…” No good dog. I’m not sure he had the strength mentally to even broach that mindset. “Dog” a term I used to dislike so much. Now it felt like it was sorely needed to bridge some kind of gap.

The two of us stayed there for a moment longer. His breath grew steady again, but it was obvious he was still awake, or at the most dozing. I trailed a hand soothingly over his shoulder blades and back, and he seemed to lean into the touch. The nightshirt did little to hide his musculature. 

“Food first,” I insisted as I stood up and went to the wardrobe to get dressed. The ornate wood was paler than most, made of a near white oak and reflected as a dull grey against the shimmer of the rising sun that peered through the window. The decision wasn’t hard in picking out a set of clothes – they were the ones he had bought me before. Not only for sentimentality’s sake, they were the only durable clothes I had for travel. I turned back to see him sitting up and grabbing that wonky top hat of his and positioning it just so on his head before tugging on the rest of his clothes. The last he put on was the whip on the belt of his pants that he touched gingerly. I wondered briefly if he’d had it used on him when it happened. To have his own weapon used against him… It was as dark as it was ironic. It made a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

I didn’t want to think about it anymore. Entertaining these ideas made my stomach churn and anxiety rise for his benefit, coupled with something darker. He needed a rock right now, not someone to be overwhelmed with empathy. 

He followed me out of the room close on my heels. The servants gave us strange looks, but they knew better than to ask questions. Probably presuming all sorts of things that had happened between us in the night. I saw a few looks of disgust, and a smirk barely showed on my lips. Let them hate me for liking him. He was more than a man, and they were foolish for thinking that their looks would sting me. Most of them had never left the damned castle. 

“So…” I wracked my brain for things to say to him on our trip towards the dining hall. I didn’t intend to stay there, but a stop by the dining hall for food would mean less time here and more time to travel. “Who’s Margret, anyway? Another one of your exploits?” I smiled at him, but he stared at me in shock in reaction. 

“Margret? Where did you hear that name?”

“You mentioned her before when you were upset. I… I’m sorry if I overstepped.” I faltered as I turned back to walking with my head down. “When talking about needing people. I thought perhaps an entertainment girl that you’d liked, particularly…”

“No,” he said curtly. 

“Oh… Well, I’m sorry for butting in.” I let my voice trail off with my head hung, and turned to look ahead. He went silent for a minute longer, then spoke softly.

“My sister.” That had me stop in my tracks, but he simply kept walking. 

“What?” I followed him quickly to catch up. “Your sister? Why didn’t you mention you had a sister?”

“Does it matter?” He muttered. 

“I… Well I suppose it doesn’t, but it means we have more in common doesn’t it?” 

“It matters little. She’s dead, most likely.” I swallowed as I continued to follow him. 

“What do you mean by that… Did you have bad blood with her?”

“More than a little. She’s not really a sister to me anymore. Not that it’s her fault.” 

“I’m a little afraid to ask why.” He uttered a soft and tired laugh. 

“She was Rettah’s older sister, not Asentual’s. The move away from my parent’s home was already enough to leave her nearly broken. Living under an insane Queen’s thumb made things worse. Losing her perfect little brother to a monster that laughed at the rape of women and craved it as much as the rest of them had her completely mad. The last I had seen of her, she had killed her own chambermaid and then escaped the palace with her hands still red with blood. And carrying a knife left under lock and key from the Queen’s armory.”

“… Murder.” I suppressed a shudder. 

“I know.” He shook his head. “Her own insanity was murder and I’m not sure it ever left her. She was self destructive. Didn’t even feel pain. I’m not sure why, but she couldn’t. And she grew obsessive over it over the years. Since she couldn’t feel any pain, she’d hurt herself constantly. Just hoping to feel something sharp and hurt. And that turned into something twisted and awful when I hit her.”

“You… Hit her?” 

“I had just grown into myself, and I was… Overwhelmed. She ran at me to hug me and I told her to know her place. It was a mistake. But I couldn’t take it back in front of the cards. Just then, I cared too much about what others thought of me. I was newly formed.” I walked up closer to him to hold his hand. 

“It’s not your fault that your sister drove herself mad.”

“It was the catalyst,” he growled under his breath, but it sounded so weak. “But you’re not entirely wrong. It’s Wonderland. It drives people into the worst kind of madness if you let it. And there’s no way around it. Maybe this is mine.” He looked up to me with his dull eyes and a watery smile. “Maybe my madness and depraved state is supposed to be weak and to live only for those stronger than me. I’m supposed to let everyone control me.”

“I’m not going to let any madness take you,” I affirmed to him with my hand clenched tightly around his. But his words shook me deeply. The talk he had was beyond what I could imagine possible from his lips. Those were weak words, and he was weak. But the hatter was no weakling. This was wrong, and I would do anything to change it. But his weakness seemed… I couldn’t place it.

“So, where to then…” He murmured.

“I will ask leave from the Duchess, and then we can make out way to the forest. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” I smiled bravely for him. “She’s incredibly understanding.” And a traitor. 

“Hm. Duchess.” If his eyes were lost in thought, then brightened ever so slightly as he turned to me, and I had to glance away to avoid him catching me in a stare. 

“Your sister. How is she?”

“Sadie is the same as ever. She wished she could see you.” I tried not to look guilty. “I’ve been filling her head with thoughts of you. She wanted to meet the red headed ruffian.” 

“She’ll have to wait.” Almost an echo of a smirk showed just as quickly as it left, and we were back to walking down the hallway in silence. 

The Duchess watched me enter the throne room and her gaze had the hairs on the back of my neck rising more than usual. Seeing her face reminded me of what she had told me before, the last thing I wanted on my mind right now. But I couldn’t avoid those thoughts swirling around in my mind as I drew ever closer. 

“Benjamin.” She leaned in as I approached the throne with embroidered silk drapery on her arms flowing down to the floor following every movement. The tea table had been taken away and the room was back to as it had been before; a cold and desolate place, with a chill that would never leave. But it was familiar to me, and for that I was less uncomfortable than I had been in either of the last two royals I had appeared in front of. And this was my Royal, my Duchess. She was something I cared about. Even if she talked of treason. 

I bowed faintly, and noticed Hatter followed suit. But he was infinitely better at reading the room than I could ever be – his reactions were perfect to suit the Duchess’s demeanour. Reserved, calm, respectful but not fearful. The Duchess commanded no fear. The steps leading up to her throne were short and left her closer to the ground than other palaces. I nearly looked her in the eye as I stood back up straight. 

“Your Majesty, I ask that you give me leave for a few weeks. Asentual requests my assistance.” 

“For what reason?” She turned to Asentual with a glint in her eyes. I gulped as she moved even closer, until she was nearly spilling out of her seat. I turned to see Asentual, and my heart dropped. He couldn’t even look her in the eye. His eyes were downcast with his hands hung limply at his sides. I clenched my own into a fist. 

“I need to see the cat,” he said truthfully. “I would prefer your Hand’s company.” It didn’t take much to anyone that knew of him, that something was wrong. And for the Duchess, the writing would be plain on the wall. 

“Take your horse, and supplies from the kitchens.” She leaned back with a deep breath, and relaxed back against the cool metal of the throne. “Benjamin, I expect things to continue working in your absence. But I trust you’ve already prepared yourself for this inevitability, correct?” I flushed faintly. Of course, she could tell I’d made all the plans for the castle laid out for anyone to follow in case I’d wanted to leave. 

“I have, your majesty. Thank you.” I bowed my head, but she simply watched Asentual.

“Would you care to know the future if you could, hatter?” she asked. 

“I would rather experience it, your majesty,” his hollow voice echoed. Her mouth twitched. 

“Very well. Know that nothing lasts forever. And both of you, be careful. There’s no telling what kind of creatures are out there in the dark. And nothing can protect you outside of the cities of Wonderland. The taboo of murder ends at the threshold of a castle or city. I’m sure you already know that Benji, but still. Wonderland Forest is avoided for a very good reason.” I dipped my head in acknowledgement. 

“Yes, your majesty. I’ll be as careful as I can.” 

“Take care of your hatter,” she murmured. Faintly pink, I nodded again as I turned to the kitchens to collect a rucksack of supplies I knew would already be there by the time I entered. 

I held my breath until we were at the stables collecting Misty from the altogether too friendly stablehand. Ignoring him, I turned to Hatter with a sheepish grin as I packed away the pack of food and shouldered a few blankets that would be needed until we left the Duchess’s realm. “That was easier than I expected.”

His eyes were dull as he shook his head. “The Duchess knows more than anyone I know. There’s power in her. She… She probably knows.” I bit my lip as I paused, and glanced to Misty’s leathers, then fiddled with them without knowing exactly what I was doing. 

“I don’t think she does.” But that lie was hard to say, and I knew he didn’t believe it. The Duchess always knew more than she let on. And probably more further still. 

Asentual swatted my fingers deftly away from horse and clambered up with tired practice. I followed on behind him. But holding onto his back didn’t bring with it that feeling of comfort I’d had so often before, not with him refusing to untense his shoulders and only staring ahead towards the road and the path we’d take. He guided the loyal horse out of the yard through the side gates that marked the end of the stables connecting the courtyard to the side entrance of the palace. I watched the back of his head with my heart sinking moment by moment. Single-minded and refusing to acknowledge anything around him, the thought of grounding him crossed my mind. I gently gripped his arm and pressed closer to his form, and felt his body jump. But then he relaxed back against him, a slight shiver rippling through him as the cold hit him for a moment buffered with the blanket.

“Benji,” I heard him say against the wind’s howl. “You feel like a dream.” I flushed and ushered Misty onward. 

“I’m real, Sensi. As real as you.”

“I don’t feel real.” He held up a hand to his face and I watched it shake. “I feel like I died. And this is some kind of purgatory. It’s no more than I deserve for what I’ve done, is it?”

“You don’t deserve what happened to you.” Prickles of fear tingled at my stomach as I gripped his hand. “You scare me when you talk like that.”

“You’re the only one I can talk to. I… Can stop if you like.” I closed my eyes and pressed my face into the back of his neck. 

“I didn’t mean to stop. I just… I meant that I can’t bear to hear you this way. And I want to solve this as soon as we can.”

“Me too,” He muttered, and spurred Misty into a gallop.

….

The sight of the maw of trees on the horizon, past the fields of grasses and wildflowers as high as a man’s shoulder never failed to make any Wonderlander tremble. For me, the sight of it reminded me what had happened that one brutal day. The wrong people had found my carriage, and it had ended gruesomely for my uncle. But that memory was bittersweet. It was what led me to Asentual in the first place, in his own strange and infuriating way of saving me. The irony was, my assault had led me to understanding myself more than I ever knew, and his had left him an empty shell. 

“We’re almost there,” I heard him mutter in between the clopping of the horse’s hooves. It was an hour later that we ended the first stand of trees that began to grow progressively closer together minute by minute. Soon we were in a darkness only illuminated by the small amounts of dappled light the toxic green leaves the twisted Wonderland trees allowed us. The path beneath us was well worn and Misty found no trouble galloping along the packed earth. It was the sense of dread within all of us that slowed her down to a trot. After days of travel, to have this be our destination was laughable.

“I don’t like this place,” I said to the back of the hatter’s head. “Have I mentioned that?”

“Not recently. I’m sorry.” He slumped against the horse, but I pulled him closer into my arms instead. 

“I’m trying to make conversation. I didn’t mean…. I don’t like this quiet, is all.” There were no birds chirping, no squirrels among the blackened and dead undergrowth that twisted and tried to pull away at the path in it’s snarls. But the path was one of very few in the forest, and was well maintained for trade in and out. Well trodden because of the large amounts of foot traffic, it was unlikely nature would reclaim it. Trade caravans needed to come in large packs in order to stave off any predators that lurked within the Wood.

“The quiet. No sound of prey.” Asentual’s voice was muffled by the trees. It felt hollow and tinny. 

“Why would there be predators, if no prey?” I asked. 

“The creatures here don’t feed off animals.” My grip on his sides tightened. 

“Oh.”

“Around five percent of trading caravans don’t make it back, you know.”

“You can stop now,” I hastily whispered. “I understand.”

“You don’t need to worry.” He looked up at the blackened vines hanging from what appeared to be a maple tree at one point in its life. “I’ve never been harmed going down this route. And the Cheshire will show himself soon enough.” 

“The Cheshire could have shown himself the minute we entered these woods.” I watched a tree so withered that the trunk looked as though an old woman’s face were carved into it. The bark was eerie. Watching me. 

I turned back to Hatter.

He stared ahead, occasionally patting Misty’s neck as she continued in her slow and careful clop. It was the only sound for several longer and stretching hours. 

The first change that made me realize something was wrong was the sound. What had previously only been horse’s hooves had muffled further still, until it was as though the world was mute. I shook Asentual by the shoulder, but he wasn’t asleep. He sat up straighter and looked around, the stopped Misty in the middle of the road. 

“Cheshire?” He called out. There was no answer. The world was still. The darkened bark around us made the world feel closed, and dark. I suppressed a shiver up my spine. The world wasn’t supposed to be this quiet. 

“Cat?” He called out again.

Another moment passed. 

The hatter flung himself from the saddle with my words of protest dying on my mouth. Landing with a muted thud, he kept the reigns in his hands as he looked around the side of the road.

I followed him and stood next to the mare as he let go of the reigns and strode to the other side of the road. An inch from the path, the dead undergrowth flared up like black claws begging to scratch at the earth and take over what humanity refused it. He ignored it, and took another step further inside. His foot cracked as shoe met with dead twig. 

“Sensi,” I hissed back. My knuckles were white gripping Misty’s reigns. “Where are you going? We should stay on the road!”

He glanced back furtively. “I thought perhaps the Cheshire might prefer us further in.”

“Are you mad?” I gaped. “It’s bad enough that we’re here. Alone. But I’m not going in there. There’s enough monsters that would gladly have both of our heads, I’m not serving myself up on a silver platter.” He took a tentative step back towards me. 

“We can stay here, I suppose…” His guilty eyes fell to the forest floor to study his shoes. I sighed and turned to tie up Misty against one of the gnarled trees. This one could have been an ash.

“We’ll stay here as long as we need to, but I don’t want you running off.” I sighed. “I understand you know this forest. But you’re not in your right mind. I’m worried that maybe it’s throwing everything else off. You’re not yourself, and perhaps the Cheshire feels the same.”

“H-he can’t.” His voice cracked. I winced as my eyes widened. 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry,” I knocked my head against the tree trunk. Everything I said was wrong. “I know he’ll be here. You believe it, so I do.”

“Belief. How quaint.” The older and deeper voice echoed through the forest like no other noise had before. After it, there was silence. I stood frozen as I tried to grasp if that was even real. I looked from Misty to Asentual. He stood by the other side of the road with his head bowed. Had he heard? Had the horse heard?

“Asentual-“ I began, but was interrupted. 

“Mad.” The voice simply said. I stopped again and waited to see if the voice would say anything else. When it didn’t, I looked meaningfully at the hatter. He glanced up to see me, and in confusion walked towards me. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I heard something. Someone, like a voice, but deep and strange.” 

There was life in Asentual’s eyes again. “The cat,” he said. 

“Why can I hear him, and you can’t?” 

“He plays games all the time. Perhaps he was trying to make you think you were going mad.”

“Well, he was nearly there. That scared the hell out of me.” I breathed out in relief. “I don’t like hearing disembodied voices sounding as if they’re talking right at my ear like that.”

“Sounds like you have it out for disembodied voices. Sad, really.” The voice returned. This time though, it was accompanied by a head appearing in the air in a branch above us. The visage of a cat mixed with an old and wrinkled man appeared slowly from nothing to sneer down at us. Its disgusting smile drew from ear to ear as it watched the two of us lazily. Disgust and fear piled in my stomach as the rest of the body dismissed its invisible glamour. The thing was nothing but skin and bones. Where had once been fur, was now nothing but hairless indigo skin, with tufts here and there of a lighter purple fur. Mange had taken ahold of the thing, and now it was a wonder the creature was alive. Each rib created sunken holes between them, and the spine was all that seemed to keep it’s back together. There was no stomach – I’d be embellishing to say there was room for any organs on this beast. With no flesh to speak of, it was a walking skeleton. But the face was vibrantly alive, and staring down at us with a hybrid of human and cat features that made me want to run, and run far. The deep yellow eyes watched me with too bright intelligence. 

“Cheshire.” There was relief in Asentual's voice.

“THIS was what you were searching for?” I managed to squeak. “It’s… it’s…”

“Hideous?” The thing’s grin only widened. “Thank you.” 

“I thought that it had fur, at least.” I whimpered slightly as it stood from it’s perch on the old black branch, and began it’s decent through the air. I couldn’t move as it walked towards me. My legs wouldn’t let me. When it stopped, it was at most three feet away, at eye level. Bigger than a normal cat, but not by much. And the lack of flesh made it feel much smaller than it should have been. 

“I find flesh to be debilitating. Imagine how much more could be done without it.” 

“I-I can’t imagine being able to do much with it without dying,” I found myself saying. 

“Why do much when you can do little? Unless much needs doing. Though doing, taxes, and taxes pile up.”

“Cheshire,” Asentual tried to get the cat’s attention again, but the creature was focused on me with it’s strange and striking eyes. The yellow orbs were as toxic a color as the trees. 

“Why pile up taxes when you could do them properly?” I scoured my brain for something, anything. “If you leave things like that to burn, you never do anything, and fall dead with obligations piled on top of you.” 

“Not a bad way to go, if you’re life is so filled with the things,” he responded in kind. “I would prefer to burn it to the ground. Fire is a wonderful substance. So little of it these days. Your dog is quite a wonder, hatter.” He finally glanced to the redheaded man with an inviting grin.

“I know,” he said softly. “But that’s not what I’m hear for. I need your help. Please. T-the-”

“Removing memories.” It wasn’t a question. “But the answer is no.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently, a terrible epidemic struck the Court of the Lord of Spades. A plague rendered many adults and elders within the court either permanently infirmed, or dead. Among the dead, tragically, was the Right Hand of the Lord, a man said to be quite capable despite the Lord’s cowardice. The man worked with his twin brother. and the two did well despite what constant jape the other Right Hands made (and indeed the rest of the country) would have you believe. It kept the Lord’s kingdom in reasonably high wealth and standing, though the Lord himself hadn’t been seen for many years prior, as he was far too busy never leaving his room. It came at a terrible time where the young man being groomed to become the next Right Hand had recently run away from home. And so the issue becomes, who would become the next Right Hand? 
> 
> That is a question no one has yet to answer at the court. With the death of so many, there have been desperate scramblings at the court to fulfill positions, and messengers sent to the capital begging for estranged and less pure Lord Nobles to return to the court to help with the problem. For now, the work of the Right Hand has been left to the Lord’s Left Hand to do. A young Lord Noblewoman by the name of Jillian has her work cut out for her.


	4. Chapter 4

“No?” the hatter spoke first. “Why?” His voice cracked. “I came here, for you.”

“You come often enough.” 

“What else am I supposed to do?” He slumped as his eyes fell to the ground. I had never heard his voice so small before. “I don’t… have anywhere else, anyone that can help…”

“Why the hell wouldn’t you help him? He’s a friend.” My fists clenched tight, in and out. For the moment I forgot that the creature in front of me was something out of a nightmare. “He wants his memories removed, it’s not like it’s impossible for you. You’re what, a god? Some kind of strange being that KNEW we were coming and just left us hanging for hours in this forest when we could have gotten ourselves killed! We’ve been travelling for hours in this forest and longer beforehand, and you choose only now to show your hide and tell us that you won’t help us. There’s nothing you can’t do, is there? So then why-“

“Nothing?” His face twitched to the side with eyes that reeked of insanity. “Who speaks of nothing? I am merely a Cheshire cat. We’re a wonderful breed, granted. But nothing? I can do somethings, yes. There are nothings I can’t do too.” 

“You can’t just remove his bloody memories?” I growled. “I should think that something like this is at least within your realm of capabilities. You’re a floating cat acting like you have all the answers in the universe, and you’re telling me you can’t remove my hatter’s memories? Your friend’s?”

“Benji.” Hatter’s voice broke further. I turned to him and paused when I realized what I’d said. 

“I didn’t mean it like that- the heat of the moment.” I flushed. ‘My hatter’. It wasn’t as though he were mine. He wasn’t anyone’s. And right now claiming ownership of him was the least of what he needed right now. I was being stupid. 

“He’s not my friend,” Cheshire broke in. “A friend of mine is not a weakling. What you have brought to me craves an easy way out. An end to plaguing nightmares of the night he became the prey he so often hunts for. Tell me, is it not poetic justice to see the cat eaten by the dog that was hunting for mice?”

“He’s a friend in need of help.” I glared back at him. “He’s not a different person just because of what he went through. And don’t play that card. Since when does the Cheshire cat care about anything other than himself and maintaining his own lucrative friendships?” 

“This friendship is no longer lucrative,” he said simply. I withered into a glare. “And what did he go through? Did you know?” He continued without missing a beat. 

“You could make him lucrative again. And I don’t care what he went through. I know the basics. I know that what happened to him broke him. It doesn’t matter what he’s done. Fix. Him.”

“You didn’t get more?” His grin widened. “How much would he tell you? Would he tell you of the man who did it, the tall dark stranger who hated him so?”

“Stop it,” I snarled. I didn’t need to hear this.

“The toys he used on him, touching places that are better left untouched? Every part was taken, places you’ve never dreamed of.”

“Stop.”

“Would he tell you of how he changed, and lost all hatterness given to him, to become something so foully… Submissive?”

“Shut up!” I took a step towards the creature. He stayed frozen in place in the air, sitting as though there was a cushion beneath him. “I don’t care about what happened to him. He doesn’t need to tell me. And he… He’s not foul. He’s not wrong. What happened to him, that was wrong, but this? This is simply him reacting to a terrible situation. What am I then, to you? Am I a foul submissive too? You know more than you pretend to, obviously. So it’s not like you don’t know about me.” I hissed at him, but his grin remained. “You’re just trying to get a rise out of me.”

“You don’t despise his inability to preform as your master, is what I am asking?” The cat leaned forward, and his eyes narrowed. “Or do you prefer to be the master now?”

“No.” I bit my lip. “I don’t care about that. I’m trying to help him regain himself.”

“I don’t help liars, Benjamin. Liars are smoke on a raging fire burning down all around it.”

“I…” I glanced back to Asentual again. His body was frozen in a whimper and for a moment I thought he was simply standing still. But his form stayed still for far too long. It was only then I realized, and turned back with a cough.

“How did you do that?” I said dumbly as I watched Asentual frozen expression. 

“I am capable of somethings,” He said simply. “But not all things. Tell me the truth, Duchess kin.”

“I did,” I replied adamantly, pausing to cough into my sleeve.

“You don’t wish for the hatter to be yours in a way that you were his?” The cat began to circle around my head. His tail flicked by my ear. I harshly moved out of the way, fearful to touch the thing. 

“No, of course not. That’s a breach of trust. I can’t take advantage of him like that.” My voice sounded wavery. I wanted to believe what I was saying, but there was an emptiness to it, I realized. 

The creature turned in his circles to move around the hatter’s head. He poked Asentual’s hat with a paw. “I understand the desire. You tried before, once. But the hatter despised it. He is a being of will. And being of will, once it is enacted, it can never seem to turn off. He could not lose himself with you. But now he is lost. Utterly stranded, and perfectly willing to be taken advantage of.”

“I wouldn’t,” I glared at him, but a cough cut me off. “I – I wouldn’t do that to him.”

“You’ve thought about it, haven’t you?”

“I haven’t-“ Another cough had me stumbling slightly in how violent it was. I tried to speak again, but something fluttered in my throat when I spoke. “I –“ The cat’s grin widened as I began to hack harder until I was doubled over on the ground clutching at my throat. The sharp and fluttering thing was growing. I couldn’t breath. Scratching and clawing and hacking did nothing, and I knew I was going to die. 

“Something about cats and tongues, I presume,” The cat continued as if nothing were awry. Panic was growing in my stomach as I coughed harder, half choking and half retching. “My mind wanders.” 

I coughed up violently, and finally the thing was expelled from my throat. The dove passed my lips and fluttered away before I could catch more than a glimpse of it.

“There goes a lie now.” He watched the dove as it flew off in a flurry of wet feathers. I dry heaved one last time with wide eyes.

“What - what was that,” I coughed with shaky and weak breaths. “What just happened?”

“Dishonesty flew the coop, I would assume. Tell me true, Duchess.”

“I wish I could fuck him like this.” As soon as the words bubbled out from my mouth, I covered it. “What- I do mean that! I do! I mean I do!”

“Calm down, frightened mutt. Speak your piece.” But I was frozen for the moment. He’d done something to me. Some kind of magic, and now I was afraid of what else he might do. His eyes glinted strangely as he bat at Asentual’s card tucked into the fold of his hat. 

“What else are you going to do to me?” I choked back another cough, and spit a feather from my mouth. 

“Nothing, for now. I despise lies. They get in the way of any good conversation. Lies have ways of allowing the world to continue spinning far longer than it should have any business doing. Once the truth has been revealed, the wild goose chase can end. Or should I say dove?”

I gulped. The bird was gone, and with it, any lie I could have told him. 

“He won’t hear, if that’s what you’re worried about.” It was a small relief. Admitting it to myself was worse.

“I… like him. Asentual. When he’s like this, I want to protect him. And… Every time I see him shy or… Sweet… Or quiet… He reminds me of Wyvern.” I clenched my fists again. “I see Wyvern in him. And I know that the reason he’s like this is terrible, but that doesn’t make me not see him that way. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do everything I can to help him either. Whether it’s when he’s broken apart like this, or being himself, I’m not going to stop caring about him. I’m a dog, Cheshire, remember?” I hesitated a grin. “I’m supposed to be loyal.”

“How can you care about this entity when he travels the world looking for new and more exotic things to fuck?” The Cheshire’s tone was condescending, but his look didn’t change from that insane grin. “Don’t you find yourself being presumptuous? He doesn’t love, you know.”

“You’re wrong.” I glared at him. I remembered our last night together. I remembered our travels before then, the weeks on the road with nothing but each other for company. I remembered all of it, and I knew he was wrong. “It doesn’t matter how much time we spent apart. I’ve been waiting months for him to come back, but I didn’t waver. And he didn’t either. The first person he thought could save him was me.”

“He came for you only when he required you.” I flinched. 

“I can’t expect him to have me around all the time…” I sighed. “I know he wants to live his life. And I have my own obligations. It hurts that he’s not there for so long, and that he only came because of what he needed from me. But that doesn’t matter. In the end, what matters is helping him. And fucking him in this state, even if I’d want to, is not something he needs right now.” Cuddles, perhaps. But nothing sexual. The betrayal on his face after the fact would ruin anything I tried to do to him. And the guilt would eat away at me for the rest of my life. 

“… The truth speaks, not lies,” the cat admitted. He stretched, then walked another circle through the air around Asentual. He twined over his ridiculous hat, then lay down on top of it and began to clean his paw. “You’re a loyal dog, down to your core. Lacking intelligence as most are.” He paused in his licking. “But I was also speaking truth when I said I could not remove your hatter’s memories. That is something protected by laws of nature that run deeper than I can play with.”

I paused. “What laws of nature? Aren’t you something that bends nature?” What information there was on the Cheshire just said that he was one of the only magical things left in Wonderland. Something capable of god-like abilities. I was convinced from pouring over every storybook that concerned him that he could control nigh anything. 

“The laws that can not be edited except by their creator. But that is more than I can explain to something as so staunchly stupendously scatterbrained as yourself.”

“Stop insulting me and just explain to me what you CAN do then,” I glared at him impatiently. The terror his look had first commanded had lost all meaning to me when he was otherwise being a little shite of a creature. But the prickles of fear grew again when he stopped talking and allowed his eyes to bore into my skull. The grin screamed insanity, but his eyes whispered insolence. 

He shrugged. “When a mouse begs a cat to do something for him, the cat plays with his food before devouring it whole. You’ve proved to me you’re no mouse. But cats and dogs, well they don’t go together very well either, do they?”

“So you’re saying you don’t like me?” I scoffed. “Do it for him, then, not me.”

“I care little for most of your kind. It’s Wonderland I fear. Precious Alice didn’t realize what her paradise would become. Did you know it was dying?” He didn’t give me time to answer. “Of course, you did. Everyone knows, at the back of their mind. And you might be stupid, but you have your Duchess to tell you true. The forest festers, and so do people’s minds. One day all that will remain are bodies and darkness so bright it stains one’s eyes.”

“What does this have to do with Asentual? You’re changing the subject to go off on your own tangent.”

“We have time to discuss.”

“I don’t want to bother wasting time.” I glared at him. “Sure, you’ve stopped Asentual. But I don’t want to listen to you any longer than I have to.”

“You knew Wonderland was wrong from the moment you stepped foot out of your court, didn’t you.” His words rang queerly in my head. I paused. 

“That…” I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter. But deep inside, I felt like it did, and I was afraid what I might say next. 

“I despise you Wonderlanders,” he muttered as he looked to the ground, and resumed licking his paw. “So full of arrogance that it’s stuffed you into a dressed turkey. You waddle around throwing your colorful feathers left and right, crying like a peacock to the world about your birthright to rule over every human that lives in your domain. And yet, where are the true creatures of Wonderland?”

“What do you mean?” I asked warily. 

“Magic lost,” he continued, ignoring me. “With only remnants remaining. Remnants useful to you. And Wonderland suffers. Trees aren’t meant to look like limes, you know.”

“You’re blaming the foliage changing color on us?”

“You keep telling yourself that nothing is wrong, but the world changes and decays because you and all of your people have taken everything you can away from making Wonderland what it was meant to be.”

“I can’t change what royalty tells me to do!”

“Unless royalty offers up the possibility of rebellion?” I winced.

“Stop talking.” I hissed at him. “Just tell me what you can do for Asentual, or at least release him so I can get him out of here.”

“There is time yet. The Jabberwock moves ever closer, but I suppose a few minutes left to speak to you. It’s a pity you all have to save what I once loved.” It was a wonder he was capable of loving anything – wait, a Jabberwock?

“What did you just say?” I gaped. “What about the Jabberwocky?”

“You specifically having such a role to play.”

“Hey.”

“I can’t believe I have to place my hands in you.”

“Wait-“

“But these are desperate times.” I felt anxiety leap into my throat at how he completely ignored me. “Gone are the days when Alice’s simple innocence saved the world with tears and wit. And now all we have are politics, and slaves for desire.”

“Were you being SYMBOLIC or is there A BLOODY JABBERWOCKY.”

“Hm?” He purred in a question. “A Jabberwocky?” 

“Yes,” I exclaimed in exasperation. 

“The creature has been hunting for you ever since you entered this forest.” My blood ran cold and I reflexively glanced to Asentual, but he was still frozen. Even unfrozen he wouldn’t offer much help. 

“Can you help us?” I nearly whimpered as that fact dawned.

“You come begging at my feet, and now ask for help against a monster?” His grin widened to an impossible margin. From ear to ear it stretched, showing the massive pointed white fangs that seemed overly long to be a cat’s. The magic this thing possessed that I had never seen before somehow seemed more potent. I didn’t like it. None of this seemed quite real to me and I felt the urge to run as fast as I could back to the Duchess, but that would take days. And there was no possible way I could leave Asentual behind. 

“Please,” I begged. Perhaps he was lying, and this was some kind of test. I wanted to believe that, but then there was a roar. 

The roar was more of a screech, louder than anything I had hear before, and tinny, as though metal had smashed into rock. But it resounded too long, and too loud for it to be anything natural. As soon as the sound ended, I realized I had come very close to wetting my trousers. 

“P-please…” I could barely hear my own voice, even in the dead silence that the cat created. “Help us. I don’t want to die.”

“If you don’t want to die, live.” His eyes gleamed as he stood from his perch on Asentual’s crooked top hat.

“How am I expected to do that when the Jabberwocky comes for the both of us?” I found my legs weren’t working, and my voice was barely more than a croak. Even with the silence, the slow resounding footsteps of something approached us with growing speed. Anything else I might have said died in my throat. 

“He took his vorpal sword in hand; Long time the manxome foe he sought.” The cat’s voice resonated as the world seemed to quake around us from galloping steps that were nigh on top of us. “One, two! One, two! And through and through. The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!”

“What are you talking about!” I screamed desperately. “Help me, you damn cat! Help us, or I-I’ll kill you!”

The cat disappeared, and the roar sounded out again. I couldn’t hear anything else afterwards. There was nought but the sound of my own heartbeat pouring blood in my ears and making my world dizzy. Vaguely I could see through a haze of adrenaline and fear as the hatter seemed to come alive again. He turned to me in confusion that quickly morphed into terror when he seemed to realize what doom we were about to face behind me. I was too fearful and too weak to even turn around. He looked as scared as I felt, but I didn’t have the strength to reach out to him. He turned and ran towards his horse, and I felt a stab of anger at his cowardice. He wanted to run. But there was nowhere to run to. We were dead. And he would die a coward, broken by a man that gave him a taste of his own medicine. And it was all because of that damnable cat and his useless riddles.

I clenched my fist, but there was something in it obstructing me. I glanced down, and a blade shone in my hands. 

I stared transfixed at the thing. In the moment the feeling of the world shaking around me was forgotten. I was staring at a simple short sword with a silvery metal that gleamed like a mirror. It was as sharp as a razor, and though the hilt was only metal in covered in fabric, the pommel had a glowing sapphire as large as an egg inlaid at the tip. The color was a blue as vibrant as my hair, but deeper. 

“Benji!” The voice sounded far away. I looked up to see Asentual by Misty with terror-stricken eyes. He hadn’t had the chance to mount her, and it looked like he never would.   
Between us the trees erupted and drew forth a beast I had only seen before in books. Thin and ghastly pale with blind sightless eyes and standing as near as tall as the trees, the whiskered beast screeched again and my world went completely deaf. A massively long and sharp claw covered in chipping scales pulled apart a desiccated tree from it’s roots and whipped it to the side as Misty reared in fear to break out into a sprint and sent the hatter reeling backward towards me. Then it took a step forward, and another, and soon the only thing between me and the creature was the thin path that divided the forest in two. Small leathery wings flapped uselessly behind the creature’s shoulders. But my eyes were on the large thickset tail that whipped deep scars into the blackened trees around us. I couldn’t hear a thing, but I could see out of the corner of my eye as the hatter ducked behind me. He shouted something when he looked at the sword, but I heard nothing. I felt nothing. 

It took a second to notice the lack of fear. My hand was steady as I held the blade at my side. And when I looked at the slobbering monstrosity with teeth wide and thick like a rodent’s, I didn’t flinch. I knew what I had to do. For Hatter’s sake. I had that loyalty he said he knew he had in me, and he was right. The creature’s whiskers were alight with electricity that illuminated his scales in a show of power and alerted me that if I touched it with anything other than the sword, I could easily die of shock. But this strength outgrew even the fear I would have had. I was a different person in the split second where it mattered. 

And I charged. 

The beast’s eyes lit up at the sight of the attack and slashed to the side as I entered its range, but with speed I didn’t know I could have I jumped in time for it to claw its way through the dirt of the path instead. Old and dusty silk kicked up into the air where I had been standing moments before. 

The tail whipped out from nowhere when I tried to regain my balance from the dodge. But as it swerved to hit me, I slashed the sword with one hand head on to meet the thing. The electricity in the air crackled visibly as the metal blade met with the infused lightning of the scales but the grotesque pale red blood that spurted from the open wound afterwards showed I’d been successful. The other end of the tail twitched a moment on the ground, then died. 

I didn’t have time to look at it any longer. The other claw was coming down as the beast tried to stamp out the small meal that had managed to harm it. I ran at it again this time. Head on I charged, feeling as the electricity ramped up to closer I got to the disgusting smell of its scaled hide. I was close enough to see the chipped apart flecks of scale that revealed moldy and rotting flesh beneath it. There was no way this thing could be alive, and yet it was. I could smell its rancid breath myself. I was nearly at it’s belly when I felt a surge of something in my brain and for a second the world was alive and I could almost hear again. 

But then I went down, and I realized I’d been touched by a whisker. The shock hadn’t killed me, but every nerve was alight. I was thankful the shock had forced the grip on the sword to tighten in my hand, and not drop it. If I had, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do much more than piss my corduroys and cry as I was being eaten. But I wasn’t Benji. Not the normal one, anyway. I was Benjamin and with a sword like this I could be a hero. And I had to be. I needed to save hatter. Just a glance at Sensi’s face staring at me in desperation for me to get up, help him, it was all I needed. In a split second from falling to the ground I was up again and parrying a blow from the massive thing’s left hooked claw meant for my face. I slashed open a deep wound that bit down to the knuckle. Though I couldn’t hear the screams anymore, I could see the flinch as it fell away and tried to back up from the extremely sharp blade. 

I launched myself in a whirling attack that slashed for the stomach and this time, managed a smaller cut that raked the under-protected stomach. But then the mouth came down and for a moment it was at eye level with me. Time stopped as it sized me up, and I saw real hatred burning inside. Sapient hatred of a being more than what it appeared to be. But I was a slayer and this was the sword meant to kill this creature. It felt right to slice through the neck it so eagerly offered. I felt my arm muscles strain as I hefted the sword up with both arms, and with a cry I couldn’t hear, wrought it down onto the beast’s neck just as it was about to touch me once again with its whiskers. The creature’s blind eyes bulged, and its tiny nostrils obscured by its overly full garish lips wrinkled as it realized what I had done. I pulled back as it faltered and let the blade fall again, and this time it went all the way through. 

The creature’s head fell to the ground in an instant, but the body followed an agonizing moment later along with a waterfall of pale red blood that washed over my shoulders and face. I was regretting killing it right in front of me. The blood was sticky but cold and trickled down in rivulets along my neck and chin. My hair was stained purple.   
With the world full of silence, I fell to my knees. My hand was only now starting to shake, and I tightened my grip on the sword to nurse the feeling of courage I didn’t want to leave me. It had been adrenaline mixed with magic that done it. One was leaving me even now and the other…

I looked down to the sword and suppressed a whine as the thing began to disappear before my eyes. I blinked, and it was gone. As though it never were. 

And then I was Benji again, falling to my knees and gasping with sobs in front of a rotting corpse, soaked to the bone with blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Cheshire cat is said to be one of the last remaining magical things that live in Wonderland. Whether this is a good thing or a bad, no one is quite certain. 
> 
> The creature that is known as the Cheshire may have some features depicting a cat, but whether or not it truly is one is unknown. What is known is that while his power is vast within the forest, he has no ability to leave the place. The Cheshire’s domain is limited to the wilds of the Wonderland Woods. As large as that is, that means that the palaces, cities and courts that the Wonderlanders call home are largely unaffected by the wild magic he wields. Within the forest though, strange things can happen to those that attract the cat’s ire. It is difficult to even reach the attention of such an elusive creature, but it is unheard of to have his favor. No one has ever been known in living history to have the boon of the Cheshire cat. Even the Duchess, who in myths as old as legend was said to have him in her court, dismisses those rumors as false. All those that know of him believe that the creature lives only for himself. But there is a haunted feeling to those that come in contact with the thing. A sad, lonely aura affects those that see him. It is as though he grieves for something, though most never bother to think of what that could be. 
> 
> What the creature’s thoughts and feelings are, are a mystery to everyone but himself.


	5. Chapter 5

I felt powerless. I was nothing. I couldn’t feel my legs, and even if I did I wasn’t sure I’d have the strength to stand. The smell of the creature in front of me was overwhelming. It wasn’t dead when I had attacked it, but it was decayed. Like the rest of Wonderland. There was no way that those eyes could have come from anything dead, the way it looked at me… I had been so close to my own extinction. The last time I had felt that was when I was in that damned carriage, looking at a killer as they slew my uncle and convinced that they would do the same thing to me a heartbeat later. Except, this was something I knew would kill me if I didn’t manage to kill it. And I did. So why did the aftermath make me want to crawl up and let death take me regardless? 

“Benjamin.” I didn’t turn my head at the sound of the cat. I was too exhausted even for that. 

“What,” I said in a croak. It took me a second to realize I could hear again. The pain in my ears was growing, and I bet if I touched either my fingers would come back with blood. But in the silence, I could hear the soft and deep sound of the cat’s voice beside me. I wouldn’t be deaf for the rest of my life. That was at least a consolation. 

“I can’t remove memories.” 

“I know that.” I gasped a haggard breath of air.

“I can’t remove memories, but I can give you a block on them.” I found the strength to turn to the desiccated cat that watched me. His grin wouldn’t let up, even now. I wanted to wipe it off his arrogant face, but I couldn’t bear to move my arms. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” I managed to say. My voice didn’t sound much better than a hoarse whisper. 

He chuckled. “You’re a weakling, Benjamin of the court of Diamonds. And something bigger than love troubles is coming. Something that requires more than the staunch loyalty you give out so freely. You can not continue your honeymoon forever.”

“Fuck off. Doesn’t matter. Fix Hatter.” Where was Asentual, anyways? I couldn’t hear him, or Misty. What had happened to Misty? I suppose she had run off in the direction of the palace, that was where I had seen her last, before a fog took hold of me and the world started spinning. Maybe Asentual was frozen again. I strained my neck to see him behind me. He seemed to be frozen again, but out of fear rather than magical means. His hands shook as they held onto a dark trunk and watched the Jabberwocky’s blood spill out onto the forest floor. It was absorbed by the wealth of dead undergrowth around it. I felt bile rise in my throat. As dead as this world seemed to be, it was hungry. The death throes of Wonderland were looking for any means to persist, and that included eating its own. 

The Jabberwocky was known to return in legend, no matter how many times it was slain. It would come again. This body was one of many that would soon come to haunt the wood as it always did. The next person to face the beast wouldn’t be so lucky. Though there was only one Jabberwocky, there was never none for long. 

It hurt to strain my neck that far, so I turned back to the cat. “Fix him,” I repeated. “Was this a bloody test? Did I pass? I killed your monster, so fix him.” His grin widened. 

“There is more to this block I suggest than the simple solution you wanted. Anything could set off the memories to resurface once again. The position of Hatter may be a close friend of my world, but this hatter is a far cry from the one that once walked side by side with me. My magic may be stronger on him due to the ancestry that flows in his veins, but it is not as strong as I would like it to be.” 

“What do I do,” I grunted. I didn’t want anymore lengthy words, anymore word play. Anything to get this done and over with so I could lie down and cry. 

“Never talk about what happened here today, or what happened that unfortunate day of the incident. Never look for the man that took him. Never recreate what happened to him. And then you will have your hatter, happy as can be. He will have never been as you have seen him these past few days.” 

“Done.” I let out a breath as I agonizingly moved from kneeling to lying on my side. The blood stained the side of my face. It smelled metallic and earthy. It was almost comforting. Something warm and wet. I stared ahead at the frozen Hatter on the ground watching me with fearful eyes. He was stricken, completely mortified. Worse than me. I wondered what he would have done if he was himself and the Jabberwocky was attacking. Maybe I could have been saved by him. The damsel in distress. 

“He would have been just as afraid, but he would have done more than you,” The cat murmured. I blinked. 

“What?”

“He is afraid of the Jabberwocky more than most. It took away his father. He wouldn’t remember, but his sister told him enough.” 

I smiled sadly. “Heartless bitch.”

“More heart than him.”

“Fix him already, stop stalling.” 

“How am I to explain the dead Jabberwocky? Or that you would be out here? A week has passed in his life, and yet he will not remember all of it if I simply block it out. I can leave cutouts of memories easier to swallow than the truth, but what?” He asked me. 

“Why don’t you come up with that yourself?” I growled. “You keep saying you’re smarter than me.” Though I doubt this cat could work with trade and custom like I had with the Duchess’s court. Let him try to turn over a profit or prefect a stratagem for dealing with unruly slaves. 

“This is your wish, I will not tamper with it.” Stupid cat.

I looked at the ground in thought. It wouldn’t make sense that I had killed it. If I did, then Asentual would have actually helped instead of being a liability. He would have been given the sword instead of me, that weapon that seemed to make someone a little more than human. If he had been told that I killed it, a lot more questions would be raised. And…

“You killed it,” I murmured. “You’re the big hero helping out his friend, killing it with a single swish of that disgusting claw of yours. You just made the bugger’s head roll onto the ground without so much as a twitch.”

“Not a difficult lie to believe. I do detest lies.”

“You’ll have to swallow this one, for him,” I closed my eyes. “If he was ever your friend, even if he isn’t now.” 

“And the travels you and your hatter went on to lead you to this point?” 

“I… tried to meet up with him at the forest because he was coming to visit me. I was impatient. It nearly got me killed.” 

“How would you know he was to arrive at your palace in the first place?” 

“I…” I furrowed my brows. “Then I was planning on visiting him in the Capital. It was a chance meeting, and he came at just the right time, with a little prodding from you saying I was in trouble. If it weren’t for you and him, then I’d be dead.”

“I suppose that it’s a story easily enough told. Though could you live with not being the hero?” I flinched, then sighed. 

“It’s better than him knowing the truth.” I didn’t have the energy to think of another story. Even if I did, I realized that telling one too close to the truth could cause a resurgence of memories for Asentual. Perhaps if I played to the same, useless, pathetic Benji I was meant to be, he would never know. He would never have an inkling of what I had done for him. The night we spent with me consoling him, washing him, preparing for the next day. Or when I had been a hero for the briefest moment and had finally done something right…

“He won’t remember before…” I sighed, and curled up tighter. 

“He won’t remember anything you have done for him, no. All of that effort, wasted.” 

“No…” I shook my head faintly. “Not wasted.” I had done everything I could for him, and it led to my goal. Even if he remembered nothing, I had still done what was asked of me. He begged me, and I’d done it. That was all I wanted. 

“You’re so boringly loyal.” He sighed. “Dogs and their masters confuse me. A one sided relationship where one is always begging at the other’s heels and doing all they can for the other, and getting only scraps in return.” 

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand, cat.” 

“I suppose not. I would never want to be a dog. I’ll return my friend to himself, then. And leave you to it.” The silence that followed was made up for by the roaring in my ears that never seemed to end. Everything was silent, and yet so loud all the same. It seemed like the world was ending. If the cat did what he said he was going to do, then I didn’t care if it was. I did what I was supposed to do. 

“Benji? Dog?” I felt a hand grab my arm and shake gently first, then harshly when I didn’t respond immediately. I opened my eyes blearily. Had time stood still since I had closed them, or had hours passed… There was no way of telling. I could see a fuzzy shadow in front of me wearing a top hat with bright yellow eyes that showed through the gloom. Behind him, the ring of lime green trees stood still in the breezeless wood. 

“Sensi…” I tried to smile, as tired as I was. I almost asked how he was feeling, but then I remembered what the cat had warned me. I didn’t even know what I could say at this point. I supposed any allusion that something was amiss was a bad idea. 

“God, that thing nearly got you.” He pulled me up with a secure grip on my arms and I found myself in his lap. He didn’t even seem to care about the blood. I stunk like metal and death. “You shouldn’t have been so close to that beast. If it weren’t for Cheshy, well…” 

“Good thing,” I tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace. I looked up at him in the better light and stared at a face full of worry. But his eyes. They were bright, vibrantly yellow and full of life. He twisted his face into a wide grin when he realized that I wasn’t looking away. 

“You ogling me for a reason, dog?” 

“No,” My face was growing hot and by the time I had covered my face with an arm, I couldn’t stop the quiet sobbing. His face dropped when he realized I was crying and pulled my hand away to look at me, but I couldn’t see his face without a fresh wave cropping up. I turned away and pressed my face against his leg instead. “I love you, is all.” 

“Ah.” He relaxed and ran a hand through my hair. Nothing had ever felt so sweet. “Near death does make you sentimental, doesn’t it. Well, we should probably get going before anything else starts coming towards us and our merry band.” I nodded. I couldn’t speak without a fresh wave of tears.

“Speaking of which, I suppose Misty traveled on ahead of us.” 

“Ahead,” I managed to choke. 

“Towards the Duchess’s palace. I think she decided to continue my travel where I left off.”

“Oh… Right…”

“Dog,” he said softly. “I know how much you wanted to see me. But you could have died travelling here. You would have, if not for Cheshy and me.” I sighed softly. 

“I’m sorry. I was stupid.” I pressed my face closer to him and heard a rumble halfway between a purr and a chuckle.

“Thoughtless.” He chuckled as he stroked my hair. “Never-mind that. We’ll walk a tad, and be home in bed for tea soon enough. I know a place where you can wash up as well, if you like. It’s a little closer than the Duchess’s palace, and perhaps some tranquility could sooth your addled nerves. For all of that red, dog, you’re awfully pale.” That perked me up somewhat. I glanced up at him curiously. 

“Where?” He grinned. 

“A place I found in my travels. It’s a bit of a walk, but if I can find Misty down the road, it should take less than a day.” With that, he helped me up and slid one of my arms over his shoulder, then began to walk away from those memories that had plagued him. I glanced to him repeatedly, looking for any sign of something before. There was nothing. He was the same as the day we had parted, just as arrogant of a prick as he always was. 

…

Asentual stopped Misty at the edge of a clearing, and I jumped down to walk past the remaining trees that hid away something shimmering behind them. My feet continued sluggishly as he dropped to the undergrowth to tie Misty up against another tree. Though doing that hadn’t stopped her from getting loose and running when something strong enough to kill any of us came knocking, and I doubted with her loyalty that she would wander off anywhere. 

As I walked through the last grove of trees that hid away the clearing, my eyes widened. The black undergrowth that had been under our feet and hooves from the time we left the main path had changed suddenly into a dark green grass that looked almost normal, if one ignored the patches of bright green and abrupt black that dotted the knolls around us periodically. But, green. A dark green, life blowing gently through the breeze, and turning into a darker moss that climbed up to a series of stones guarding a pond so beautifully bright and blue that it looked liked glass. A river behind it flowed into the pool that couldn’t have been more than thirty feet across, and perhaps twenty feet deep at it’s deepest point. Though it was hard to tell. As I approached the water that was made of glass, I realized that the bottom was just as visible at its deepest point as it was at its shallowest. Perhaps it was only three feet down, or perhaps fifty. The only judge I had were the small and colorful fish lazily moving through the water. Schools the colors of the rainbow flew by in the water like flashes of light. I pressed a fingertip against the surface to cause a ripple, and all of them flew like birds to hidden tunnels in the sides of the pond. I was surprised to see how deep it was even at its edge. Like some kind of manmade tub, the sides still must have been at least a foot and a half deep at my end, and even deeper on the other side of the pool. There were natural rocky caverns perfect for hiding away the fish who’s gills and fins streamed by them like ribbons. Some of them were sleek, some more frilly, but all of them were beautiful to look at. With water so clear to show a rock and sandy bottom, they stood out like a sore thumb. 

“How is it these things aren’t killed on the spot?” I turned back to Asentual. He watched me with an odd gleam in his eye. I wondered briefly how long he had been leaning against that tree. “They’re so colorful, any predator would have an easy time catching them.”

“Have you forgotten where we are, Benji? This is the Wonderland forest. None of the natural order makes any sense. It’s full of man eaters and tree beasts and all manner of strange things. Some fish in a beautiful pool aren’t about to be touched by the monstrosities. It’s not as though any of these little things are much more than a toothpick for the Jabberwocky or Bandersnatch. Plus, they do have their predators. In the pool itself. Look again.” I turned back and peered further into the pond. The dried blood was making my neck and face itch, and flakes of it fell away from my hair and into the water as I moved closer. On the far end of the pond, the tunnels seemed to get larger and go deeper into the stone that wreathed it. Made out of limestone, it had a subtly green color to it as most of the Wonderland forest did. But then I noticed something strange. 

A pair of eyes stared back at me from one of the tunnels on the far side of the pool, watching not just me but the fish in front of it as well. The eyes were attached to something much larger. I could see it when it flashed out from its hiding spot for a split second to launch itself at a school of fish. The six-foot-long eel grabbed one of the red and yellow fish and snapped back to its hiding spot with only a small ripple on the surface showing that anything had ever happened. It was hard to tell even after that that it was still there. The entire body had been black, with only the whites of its eyes to differentiate that it was anything other than rock. And now that I was looking for it, I could see that there were several more pairs of eyes hiding within the rock and waiting patiently for the next school of colorful fish to make itself known. 

“I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“You ready to get in?” I jumped to my feet and well away from the pond and nearly slipped on the wet moss in the process. 

“What? No! What about those eels?”

“They’re harmless to humans. A little invasive, but other than that, well, you’re fine.”

“I’m not getting in there, I don’t know anything about it-“ I cut myself off when I realized Asentual was advancing towards me. I didn’t have time to back up and he ended up with his hand gripping my bow tie and pushing me further to the edge of the pond. He held tightly onto the tie and I gulped as I nearly lost my balance. But he held on tightly, and gave me a subtle smirk. 

“How else are you going to get that blood off you, dog? It’s just water. I’ve gone in before myself.”

“At least let me get my clothes off first…” He looked thoughtful, and I almost thought he was going to let me drop. But then he stepped back and shrugged. 

“Alright. I thought it would be more fun to push you in, but watching you strip for me is just as entertaining.” I flushed at the purr in his voice. It was as though the past days never happened. 

“Only if you do the same,” I insisted. 

“I’m not the one covered in blood here.” I sniffed. 

“You still smell metallic. I’ve been clinging to you the entire time we’ve been riding, and it’s all over your back.” 

“Oh, I noticed you were~”

“Shut up and just undress.” I grumbled as I fumbled for my buttons, but a hand stayed me, and I looked up to see the hatter watching me even closer than before. 

“You’re clumsy. Let me.” I held in a breath as he unwound my tie, then began to unbutton the notches on my stained and ruined travel shirt. His eyes trailed down my chest as he revealed the chilled skin underneath.

“Just as I remember you, dog.” I could barely move under that gaze as he shrugged me out of my suspenders and let me see to my own trousers, so he could get at his own stranger attire. He was still wearing that dark grey tux that lacked for sleeves, and loose trousers tied with a drawstring that allowed for easy on and off. 

He was just as I remembered him as well. Still sleek and lean, with muscle from the years on the road and skin still fair. He tossed off his hat, and he was nude. 

I followed him with my eyes all the way to the pond, when I sharply averted them as he glanced back to me. I heard a chuckle, a soft splash, and when I turned back around he was waist deep in the water a few feet from shore. The water around him rippled as he waded further out. The fish parted for him as he continued to travel towards the center, until he finally began to tread water. 

“Come on, dog. The water’s cool, perfect temperature for a Duchess noble!” 

“Huh?” 

“Are you brain-dead, dog?” He let his body rise and lie back in the water. “Come on.” 

“… R-right.” I shook my head, and quickly pulled off the rest of my clothes while struggling to run after him. Exhaustion hit me as I nearly tripped over the moss while rushing to get into the water. I lost my footing at the very edge. I didn’t have time to gasp when I hit the cold water.  
Thankfully, the bottom wasn’t hard. Sand kicked up in my face and I came to the surface sputtering with silt between my teeth and laughter in the air. Asentual was swimming towards me with a wide grin and reached me before I could pick myself up. He gripped me by my hair to keep my head out of the water until I could catch my breath. I was still drained from the fight. 

“Alright, dog?” 

“F-fine…” I panted for breath and ran a hand through the mess of curls still crusted with blood. 

“Try dunking your head a few times, and you’ll get all that blood out,” he suggested. I shook my head. 

“I don’t know how to swim. I’m… Afraid of getting my head under.” 

“Don’t know how to swim- and you think I’m crazy? You should have told me that before I contemplated throwing you in.” He shook his head and let go of me so I could get up. “Come on, it’s easy. Paddle, like this.” He started wading back to the center, then dropped into a sleek swim with one hand moving over his head at a time. “It’s not hard. At the very least you should have some kind of instinct for paddling.”

“What if I drown?” 

“I’ll bring you back,” he grinned. “It involves an in-depth kiss. Are you in such a hurry to kiss me, dog? It’s not going to be as fun if you’re unconscious.” I flushed faintly. 

“I’ll try to swim, but if one of those eels come out and grab me, I’ll have your head.” I began to wade out towards him. He drifted towards me to make it easier, but that didn’t help the anxiety rising as the ground began to give out underneath me the further I walked. Then it dropped off completely, and I almost struggled for a moment before remembering what I had seen Asentual do before. 

I took in a breath, and let my body float. I was surprised at how easy it came to me, moving like a floating twig in a puddle with the water holding me up. All the fear I’d had, just melted away. I closed my eyes as the water rushed into my ears. I pictured cold bathwater left out for hours, or a sink when the pipes weren’t heated. But I was weightless, and the water around me was nothing but air if I stayed still. All I had to do was breath in enough, and I’d stay completely steady in the enveloping cold.

Minutes passed in a soft mindless trance. 

The vibrations in the water changed as Asentual swam towards me. I could hear him more than see him. Then he was in my vision, a ragged mop of red and skin pale from the water. His eyes gleamed mischievously as he tread water beside me. 

“You look a lot better now without the splattering. Smell better too.” 

“Let me float in peace.” I rolled my eyes. “Why don’t you go bother the eels?”

“They’re too shy. I’d rather bother you, you’re a lot more fun to play with.” I held my breath as he moved closer. I could still hear that cracked and defeated voice in my mind. The begging and terror and fear. I looked at him and all I could see was the man that rode in on a horse running away. He had no idea what had happened. This was my hatter, the one that I left that day in the Capital wondering what he would do to me the next time we met. But, it wasn’t. It was artificial. The real hatter was the one that had died in the forest hours away when I’d convinced the cat. It still didn’t feel right.  
His hand gripping my cock did though. 

I choked on water when he touched me and the floating turned quickly into confused and chaotic splashing as I tried to right myself. I could feel the water pulling me down further and further as I tried to move my hands like he had to keep myself afloat but the concentration I’d had was gone. I choked on another gulp of cold water just as my head dipped under the surface completely before a hand gripped me securely and pulled me out towards the shore. I held onto Asentual’s neck until we were in wading depth, then fell to my knees with a cough. 

“Don’t-“ I coughed again. “Do that!”

“I didn’t realize how easily you’d forget that you could float.”

“Just – leave me alone!” I shouted. My body was shaking. I could feel everything boiling to the surface. How could he just do that to me, after all that had happened. He wasn’t hatter. He wasn’t the same, he wasn’t-

“Benji.” Asentual pressed his forehead against mine. “Calm.”

“I-I am calm, you bloody-“ He pressed his lips against mine. 

“Hush,” he said when he finally pulled away. I gasped for another breath. “You’re safe, you’re not drowning. I’m sorry I broke your concentration.”

“Yeah?” I sighed. “You scared me.”

“I couldn’t help it,” he purred. “You looked so helpless like that. Besides, this place is safe. We can relax here.” His smouldering eyes met mine, then flicked down to the rest of me. “I’ve been wanting you ever since we left the Jabberwocky’s corpse. Now that we’re both presentable and thoroughly nude, let’s see if we can’t get you thoroughly fucked as well?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will take any questions about this world now. I've run out of things to talk about. 
> 
> Wandering through the lands of Wonderland and kept out of sight and mind by most nobles is a monstrous creature hailing from the deep North. Jeck is one of few magical creatures that still exist in this world, but there is confusion and controversy as whether or not he actually COUNTS as a magical creature. He’s an ogre, eight feet tall and with dull green skin and tusks that jut out from his mouth. Wearing a bowler hat and tweed jacket that barely covers his chest, along with shorts that have become little more than rags, he spends his days travelling from town to town and raping and pillaging as he pleases. Known to be the bane of many human’s existences, he is hated by even noble slavers. He “accidentally” kills more than he sells off, and cares little for money. As long as the death is never reported to the Queen, it goes unchecked (as all things do outside of the Capital). He prefers an excuse to be the brute that he is. He would have been killed long ago like the rest of his kind if it weren’t for the fact that he had somehow charmed the Queen and left her enchanted by the monster and all of the terror he created. She would set him on her own slaves and watch the chaos, often with tea and tarts. When all was said and done, she would pay him for his efforts and he would be on his way. The hatter knows of him, as all slavers do, but there is a more well known relationship between them due to them both being at court often. Asentual does not like him. He dislikes his violence and lack of tact. Asentual prefers to seduce his slaves, and Jeck takes them as forcefully as he can. But Jeck stays all the same. No hero has the bravery or stupidity to stop him. 
> 
> There are no heroes in Wonderland, for that matter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexposition is employed. 
> 
> FINALLY. THE SEX. IT RETURNS. 
> 
> There will be more, very soon.

He moved faster than I anticipated he would. One moment he was staring at me with a grin on his face and who knew what in his mind, and the next he had me pressed against the side of the pool. His arms pounced on other side and his mouth so close I could feel his breath on my lips. I closed the gap, and he purred when I let my mouth open for him. I didn’t have room to breathe. He pressed closer and closer and refused to let go, exploring my mouth with his tongue in an electric kiss I’d missed since the day he’d left me. Our tongues intermingled, his hair smelled like blood and cinnamon and I wanted more of it. More of him. When he finally let go, I gasped for breath. I refused to let go of the rest of him and amidst the cold water, I moved closer to him for the body heat. But before I could fully catch myself he was gripping my hair tightly in his grasp to pull me back from him, and trailed his other hand down my abdomen. 

“Miss me, dog?”

“Obviously-“ I flinched when he pulled tighter. At the same time, he thumbed my hardening cock and lapped at my neck. Water trickled down from my chin as I tilted my head up and whined softly. 

“Masturbate to me often?” He asked as he tugged gently at my needy erection, then glanced up to me. I shuddered and flushed as he pressed closer and waited for an answer. 

“Perhaps…” More than I cared to admit. He could tell the answer. I had no poker face. 

“How do you think I should measure up against your fantasies, then? What should I do to you?” He moved from my cock and continued travelling to my entrance, and I barely flinched when I felt a finger enter me. The water and everything else I’d done often in his absence had left me loose enough that just a finger wasn’t about to hurt. So he made it two, and grinned when I flinched and let out an involuntary moan as I bucked against him. I wasn’t as used to this as I thought. The cold must have been making me tighter. 

“I don’t kn-know, just fuck me?” I asked breathlessly. My voice was deep from arousal as I looked at him in earnest. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I was avoiding him at any chance I got. He was all I wanted. I slid further onto his fingers and finally found feeling in my cold arms to grasp onto his shoulders tight and pull him closer until his cock pressed against mine. He was just as hard as I was. “Please,” I whimpered. “I want you.” 

“Begging for me? Now there’s a change. I didn’t realize how much you’ve been pining for me. Maybe I shouldn’t have left for so long.” 

“Hatter,” I insisted. “Please.”

“What’s stopping me from teasing, you, huh?” He let go of my hair and tilted up my chin even as he steadily drove his fingers inside. “Maybe I should make you finish with my hand first, then have you suck me to completion fucking yourself with a hand.” He sighed. “Shame I didn’t bring any toys with me. I should have remembered to stop to pick something up for you.”

“Sensi!” I whined against his chest. “Stop being an ass and fuck me.” 

“As you wish,” he sighed dramatically. “I suppose I can’t taunt and fuck at the same time.” I winced when he added another finger inside me and stretched them slightly. But he returned to stroking me almost soothingly, and I fell like putty in his arms as I rocked back against him on both sides and closed my eyes to savor the feeling. He moved slowly but steadily deeper inside. I twitched relentless, unable to keep still as he curved his fingers looking to hit anywhere that would make me shudder. I held tighter onto him with every thrust, until my knuckles were white and digging into his shoulders. It was over too soon. 

“You look prepared enough,” he murmured by my ear. My eyes flickered open. 

The water around us splashed up as he changed positions. The fish were giving us a wide berth. For that I was thankful, I didn’t want any eels probing what shouldn’t be probed. 

Soon enough he was holding himself with his cock poking at me, watching for any sign of pain from me as he slowly began to thrust inside. But there was none; I sighed in pleasure as I felt him fill me up in a way nothing had since he left. 

“Sensi…” I whimpered as he pulled me closer onto him. He pushed against me in small movements, going slow at first to his benefit more than mine. He was the same as always, barely doing more than a soft hiss of pleasure when he first made it all the way inside me. I whimpered by his ear and tugged his hair to get some kind of rise out of him, but he just grinned and let my hands slip through that rat’s nest hair that still managed to spike up even wet. 

“Are you alright, dog? You look a little impaled there~” He gripped my arm and pulled me closer into his arms to draw me into another deep kiss. Just as good as the first. I pushed closer, deeper into it and let my hips rise and fall against his. He gripped my cock again, I held onto his waist, his neck, his chest. Hands roamed down his abdomen, my stomach, trailed along his collar, along the edge of my pubic bone, and the only thing I was sure of was everything was wet. Including inside me where he thrust deeper and deeper and he was where I wanted him, for once. Everything was right. 

“I’m okay,” I groaned eventually, but smiled all the same when he raised an eyebrow. There was a slight pain when he thrust harder, but I ignored it and focused on how his hands gripped my cock like a vice and stroked in rhythm.

“I’ve been gone long if you’re this unused to me,” He sighed happily when he arched his hips against me and pushed me harder against the rocks. The slippery stones dug into my back, but I didn’t care. I let my legs curl around his waist and used the buoyancy of the water to keep my balance. He was right. He had been gone far too long. 

“I missed y-you,” I flinched when he let go of my cock and went to my neck, holding it and tightening it ever so slightly. 

“I should have given you that collar I thought about getting you.” He watched me closely when I blinked in surprise. “I wanted something for you to remember me by. You always looked better with rope around your neck.” A shiver ran up my spine, but before I could respond his grip tightened on my throat and I couldn’t breathe. His thrusting increased as I tried to gasp for air, but was cut off with another deep and invigorating kiss as he probed his tongue past my lips. I struggled against him and gripped his shoulders tightly, but he refused to let up. I couldn’t cry out, couldn’t say a word, could do nothing but kiss him back as his grip tightened further. Fear grew inside me along with arousal from a familiar feeling he’d tried before. His grip maintained until darkness started to tug at my vision, and even as I felt my orgasm approaching I knew I would faint at this rate. He didn’t care. His eyes as golden as they were, were dark as he watched me shaking and desperately trying to keep up with him. He didn’t want to hurt me, I knew that. What this was, wasn’t pain. It was something so much more. 

All at once, he let go and pulled away to let me breathe. I gasped for breath and he let out his own soft sigh when I tightened on him at the change. I was too weak to move, but he moved anyways. His voice tickled my ear as he pawed at my erection again. 

“Were you scared, dog? You know I wouldn’t let you die.” 

“I-I know,” I choked out as I tentatively rocked back into his cock. 

“You were tight that entire time, you know?” He chuckled, and kissed me again. I panted through each break. “You’re safe here. But I wonder, if you fainted, what it would be like to keep fucking you…” 

I whimpered. He laughed, and gripped my erection tighter.

Teasing me and thrusting faster than I could comprehend, it was only another moment before I came from him. I pressed my face into his chest as the orgasm rippled through me. For seconds, everything was perfect and I felt like I could be truly at home being Sensi’s dog if I got this out of it. Even if he was an ass, doing whatever he wanted. I could be his sexual satisfaction. I’d let him do anything to me. And he knew it. 

His growl by my ear brought me somewhat back to my senses that he was being neglected. Tightening on him and rocking back to get him closer, I watched his expression flicker ever so slightly from his smirk as he let himself get lost just the slightest bit, enjoying my hole though he refused to lose completely. His breath was barely changed, but his eyes were focused on me in a different way. I could tell he was getting close. 

“Nearly there?” I whispered, though there was no reason to be quiet. I bit his ear and watched him so intent on finishing inside me. His chest rippled effort. Around us, the sharp feeling of heat from bodies intertwined and cold from the water was confusing as it was exhilarating. I had already finished, but every thrust from Asentual was almost too much. I panted against the crook of his neck as he took me faster and faster, until he pulled me out of hiding and kissed me again with the softest of moans as he finished inside me. 

He didn’t stop kissing me when he finished, nor did I want him to. The intense and desperate mashing of lips on mine turned into something soft and sweet. We moved together, neither of us parting until I finally needed the air. My throat still ached from what he’d done. I didn’t mind. 

“Benji,” he sighed softly. “I missed that.” He pressed his head against my shoulder. 

“I’m sure you got plenty of it in the Capital,” I said with a smile. He frowned. 

“Not enough, and not the same. Are you jealous, dog?”

“No.” I shook my head and let myself lie against him.

“Doesn’t sound like you’re telling the truth. Let’s not turn that wonderful fuck bittersweet.” He bit into my neck until I winced. Quickly, he pulled away. 

“I know you have your personality and your tendencies. I’m some princess stuck in a castle far off on the other side of the country.” I lay back and closed my eyes. “Whatever happens, happens. You can learn new things to do to me.” 

“Alright… You’ve always been my favorite.” He swept my hair out of the way and kissed my neck. “Nothing compares to playing with you, from your pretty face-“ he tugged a few strands and I let myself get pulled in the direction he tugged, flushing faintly. “Down to that cock of yours.” He let go of my hair to stroke at the tip of my head deflated from coming so recently. I squirmed at the stimulation. “Not even a newly captured human girl. And they squeal like piglets, begging not to be touched at first. But then in the end they ask for more, shyly as can be.” 

“Would you prefer me squealing?” I raised an eyebrow. 

“Not at all. I prefer your bark. When you protest me, I find it adorable. On equal playing fields, you and I. So making you submit is all the more sweet.” He moved closer for emphasis, though I knew he was spent. Still, I blushed a few shades darker and he grinned. “And your face goes pink as much as a chaste noble girl who’s never seen a man’s cock before.”

“You’re just saying whatever you think will make me react,” I grumbled. 

“Perhaps. But I enjoy the rise. And it’s fun when you want to get away, and I convince you so quickly to let me fuck you a little longer. I’ve had nobles in my life time. They’re not nearly as fun as you.” He paused. “Speaking of which, how’s your sister?”

“Shut up,” I snorted.

“What, you mean she’s already seen a cock? Not a chaste little noble woman anymore? I want to hear the details then~” 

I flushed faintly. “Why are you so interested about my sister when you’ve currently got your cock in me?” I tightened on him for good measure, but all he did was smirk to show he’d felt it. 

“Jealous of your sister now?” He smirked. “I just wanted to know if things have changed since I let you go, what you’d done and how far you’ve gone. I missed you, Benji. I want to catch up.” 

“With your first question being, have I fucked my sister?” I had to laugh. He kissed me again and I stopped long enough for him and I to fight with each other’s tongues until we were both senseless and I ached for him to start moving again. 

“Well I didn’t really mean that.” He shrugged, ignoring my growing frustration. “I just wanted to know. How are you doing with your job now? How is the Duchess, how is your sister?” 

“You-“ I bit my lip. I’d almost told him he’d met the Duchess already. He hadn’t. Not in his mind. “Everyone is the same as always,” I said carefully. If he was concerned, he didn’t show it. “Nothing ever changes in courts. The same problems and same solutions. I have to deal with day after day of the same annoying nobles making the same annoying requests. And occasionally a messenger shows up and my life grows a little more exciting, but then they’re gone again and it’s back to the way things are as always. Business as usual, with nothing but the occasional news snippet. It’s dull.” 

“Dull?” He laughed softly as his hips slowly began to work again. I could feel him hardening inside me, and I groaned softly as I pressed closer. The warmth of him around and inside me everywhere I moved was comforting. It was wet and hot, and wrong and dirty and I’m not sure when I started accepting how much I wanted that, but I did. I couldn’t believe something like this could feel so amazing. Perhaps I really had been away from him for too long. “Most nobles are perfectly happy with their lives being as they are in the courts. I suppose I’ve ruined you dog, bringing you along on our adventures.” 

“I’d prefer to be ruined…” I groaned softly as he arched himself against me to aim for that specific spot that made me shudder electrically. He moved there slowly, over and over, and chuckled when he saw me rise quickly in response. “We already just…”

“I have no intention of letting you rest.” He tugged a lock of my curls gently. “Keep talking. How is your sister?” 

“She’s – ah – good…” I moaned by his neck as I matched the rhythm of his hips. “I think she likes you as much as I do, I talk about you with her so m-much…” 

“Really?” He asked. “What do you say, usually?” 

“Our adventures, how you’re like, what you look like…” He pawed at my cock as he rocked faster, careful with his wrist movements with me being so raw after finishing so soon. I was already panting again and seeking a handhold to brace myself against his faster thrusts. 

“And I suppose she’s already smitten, is she?” He grinned when I nodded numbly, too engrossed in pleasure and bottoming out on his erection that strained inside me. “Want me to talk about my life instead? I suppose it’s marginally more interesting than the one you’ve been living, stuck away in a castle. Nothing of importance when those around you are either fancy rocks or the people that might as well be stone too.” 

“P-please…” I whimpered. Keeping up in this conversation was a fruitless effort. I’d never be able to match his ability to maintain control like this, and I’d never want to. I liked being able to lose myself and let him do what he pleased. What he gained out of keeping himself from getting swept up in the pleasure, I had no idea. Control, I guessed. He always loved his control. 

I saw his face and remembered when he had lost it. That control he always loved, taken away from him and leaving him nothing more than a ghost of what he was before. For the others, it was nothing to be taken like that. He’d done it to plenty of women. But there was something deeper inside him that craved for the control that others gave away easily enough. Like me. He couldn’t. For a second it was him as he was before, and I couldn’t see anything else. He was the weak one. I was taking advantage of him. I was using him and here he was back to the broken person he hated so much. But then he grinned at me, then looked down incredulously to see me softening between us. 

“Are you alright, dog?” I nodded after a moment, and pulled him closer. 

“I’m fine. Please, just… more, please.” I didn’t want to think. I hated thinking. All I did was think and it just made things worse. 

“Alright. I suppose that monster really burned itself into your mind.” He kissed my neck as sweetly as a rose as he picked up his pace. “I suppose I’ll have to use you until you forget your name.” He kissed me again, softer this time. It was nice, but what I wanted was something stronger. I turned it into a rougher, deeper kiss that broke his mouth apart and in turn opened my own for him to do what he wanted. His tongue trailed from my own down to my jaw and neck where he bit down and held me tightly as he thrust to the hilt. I breathed out through my teeth and closed my eyes, gripping as tightly as I could onto his shoulders. 

“I spent a lot more time that I would have liked dealing with civil disputes within the Capital, unfortunately,” he growled between thrusts. “You’d think there would be more people in place to deal with that mess other than me. But no, apparently the Right Hand, meant to be in charge of diplomacy and war strategies has responsibilities that actually come into play when there ISN’T war going on. At least I could drown my problems with enough drink to fill an ocean. Not to mention as many women as I pleased. I never found myself wanting men much, though. None of them can really compare to the way I’ve built you up, dog.” He trailed a hand to my neck and let it tighten just enough for me to feel it. Even the hint of pressure pulled my stomach in knots.

“In between that,” he continued, grinning when I moaned around his grip as he angled himself against my prostate again, “I dealt with quite a few parties, killing two birds with one stone. With all of this annoying dissent in the streets, you’d think it was the slaves that were causing all the trouble. But it’s the damn uppity nobility thinking that they can get a leg up if they back more than one horse. You have any idea how-“ he grunted softly, and twitched a moment as he go closer to his own orgasm. “How annoying it is to deal with nobles that should be on our side, going over to the other just to see what it’s like? They’re bored, and they’ve gone mad. The Lord Court’s faced with this massive sickness killing off the latest Hand most of their older folk and they still haven’t gotten a new one, civil riots, the King keeps asking for more than he should get, and the economy anywhere that isn’t noble continues to stagger slowly towards its death. I’d rather be out slaving. Or fucking. You’re getting close, I can feel it.” 

“Ah-“ I tightened around him as he plunged again, huffing to himself as he broke off his talk to kiss me again. It was less of a kiss, and more of his tongue moving against mine and forcing my mouth open for him. I didn’t fight him on it. I wanted him, all of him. I was barely listening to anything but the sound of the splashing we made in the water, or the rough thrusts of skin beating against skin. 

“It’s stupidity that’s taken hold of the nobility. They want a revolution, they say. I say they want more creative ways to fill their time. The money is flowing among the elite, to be sure. But everywhere else is dry, and they see it as a problem that can be solved with drastic change. We tax the shit out of the serfs we slave on, and enjoy the rewards. They want to end all of that and put it through an even bigger turmoil than we already have. But I shouldn’t bother with money, I can just as easily leave that to the Left Hand. The Left Hand that barely shows her face. She’s too busy being a damned enigma, playing lap dog. I don’t know what she does, but it’s not economics.” He laughed humorlessly as another slight shudder overtook him. I was barely listening. My mind was busy turned off as I shuddered against him, moaning sharply as I finished against his brutal penetration. I let my head fall back against the rock and barely winced when it connected with the hard rock. 

He let go of his grip on my neck and focused on my hips as he struggled to go faster. But his mind was far off and away. This time he was the one thinking too much. 

“They want a war…” He growled in between thrusts. I reached up to cup his cheek. 

“They don’t know what they want,” I said softly. As my mind started to return, his words gripped my heart like a vice. 

“No one ever knows what they want. I had to tell you what you wanted when we first me, remember?” He breathed out a soft sigh as another shudder went through him, and I blushed when I felt him finish inside me completely bottomed out.

“Ah…” I glanced down, then up at him to see him grinning widely. “That was a-a lot…”

“Not enough to make you feel truly filled, though, is it? I’ve been ruminating over a few ideas for you.” I flushed darker, but my mind kept flicking back to what he had said before. 

“There’s dissent in the streets of Wonderland, you said? I’m sorry I didn’t catch a lot of what you were saying.” As I spoke, I tried to catch my breath. 

“More than I’d like to admit. The city guard have dealt with most of it, and a lot of it are these stupid riots with these so-called bleeding-heart nobles. Using something they pretend is selfless for selfish gain.” He sighed. “They’ve got it in for slavers, most of them. They want that entire thing abolished, slavery, the whole lot. It’s stupid, what they ask for. Impossible. And rather annoying. I’ve even heard talk of these underground operations they have planned. Honestly, I don’t believe they truly think that playing these games will accomplish anything more than wasting time. It’s not as if they have anyone of any importance backing them. Most nobles these days think that just because they have a dash of color in their hair, they’re important. They don’t understand the truth.” He grinned slyly as he pushed at a few strands of the hair that had fallen in my eyes. “That their color will never stand up to those in more direct descent from royalty. You and I, for example. I’ve seen people with barely any color whining day and night for a position of power. But they get nothing. So they’re off building their own little fort.” 

“Do you really think that’s all it is?” I blurted out before I could stop myself, then bit my tongue. He raised an eyebrow. 

“What, you think there’s something more to it? To them?” 

The Duchess knew. She knew and she wanted to join them. She wanted ME to join them. “No, I just… Speculating ideas. But… yours makes more sense.” It hurt, to lie to him. I didn’t know what truth I could tell. In such a short period of time, almost everything I knew about him had become toxic to say out loud. Now with everything I knew, I couldn’t confide in my hatter. 

“Right…” He narrowed his eyes. “Anyways, back to your lovely sister. I was thinking we’d pay her a visit before leaving.” 

“What?” I blinked. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, I have to show off to her brother what a wonderful man he’s found, don’t I? At least before we go off adventuring again.” 

“Ad-“ I hugged him tightly. “Adventuring, with you… God, please. I’ve wanted to be out of this place ever since I returned.” His mouth twisted into a Cheshire grin when he heard my purr. 

“Well, then. I suppose there’s no way around it. We’ll just have to convince this Duchess of yours.” 

The Duchess that had already seen him before when he was broken. The Duchess that wanted a rebellion and for me to join it. 

I held him tighter and buried my face against his chest. This was going to be difficult. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small, colorful birds as pets have been talked about briefly before in these paragraphs. The name their species usually goes by is Minibirds (or Mini-birds, Mini birds) and they are often used as pets for the people of Wonderland. Hailing from the exotic south, these birds usually make their home in what was once the ancient cities of the tiny dragons that ruled before they were wiped from existence by the hand of man. Now these hollowed out stone ruins like hives are filled with these birds and are overgrown with colorful flowers that the birds have adapted similar plumage for in order to hide among their home. Their colors range from vibrant reds, to deep turquoise, to startling orange and everywhere in between. They usually feature no more than two colors on their bodies, to mimic the two-tone flowers around them. They feed off of seeds and nuts, and are herbivores. 
> 
> These birds are sadly often taken advantage of in the pet trade. They are built to leap from branch to branch with long robust legs, but their fuzzy and fluffy upper bodes and small heads can be easily broken. Their wings are too small for flight and meld in with the rest of their rounded body, and so the only way they can escape any trying to ensnare them is by leaping as quickly as they can. Often, not fast enough. They die so easily, not many make the return to Wonderland. And there, they are often impulsively purchased for the adorable peeping noises they make and their colors (more often than not to match the nobles’ hair and eyes), often to then be ignored and eventually die of starvation. As they are plentiful in their southern environment, no attempts to save them from this brutal pet trade have been made. They live in clusters of families, and separating them from these leaves them depressed without the scent of the familiar Minibirds around them. 
> 
> These birds lay one regular egg every few months, and one fertile egg (if fertilized) after gestation of 4 months, which they will then care for the egg in a nest until it hatches the single chick they will look after. The eggs are enormous compared to the size of the bird, which is why they can not often be passed as these eggs take up much energy to be created, nor can they ever have more than one chick at a time.
> 
> BONUS: MERRY CHRISTMAS. HAVE A HATTER


	7. Chapter 7

The entire way home, I kept thinking back to those that already knew that Asentual had been to the Duchess’s palace. He’d gone through the side door and kept his head down and his posture as strong as he could. But at least a few had seen him. They would know. Not to mention the Duchess. 

And then my mind would wander to the Duchess, and the rebellion she had planned in store for the rest of Wonderland. She knew more than she let on, that was certain. But what I was uncertain of, was that she seemed to be just as vague about was what came after. So a rebellion could happen and even succeed if I chose to participate with the Duchess backing it, and the world would change. What then? Some kind of fantastical new day, full of life and freedom and far better than it was? Hatter’s words had weight to them. Fighting and rioting changed nothing. It made it worse. I didn’t know these people that seemed so intent on destroying what was already a perfectly good system. It was quite possible that they were doing this out of boredom and politics. I’d seen first hand that these kinds of people existed, they were everywhere. If you were a noble, you had to be one of them eventually. I had one of them, before Asentual woke me up. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d played a prank on one of the elder nobles of court since I’d returned, but that had been me. A bored, spoiled brat who thought himself more than he was. Hatter had taught me that my position mattered little outside of the court, and that I couldn’t expect to stay a child forever. 

I looked down at my hands, and I felt like a stranger. It had been my vice, but now it appeared that it was gone. Or perhaps it had been replaced. I wasn’t who I was. Sometimes it felt as though holding Sadie was nothing but going through the motions. Ordering around servants gave me a bad taste in my mouth. 

I was surprised to find that the servants under the Duchess’s control that had seen Hatter before had been reassigned. But then, I suppose I should have expected something like that, knowing the Duchess. The minute I entered the throne room on the way to Sadie’s, I could feel the eyes of that familiar esoteric presence on me. The Duchess’s gaze followed me the entire way and I knew there was something of her hand in the disappearance of those that had seen us before. She acted as though I should have been grovelling, with the way she watched me as we marched to her, accompanied by the herald alerting her of our presence and position. She kept her mouth closed on the subject. I glanced up to see her face, and my face hardened.

“Asentual, Benjamin. A pleasure to see you both.” Her deep blue eyes were fluttered in an eternally half-closed state as she watched the both of us lazily. Today her clothes were ocean blue in velvet sprinkled with flecks of silver inlaid inside the fabric. It was an especially cold day, though I wasn’t sure any Royal felt the same cold that mortals did. Her face was pale as always, with no flush to that porcelain skin. She tilted her head to the side as she leaned forward to greet us, and let a hand fall from the arm of her throne down to her side. Her hand had several rings of blue opal, sapphire and singed blue topaz that flickered against the light of the torches beside her. She smiled, and I could see the faintest hint of enlarged incisors. A face that seemed so comforting before now. Now all I could feel were eels in my stomach, twisted and lying in wait for a colorful fish to try and swim by. 

“It’s a pleasure to return after so much time spent away. I can’t remember the last time I visited the Duchess’s palace.” The hatter grinned as he stood up from his kneel. “Was it two years ago? Three? I barely spent enough time to do more than pay you fealty. I didn’t realize that you had Benji of all people hidden away. Otherwise, I might have spent a little longer here to enjoy that little treasure in the middle of the freezing south.” He inclined his head to me, and I flushed as I tried not to draw attention to it. As I spoke I willed the reddening in my face to calm. The Duchess smiled in amusement.

“Your Majesty,” I began tentatively. “I’d like to ask for your permission to travel with Asentual for an extended period of time.” 

“I should hope you have a good reason for such a big ask of me, Benjamin.” Her voice echoed ethereally across the stone floors and walls. I suppressed a shiver. 

“I… I think I would benefit from another exploration.” I tried to remain firm, but her eyes watched mine closely. For a second, they reminded me of my mother’s. But that chill inside them was unmistakable. And they were ageless, and watched me like a hawk instead of a doting mother. I let my head drop from that smothering gaze. The words I wanted to say that I had practiced and talked with Asentual about wanted to die on my tongue. I wouldn’t let them. “I’m meant to be a diplomat, your Majesty. If the Right Hand of the Duchess can not perform his duty, he is useless. And I feel I may become such a Hand if I am left here to say stagnant in knowledge of the realm. Hatter tells me of things happening in the Capital that are causing greater strain than we have ever seen among our own, smaller towns.” Meager would be the word I’d call it. “I ask for your permission to work with him. It would get me experience to become a more useful Hand, curry favor with your sister the Queen, and solve a growing problem in the streets.” 

I could feel that gaze growing stronger by the second. I was afraid to look up. 

“I’m sure the Queen would be incredibly grateful for your help, your Majesty,” the hatter spoke up for me. “Benji has told me much about his strides in his work for you. He claims to have set up everything to run with efficiency for the next year as long as he employs a few lesser nobles to follow his orders for issues that require a greater finesse. I don’t mean to overstep my bounds, as I am simply the Right Hand of the Queen and nothing more. But I can personally say I would benefit from his presence.” 

“’Benefit from his presence,’” she echoed. I looked in time to see her smirk. “Is that what you call it these days? I have heard tales of you, hatter. From the staff. From Benji himself. Not to mention that you just admitted your feelings in front of me. Is that so wise? You both have been to the King’s palace. You must realize that not every Royal understands the twists and turns in a noble’s attractions.” I reddened. 

“Oh?” Asentual laughed. “I meant it when I said I’d appreciate him there for work related issues. But I would like my dog back as well, if you would be so kind. I know how the King feels about a man kissing another man. Forgive me for saying this, your Majesty, but he’s an ass. I’d expect you to be kinder, seeing as you seem perfectly fine with us.” 

“Hatter!-“ I stopped short from shouting with the Duchess raising her hand. She was barely concealing a grin. 

“I will grant your wish. Though if I have need of Benji for him to perform his duties, or for any other reason, I will have a messenger sent. And I expect his return to be prompt, should that be the case.” She sat back, and the velvets around her folded like liquid. 

“Of course, your Majesty.” He nodded his head. I looked at the two of them with wide eyes. How could a mouth like that still allow him to keep his bloody head? He should have been killed from it years ago. 

“Then the two of you are dismissed. You are granted any provisions you may require for travel. Benji, you shall be allowed a plentiful budget in order to keep your travels comfortable. Will you be needing a horse?”

“No, y-your Majesty,” I sputtered, still looking from the two of them with bulged eyes. “Asentual’s horse is more than enough.” 

“Very well.” She waved a hand, and Asentual took no qualms about leaving the throne room to head into the hall behind it without a second glance.   
I hesitated a moment longer. My eyes turned from entrance to entrance, looking for guards that may have been watching us. I saw nothing, but the hair on my nape stood as the beautiful woman at the back of the room stood, and made her slow and mesmerizing path towards me. When she stood next to me, it felt as though she towered over me. 

The Duchess was the tallest of the Royals as I had seen so far. She was only an inch taller than my gangly form, but she wore her height gracefully. 

“Benji, have you thought about what I’ve said?” I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. 

“Perhaps it would be best not to discuss this now,” I ventured as I looked longingly towards the hallway Asentual had disappeared down.

“You will leave soon enough that we will not get to talk. We are alone, Benjamin.” She lifted a hand to gently pull the curls away from my face, and for a moment my heartbeat felt almost normal. I was safe in the arms of the Royal I cared most about. She was the only one fit to rule, the only one who still cared about her people. The only one who was still sane. 

“I want to help you,” I murmured as I hesitated before reaching for her hand. I drew it back from my face as though it were air. There was strong muscle beneath that arm, but she hid it behind feather-light touches that made her seem as though she were made of glass. “But Asentual told me about what’s happening in Wonderland. In the Capital. I’m not blind, I see that Wonderland is dying. But a revolution as bloody as the one he describes is no answer to your problem. I know it hurts for someone who has lived as long as you to see the world for what it is now.” I took a breath, then looked her in the eye. 

“I’m your Hand,” I continued. “I’m the one you need to rely on, and it’s my job to do everything I can to help you. So, I’ll do that. But I don’t think the things you ask of me are the change you want. But…” I could see her eyes falling. “I am not going to simply decide that this plan is useless yet.” I smiled. “I’m going to go to the Capital and see how it is for myself. If the world is truly as it seems, and not as Hatter describes it, then I will do as you ask. But if these people who tote around altruism for their human slaves and cry out for justice against tyranny are only in this mess out of boredom and hope for some gain, then I want no part of it. Because then my place would still best be at your side, doing everything I can to make sure that never happens here.”

“It never will.” Her voice was little more than a whisper as she smiled calmly at me. I let go out her hand with the faintest flush. “Not while I have my loyal Hand with me. You are everything I could have hoped for Benji. In turbulent times such as these, it is you who will make the Duchess’s domain stronger. And hopefully, the rest of Wonderland.” She petted my head briefly, then turned to go down the ornate torch-lit way that led to her chambers. “Go, Benjamin. I’m sure your hatter awaits you. He’s full of life, now. Thanks to you.” 

Her slippered steps made the barest noise as she left the throne room. 

I lingered to watch her go. When her velvet trail left my sight, I sprinted to catch up with the hatter. The shaking in my hands wouldn’t stop until I had left the room completely. My heartbeat never seemed to calm these days. 

“I was wondering what was keeping you, dog.” The hatter grinned at me as I turned another corner to see him. He pulled me into my arms before I could say a word. 

“I was just-“ He stopped me with a kiss. It was sweet at first and almost seemed to make me forget what had just happened, but it changed very quickly into something more and I pushed away before he could get his tongue in my mouth. I wasn’t in the mood. My mind was still reeling from what I had said to the Duchess. “Give me a second, please,” I panted. “Just… A moment, please.” I put a hand over my chest and gripped my shirt as I caught my breath.

“You seem rather rattled. Did she tell you off for deciding to leave so soon? Or was it for trying to run off in the first place?”

“No she…” I shook my head. “It’s nothing.” I straightened. “She wasn’t happy that I was leaving when she needs me for my position, but I already gave her more than enough of a buffer that she won’t need me for a while longer. So, she has nothing to worry about.” I had nothing to worry about. Not until we got to the Capital, I shouldn’t think of anything. I should just enjoy myself, the hatter in front of me as he was, and everything I had to be thankful for. 

“That so?” He gave a wry smile. “Right then. Let’s enjoy what we can until we leave. There’s a sister I need to meet. How do I look, am I up to snuff for your little sibling’s fantasies?” He looked so sheepish it caught me off guard. I chuckled. 

“You look the same as ever.” I grinned tentatively. “That damned hair still needs to be combed out. I’m not sure how you always seem to keep it so unruly. A feat unto itself.”

“It’s its own style, I’m sure,” he complained. He ran a hand through his hair but didn’t seem to notice that it wouldn’t go all the way through the back of his head. 

“And your hat is crooked.” I reached up to poke at the sharp crook in his hate that rendered it lopsided. He pulled it closer self-consciously, to my surprise. 

“That’s how it came. I’m not about to try to wrinkle out the kinks. Besides, kinks are what make things fun, aren’t they?” He smirked. “I know more than a few I’d prefer never ironed. I still have a lot of the things that I’d like to do you.” I gulped. He purred as he took a step closer, until his face was inches from mine. “I wonder how Sadie would feel about them.” He raised an eyebrow at me. Somehow that look in his eyes made my grin die on my face. I reddened.

“I don’t talk to her about that sort of thing.” 

“No? Pity. You really are so innocent, dog.” He backed enough to let me breath and stroked my shoulder absently before turning about to start walking. “Lead the way Benji, I’d be more than happy to meander through the hall, but I have no bloody idea where I am or how to get anywhere. I was worried I’d get lost until you caught up to me.” 

“Remind me again how you manage out in the wild? Or in any court for that matter.” He moved slowly enough for me to pass him and walk towards Sadie’s room with the same old trek I always took, the route committed to memory. It was a route I always ended up taking when I found myself lost in thought. “What you said to the Duchess should have had you killed,” I mussed. “I’ve known her all my life, and I’m still…” My hand tightened in a fist. “Still have difficulties saying no to her. Or anything that she doesn’t want to hear, for that matter.” 

“What you don’t realize is that every Royal has a certain set of rules that coincide with them, dog. It helps if you happen to be in their good graces already. A silver tongue doesn’t hurt either. But there’s a threshold with every Royal. It takes experience and listening to every other person who’s made the mistakes you don’t want to repeat. Though it’s difficult to track those down because there aren’t many who have lived to tell the tale.” He paused. “I suppose you’ve had the experience to see what happens to a noble who falls out of the good graces of the King. Best keep it as a reminder. The same glib with the Duchess can get you killed with the King or Queen. Never mind the Lord.” A heavy silence fell over the two of us. I continued to lead him. My fist opened and closed constantly. 

The echo of our footsteps were joined with a few others as several servants passed by, and later a grouping of nobles. As their latticed dresses and silk suits left us, I glanced at Asentual. He was thinking. What it was, I had no idea. Perhaps remembering who had died at the hands of those Royals. Or maybe he had moved on. I don’t think I could if I tried. 

“So, your sister. Is she completely insane, or just mostly?”

“Sensi!” I hissed. “How dare you?!” He laughed as I glared. 

“Sorry, couldn’t help. I asked a bit around when I left you. There’s not much about her, but what I do know I’m not sure is true. I’ve heard the sort of strange tales that weren’t the kindest to your dear sister, and I didn’t want to let that bias be what I meet her with.” 

“She’s nice. Be nice to her, she’ll be nice to you. She likes you already. You have nothing to worry about.” My nose wrinkled in disgust. Those that spread rumors about Sadie had no idea of the truth behind her condition. 

He stopped when I did at the right door. At first, I knocked. When I didn’t get a response, I called out softly. 

“Sadie, it’s me. Benji. Are you alright?” It took agonizing seconds before she responded to me in that sweet tinkling voice of hers. As light as her presence. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed it until I’d heard it. 

“Benji?” She asked. 

“Yes, it’s me, Benjamin. I’ve brought a surprise for you.” 

“A surprise?” Her voice brightened, and I opened the door. She was sitting up in her bed watching the door with those ice blue eyes of hers. The moment I stepped aside to reveal Asentual beside me, her eyes lit up in excitement. 

“It couldn’t be…”

“Why, this couldn’t be your sister, could it dog?” Sadie squealed in delight. Immediately, the redhead grinned from ear to ear as he stepped through the door unprompted. He swept his hat off his head with a practiced bow and drew it back on his head an instant later, drawing himself back up to his full height. “I’m surprised that something so beautiful would be hidden away like this. A real diamond, this one.” She giggled, but her iced eyes were cool and watching him the entire time. I smiled to myself. Taken as she might have been, she was no fool. 

“That’s the entire court, sir,” she cooed.

“Sir? Please. Call me Sensi. All my friends do. Only Benji has to call me sir.” He smirked, and I slammed the door shut with a flush as I stepped in after him. 

“Alright, stop laying it on so thick,” I grumbled as I rolled my eyes. He continued over to the bed and knelt beside her to hold her hand. Ignoring me completely, as I had come to expect.

“My sweet Sadie, please ignore your stubborn older brother who seems to have it out for me. He was insistent that I stay away from you because jealousy clouds his vision wherever he goes. I found myself enamoured with you from the very moment he uttered your name and since then –“

“Shut your bloody mouth you bastard.” I tugged him away from her. I grew redder as I glared at him, then went to sit on the other side of the bed to join Sadie. “As wonderful as he is, Sadie, he’s also a liar.” 

“Why did you stop him, Benji?” She smiled pleasantly. “He was being ever so sweet.”

“He was lying.” I looked to Asentual hesitantly. “You were lying.” 

“I was lying.” He consented with a grin. “If only to rile you up, dog. You’re so easily riled, and that’s how I like you best.” He closed the gap between him and Sadie again, this time brushing a hand through her hair that she rose up to meet. Her purr was quiet and sweet. “But I do like your little gem. She’s cute. Though her eyes are chilling.” 

“But the rest of me is warm,” she chimed in. “Benji thinks so at least, right Benji?” She pulled away from Asentual and nudged my shoulder with her cheek. I flushed faintly, but couldn’t ignore her when she huffed and pressed her body closer to mine. 

“Yes, you’re warm,” I admitted. “Now let me sulk.”

“But this is a time for celebration,” Sadie countered. “Look, your… Friend is here, and you’re here, and now I can be here too, can’t I? I always ask about the things we might do, but then you never do…” My muscles contracted as she drew her hand along my chest. Over her shoulder, Asentual leaned in with a smirk as he climbed into the bed behind her. 

“Sadie, what are you saying?” I reddened as she moved closer. Her breath tickled my neck. I tilted up my chin and she took the opportunity to press her lips against the exposed skin. I suppressed a whimper. “I just wanted to introduce you two,” I breathed. “That’s all.” 

“You really believe that, dog?” The hatter laughed as he drew a hand around Sadie’s middle. “I made no such claim that I’d keep my hands to myself. And your sister doesn’t seem to share your ideas either. Why don’t you let the chips fall where they may?” 

“Benji, I always ask about doing more, but you never want to do anything but kiss and cuddle,” Sadie pouted the way she always did when I said no. No to more than light touching. No more than kissing. No to more than lying in bed together. But with Asentual here to grin behind her, I was finding it harder and harder to say no. It fell flat on my lips.

“Sadie,” I moaned as my head fell back. I struggled for words. “Please don’t do that. You know we’re siblings.” The argument felt weak. Asentual didn’t care about it and neither did she. “If it were just Asentual and you having each other, I-I wouldn’t mind sharing, but this is different, isn’t it? It- we shouldn’t-“ She kissed me. She didn’t have the strength to move on top of me as she would have wanted, but she tried her best to make me feel like I was suffocating. For a moment, it felt almost normal, as though it were just us. I gripped her shoulders and deepened it. Her lips pursed and opened and I let my tongue tangle with hers. 

Then she gasped, and I parted to see what had her shuddering against my chest. I flushed to the roots of my hair when I saw hatter moving a hand up her dress with a smirk as he kissed the back of her nape. 

“Don’t stop on my account,” he purred by her neck. “Do what siblings do. I’m not about to stop you.” 

“This is wrong and you know it-“ I barely managed to spout. Then Sadie’s familiar lips were back on mine. I went reluctantly quiet, instead feeling my sisters’ thin frame and carefully avoiding the bumps on her back. Long curled locks of light blue hair fell against my face, and I brushed them tenderly away. 

“Benji…” She murmured softly against my lips as she pulled away to trail kisses down my neck. “You’re not going to leave me again, are you?” A pang of guilt hit my stomach. 

“I-” Her face twinged in pleasure and she gasped. I glanced back to see Asentual’s hand was much further up her dress than it had any business being. He moved his arm back and forth slowly with a Cheshire grin by her shoulder blades. 

“He’ll have to leave you eventually, gem. But he’s being a good brother and giving you a proper send-off first. Since he’s neglected you for so long, I suppose it’s up to me to take your maidenhead.” She flushed against my chest and pressed her face against the crook of my neck with a moan. I lay there dumbfounded and bright red as I stared at the hatter. 

“You can’t be serious.” 

“Unless you’d rather take it yourself.” He didn’t pause in his slow and constant movements with his hands. It was accompanied with the slick sound of his fingers moving back and forth. “What would you prefer, Benji?” He grinned. “I’ll leave you with the choice.”

“I-I can’t make that decision!”

“Benji, please?” Sadie tilted her head up to mine and kissed my chin with a smile. “I want you. He’s a-a lovely paramour, but I’d like you inside the most.” 

I couldn’t feel anything for a second. The two of the watched me expectantly. Even hatters’ hand stopped moving as he watched me with those intensely golden eyes. Then, as numb as I was, I mutely nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wyvern was born to a human mother that was once an “entertainment girl” or sex slave, who in turn was descended from other slaves whose lineage lead to the deep southern desert beyond Wonderland, where his great grandmother was stolen on a trade route that should have been a peaceful voyage. This accounts for his unique darker skin tone. 
> 
> He mother knew the terrible atrocities that the slaves of Wonderland experience from an early age. This, coupled with her knowledge of where she came from and how her family was unfairly ripped away from their home, lit a fire inside her to help as many people as she could. She was an entertainment girl, but Wyvern’s father only fell in love once she took a chance in showing more of herself to him than she would for anyone else. He saw what she hid away behind beautiful features, this mind full of passion and care for her fellow man, and he fell in love. He was blinded by it. As high up in command as he was, as general for the King of Clubs, it didn’t stop him from letting her pull him into dangers that could have lost him his position and possibly his head. First it would be one slave quietly freed in the middle of the night. And then more. And as his beloved son was born, and then his sweet daughter, he found he couldn’t stop. He saw so many people in pain and torture not unlike the way his wife had suffered as a slave before he brought her under his control, and he wanted to save them. 
> 
> It was her that got caught. But he was the one in charge of her, so he was the one who took the fall. She suffered a clean death, as she was nothing more than “his slave”. The rest of their family were left in cells to rot. 
> 
> Wyvern’s family was torn apart, and now he lies alone in a cell. Left to fester with a jailor whose mind obsesses over him. 
> 
> Let it be a lesson for any who let something pure guide their intentions.


	8. Chapter 8

“I… Okay.” 

Sadie beamed, then her face turned into a moan of pleasure as the hatter quickened his pace under her dress. 

“Perfect,” he purred. “She feels more than ready. And you look it too, dog.” He smirked. “I’ll be there the entire time. You’ve no need to worry.” 

“I’m not worried about that!” I snapped. As muddled as my mind might have been from the two of them trying their damnedest, I still had this nagging feeling that this was wrong. It was one thing to kiss her, but entirely another to go further than that. She wasn’t Asentual, she wasn’t even one of those girls from Felts’. And with her, I actually felt something, unlike them. That couldn’t have been a good thing.

I kept trying to convince myself of this as Sadie trailed her kisses from my chin down my throat and pressed her face against my chest as she tugged at my bow-tie. Gulping, I stared at her dumbly as she kept going further down my shivering body, releasing me from my shirt as she went. Asentual pulled out his fingers with a chuckle and crawled up to me. 

“Worried, dog?” he murmured by my ear. “You have nothing to fear. Why care about rumors circulating? There’s plenty already that have said you’ve done this and more with your precious Sadie. Why not give them something to talk about?” 

“It’s one thing to say, and another to- Ah!“ I jumped when I felt Sadie grip my crotch experimentally. “Sadie!” She giggled as she flicked her eyes to me. 

“I’m sorry, Benji. I just wanted to see what would happen.” 

“What do you think would happen, with you squishing me like that?” 

“Well, something like how you reacted, I imagine.” I whimpered, but she paid no mind and simply giggled as she focused on unbuckling my belt. She kept one hand on my groin that I couldn’t find the right angle to squirm away from. 

“I-I don’t know how I feel about this, Sensi,” I glanced back to him. My stomach muscles tightened every time Sadie touched me. 

“I’ve told you time and time again, dog. I know what’s best for you.” He curled a finger around my hair, then gently pressed his lips against mine. “It won’t kill you to give into yourself for once. All you seem to do is get wound up denying yourself. I’m perfectly willing to be what pulls you under. Besides, the Lord nobles do it all the time, from what I hear. And you saw what happened with Wyv-“ He paused, and looked to Sadie. 

“Hm?” She looked up. 

“Nothing, sweetheart. Go back to playing with your brother’s cock, I’m sure he appreciates it.” She smiled at the two of us. 

“Alright. But I would like to know what happened, maybe. If it’s not too much trouble.” Ducking her head back to my groin, she ran a hand down my stomach and giggled when I moaned under my breath. She pressed her lips against my stomach and a shiver went up my spine. 

“I was just talking about that boy we saw in the King’s palace. Nothing much to it,” Asentual said in a bored tone. But as he looked at me, I could tell it was anything but blaise. He was trying to get Sadie to drop it. And with good reason. I didn’t like to think of Wyvern when I could help it, and he knew that even now. I hadn’t told Sadie. I was afraid of even thinking about him for too long, unsure of where my thoughts could go. 

I looked down at Sadie, and for a second that curled light blue hair was so dark it was almost black, and those eyes looking back at me weren’t ice, but scared and dark. Her features were different, and her skin had gone olive toned. It seemed like ages ago, and yet like no time at all had passed. Wyvern was still down there. Still suffering. I’d done nothing but take advantage of him. 

“Benji~?” Asentual crooned by my ear as he bit it gently to bring me back to the present. “Sadie asked you a question. Do you want her mouth wrapped around you cock first, or straight to that pussy I warmed up for you?” 

“Yes Benji, I want to play with it, but you look like you’re not even paying attention.” She prodded my cock she’d unearthed from my pants, still sticking up straight despite my thoughts. Or maybe because of them.

“I-I don’t know.” I flinched when she flicked me at the tip. “Stop that.” 

“It twitches when I do that. Your whole body does too.” She flicked it again and smiled secretively as I winced. “I wonder, which one of you are bigger? Did you ever measure against each other?” 

“I never thought of that,” I said. “It’s not really something I’d consider…” Asentual seemed noticeably larger anyways. “I think Sensi’s probably - wait, Sadie don’t-“ My back arched and I moaned through gritted teeth as she wrapped her mouth around me. Hatter grinned at my reaction and caught my mouth again in his, chuckling as he kissed me while I tried to bite back whimpers. She wasn’t as good as him, and she used teeth, but the wrongness of it, the fact of who she was, and what we shouldn’t be doing, made me feel strange inside. My stomach tied itself in knots and I couldn’t help but buck my hips against her mouth in short little thrusts. She made a noise as she pulled away, then glowered at me. 

“Benji, control yourself. You’re going to make me choke.” 

“I never said you should have done that-“ Hatter wouldn’t let me get more than a sentence in before he had his tongue down my throat looking for my bloody tonsils again. I flushed darkly when I made eye contact with him. Incredibly turned on and refusing to let go, his breath mingled with mine as both of us gasped for air, and then he was on me again. I could barely hear Sadie with the blood pumping in my ears. And my cock reacted in her hands as she stroked me absently, hardening more than ever with her saliva dripping slowly down from the wet shaft.

“Well you wouldn’t make your mind up,” she pouted. “You’re overthinking everything and can’t even decide what you want me to do you, so I made my own mind up and decided I wanted to see what you taste like. It’s salty, by the way. Gross.” 

“Gross?” Hatter pulled away, affronted. I gasped to catch my breath and banged my head against the head post of the bed. “He tastes fine. Next, you’re going tell me that you’d prefer his semen sweet. I like it better with a tang.” 

“Can we perhaps not talk about this?” I wheezed.

“Why not?” Hatter grinned. “Your sister’s sweet tooth is getting in the way of enjoying you to the fullest.” 

“Sadie-“ Sitting up, I gripped her hand and pulled her into my lap. The sudden movement made her wince as her back changed alignment. “I’ve made up my mind,” I said unabashed. “If just to get you both to shut up.” I flushed darker as I looked up at her. “I’ll make love to you-“

“Fuck,” Asentual corrected. “You’re fucking your sister, this isn’t a harlequin romance novel.” 

“Will you shut up?” 

“I can’t help it, it makes you turn a lovely shade of pink, and that suits you so well~” 

“I think it’s cute when he blushes too,” Sadie chimed in. She settled against my lap with a smile and kissed my jaw, positioning herself so my cock rested by her thighs. She looked down at it curiously, then stroked it and smiled as I bit my lip to hide a moan. “He’s so sweet, and kind, and I love it when he’s taken off guard.” 

“You’re sweeter,” I moaned. “I wish I could show you more of the world, instead of being cooped up here.”

“But this is enough, Benji. More than enough. You brought me a hatter, and he’s really very nice. I’m happy with you, as long as you stay with me. Maybe he can have me after.” Her voice tinkled innocently as she sped up her rough pawing movements. I swore under my breath and dropped my head to her shoulder. 

“Sadie…” I murmured. 

“Can I have you now, Benji?” She squeezed me hard enough to make me buck against her hand. “Now and forever.”

“God, yes.” I felt like I was going to burst. 

She giggled, then winced as she tried to move her weight to her knees. Kneeling to angle herself above me, she then began to sink slowly down, whimpering as she went. I held her securely in my arms as the warmth and tightness of her overtook me, until both of us were a mess of heavy breathing and neither of us had moved yet. I held her closer and securely against myself and crossed my legs. I could feel her fast heartbeat against my chest. It mirrored my own. 

“Dog, you have to do more than that to a girl.” Asentual chuckled behind me after a minute or so, and then I felt a familiar figure press up against my back with his lips on my neck. “Move her slowly, up and down.”

“Ah…” Carefully, I moved Sadie’s slim form. Holding her by her hips, I helped her in the shifting position she would have otherwise had difficulty with. She in turn moaned her little heart out and gripped my shoulders until I thought she would breath the skin. Her neck turned to jelly, and she could barely keep her head up, whimpering with every thrust. 

I tried my best to keep my head, but soon I was going faster. Almost too fast for her. I arched my hips to meet hers and was rewarded by wave after wave of pleasure as I fucked my sister, listening to her screams and moans and wails as she clutched me tighter and tighter. Against my back Asentual bit over my neck and ear, breathing ever so slightly faster to show that he was more turned on than I had seen him as in a while. His eyes were on both of us, I could tell when I looked back. If even he was losing control, then that was a feat in itself. I wanted him, but she was in the way. If I closed my eyes, I could imagine it was him. I was selfish, unsure of who to pay attention to. I’d turn back to share a deep kiss with the hatter, but then Sadie would nuzzle at my neck and I’d turn back to hold her tightly in my arms and kiss her until my mind went numb. The two of them sandwiched themselves against me and I could barely think. 

“I-I feel something, B-Benji,” Sadie stuttered when she parted from the kiss and looked me in aroused confusion. An adorable blush had spread over her cheeks. “I-I can’t think.” 

“Neither can I-I-“ I managed to say. I held her closer and arched into the hot and amazing mess of pleasure and pulled her tighter into me. She was clumsy, but I kept a firm grip as she started to lose control. Even I was having a hard time. I was past reason, I just wanted to get to the precipice. 

She nearly screamed when the orgasm hit her. I came a few seconds later, when she was putty in my arms and trying to catch her breath. It lasted longer than usual, a long burst inside her that echoed all over and still ended too soon. I would have collapsed if Hatter wasn’t behind me. He let me fall as far as his lap but kept me from lying back completely. For a moment, I stayed still and felt Sadie’s opening close tightly on me from the orgasm that hit her. It felt like I was being milked, and kept my orgasm going into a wonderful afterglow. I opened my eyes after a moment and saw that familiar predatory expression. 

I gulped.

“That looked like fun, dog.” He purred. He tugged a lock of hair from my face. I could feel his hardness behind my head. It must have been agonizing, but it barely showed on his face. 

“It was fun!” Sadie smiled tiredly. She raised her head from where she had been cuddling on my chest with a roaring purr. “Benji feels amazing…”

“I’m sure he does. Think you can go again, dog?” He flicked his eyes down to me. 

“Maybe a few minutes…” I smiled meekly. 

“Or maybe I use your mouth instead,” He smirked. 

“You could use me,” Sadie blinked. “I’m okay with more.” I balked at her.

“More? How could you? We just went.”

“I like this feeling a lot…” She ground her hips against mine and I nearly winced. It was too soon after. I tried to stop her by holding her hips, but I lacked the energy and she already seemed ready to go again. I could do nothing but whimper softly. 

“Would you be alright with that, dog?” Asentual looked down at my scrunched-up face. “I think I’d prefer your mouth. But seeing as this is a visit to your little gem, I’m willing to do whatever it is to satisfy her. On your consent, of course.”

“Since when do you ask for consent?” I smiled slightly. He grinned and tossed his head to the side.

“I suppose you’re right. Sadie dear, see if you can make it to your hands and knees. I’ll fuck you that way, if you don’t mind.” Her eyes lit up.

“Okay!” She pulled herself off of me, and I sighed in relief. 

Closing my eyes, I let the afterglow take over. But then Sadie’s breath mingled with mine, and I quickly opened my eyes as I realized just what Asentual had planned. She moved onto her hands and knees in front of me, and suddenly I was face to face with my sister with a hatter moving in behind her. I let my hands go as he pulled his in my place to hold her up firmly. 

“Hi,” she giggled. Her eyes were as bright as could be. Still icy, still cold, but sparkling. Like the rest of her face. 

“Hi,” I smiled tentatively. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Most definitely.”

“Good.” I licked her nose, and she broke out into a beam before kissing me soundly. She couldn’t stop her little tinkling laugh even as we kissed. It was infectious and I ended up laughing along with her. 

“Hate to break up the sweetness, but I’m trying to fuck your sister here,” Hatter’s head stayed lolled to the side as he watched on in amusement. 

“Who says I’m not in the mood, paramour?” She glanced at Asentual with a coy smile and suppressed a wince when she tried to move closer back to him. He gripped her arms tighter to slow her. “Go ahead.” 

“Careful sweetheart. I’ll do the moving. You stay there.” The hatter sighed as he pushed into her in one smooth motion with his hips. He took the force of the thrust and used his grip on her to anchor the both of them. 

Her mouth changed into a gasp. I held her arms to help keep her upright with Sensi’s help, but she had very little strength otherwise. 

“Ah- I don’t think we need to measure you anymore…” There was a pause while she grew accustomed, then she flushed when he kept going after the initial thrust, faster than I had. He chuckled when he heard her. 

“Don’t insult your brother, he’s quite capable with his endowments.”

“But you- ah-“ He changed his angle on her, and she went several shades of red. I blinked in confusion when she pressed her face into my chest with a sharp moan. “Benji…” she wailed. “Benji you didn’t tell me how big he was…” 

I felt my ears grow hot. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s…” She whimpered. I could hear the hatter’s tinny laugh in my ears.

“I just know the female anatomy a little better than you dog.” Hatter grinned. “It doesn’t matter the size if you know how to use it. Never mind her, she’s enjoying herself. I am too. It’s wonderfully wet, thanks to your combined efforts.” 

I reddened. “You can’t say things like th-that!”

“Why not? It’s fun. Makes you react.” 

“W-well, I…” Before I could continue, Sadie gained enough strength to kiss me, and she and I fell back into the familiar movements of tangling our mouths together. She was desperate, panting and moaning in between kisses and her grip on the bed was weak at best. She rocked her hips back as much as she could, and with every thrust her entire body shook. Hatter tried to keep her from pushing herself, but it seemed she wanted to be pushed. The greater the pleasure, the higher her pain threshold. 

“See, this part right here…” Hatter thrust again at the same angle. My sister’s eyes widened, and she moaned loudly enough that it almost hurt my ears. “This spot is lovely for women. Similar to the prostate, but not exactly easy to find. It’s more of an inkling.” He further angled himself until he was nearly on top of Sadie and grinning from over her shoulder as he plunged into her. Her grip changed from the bed sheets to my shoulders, and this time it did hurt. 

“Sadie you’re like a cat- ow.” I tried to get rid of her grip, but it was surprisingly strong for someone who seemed so weak. She whimpered pitifully, so I let it hang and kissed her instead. She gratefully accepted it for something to hold onto. 

I looked back at Asentual, and he smirked. “It’s not something easy to find, though. So often women go through life without ever really enjoying how good it can be.” 

“You’re trying to do better than me, aren’t you?” I narrowed my eyes. Sadie whimpered and nuzzled my neck when I pulled away from the kiss to talk. Her drooping eyes waited until I was done, then attacked me again. 

“Mayyybe. Or maybe I’m just showing your sister the best I can do so she has something to remember me by. I want to make a good impression. Even if it’s of my cock inside her walls.” The hatter chuckled and renewed his thrusts, turning Sadie to jelly in my arms. Flushed and barely able to focus on me, she could do little more than rock back and chant my name under her breath. I was quickly finding myself ready to go again. If not from her moans and her small chest pressing up against me, then from all of the vulgar things Asentual thought it appropriate to say. They always managed to make me blush, not matter how hard I tried not to.

“Nearly there, sweetheart, don’t fail on me now.” Asentual gripped her thigh tightly and brutally penetrated the girl lying over me with soft and slight pants from him, though she couldn’t seem to function. He repeatedly struck the part of her that seemed to make her go wild, and for a few minutes she could scarcely breathe. The two of them were quiet for a moment, and I could hear the sound of his rough movements, in and out, until finally she all but crumpled on top of me. He took a few moments longer, but then he finished too with a blissful sigh. 

It was harder to discern that he had come. Always calm and collected, he thrust a few more times for good measure, then paused and let himself sit for a moment as he felt the contractions of Sadie that I had the pleasure of enjoying before. Then, he pulled slowly out to release the trail of white sticky residue that leaked from her satisfied nethers. 

“Benji…” she croaked. 

“Yeah?” Her hair was plastered against her face, but I still stroked a hand through it as though it were satin. 

“Can he stay? I want him to stay.” I couldn’t help but grin. 

“I wish he could, but he can’t.”

“I have a Queen to get back to, unfortunately.” Hatter added. He plopped easily down beside me. The redhead yawned and stretched his arms, then wrapped one around me. I could feel the faintest vibrations of a purr from him. I added my own, pressing my face into his side.

“Do you do that to her too?” Sadie asked. His nose wrinkled. 

“Not bloody likely. I think of her as a grandmother more than anything. Maybe a great aunt. No one would want to fuck their grandmother, right?”

“But I hear the Queen is very pretty. Like the Duchess. Benji likes the Duchess.” 

“Not enough to do that,” I countered. I winced as Sadie used her elbows to prop herself up on my chest. But she seemed so cute when she was interested in matters outside of the Palace. I wasn’t about to interrupt her. 

“Well, I suppose. I don’t really notice that sort of thing. Your Duchess is lovely too, but I’m not interested in banging royals. I’m sure Benji has his very own cult devoted to the Duchess, but I doubt any Royal would pick just anyone to take as their lover. The last time that happened was ages ago.”

“I really wish you would stay,” Sadie continued. She brushed over the conversation and went back to what I was trying to get away from. “There’s a lot to do here if you know where to look. You can make fun of the staff running around, fuck whoever you wanted, if you’d only just stay…” She wasn’t just talking about Asentual anymore.

“Sadie…” I sighed. “I have to go too. Neither of us can stay here and be with you all the time. Maybe if you came out of your room, you could play with the servants-“

“I don’t want to play with the servants.” She bristled, then ducked her head against my chest with a whimper. “They’re boring humans who cry if I yell at them. I don’t even yell loudly. They’re so boring, and I don’t want any of them. They have terrible warts and things. I want you two. You’re both so fun, and gallant, like princes in storybooks. My big brother can be the one that saves me from the dragon. And Asentual can be the dragon. And then the story ends with both of you fucking me. Benji can have my mouth.” She smiled. It grew wider when she saw how red I got. 

“I-I wish I could stay and play games with you, but I do have to help Asentual with going to the Capital. There are problems at work there that he can’t solve on his own.” That the Duchess wants me to see for myself, and that I need to see. If I’m going to be a turn cloak, I’d rather be an informed one. 

“It’s not fair.” Her smile dropped. “I can’t move anywhere but my room. I can barely walk. I don’t get to see anything but what you bring me.”

“I can’t bring you the world, Sadie. You have to see it for yourself eventually. I know it’s hard for you, but…” I tried to stroke her hair, but she twitched away. “Maybe you could be carried sometime by a few servants and see the outside. A change of scenery, maybe. And eventually, you might even be able to take a carriage to-”

“But then that’s just ice and snow. All this place is, is ice and snow, and snow and ice and occasionally water when it’s warm enough. And it’s never warm enough.” All the fight died out of her as she curled up in my arms. 

Her voice was defeated. “I just… I’m going to miss you. Come back soon to me, please. I don’t think I could bear you being gone for too long. All this time, I wanted to be like this with you…” Her voice softened as her hand found mine. “I wanted to touch you like this for ages, but you wouldn’t let me. And now you finally have, and it’s wonderful. But it’s a going away present.” 

“My little gem.” She raised her head to see Asentual. He reached over and caressed over her bare shoulder. Her dress had slipped down to her chest. She was utterly disheveled. Her lips were full and bruised from kissing. “Your brother won’t be gone forever. We’ll be back in no time at all. He’ll be here for you, and then you can fuck him as many ways as you want. But for now, he’s needed.” He smirked. “You can pleasure yourself all you want with memories of today, if you like. It should keep you sated for a while. And when that runs out, being in this room for as long as you have certainly invites an active imagination doesn’t it?”

That brought out a smile from her. I sighed in relief. 

“That’s true,” she said thoughtfully. “It would be better if I had more to remember you by, though, paramour~”

“Well, give us a few minutes, dear.” He grinned. “Then we can go again. Let’s see if we can fuck Benji into exhaustion, shall we?”

Both of them laughed, and I tossed my head back with a groan. At least she was happy again, though. If only for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what to write for end notes anymore. I'm just gonna post this.


	9. Chapter 9

“Do you think we’ll have time to do anything other than work?” I asked.

“Oh, we’ll be spending most of our time enjoying ourselves, dog. Don’t worry. I don’t like keeping myself bogged down with business.” 

“Good.” I watched the Wonderland forest slowly recede behind us and fell, relieved, against Asentual’s back. The sky above beat bright and blue with not a cloud in the sky, and the sun was near white. Ahead of us lay the long and winding road periodically sprinkled with copses of ash and maple trees that were actually alive. Most of them at least. But it was farmland that grew here more than anything. Some of it was unruly, but there were patches of vegetables that were carefully maintained. A few had animals behind wooden fences old and battered from rain. Villages of humans sprouted here and there, but a lot more of them lay abandoned. It was here that the lazy slavers appeared to get most of their pickings. It left the road to the biggest city in Wonderland desolate and quiet. Humans that survived this part of the country knew how to, and that was to avoid contact at all costs. When one took the main Wonderland road to the Capital, not much was left in its wake. 

“Did you really think I’d actually force you to deal with my work?” Asentual laughed and spurred Misty into a cantor. We’d been plodding along as a slow walk for ages. Now that the compressing feeling of the Wonderland woods was gone, all of us seemed to feel like running. It was freeing to feel the ground moving so quickly behind us. Misty was an intelligent and strong creature. I could see why the hatter cared about her so much. 

“Well, no, but I did assume you’d like some help. And I’d like to leave a good impression on the Queen for once.” 

“I thought you were sick of that sort of work. Having to deal with the Duchess’s problems day in and day out, it’s like to turn anyone mad.” The horse jumped over a divot in the road and he laughed heartily. The landing jostled the two of us and sent the pack behind me with our supplies nearly scattering onto the gravel. But I joined in all the same and pressed my body in closer to him. He was always the most unrestrained with his horse. Behind it though, I could feel something clawing at the back of my mind.

“I suppose. But pleasure can get boring too, can’t it? I mean, we can’t spend the whole time going from brothel to brothel. And there is actual work to be done, with the rebellion, and the other problems affecting the Capital. Maybe I could help with the economy…” 

“I suppose,” he sighed. “But do you honestly want to see the rebellion in their terribly planned attacks? It’s quite sad, really.” I felt a faint chill down my spine. 

“Right,” I murmured. I needed to see them. For the Duchess’s sake, and for my own. This was a business trip in more than one sense. I didn’t know why I’d been bogged down with judging character, but the Duchess had put her faith in me. There wasn’t anyone else with a good enough excuse to leave the court, nor the initiative. All that was left was me. Stupid Benji with his immaturity, and naught but the intelligence to balance budgets with a skill the Left Hand of the Duchess court couldn’t manage. Though that was all I had. 

“Did you actually want to have to deal with that insolence, dog?” Hatter glanced back at me and shook me from my thoughts. 

“Well I, a-ah-“ I searched for something to say to him. Another lie, after the already large one I was trying hard to forget. I hated lying to him. “I suppose I’d like to know what makes them tick.” 

“There’s not much to them, I’m telling you.” He raised an eyebrow. “I know you don’t particularly like the Queen of the rest of the Royals other than your precious Duchess. Especially after Wyvern. But the answer isn’t an uprising.” 

“Well, what is the answer then?”

“I’ve told you. A nice, hard fuck to get any political thoughts out of your mind, dog. Simple as that.” He grinned, and turned back to the road. I caught a glimpse of movement by the side of the wide gravel path, but whatever or whoever it might have been dipped away before I could get a good look. It disappeared behind a cluster of stone ruins. Unlike the wooden ones that had been burned by the harder raids, the stone skeletons of long abandoned buildings were still intact. Though perhaps not as abandoned as I thought. I looked back to where I had seen that movement as we passed. At the last moment, I saw a swirl of what appeared to be a dress swishing in the breeze. A small face peered back at us. The girl was young, maybe thirteen or so, and her small brown eyes had a look of curiosity. 

I bit my lip and turned back to face the front of the road without a word. 

Hours later, the silence was starting to grate on my nerves. 

“Do you get slaves here often, Sensi?”

“This place is too picked over for anything good.” He shook his head. “The other slavers don’t bother to let the place heal, and so all that’s left are those too weak to be of any use. Those nobles lesser than me often scour this place for the leavings, but there aren’t any to be found.” He gestured with a free hand not holding the reins to the abandoned cluster of buildings around us. We were plodding into what appeared to be an old ranch township. “They don’t understand that the world needs to breathe. They take what they can get, and this is what it leads to.” 

“Where do you go then?”

“I head all over for my catches. Sometimes the south as far the border, sometimes the north up to where the cliffs get unmanageable for the best of the horses. There’s a large population to the right of the Lord’s palace that’s left untouched, because it’s so far out from the heart of Wonderland. This road? This is the main artery of Wonderland. And it’s sick and dying. You have to head far off and away for anything good. And slavers can be lazy, since they think their job isn’t much more than grab the prize and bring it back to sell to the highest bidder. Not unlike who picked you up, dog.” He glanced back with a smirk, and I flushed at the memory. What at the time had felt invasive, now seemed like one of the best moments of my life. Even if he had been a complete ass about it. 

“Won’t that side end up picked clean eventually to though?” I asked. “Slaver is a relatively common profession. A respectable one too, broadcasted for its perks. There’s more and more of them, and less and less useful slaves.” 

“I suppose, eventually there may be a shortage.” He shrugged. “It hasn’t happened in the last several hundred years, or however long the Royals might have lived. So, I doubt it’ll happen now.” He glanced down to Misty’s reins, and his grip on them tightened. “I doubt any of those whelps have the thought process to try different hunting grounds.”

“You talk about these humans like you don’t care about them. What about Felt’s?”

“What about Felt’s?” he growled. “It’s not as simple as that.” 

“I remember those women from before. There’s more to you than just slaving. At least, I think there is.” 

“I do what I can, when I can. But that’s about all I can do. And it’s no good developing more than a basic decency with these girls. I still fuck them, and enjoy myself immensely. It’s rape, what I do. I did it to you, same as anyone else I’ve bought.” His voice grew darker. “Sometimes I prefer it that way, you know. When someone is afraid and doesn’t want it, and I force them to believe that they do. Fucking them until their baser instincts betray them.”

A shiver ran up my spine. I wonder if he knew at the time how similar him and his own rapist were. 

“No argument there,” he continued with a dry chuckle. “I’m still just as evil as the rest of them.” 

“You truly believe that?”

“I don’t pause to ask questions about the choices I make, dog. I just do what makes me happy. That’s what everyone around here does.” 

“You’re rebelling in your own way when you choose to help humans.” He scowled. 

“I’m no rebel. I’m the Right Hand of the Queen, dog. I can’t rebel.”

“But if you could-“

“I wouldn’t. Because you and I both know that’s suicide. The minute you fall out of favor with a Royal, that’s it. You’re finished. Your life is over, and your own your way to execution. I’m not about to throw my life away for anything more than saving the occasional lesser being. And I would be bloody stretching it to call it saving. I’m extending the life expectancy of a product.” 

“You’re calling them lesser beings, and yet treating them with dignity and decency. You showed me before at Felt’s. Why would you do that if not to show you cared? You’re not making any sense-“ he turned around abruptly in his seat to glare me down. His mouth was a hard line. 

“I don’t ask any questions about the duality between my feelings where it concerns humans. I’m not a cold-hearted killer, but god knows I’m no saint. Why is it that you feel the need to prod where you don’t belong? Do YOU care about humans?” 

“No!” I gripped his shoulders tightly. My heart beat a little faster. He couldn’t have noticed the way my eyes darted to the side. It was too slight. “It’s not that. I’m just trying to make conversation. It’s a long trip and we’re both tired. I like to learn more about you, Sensi.” I sighed. “I just… I like to hear your voice. It’s been a while.” 

“Oh dog,” his shoulders sagged, and he chuckled to himself. “I suppose it’s a sore spot. I don’t know if I do even care about them, to be quite honest. They’re beneath me, but I find it so inefficient to let them suffer when they could be trained to be far more useful. And at the same time… One can’t help but here cries of pain and suffering and be unable to know the difference between the color of the person’s hair from screams alone. In the end, they’re simply screams. In the dark, I can’t stand them. And I fix the problem accordingly.”

I smiled wanly against his neck. “But the rebellion is doomed to fail because there’s no subterfuge or saving the few in the dark, right?”

“I’d rather not be associated with idiots like them. They’re nothing but a problem. There’s a difference between what I do, and terrorism. At least what I do doesn’t destroy the status quo and the entirety of society. Though I suppose I give them too much credit. They’re acting like children. And I have to clean up their mess.” He spurred Misty onward, and the two of us fell silent once more.

Days passed, uneventful save for the nights that I had with Asentual. He made me feel as though we’d never parted, and for that I was grateful. Though I was more grateful that he kept me from thinking too much. It always seemed like something wouldn’t stop nagging me at the back of my mind. Even though he found new ways to have me every night, leaving me bruised and sore and satisfied, even as he was deep inside me pounding away and making me scream my bloody throat hoarse, I could still remember what he had been like before. And I still found myself worried beyond belief in the dead of night that one day something might happen to that hatter. One day something would break the spell, and then we’d be right back at where we started. I don’t know if I could deal with another Jabberwocky testing my skill – if that was what the Cheshire had intended. But even worse, I’m not sure Asentual could deal with that mentality again. And then the idea of what was going on in Wonderland would set my nerves further alight and I’d end up with a couple hours of rest if I was lucky. 

It seemed only resigning myself to letting Hatter use my ass and mouth as many ways as he could, was the only thing keeping me from going mad. 

One night it was too much. 

In the darkness lit only by the twinkling stars and sliver of moon, I lay awake with my mind whirling in a torrent of self doubt and plotting I wished I didn’t have to be apart of. I could hear Asentual’s quiet breaths barely louder than the sound of crickets around us. He was asleep, and I wasn’t. That was a change I’d grown used to these past few days. The fire was long dead beside us, but the air was warm and felt like summer. We were close to the Capital. Maybe one day, maybe two, and I could have a wonderful bath and good food to bite into, and all the sexual escapades the two of us could dream of. The trees around us shifted in the breeze, and in the distance past the stand of pines we’d lain camp at, the warm wind blew over fields both used and abandoned. 

Listening to the wind didn’t ground my thoughts for long. No matter how much I tried to feel my toes, wiggle my fingers and count the splashes of stars in the sky that shimmered in vibrant colors. It would always circle back once more to things I’d rather not think about. Only one thing cured it. 

I turned to the Hatter as silent as I could. There was no response from him. We’d ridden hard and waking him for sex would have been rude. I faltered and sat back against the flattered pine needles. 

It wasn’t as though he’d be upset if I woke him up just for him to fuck me. But I was already exhausted out of my mind, we didn’t need the both of us to go sleepless. Not to mention if he noticed I wasn’t sleeping well, he’d start asking questions. 

I resigned myself to rooting through my trousers for my cock and began to stroke myself with the occasional furtive glance at Hatter to keep his form as a perfect likeness in my fantasies. It worked at first, and I held back quiet gasps as I gripped my shaft tighter and moved my legs apart for a more comfortable position, all the while thinking of what Asentual was capable of doing to my cock. But then I glanced back at the hatter again. His mouth was parted, and his lopsided hat was covering half his face. He was vulnerable asleep, which is why he never took long to wake up. 

‘How much would it take to wake him,’ I wondered as I stroked myself harder and moaned softly through my teeth. ‘Could I still take him in my mouth without him waking up? He’s done it to me before.’ I paused the pawing at my cock and let my mind clear. 

I wasn’t sure it was even possible to touch or go near Asentual without waking him. I looked furtively back over to him, then made my way over to him as silently as I could. With the pine needles stifling my movements, he was still asleep when I sat in front of him. 

Carefully, I untied the drawstrings to his pants, glancing repeatedly back to him for any sign of movement. There was nothing. He was nearly silent in his breaths.  
His shaft was soft when I found him. A few careful strokes though, and then even as he slept he began to grow in my hand. I hadn’t felt him when he was soft before. He didn’t look too big at first, but that changed quickly. Soon he was the full length I knew very well. I was surprised by then that he hadn’t batted an eyelid. His breathing still sounded the same, and when I looked over he hadn’t moved. His eyes were covered by his hat, but I didn’t need to see them closed to know he was sleeping. 

I felt a pang of guilt as I caressed his cock and pawed at mine in rhythm. This felt wrong, to be using him this way. It wasn’t the same as what had happened between him and that man that had subdued him, but I could feel the line growing thinner. 

I tightened the grip on my cock. No, no mustn’t think of that. Don’t. I should be thinking of the dirty things I could be doing with Asentual right now as he slept. I couldn’t wake him up with him inside me, him nearly ready to come. He’d like that. I’d like that. And then we’d both fall asleep satisfied. 

Biting my lip, I reached back around myself after pulling down my pants somewhat to slowly add a finger, with the other hand still gently stroking the only part of the hatter that was awake. I winced at the intrusion that felt raw after so much use, but grit my teeth and waited for the pleasure to mount from the penetration. I could never get as deep as him, but the feeling of using myself like this had grown on me over the year. There weren’t any toys in the Duchess’s court that I could find but a few innocent objects sufficed. They were never quite the same as his cock, though. I’d imagine it beating warm inside and that was usually more than enough to push me over the edge. 

I added two more fingers at the same time and whined under my breath as I rocked back against them. His cock strained against my hand as I gripped him tighter. I sucked in a big breath, then drew my fingers apart as I thrust them inside myself, and stifled a moan. A few more rougher thrusts, and all the pain from repeated use was gone. Instead was this need that radiated from my cock up my body that wanted him desperately.

I looked at Hatter’s sleeping face, then at his heavy shaft in my hands, and sighed. I’d become a slut, hadn’t I…

No matter. I carefully straddled the Hatter without touching him. My knees held all of my weight on either side as I faced his form, with his cock just behind me pressing against my ass. I waited to catch my breath, then angled him with one hand while holding my entrance open for him with the other. His breath was faster, but that must have been from the arousal. Even so, I watched it carefully as I pressed his flared head against me, then moaned under my breath as it pushed through inside. He was warm, achingly warm, and it was so easy for him to continue down inside me. I remembered how hard it had been at the beginning, and when he and I reunited, but he had already made me loose enough to accept him with ease again. I loved it.

It barely took me any time before I was rocking against his cock. Slowly I let my hips fall against him and watched his face for anything, any reaction at all to wake him up. Strangely even now there was nothing. The face of the hatter didn’t twitch once. I bit my lip as I carefully stroked down his chest and felt through the fabric for the sinewy musculature and lean body. It still boggled my mind that I found him attractive sometimes. That I found anything male attractive, for that matter. Every time I felt the hard thrusts plowing into me from the hatter’s cock, my mind would bask in the pleasure and let him do whatever he wanted to me to rearrange my insides. But like this, being able to see him and feel him and experiment with the angles I wanted… it was strange. I had liked being with Sadie. But it was Asentual I always ended up wanting. 

I held my breath to keep from a moan as his cock pressed against my prostate. He twitched, but only barely. He must still be asleep. He had to be. No one would stay like this if they were awake. 

It felt wrong to use him like this, but I couldn’t help but love it. I picked up speed and tilted my head back with closed eyes as I sank to the hilt over and over, each time feeling tight, but wonderfully so. He went far inside, and I shuddered as I felt the head plunge into me with every arch of my hips. 

His breath hastened as I picked up speed. When he was asleep like this, he still seemed to barely react. It was annoying, but at the same time amusing that no matter awake or asleep, he refused to lose control. I didn’t mind. He still felt close to me, growing hotter and harder inside as I squeezed down and caressed over his abdomen with a faint whine. With one hand I kept my balance to the side, and with the other I stroked myself as roughly as I could. Squeezing occasionally, there was just enough tension to create a delicious feeling both ways and it didn’t take long for me to get close. 

“Sensi,” I mumbled under my breath and closed my eyes. For a moment I was lost in pleasure. But then a hand grabbed the one on my cock, tightened it to a near painful degree, and my eyes flew open. 

Asentual smirked as he watched me. I nearly stopped my hips, but I was so close, agonizingly close that I couldn’t help but keep going. 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you,” I said breathily. His eyes greedily drank in the sight of me for a moment longer before lying back and stroking me himself. His grip was a lot tighter, almost painfully so, and I found myself nearly wincing with each stroke. 

“I’ve been awake the whole time dog. I just wanted to see what you were capable of. Using my own cock in my sleep just for your benefit?” He tsked. 

“I-I didn’t want to ruin your sleep-“ I stammered, then flinched when he pulled at my cock accompanied by a sharp thrust that nearly made me scream. 

“Or did you think it would have been hot to take advantage of me in my sleep? I certainly enjoy doing the same to you.” He chuckled softly. Yellow eyes nearly illuminated the night air between us. I had no trouble finding his face. 

“Fuck Sensi, I-I’m just bloody randy, alright? Let me fuck you for god’s sake.” 

“Close, are you?” He moved faster against my rocking movements, and I bucked back with a wail. “Come on you horndog. Come for me. Let’s see that little spurt of cum.”

“D-don’t-“ But it was too late, I was finishing on his stomach and mine, and he was chuckling with his hand still gripping my shaft like a vice. The wave of pure bliss washed over me, and I fell closer against him with a whimper until my head was against his chest and I could feel the warm stickiness of my semen. Vaguely I could feel him keeping his pace up inside me. 

“You think you can sleep like this, Benji?” He asked with a purr. 

“Hm?”

“With my cock inside you.” I reddened. Even though I was spent, I still felt a slight shiver. 

“I’m not sure. Maybe?” He huffed by my ear, and after a few more minutes he was finishing inside. I groaned softly as I felt the warmth of his cum and rocked my spent hips against him a few times more for his benefit. He purred in thanks. 

The two of us stayed motionless for moments that felt like hours. Both of our heartbeats eventually fell to normal, and I still felt pleasantly numb and sated. I was about to move off of him, when he gripped my side. 

“Stay like this, Benji.”

“Don’t you find it a tad disgusting? There’s semen between us and inside me.” He faltered, then let go. 

“I suppose you’re right.” I looked at him again. His expression was unreadable. 

“Are you… trying to be loving?” I ventured. He shrugged indifferently and lay back against the bed of pine needles. 

“I just thought it would be nice to wake up with my morning wood already inside you. Then I could do what I wanted to wake you up.” 

“Well…” I bit my lip. “I suppose that would be alright. As long as we clean up in the morning.” His grin was wider than usual, and I smiled secretively. The feeling of being connected like this was intimate and loving in its own strange way, I knew that as well as he did. But he wasn’t about to admit that that was the reason for it. I was alright with that. 

I fell back against his chest and let my weight settle with his cock still inside. It had softened, but I knew it would grow hard again before the end of the night. Hopefully I’d be asleep before he thought about trying something. Or perhaps he’d try it regardless. Oddly, the thought made me shiver.


	10. Chapter 10

The city was alight with the brightness colors that flew from building to stone work building. Beneath the banners of various stalls proclaiming loudly of the wares they sold, the masonry was old and nearly crumbling. That was the way of the Capital. It was an old and decrepit place beneath the cheerful attitude the proprietors had in the selling districts. Asentual led Misty through the cobbled streets that had been worn smooth with hundreds of years of travel, then stepped down as he head towards the nearest stables. I let him do whatever he needed to do with his horse and waited outside. Sitting through another ten minutes of him arguing with the stable boy over how he should treat the creature was not on my list of things to do.

The clusters of shoppers were mostly nobility of high birth. The banners made a match for them with the colors of hair that swept through streets. Bright reds grew like unchecked weeds, but there were a surprising amount of greens and yellows. Blues like my own, a sign from the Duchess, were considerably less common these days. I could understand why. It was doubtful that any of my fellow nobles would be interested in adventuring to the Capital through the Wonderland Forest. The other three kingdoms didn’t have a man-eating monster in the way to the biggest city in the country. 

And it was massive. Even riding Misty with the height she offered, the buildings had still stretched high into the sky in some places, and crowded the streets with nothing but the occasional snaking road parting them. As we continued on foot, the shops changed from barracks of slaves and various selling of trade goods from outside the city, to higher class tailors and various accoutrements for the discerning noble. No trees or grass in sight, but there was more than enough greenery with the green haired King nobles and the royal coloration on their clothes. The Queen and the King were always close, even with the added complication of a King Noble killing the Duchess’s Hand. That little problem may have been a big deal for the Duchess, and for me, but for the Queen it seemed as though nothing had changed between her and the male Royal. Green hair was so prominent in the ocean that it nearly outweighed the red. Nearly. 

“Do you think she ever cared that my uncle died?” I asked Asentual. He was doing the same thing he always did and marching on ahead, so I ended up speaking to his back more than his face. 

“Oh, probably not. She’s the Queen, peacock. She doesn’t have time for you.” 

“But it was the Duchess’s Hand, hatter. Does that not account for something?” 

“You and I both know that she isn’t going to let that sort of political mess-up slow her down. See these King Nobles?” He gestured around us. “Know why they’re here?”

“To fuck, drink, smoke and eat their ways into an early grave?”

“Yes. But also, because the Queen’s been hiring a considerable amount of extra forces lately. Specifically, from the King. And more specifically, I’ve been the one doing the hiring.” 

“You?” My nose wrinkled. “You’d deal with the King after what we went through?”

“While I understand your mentality, I have a crisis with this infantile rebellion and I realized quickly that the guard the Queen had before wouldn’t suffice for the more organized acts of terrorism. We had the money in savings to spare, and the King may be the strongest but he’s far from the wealthiest of nobles. So, I offered a deal, and now I have less problems to deal with than before. Still problems, but at least the murders have gone down.” His eye twitched. “You know how murders go down around here, don’t you?”

“I… I didn’t realize it was that bad.” Murder was a sobering thought. Outside of civilized towns, there was no law. But within it, there were still a few, though perhaps not as many as there could be. One of them was to outlaw murder. A taboo instilled within every Wonderlander. Even if not for the law, the thought of ending a life… It put many on edge.

“Well it is. There’s been a few, and that’s a few too many. They’re targeting slave masters and treasurers mostly, but I don’t know if they’ll try anything more. It sets my nerves on edge if I’m being quite honest.” 

“Did the King’s soldiers manage to slow that down, then?”

“Some. Not enough. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next status report told me a different tune.” He frowned. “Maybe I should ask the Queen to make an official statement. This has been running rampant long enough.” 

“Would that help, do you think?” 

“Think about it, dog. A Royal making an official, in person address? Doesn’t happen too often. If she showed her face and called to end it, then it’d be over and done with.” 

“Unless…” The thought lingered in my mind. “Unless doing that would only give them morale. If they had a Royal address the public with worries about what is going on in the Capital, it could validate what they were doing. They could double their attacks and cause more havoc. Not to mention, everyone would know about it by then. Everyone would have the knowledge that something more organized was going on. And those that wouldn’t then be swayed, would be afraid.” 

“Wonderlanders don’t get afraid like the way you do here.” But his voice was hollow, and his eyes downcast. “I need more time to think of a way to end this. There doesn’t seem to be a quick solution. That’s rather annoying, I prefer my solutions quick and dirty.” 

“Do you? Every time you come to me you seem to prefer them slow and teasing.” He glanced back with a Cheshire grin. 

“Only at first, dog. Then I get heavy and rough. And as fast as you can handle. Speaking of which, seeing as we’re in the Capital we should probably pick up a few things. I don’t plan to be here forever, and I’d like a treasure trove to bring with me when we go travelling.” I didn’t like the way he licked his lips when he said that. 

“What toys?” I asked carefully. 

“Well, I did try that large one before. It seems you’ve tightened up since then. A blessing in disguise if you ask me. It means I can break you again.” 

I reddened and walked faster. “A-And where is it you plan for us to go, then?”

“Maybe the Lord’s Kingdom? It’s quite nice there. A lot of waterfowl, lovely streams and lakes and such. They’ve got a harvest always going on, with their eternal Fall. A nice time of year, that.”

“Do you plan to slave there too?”

“Maybe. It depends on how it happens. Slaving isn’t something you plan, it’s more something you feel as you go along. If something catches your eye on your travels, you nab it. There’s those who grab the worker types, and that’s all fine and dandy. But I like an entertainment girl more than a brawny human man. I mean, I COULD break a man in…” He looked thoughtful. “Maybe I should try that. It’d be fun, playing with some human male. I hear they’re a lot more binary in what constitutes sex, and most of them balk at the thought of being in bed with another man… Or ornery. Same thing.”

“I wouldn’t mess with a human man, I doubt they’d be able to get it up for another male to begin with,” I snorted. “By the way, where are we going?” 

“Oh, the Queen of course. It’s always best to address her as soon as you enter the city. She demands the utmost respect, and that includes swearing fealty upon entry into the Capital. Especially if you’re a Hand. Others…” He gestured with his hand. “Not so much. But we’re special.” 

“I have to see her again?” Stiffening, I picked up the pace again as we turned about a corner. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea after what happened last time.” 

“I doubt she’d remember that. She spends most of her time enjoying what entertainment people can offer her. Drama like a Hand acting out of turn is to be expected. She even likes that sometimes. A little spark of interest. You’ve nothing to worry about…” he sighed. “But you’re going to worry anyways, aren’t you.” 

“No! I… I can choose not to worry if I don’t want to!” 

“Not unless I make you stop thinking for a while~” he purred. The two of began our ascent up the hill towards the Royal palace. I could feel the sweat on my back from the midday of the summer sun beating down on us. Without cover, it felt like I was in a boiling pot. The travelling blouse allowed room to breathe, but the heavy corduroy trousers didn’t. Versatile certainly didn’t mean the best in extremes. 

The Palace of the Queen of Hearts was just as I remembered it, with the onyx gate that was manned by two guards on either side holding their gilded spears to their sides. Their uniforms fluttered in a well-needed breeze, but their faces betrayed nothing with the heat. They stared blankly at us as we approached them and raised their weapons to either side to bar the way before we could go any further. It was quiet for a moment, and the only sound was that breeze that fluttered the fabric of the massive crimson and golden flags that hung from the ramparts behind the gate. Off in the distance, I could faintly hear the sound of the city. But here is where the noise of that world came to die. 

“State your name and business,” the one on the right said harshly. His pale face was scarred beneath the metal helm. I winced in sympathy at how hot it must have felt. His head was beaded with sweat. 

“Asentual and Benji, Right Hand of the Queen, and Right hand of the Duchess, respectively. Here to pay our respects to the Queen after a long journey,” Asentual said. His tone was brisk. I looked curiously between them, then at Asentual. The behaviour was odd. This hadn’t happened last time. 

“Surrender any weapons you may be carrying to us.” He turned abruptly to the side through the gate and nodded past the high walls. I could just catch someone speeding off inside the castle. 

“I’ve got no weapons.” I looked the guard up and down. “What’s with the extra care?”

“My idea, dog, sorry about that.” Asentual removed the whip from his belt and handed it to the guard on the right. “I’ll expect that back, right? Not for your personal use, no matter how much of a self flagellating loyalist you may be.” The guard didn’t blink as he accepted what I barely categorized as a weapon. Though in hatter’s hands it very well could be. “I thought extra precautions would help keep the Queen safe.” 

I gave him a quizzical look. “The barrier around the Palace should do that. Anyone who isn’t who they appear to be-” 

“Never hurts to be careful,” he interrupted quickly, and my scowl deepened. “And it looks good to the queen.” He smiled coldly at the guard when the messenger returned with the okay for entry, and the two separated. We stepped through together into the grounds, then into the castle itself. 

The castle was as richly decorated as I remembered, with large arches that loomed above us as we walked through the long and large hall. Beneath us lay a carpet carefully embroidered with gold among a dark blood red, reaching all the way back to the throne itself. That beast of a chair stood several feet off the ground and was beautifully rendered in wood and gold with golden roses unfolding from the center back to reach all over the rest of it. 

But that throne was empty. The room was alight with servants and the occasional noble wandering back and forth doing the various duties that the palace required, but the main position of honor had no seat. 

Both Asentual and I looked at each other simultaneously, but before either of us could speak, we were interrupted. 

“She’s busy with other matters right now. What is it you two want?” The woman behind us sounded familiar. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but the more I looked at her the more I felt a strange sensation on the back of my neck. 

“We wished to see her since we just made it into the city,” Asentual responded. His tone was cool. 

The girl’s mouth barely twitched. Her eyes were a very dark and umber green that held a coldness to them. That seemed to be the source of my shivering. Her black hair was spliced with red streaks hung over her face in tendrils that nearly hid that strange look. A skirt embroidered with white hearts fell down to her ankles. Her short sleeved blouse dipped in red had a heart on the left side of the lapel, and a small dagger broach on the right. 

“May I ask your name?” I said tentatively. She turned to me abruptly, then broke into a wide smirk. That didn’t make me feel any better. 

“Sigil. Left Hand of the Queen. We’ve met before.”

“Have we?” 

“In the throne room. We didn’t speak, but I did see you.” She took a step closer, and I quickly moved back beside Asentual. His expression was just as cool as hers. 

“I suppose she’s busy being entertained, then?” He watched her carefully. 

“Entertained? I suppose that’s a word for it. I’ll let her know you’re here. If she needs you, she’ll call for you.” Her voice was tinny when she laughed. “But, I doubt she will.” 

Asentual rolled his eyes. “Come off it. I know you don’t like the expense the mercs from the King’s Kingdom were, but they’re needed.” 

Her smile disappeared. “Listen, hatter. My job is trade. Your job is peace. Right now, I see you dipping into trade for peace.” Her eyes gleamed. “The problem of these children playing games is reaching the Queen’s ears. I do not appreciate you not holding up your end of the bargain.”

“Is that why you’ve come to me and made sure the Queen is away? Did you have to do it in front of Benji?” 

“Your dog?” She grinned. 

“Shut up,” I growled. “You don’t get to say that.” She drew closer until I could feel her breath on my chest, looking up at me with a darkness glimmering in those eyes.

“Oh, little boy, I get to say whatever I please. I have enough problems with men treating my cunt like it’s a ticket to the slave barracks. I’m not about to have your insubordination either. You’re a dog, a peacock, a child, a worm, anything I say of you. And my plaything, if I want…” She smirked as she lay a finger on my chest. “You don’t look like you’d be that big, but I’ve heard your ass can take a beating.” Asentual made a move, but she was back several feet before he could reach out and grab her. She tilted to the side with a childish grin. 

“I’m merely jesting, of course. It’s brilliant to meet with another Hand when we didn’t have the time to before.” I couldn’t form words. 

“Enjoy your stays in the Capital,” she continued. “If you’d like a room in the Palace, there’s always a place for Hands. But I doubt you’d want to stay here. This place is dreadfully boring, isn’t it? Much more fun down in the cesspools, where you can enjoy all of the debauchery you can stomach. I’ll leave you to it, Asentual. Benji.” My mouth hung open as she turned about with a smile and walked away. Her flats were muffled by the carpet to render her silent as she disappeared behind a corridor. 

“Remember what I said before?” Asentual growled under his breath. “Don’t let yourself pay any mind to that one. She’s associated with something no one in Wonderland wants to be.” 

“She… How did she know, about anything?” I glanced fearfully to him. 

“Rumors. She has ears and eyes everywhere. I try not to think about it. Let’s go to the Capital. She wasn’t wrong, I’d rather drown in pussy and drink than deal with cloak and dagger.”

“Right…” He might have been able to forget that, but I certainly couldn’t. As we walked, I kept my hand clutched tightly by my side, all the way from the entrance to the foreboding palace, down to the middle of the busy Capital. 

“What should we do today, Benji?” Asentual walked about me with a grin through the streets of Wonderland. The light had faded slightly, but the sheer amount of people hadn’t. I barely avoided a group of twittering female nobles on their way to the trade district. To the hatter, I couldn’t manage more than a grimace. 

“Settle in and find a hotel, perhaps?”

“We’re in the biggest city in all of Wonderland, and you want us to find a simple hotel for the night?” 

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. “I’m put off, Sensi. I’m in no mood for whatever ideas you’ve got. All I can think about is what Sigil might know.” If she was as knowledgeable as she appeared to be, then I shouldn’t be going anywhere near a rebellion in progress. My head would be off right after all of the information they’d make me spill. And then… I had no idea what the Queen would do to the Duchess in retaliation, but none of it would be good. 

“Whatever she knows is of no consequence to me or to you. Let the Left Hand pretend she’s more important than us. It’s not like that position has much else to do but play around with numbers. And so, what if she’s possibly some kind of assassin working covertly for the Queen. No matter.” 

“It matters to me. What if she knows more about the rebellion than she lets on? What if she might be working for them?”

He snorted. “She’s as loyal as they come. And far too deep into Wonderland politics to go turn-cloak on the Queen. She’d have no reason to hide information. But Benji, why are you letting your mind sift through politics? Leave that to another day. Let’s get a drink, you and I. You’ve drank before, right?” 

“Not vigorously, like you seem to suggest.” I raised an eyebrow. 

“It wouldn’t hurt for a night of black out drunkenness. The two of us, a night on the town, we could end up all sorts of places. Doing all sorts of things.” He grinned and grabbed my arm. Before I could protest he was dragging me further into the depths of the city. 

“Asentual, I’m not sure about this…” 

“Come off it, peacock, there’s a whole world for you to discover.” 

Before long I could smell the heady scent of hookah and the aroma of beer and stronger liquor. He dragged me through the streets, past men fucking women and the cries of the daily catch from the docks, past metal workers and children playing in the streets with a poor cat that had seen more than its share of life. And then we turned a corner. The city that stretched before us reeked of liquor. The walls of stone were darker in color and everywhere you could hear the sound of drunken laughter. It reminded me of the Red Light District, if not for the lack of naked bodies. But that was far behind us. In place of those were nobles sitting against the side of various mason-work buildings with their eyes glazed over from something stronger than hookah. Wherever the hatter was leading me, I wasn’t sure I could handle. 

“There’s a bar down here I know the owner of. Sold him a few slaves for the establishment and to work the distilleries in the back. Nice bloke. Might even give us a free round~” 

“I’m not sure this is the best idea,” I repeated, but he just kept walking with a grin on his face. We passed by a couple of male Lord Nobles on their way from a drunken party laughing as they went with a blushing brunette entertainment girl between them, and barely avoided a fist fight in progress between a King and a Duchess. 

“If I black out, you better carry me home,” I warned him with a resigned sigh. His hand gripped mine tighter as he paused, then kissed my cheek. 

“I’d never dream of leaving you vulnerable to other people, dog. Unless you’re into that. I’m not sure if I would-”

“Hatter!” I growled. 

“What? I’m just thinking. I promise I’ll be responsible for you. But only if you’re responsible for me.” His eyes gleamed. I faltered, then sighed and started picking up the direction he’d been going. 

“Let’s go then. You buy me the first round.”

“I’ll buy all the rounds if I can see what you’re like drunk.”

“Whatever you do, I better not be… In a precarious position by the end of the night.”

“Define precarious.” 

“I’ll leave. I swear I will.” 

“You won’t - we’re here!” He stopped, gripping my hand to keep me from running off. In front of us was a rowdy pub that looked more like a dive from the front. A combination of yelling and singing could be heard inside, and when he opened the doors with a slam, a cheer rose up from the collection of Lord and Queen nobles that completely overpowered the bar. The few entertainment girls seem to pay much mind to us, and the other humans barely left the back room for their presumed jobs.

“Hatter’s back in town!” A Lord noble called out from the crowd, and a few others echoed him with a cheer, all clearly drunk out of their minds. Asentual waved them off with a laugh. Instead of joining them, he sat down at the surprisingly clean counter to order a round of shots for the two of us and was drinking one as soon as the bartender had them poured. 

The redhead squinted at the man who thumbed the clear glass bottle of liquor, then shook his head.

“Not the same bloke. Maybe he’s off tonight,” Sensi sighed. He took another drink. 

“You even know what you’re putting into your system?” I took the shot between my fingers and sniffed it. 

“It’s a clear whiskey, they make it here. Great stuff.” He took his drink quick and reached for another with a lopsided grin. “Come on dog, it barely burns on the way down. You’ll love it.” 

“Right…” I took a shot, and winced. He was right, it was smoother than the heat I expected from it, but it was the first drink I’d ever had of this caliber. Still burning, but not as bad as the horror stories I’d heard. 

“This is the best,” he chuckled. The next drink he took, he sipped. “It’s far better than the other places I’ve been to. Everyone sees this place in this part of town and they think it’s a shit hole. But look at it. Clean establishment, laughing customers, pretty girls. They don’t know what they’re missing.”

“I suppose you’re right.” I smiled tentatively as I raised my shot glass, then swallowed another mouthful. This time it was an even smoother finish. I could already start to feel the alcohol cloying at my mind. He was far faster than me, but I didn’t think it would take nearly as much to get me not remembering the rest of the night. 

She was a sweet looking girl a little younger than me with cropped black hair. Not the most pretty, but her face seemed honest. 

“Would you be looking for entertainment this evening?” She asked in a carefully practiced tone as she approached me.

“Ah… I don’t know.” I glanced at Asentual in a drunken haze. He was rowdier than I’d ever seen him. Chatting with several others by one of the tables who all seemed intent on finding who had the strongest arm in a wrestling match. He didn’t participate, but he was laughing. He was like I always imagined he would be before I met him. Commanding respect, being lorded over by fans. His face was always laughing. Everyone laughed at his jokes. “No… I think I’m alright, thanks.” 

“Are you sure? You look a little lonely.” She smiled tentatively. Probably would be happier if I didn’t want her. I didn’t. 

“I can barely get it up for girls as it is,” I grumbled. “Unless you got red hair and a dick between your legs, I’m probably not interested. Sorry.” 

“Oh.” She looked taken aback. Of course she’d be. “Well…” She paused. “You’re the Right Hand, right?” 

“Yep. Duchess. That’s me. The one that Sensi’s fucking, everyone knows, probably fucked my sister too, blah blah…” 

“I heard stories. About the Duchess.” She paused again. I glared at her. 

“What stories.” 

“About how she could be kind.” 

“Fuck off, girl.” I growled and turned back to my drink. I could hear a stool get overturned and before long Asentual was clapping a hand over my shoulder. 

“What’s going on over here, dog? This a girl you want to fuck, is that it?” He leered openly at her. With a flush, she staggered back. 

“No,” I drawled. “She’s just doing her job propositioning me. That’s what you meant, right? Riiiight?” I looked at her seriously, and she nodded quickly. Anything she might have tried to ask me was a bad plan. Even drunk, I knew. The idea that anyone knew anything about the Duchess almost sobered me up. What if she knew? What if anyone knew? Sigil could know. Maybe Sensi knew. Maybe he’d lock me up and throw away the key, only letting me out to blow him. I supposed I could live with that. 

“I-I’m sorry if I caused offense.” 

“Pshh no offense taken, sweetheart. Go have a good night. These lads are kind, they won’t be rough with you if you want to bed down with them.” Asentual turned to me with a grin. “But you, I’ve been neglecting tonight.” 

“You have,” I said, unabashed. His grin faded.

“Come on, then.” He nodded toward the door. “I’ve had enough of this place. Let’s go explore the city together.” 

I had been intending to pout from his lack of attention, but the way he said it, I couldn’t help but smile. I’d be alright if he locked me up. 

“Alright, fine.” I stood up unsteadily. “Let’s go have fun.”

“That’s the attitude I’m talking about.” His eyes gleamed as he jumped to his feet and nearly fell over in the process. But he still somehow managed to grab hold of me and march out the door with a laugh on his lips. “The night still has yet to be written, love, let’s go enjoy it!” 

“Love?” I raised an eyebrow and laughed along with him. Everything was already forgiven. I was going to have fun tonight. Asentual would show me fun. He always did. 

“Dog!” He grinned back at me. “Woof.”


	11. Chapter 11

The light streaming from the folds in the curtains somehow found a way to hit my eyelids directly. I suppressed a groan. The faintest beams of sunlight seemed to wrack my brain with waves of aches and nausea. The sound came next, the faint laughter and calls for hot breakfast from outside that were muffled through panes of glass. And then the smell, of sex, alcohol, vomit, and other poor decisions. When at last I opened my eyes, the world slowly drifted into focus. 

Asentual I noticed first, splayed out on the floor with one arm wrapped around a sleeping entertainment girl and the other left reaching towards me. The wood was hard against my back as I struggled to get up. I found my arms almost too weak to support my weight. Where was his hat? His shirt was gone too, but that seemed to be on the girl, the only piece of clothing she wore. Clothes in general were spread everywhere, on every piece of furniture and stretch of floor. But I couldn’t find his hat.

The bed was left untouched behind me… For some reason. I couldn’t remember, but the sheets hadn’t even been moved and remained tucked in the mattress.

Across from me, a female Queen noble with streaks of red on brown hair and a male Lord with hair so blond it looked white that were in their own states of disrepair were tangled together by the door. I didn’t remember ever meeting them, but they must have been drunk out of their minds if they thought that fucking each other was a good idea. I was pretty sure his cock was still inside her, it wasn’t hard to tell since they were both stark nude. I counted five other entertainment girls besides those two, sprawled on the floor, on the woolen carpet, and one right up against the bed that was surprisingly still dressed. Turning around, I noted a burly human male with a collar around his neck chained to a door that I presumed led to the bathroom. He was the only one awake, but his eyes were completely glazed over. 

There were toys everywhere. Handcuffs, whips, fake members of glass and other, much stranger things. I couldn’t honestly tell what some of them were. A few of them were still inside some of the girls. 

I managed to sit up and rubbed my head. My head was pounding. Oddly enough, so was my bottom half. More so than I would have thought, from something like last night. Though the night itself came to me in a blur. I couldn’t remember any of these people, or much past the first bar. Maybe a flash of a conversation, or a kiss, or Asentual telling me to do something. There, I remembered that. I’d done whatever he asked of me that night. What exactly that entailed, I had no idea. But he was responsible for it, I’d bet. Whatever happened last night was his doing. He had been just as drunk as I was if not more so, but somehow, he’d found a way for us all to end up here safe in a hotel room. 

My legs fell back when I tried to get up, and I winced again in pain. But this time it tingled with an odd pleasure. It must have been pains from whatever I fucked last night. I reached back, and at first it just felt raw. But then I probed deeper, and my eyes widened. The glass phallus was larger than life, and there was no telling how deep it went. I looked down again, and realized that that slight bulge in my stomach wasn’t from whatever I ate last night. The thing was that large. It didn’t help that my clothes had disappeared with everyone else’s. It was incredibly easy to notice that way. 

“Fuck…” I whispered. 

“Done more than enough of that, haven’t you?” Hatter groaned as he began his own clambering to his feet. “Or are you ready for another round?” The redhead’s hair was in even more disarray than usual as he stood up and stretched by the light of the curtains, then strode lithely over to open them. Somehow in the struggle he’d managed to keep his pants, though the drawstrings were pulled open and his half hard shaft was still hanging from whatever he’d done to the girl. Or was it me… I could barely remember. Had the girl just watched? Did we fuck her together? Did any of the others actually join in?

“Why is there a man chained to the door?” I asked him, then winced. Between the insertion I wasn’t sure how to paw out of me and the screaming headache, even the vibrations of my own voice hurt. My tongue felt like it was made of straw. 

“I think I have a vague recollection of being curious about fucking one. But I think you might have done that instead – he fucked you rather. At least, I think that’s what happened. I’m not sure, to be honest. There’s a lot that went down last night and it’s only coming to me now in patches.” He opened the curtains, then pushed the glass up and took in a few deep gulps of air. “Ahhh that’s better. Nothing like curing a hangover with fresh air. Now I just need to drink a few lakes of water.” 

“Do you remember anything at all? I’m only getting flashes, if that.” I finally managed a comfortable position on my side watching him. Even with all of the clothes around the room, I couldn’t seem to find mine.

“A little. You getting fucked by anyone and everyone, me included. I think you fucked the Lord noble.” He grinned when he turned back to me. A breeze picked up. He wasn’t wrong, that fresh air cleared up my headache to a somewhat manageable degree. “We picked up those two by one of the other bars, by the way.” He nodded to the two tangled at the door. The Lord noble groaned faintly. “They were at each other’s throats. I convinced them that kissing was better than a bloody nose. Managed to tear them away from each other long enough for you to take the guy and me the girl.”

“Isn’t that taboo, them together?” I raised an eyebrow. “What about the child they might have?”

“You fucked your sister and you’re worried that they’ll have a child together? So, what if it’s got orange hair. It’s a bloody bender, I doubt they’ll remember it. If they do, I bet they’ll touch themselves to the thought years from now.” He grinned. “The man I bought from a blacksmith. Rented, more like. I’ll return him soon.” I glanced back at the human male. His eyes rolled over to me, but he didn’t seem to recognize that I was there.

“What did you do to him?” 

“Opium, I think. Enough to make him less of a danger. Though he was really a problem, I think he liked the change of pace.” 

“Then all of these girls…”

“Gifts from the brothels I ran by that I should probably return as well. Same with the toys.” He leaned against the wall with a grin and watched as I tried to rise again, but then thought better of it. 

“Speaking of which.” He looked down at my stomach. “So that’s where it went…” I went red and turned away from him. It was a mistake; the pain flashed hot and he walked towards me without a care in the world. Turning me back around, he leered down at me, then kissed me chastely on the lips. 

“Let’s see about getting our clothes.” 

“What about this…” I glanced down at myself, and flushed darker. “I don’t even know the first thing about removing this thing. I think it’s lodged-” 

“Remove it, why would you want to do that?” His hands trailed down my chest as he knelt beside me. “I’d say leave it for the day. And the both of us can get a bite to eat and explore the town in the mean time.” 

“Leave it?!” I balked. “I can barely move with it.” 

“We’ll go slow. I promise. It’s not like we have anywhere to be today.” He got up and looked around the room with a discerning eye. “Now where’s my hat…” 

“Hatter, I don’t even think I can get up with this…” 

“There it is!” The rumpled top hat was on the other side of the bed. He grabbed it nimbly, then leaned over the side to stroke the hair of the entertainment girl passed out by the bed. She murmured something and stretched, but didn’t open her eyes. “Now my shirt… Perfect.” 

“Hatter.” He ignored me and strode back to the other girl to collect his sleeveless tux. Gently, he removed it from the black-haired woman. She was in her late twenties, maybe older. Perhaps the job had done her in to make her look that way. 

He was still ignoring me by the time he’d found the rest of my clothes and returned them to my prone form. 

“Here,” he handed my things, but I did nothing but glare. “Aren’t you going to dress yourself?” 

“I can’t move.” 

“You’re being childish, dog. Come on.” Setting down my clothes, he then turned to grasp my arms and pull me abruptly to my feet. Pain went off in spears in my head and my stomach, and I doubled over with a groan at the shift in position from the glass phallus. It had bulged inside, but there it remained. Something was definitely keeping it there. The more I pushed, the more it tightened.

“Why did I ever agree to using this,” I groaned against his chest. 

“It’s not like you couldn’t take it. We’ll get some water in you, and then a little trip around a quieter part of town. But I remember quite a bit of moaning and pleading for it~”

“No, you don’t, you barely remember anything, you said!” 

“Nonsense,” he purred. “It’s all coming back to me now. I remember you begging to be filled, and I obliged with something that actually sated you for a little while. Though you are hard to please for long. We had a bit more fun, and then you promptly went to sleep, and so did a lot of the others. So, I chose to stay here for the night.” 

“I’m not leaving with this thing inside,” I insisted, then jumped when he ghosted a hand over the bump. His eyes gleamed as he looked up at me. After a moment, I flushed darker.

“Are you sure about that, dog?” 

“I-I…”

“I’ll take it out myself at the end of the day. I know how to do it.” 

“People will notice.” 

“Not with the clothes you wear. It will be fine, trust me.” 

“The last time I trusted you we ended up here.” But I sighed and resigned myself to laying my head on his shoulder. A moment later I was burying my face against it with a quiet purr. “It hurts, you know. Feels good, but it hurts too.” 

“Only if you don’t walk straight. Just be careful, and you should be fine. It won’t hurt as long as you listen to your body.” He grinned. “I’ve heard it’s great for posture correction. And you’re hard, in case you haven’t noticed.” He tugged at my shaft gently for good measure. I jumped back and winced. 

“I’m not sure that’s how any of this works. Are we going to leave this puke-soaked room or not?” 

“I have to unchain the man from the radiator and bring the girls back to their place of work, and then we should be fine.” He glanced back to the Lord and Queen noble, and grinned. “I’ll let them wake up to each other like that.”

He was off in a blur after that, getting everything and everyone in order apart from the two nobles that looked more than content on the floor. It would have been almost sweet if not for the two different hair colors. I dressed carefully as he headed down the stairs, which each of my movements bringing a sting of pain from my head or back.   
His whip had nearly taken off in the night, but he found it at last from the inn keeper on the first floor. Apparently, it had been confiscated after he tried to proposition using the handle as a dildo to the noble working the front. I wasn’t surprised. 

I was left trying to walk out the front door as he funneled the slaves past me. The male, he kept the collar on. Less because of a danger, and more because the human looked so out of it I doubted he could walk in a straight line. At least the girls were bright and as cheerful as one could be after that mess. None of them looked worse for wear and a few kissed the hatter on the cheek as he ushered them outside. A few of them gave me sideways looks, and the one that hatter had been sleeping beside giggled when I glared back at her.

He left me holding onto the railing of the steps and taking in gulps of morning air to bring them back to their owners. The day promised to be another hot one with a large sun rising over the roofs of the old and dilapidated buildings of what I assumed was the Red Light District, but for it was cool and misty, and my head was grateful for it. 

When Asentual returned, he was carrying two tall flagons. 

“I swear to god, if that is more alcohol, I will pour it down your trousers.” The sight of it made my stomach turn.

“What? No.” He laughed and handed one to me. “Water. Drink. Best way to cure a hangover, drink water until you damn near piss yourself. And then keep drinking. You’ll be fine soon enough, dog.” Even grabbing the drink from him was backward. With the insertion, I wanted to bend over at this constant feeling that it could slip out. Though I knew it couldn’t, but that just seemed to hurt more. And when I stood up straight, the only thing keeping it there was whatever bulge was inside me, holding it in. He wasn’t wrong, the pain almost disappeared as long as I stood up. But the feeling of it being there never went away. I found myself pink and trying to fix the tent in my trousers as I took a long swig of the water. Heavenly. 

“There you are, drink up.” He did the same as me, then wiped his mouth. 

“What now?” I asked when I finished.

“Breakfast, walk around, spa? I don’t know dog; the world is our oyster today. Let whatever happens, happen.”

“I can’t walk with this,” I repeated. “Look at me. How do you expect me to go around town? Everything bloody hurts. I’m not sure how you can be so bright and chipper-” He drew closer with a grin, then grabbed the flagon from me and kissed my neck.

“You can and you’ll like it, I’m certain. You look fine, that bump could be another ruffle in your shirt, and when isn’t someone’s cock hard around here? I heard there’s some eggs and bacon down the road. Let’s go.” 

“Aren’t we in the Red Light District?” 

“Just the edge. There’s a few places for food around here if you know where to look. Come on.” His linked his arm with mine, then led the charge towards food. My stomach growled, but even that made me flinch. It was too close to the other thing that made me feel like waddling with every step. I could manage waking normally with effort, but when I strode arm in arm with Asentual I found my movements awkward and shaky at best. And my erection didn’t seem to go down no matter what I thought of. By the time we were at the kiosk and he was ordering food, it was difficult to think. 

“Hatter,” I gripped at his tux, biting my lip. 

“Yes Benji? Do you want some of this hot spice on your food? It’s from the south, apparently it’s delicious with the eggs.”

“I can’t deal with this any longer. It’s too much.” I pressed my face against the back of his neck with a whine. The cook with dark green eyes and the faintest red tinge to his hair looked between the two of us in confusion. Hatter just grinned at the older man and waved a hand to let him continue. 

“He’s off a bender. Poor guy hasn’t had a good time in ages. You know how Duchess nobles are.” 

“Right,” The older man chuckled. “I remember my first time in the Capital. I spent a killing on this girl at a brothel down the road from here. Never really recovered after that.” 

“Sensi,” I whimpered. The longer I stood, the more I felt like moving, and the more I moved, the more insistent the heat in my stomach grew. It wouldn’t disappear no matter what position I tried to stand in. And it was always there, I could feel it. Too big, prodding so deep that nothing had ever touched there before. And here Asentual was ordering breakfast. I needed release. 

“Those smell amazing.” He thanked the man and handed him a half pound, then turned with a teasing grin to me. “You alright, Benji?” 

“No.” I gripped his shoulders. 

“I thought you had a head-ache. Don’t you want something to eat?” His tone was cold beneath his cheerful exterior.

“Please, Asentual.” I stared at him desperately. My head was pounding, but this need trumped even that. Whatever pain this thing was causing inside me just seemed to mingle with the pleasure and want. 

He just grinned. “Come on, have some eggs.” Eating the bacon, he handed me a fork. I whimpered under my breath, and took it, eating somberly as he left the man with a wave. 

“You look as red as my hair, dog,” he murmured under his breath. “How do you feel?”

“Full. It’s too much,” I repeated, and gripped his shoulder for support as we trailed down one of the main streets. “I can’t keep walking.”

“And yet you’re still walking now. Albeit, with a few problems here and there. But nothing that wouldn’t look like a bad hangover, coupled with morning wood.” He popped more egg into my mouth when he saw I wasn’t doing anything with the fork. It was spicy and delicious but I was long away from caring about food. “We could go for a walk down the pier, maybe see a few boats coming in on the morning tide.” 

“I want this out of me.”

“Do you really?” I bit my lip. 

“I… I don’t know.” 

“Or do you like the feeling of it staying in there? You can’t tell, can you.” He grinned when I didn’t respond right away. “You’re so cute, dog.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Sure, I can do that.” He put the fork back, then stroked his free hand down my front. I flushed when he settled it on my stomach. 

“It doesn’t actually hurt, does it? Not debilitating?” 

“No, but it’s hard to think. It feels strange. And did it really have to be that big?” 

“You kept asking for the biggest, dog. I was just obliging. You’re a real fanatic for unreasonable sizes. I feel quite inadequate.” He grinned teasingly and took another bite of egg. As we continued down the street, I could smell a faint salty spray. The palace loomed up the massive hill beside us as we passed its shadow. The sound of a seagull rang out above us as it flew from building to building, creating a cacophony of them that sounded our entry towards the docks. 

Taking in a sight made my mind clear, if only for the moment. The waters below shimmered, lit by the sun rising steadily in front of us. Sails rose from the bottom of the hill we were heading down, attached to massive seaworthy vessels. The pier, with bloated dead fish lining the walkways and dirt and grim on everything that moved, but it was an honest mess. Fishmongers called out the days catches, and humans scuffled to and from collecting goods for masters that would be needed for the day. Heavyset barrel-chested workers of all colors crowded around taverns with drunken chatter from a few of them even as the day was only beginning. But it was the water that really had my attention. 

I’d never seen the ocean before, but I’d heard of it. Somehow though, endless stretches of water couldn’t be conveyed through text properly. The sheer size of it all, unending and unyielding until the blue and white sky met with the deep black of the water, was overwhelming. I paused to stare at just how far it went. There was nothing out there, nothing I could see. I’d heard of lands beyond the ocean, but the Sea of Tears was an unforgiving one. Rarely did a Wonderlander come back from a voyage, and those that did claimed there was nothing out there that we didn’t already have. Colonization wasn’t a priority on anyone’s minds anyways, with the Royals happily sated with their own vices. But even still, the ships brought in the occasional trader with all manner of strange goods that anyone could find reason alone to sail out there. I could understand why, seeing this view. Imagining the great black glass of the sea on all sides was both a terrifying and enticing thought. Adventure, with peril around every corner… It made my heart beat faster. 

And then Hatter handed me another forkful of egg with bacon this time, and I nearly tripped and the cock moved enough to wrack me with that confused pain again, and I was back in the present. 

“It’s a nice view, isn’t it?” He said dryly. “I wouldn’t ever want to go out there myself.” 

“I think I’d like it.” I winced at another sting from the glass cock, and straightened. It kept pressing somewhere that gave me a pleasure I couldn’t quite ignore. “It would be an adventure.” 

“And you say I’m a nutter.” He chuckled and stroked my side. I caught him moving a hand towards my stomach again, and brushed it aside with a shiver. 

“I don’t now how you can see a view like this and not want to see what’s out there,” I looked away carefully. “There’s ships here from places we’ve never even heard of or been to. It’s not like the Sea of Tears is endless.”

“I knew a bloke who said the same, you know.” He chewed thoughtfully on the last of the egg. “He went out on a nice, big ship. Came back muttering nothing but jibberish. Claimed he saw dragons and was sacrificed to an big black statue, or something. I’d consider his tale more if he didn’t also claim he was a cow.”

I nearly deflated if it weren’t for the damn cock. “Well, perhaps I can live with stories, then.” 

“There’s plenty of those. I wish I could tell you which were true and which were false. Even the traders seem rather secretive about what they’ve seen. A lot of them don’t even speak a lick of our tongue.” 

I smiled slightly. “I’ll give you a lick of our tongue,” I mumbled under my breath. He laughed kissed my shoulder. 

“Shall we go back then, dog?” 

“I want to see this a little longer, I think.” 

“Even with that thing inside? I thought it hurt~” 

“Right…” I shivered when he placed a hand back over my front and this time, I didn’t remove it. He pressed his face against my neck as he trailed his hand down lower until he was stroking me through my trousers. 

“Do you think I should try to remove it now, or jerk you off and dull that pain a while? We still have the rest of the day...” I gulped, glancing up to see if anyone had taken notice, then tried nudging him to the side of a ramshackle wooden building. He relented, but it didn’t make me feel any less embarrassed. 

“I feel like there’s a right and wrong answer to that question,” I murmured. It didn’t take more than pressing against him for him to take the hint and waste no time in unbuckling my belt. His grin widened when he pulled me out of the confines of my corduroys, then began stroking rhythmically as he watched my face. 

“Perhaps there is,” he admitted. It was so easy to fall against him and let myself soak in the pleasure. “But can you blame me? Seeing you pent up like this is adorable. I just want to see how long you can truly last.” 

“The answer is t-the n-next minute or two i-if you keep that u-up,” I stammered. I had never felt so pent up, but his stroking just enhanced it. His grip tightened, and he flicked his wrist, but his eyes never left my face. Even when I closed them, afraid of catching a glimpse of who might see us, I could still feel his eyes on me.

“I mean the rest of the day, with that inside. It’s merely the beginning of the plans I had for you, but I don’t want you to give out on me just yet.” 

“I-I won’t,” I whined softly. He was jerking quickly now in time with my panting. I held onto him as my knees grew weaker. “Sensi, fuck…” 

“What was that? Mind your language.” 

“I’ll do anything, just please…” 

“Oh don’t say anything, dog, that’s a dangerous word. Then I’ll want to really see how far I can push you.” He purred by my ear and I felt myself come undone. With a shudder I was finishing in his hand. He aimed it away from either of us, but I didn’t care. At that point, I didn’t care about anything but what he could do to me. I was his. In the afterglow I could faintly hear his laughter. Over that, other voices. It didn’t matter. I ached, and my head still pounded, and there was a smell of fish overpowering my senses, but none of it mattered. 

Then I fell out of it, and realized the voices were some of those workers getting too close for comfort. With nary a sound I grasped my cock and stuffed it back into my trousers, nearly tripping away from Asentual as I zipped myself up. The group of them carrying crates didn’t pay us any mind, but my heart was pounding regardless.

“You alright, dog?” The hatter watched with a smirk. God, did he ever stop smirking? 

“Fine. Just fine.” Every muscle in me had tightened, including ones I wished hadn’t. I twinged in pain. The glass shaft had felt amazing in the moment, but now it was hurting again. At least this time, it felt more manageable. “Let’s go do something today. Something fun. Anything fun to do here?”

His eyes gleamed. “You sure?”

“Yes.” I flushed. “I’m sure.” 

“Then there’s always something to do in Wonderland, if you know where to look.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I hate this chapter. 
> 
> It took so many fixes and edits and I'm still not happy with it. I'm sorry. Next one should be better. And may have more sex who knows no promises.

The back and forth was getting ridiculous. I knew he was high strung with the lull in terror activity, but him taking it out on others like this wasn’t constructive. At the same time, though, I understood his frustration. It had been a week or more later and he seemed to want to make every day special, but not every day could be as entertaining as the last. I was afraid to stop him though, with the festival, it seemed a shame to sit about doing nothing. A subtle irrational fear, and seduction he didn't need. It was almost cute.

“I asked for four entertainment girls dressed up like a different royal each, and this is what you’re giving me.” Asentual gestured to the human women at the side of the brothel’s counter. All four of them had mousy brown hair and if it weren’t for their drastically different ages, they could have been sisters. 

“Well, it’s a festival of something or other today. I should think that you would know about that, being a Right Hand and all.” The young Duchess noble shrugged and pawed the bag of pounds the hatter had dropped on the counter. The pieces clattered as he removed a handful, then pushed them back in and tugged it closer. I rolled my eyes. “Even for you, Asentual. It’s difficult to find things on such short notice.”

“Alright, alright fair. Even though the short notice was two days. But you didn’t even put wigs on them, and you’re in the Red Light district. They’re dressed in rags. And now you’re asking double. Tell me again how that sounds fair to you? Or does that sound like you’re trying something?” 

“Sensi, honestly.” I sighed and tugged his sleeve. He wasn’t usually so callous and unable to read the room, but it was obvious this was going nowhere. “We can try elsewhere. Just get your money back and we’ll go, there’s streets full of people. I’m sure there’s something we can find today. We always do.” And he always had the best ideas. 

“Sorry ladies.” I grinned charmingly at them, but they didn’t so much as bat an eye. Their grim looks made me flinch, and I quickly looked away. Even the youngest didn’t make so much as a noise.

“Well, the thing is, you’ve booked them now.” The noble scratched his head and smiled sheepishly. I turned to him, unamused. As bad as hatter was, this man wasn’t helping the situation. “I don’t have anywhere else I can pawn them off for the night. You booked them, and I had to turn everyone away that would have normally had them. Which is a lot, mind you, it being a festival and all. I could have charged even more for them. But you’re the Right Hand of the Queen. I was… Well, I was trying to show my respect for a position and offer you this deal.”

“Respect. Right. Because I’m a penny pincher.” 

“That’s right – well not the penny pincher, but you know…” The young man puffed up and I suppressed a groan. This must have been his father’s place for him to act so haughtily. He was even worse at reading than Asentual was. I was surrounded by dolts. Though it was better than having to go outside again with the crowd. 

The hatter’s eyes narrowed as he moved in closer to the disrespectful creature. “Are you honestly trying to con me? Do you know who I am? And do you know the insult it is to think I need a discount when I could pay the same as any fellow noble?” The Duchess noble’s fist clenched on the sack of money. His eyes bulged. There, now he knew the trouble he was in. 

“Of c-course Asentual. Sir.” 

“So, is this some kind of story you want to tell your buddies when you get to the pub after a long day of work? How you conned the hatter into taking some girls who are obviously ill-kept during a festival because you put your bets on me graciously accepting shite?” Hatter watched the man carefully. Sweat beaded down the blue-haired man’s chin. 

“No sir.” I tapped my foot as the anger in the air swirled. The looks those women gave us were haunting. I could never seem to get over how some of the entertainment girls looked so hollow. A few had sparks left, but these… It was like worn out horses. 

“Asentual, are you staring him down for any specific reason, or are you about to snog him?” I asked. “We should go.” Sensi’s mouth twitched as he glanced to me. In a split second he had grabbed the Duchess noble by the shirt and pulled him into sloppy kiss. 

My mouth dropped. The man arms failed in shock but Asentual didn’t seem to care. He probed his mouth with his tongue and kept a firm grip on his collar, attacking him as though he were an entertainment girl himself. For once I thought that Asentual wouldn’t do something insane, but he never ceased to surprise me. For a moment it looked as though the man seemed to enjoy it. His hands went from flailing, to gripping the counter, his eyes remaining bulged as the hatter less kissed him and more searched for the man’s tonsils. One of the women gasped. It was the first I’d heard from them in the past hour. 

The hatter shoved the noble away and wiped his mouth. He spat to the side of the counter, the opposite of where the entertainment girls stood. 

“Disgusting,” he muttered. “His mouth tastes like he’s never washed it.” 

“Well it wasn’t a dare!” I exclaimed. He shrugged and in one quick motion scooped up the money that was left unattended while the noble’s brain malfunctioned. He didn’t seem to realize that it was gone. In fact, he didn’t do much more than stare blankly at the hatter with his mouth parted as if he expected more to come.

“I just wanted to see if all Duchess nobles tasted so sweet dog, is that such a crime?” He grinned at me. “You’ve gone pink. Did that get you hot and bothered?” 

“I- shut up.” I flushed. 

“Wait, give that back!” The Duchess noble seemed to regain his senses and tried to jump the counter, but it was too tall for his stubby legs. Asentual was already walking smoothly away while the man behind us struggled to undo the latch, then practically fell out trying to run after us. “You still paid for them, you can’t just take it back!” 

Asentual lolled his head back, deadpan. “I don’t need money, but you do need a lesson. So, I’ll take my business elsewhere, and you can fuck the girls on your own time. It doesn’t look like they’d react anyways. I’ve seen more life in corpses.” That left the man staring speechless after us as we walked out the door. 

Hatter sighed and pocketed his money. “Heh, leave it to me to pick the worst options on a festival day. I should have vetted the place first…” He shook his head. “Remind me to stop taking advice from the people I meet drunk. They’re usually too inebriated themselves to know what actual good pussy looks like. Or good service.” 

“We could always visit Felt’s.” As we left the building, the sharp laughter made it hard to hear myself think. I inclined my head toward the other side of the street. Somewhere in that direction you could just make out a circus tent colored-building, but it was hard to even notice it with all the movement attracting the eye.

“On a day like this? Look at us, Benji.” He waved a hand around at the sheer mass of the colorful crowd at the very doorstep of the establishment we’d just left. Even inside the old building the unyielding clamor of far too many people reached us, but outside was overwhelming. Sex was everywhere, in the air, all around us. It didn’t matter the person, the animal, the thing. Everyone seemed to think today the world was ending and one should get while the getting was hot. 

Of course, that wasn’t really the case. This was a festival marking - I wasn’t sure, either the Queen’s original crowning as the one true Royal over the Kingdom of Hearts, or the day Alice arrived - just another excuse for more debauchery and hedonism, really. The lifeblood of the Capital. I tried to take it all in, but unless one was a local, seeing orgies of all shapes and sizes everywhere you looked was altogether too much. I could barely handle the Red Light District at the best of times. 

At our feet a woman was sucking off a line of men that stretched back out of sight, in the back on the other side of the street two naked noblewomen were riding a horse through the swarming crowds with a keg of mead on either side of the fearful creature. The smell was overwhelmingly sex and alcohol. But that was how it was with the Red Light District. We had passed other districts on the way here and in the trade I knew there were massive sales and last calls for items. I’d even heard there was free flowing whiskey by the pubs for all nobles. But I hadn’t realized the sheer volume of sex that this district could hold, or just how many slaves one could procure for this. 

The cheers came from the passerby here to watch the shows. I had thought Asentual strange for his exhibitionist and voyeuristic tendencies, but I was starting to realize that it was par for the course in the Capital. Enjoying the cool summer day and trolling the Red Light District to join in on the brutal rape of some entertainment girl was incredibly common, or even perhaps a group sex party of all nobles. Some of the people here didn’t even seem interested in joining in. It was possible they were too drunk to. 

I tried to clamber down the stairs, but I still barely avoided two men going at it with a young human girl between them and in the process bumped into the largest Lord noble I’d ever seen. He turned abruptly to me with his eyes narrowed. The longer I stood there the more I knew I was getting left behind by the hatter in the crowd. In seconds, the river of people filed in where we once stood.

“Oh, sorry.” I smiled sheepishly at him. “I-“

“You’re thin. Bet I could fuck the shit out of you.” The color drained from my face as he gave a scrutinizing glare. I tried to back up, but his gaze followed me. Flicking from side to side I tried to spot Asentual in the crowd, but he was gone. My heart skipped a beat.

“O-Oh, no thank you, but have a good festival.” Thankfully he was too busy with the human boy he was fucking by the bottom of the stairs and I turned tail before he could rethink his decision. But spotting Sensi in this crowd was harder than I thought and bodies kept pushing in on me from side to side without any care. I stepped on a foot that then kicked out at me, and got splashed with something I hoped was water and I was finding it hard to simply breathe.

Then I saw that black hat, waiting patiently on the other side of the stairs. A mere thirty feet off. It was difficult to push bodies aside to get to him, but eventually I trotted back to Asentual, meekly as I could. “Sensi?”

“Ah there you are, dog. I was getting worried.” He brushed a hand over my shoulder and pulled me against him and out of the way of a crowd that had gathered around two women licking each other to completion. It was difficult to focus only on his face with so much surrounding us. 

“I’m alright. I was thinking, why don’t we just enjoy each other tonight?”

“I suppose…” Though he looked put out at the prospect. He tightened his grip on me as another horse passed with more drunken riders just in case they veered towards us.

The middle of the road was dangerous, and I wasn’t paying enough attention. I had no idea what to even look at. “I guess I was just hoping for an orgy. You know how I love orgies.”

“I do know how you love orgies. But… You also love fucking my face, and I believe that is more than a satisfactory consolation prize.” I tried not to blush as I said it, but I couldn’t keep that confidence he had. At least I hadn’t stuttered. 

He brightened immediately. 

“You’d let me fuck your face? Could I choke you as well?” 

“Well – I-I” I flushed darker. Damnit, he didn’t even try and I was still barely holding myself together. “I suppose. As long as you were careful.” He led me to the side of street and away from the horses, but there was no lull in the mass of people to be had. We hadn’t gotten far from the shop we’d left. I could still see the proprietor glaring at us from the window. We’d made a mistake coming here. I’d gotten too caught up in the idea of a festival and so had he, but it wasn’t worth this. 

Hatter opened his mouth to speak, when a man’s scream broke out among the crowd. I took it for a cry of pleasure, but Asentual immediately froze and swiveled his head about. 

“What, what is it?” I couldn’t see any difference in the noise from the rest of the moaning. 

“That-“ Another echoed through the crowd, and this one drowned out the laughter and moaning.

“What was that?” But then I held my breath. A shiver went up my spin. “I think… I think I see something. There.” There was flash of red that I could hardly make out with so many bodies between us and the other side of the street. The flow of movement began to change with some people realizing something was wrong and others following along. The flood swept itself aside as another wailing scream rose from where I had seen that flash. It revealed the other side of the street, feet away from where the girls on that horse had been. The nude body of a King noble fell against the cobbled road, and behind it, a figure of a person cloaked in black stood with a knife in their hand. Blood dripped from where his throat had been slashed open. Immediately, I remembered the Jabberwocky. A dream, now a waking nightmare. 

The disheveled human man he been fucking stood up beside the figure with his back covered in blood that wasn’t his own, both bewildered and… Relieved. He smiled at the killer. My breathe caught in my throat. The familiar stench of blood crept in my nostrils. Then the flood turned into a hailstorm. 

I could barely understand what was going on. One moment, it was bodies writhing in pleasure and pleasant laughter, and the next swords were being drawn from hidden compartments in clothing by figures I had thought had been merely watching. All of those people I had pinned for cheerful festival goers were grabbing the nearest noble and running them through with knives of shimmering metal accompanied by screeches of surprise and agony. Groans of pleasure were turning into moans of shuddering pain and calls for mercy as the mob of innocent desperately tried to run. Calls for help went unheard as the mob tried to run somewhere, anywhere to safety. 

But we were pinned in. More of them approached from all sides, and it was useless to try to get out. Maybe a horse could make it, but the street was suddenly closed off from either side. I briefly saw a couple of the creatures jump and people run after them looking for a hole in the wall of bodies, but there was no room. They crashed into runners on foot and one horse shattered their leg as they went down and brought down three others with them, including their rider. The sound of the creature’s cry was human. 

The sheer volume of people had become our death sentence. If it wasn’t the murderers, then it was the people that slammed into each other and me trying to make their escape or get into the nearest store that was already trying to barricade itself from the violence. The duchess noble that had been scowling disappeared from his window.

I tried to say something to Asentual, but he couldn’t hear me from the crowd, and he wasn’t paying attention regardless. I wouldn’t have even known what to say. I gripped his hand tightly. It felt clammy against my skin. He wasn’t shivering, but I could see the fear in his eyes. If he was scared, then I was terrified. This wasn't the Jabberwocky, this wasn't anything I had ever felt before. Even with my uncle, things had gone too fast, but now there was nowhere to run. It hurt to breathe.

I thought the attackers were nobles. But then the slaves that I thought had been entertainment girls and men used for pleasure turned in an instant from accepting getting fucked to attacking with such viciousness it was like an animal mauling. Humans and nobles alike, systematically murdering without any regard other than the color of their hair to make sure it was a noble, and I was in the middle of it all. Blue haired as the day I was born. I couldn’t move. My grip on Asentual’s hand turned to iron, but then he pulled away and I was afraid to look to see why that was. He yelled something back to me, but I couldn’t hear it. All at once I could remember what had happened to my uncle and every fibre in my being was telling me if I did nothing, maybe I could live. If I stayed still, they wouldn't hurt me. I'd just be a bystander, right? 

Where was Asentual? My hand was cold now. He was gone. Everything was so loud, a cacophony on my ears so great that all at once it turned to nothing. The smell of blood was copper in my nose. Sex had turned into adrenaline and fear.

Dimly, I could hear the sound of Hatter shouting in the distance. It didn’t register to me what he said. Maybe he was trying to get control of the situation. Maybe he was calling for the guards. Where were they? I hadn’t seen a single one since we’d left the brothel. 

Another scream right at my side jump-started me into a run. But I didn’t know where. I just found my feet choosing to go in a direction, whether it was to Sensi or away from him I had no idea. Everywhere I tried to turn to there were bodies falling with slices deep in their throats and stomachs. The smell of shite and bile welled up as a few were disemboweled in the fray.

My head turned wildly from side to the side and I realized the hatter was at the other end of the street with his whip in hand, trying to get as many people through a break in the line as he could. But there was just too many and an orderly line was out of the question. The exodus was blocking itself. And I was running away from him. Why was I doing that, why had my feet chosen to go the other way? Why was I still going? If I was going this way, then that meant-

I slammed into someone and fell to the ground. My head collided with one of the stones in the road and the world went white for a split second. The sound of the crowd disappeared, and I was floating. I was back at the pond with Asentual. There was pain, screaming, and death, and I was floating.

My eyes opened as they focused on the cloaked figure leaning over me. In their hand, a wicked disjointed knife that sparkled purple was dripping dark red down to their gloved hand. Raised towards me.

“Fuck…” Was all I could say. The hood on the figure covered their face. I couldn’t even tell if it was a man or a woman that would kill me. Which was strange, because you’d think that the body would at least betray that fact. The cloak only stretched down to the person’s knees, but even then, the black cloak they wore seemed to obstruct my vision. I wondered how hard I had hit my head. Either this person had an enchanted cloak, or I had a concussion. I smiled grimly. At least I would die thinking of magic. And Asentual. I never wanted to forget about him. In and out, I could remember his face. Pleasured, sweet, kind, angry, afraid, even when he wasn't in his right mind. The stinging in the back of my head grew.

Then the figure uncovered their hood, and I was face to face with one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. 

Her eyes were luminously green, and her face was almost familiar. Pointed and thin and hawk-like, yet so much prettier than anything I could remember. A mole dotted her right cheek. She might have been scowling, but she had the kind of face you could never make look ugly. Even if there were scars dotted down her neck. But the thing that surprised me the most, was the bright red hair streaked with darker tones that fell from her head in beautifully long waves. A Queen noble. Thoroughly bred, with no reason to help slaves. Or kill. If I was going to die, then I’d be killed by an angel. And I found myself alright with that in the moment. 

I really had hit my head hard. 

She was getting closer. Everything felt slower. 

“We will not sit while the Queen neglects half her subjects and leaves them in bondage! Nor leave the realm to desiccate and rot! Stand up and fight against your shackles!” I heard her yell. Her voice carried through the crowd. Thick with rage. Echoes of a cheer returned. The leader. She had to be. 

I wanted to close my eyes, but I didn’t want to lose my last moments of sight. She aimed for my neck, but at the last moment her eyes flicked up to mine, and the knife slashed deep through my side. The pain was sharp, but then it seemed to fade to a pleasant numbness. I wanted to ask why she didn’t end it sooner. But I couldn’t form words. She stared at me, and me back at her. Her eyes went from dark, to uncertain. I almost smiled. 

“BENJI!” It was strange how Asentual’s voice came so clearly in my mind. I suppose I had been remembering him so much. I didn’t want to forget him. 

Then the woman turned her head to the sound abruptly, and her eyes widened. Her knife nearly slipped out of her hands, but she grasped it tightly at the last moment.

“Rettah,” she breathed. I could hear her voice clearer than anything in my life. This sounded real. It was soft, sweet and deep. 

I felt hands grasp onto my head and then Asentual’s face was in view as he glared at the woman. He didn’t notice my blood seeping onto the ground. His eyes were busy, trained on the woman with pure hatred. His face phased in between reality and memories. I wanted to hold him but I couldn't feel my hands. It hurt.

“Don’t touch him.” His voice was dangerously low. But then he too faltered. The world was going out of focus again, but I could dimly hear him murmur something as he stared up at the woman. 

“Get… Get away from me,” she said, quietly at first, but then she was nearly screaming. “Leave! What are you doing here?!” 

“This was you!” He yelled back. “This was all you!” He let go of me and brandished his whip as he stormed towards her, but she was already backing away. 

“You should get out of here before we kill all of you.” She held her knife out to Asentual, but he slammed it out of her hands with ease. She was barely trying. Her hands were shaking. I could barely keep my eyes open. They were blurry. I felt blurry. Everything smelled wrong. I tasted something metallic. I'd bitten my own tongue.

“You did this,” he snarled. “You’re the cause of all of this.” I blinked, and in the next moment he was backing her up further and further. 

“Rettah.” Her voice sounded broken. “Leave. I can’t kill you.” 

“You just killed – You’re killing all of these people! You’re a part of this. I thought you were dead, but this is worse than that.” His eyes darkened. She was pinned. She didn’t even try to fight back. The world dipped in and out of light. 

“Sensi…” I croaked. “We’re not safe.” He didn’t seem to hear me, but I wasn't sure if I had even spoken. I didn't blame him.

“Leave as fast as you can or I’ll kill you, I swear it,” she cried. “Please. For the good of my brother. This wasn’t meant for you. This wasn’t - but there was no other way.” Her voice dripped with desperation. “You’re on the wrong side of the country. But then, you were built for it. Weren’t you,” she spat venomously. It wasn’t a question. 

“Fuck your message and fuck all of this. Fuck-“ He turned back to me, I could barely make it out. “You… You stabbed him.” 

“He’s a noble. Participating in all of this.” I couldn’t hear them well over the sounds of screaming. It had died down, but it was still so loud to me, rattling around in my brain. 

“He’s NOT a noble, and he had nothing to do with any of this. And he’s my – my –“ 

Hatter flinched and turned back to her. “He’s mine.”

“… You…”

“Go. Leave. And end this. If I ever see you again, I’ll have you executed. Mark me.” 

The blur of her form stayed for a moment longer, and I heard the crack of a whip. But then she became a dark speck again, and that speck ran from him and from the mob as quick as she could. I tried to follow her form, but I couldn’t seem to move my head. 

Hatter’s face came into focus again, strained with worry and darting around as he took in the chaos around us. 

“We need to get you to the palace.” 

I whimpered. 

“There’s healers there. Come on. I’ll break us through this mob. The guards are coming now.” He cursed as he glanced down to my side, then picked me up in a smooth motion. I closed my eyes. 

“Damn guards,” I heard him mutter. “I should never have trusted the mercs.” The screams had died down to moans of pain. He started walking, and in the jostling my eyes flickered open. I saw bodies. Blood. Death. 

It made sense to join them. But then there was the warmth of Hatter holding onto me, and I wondered if there could be something after this. If there even should.  
This was our fault. This was our hubris. This feast was our undoing. And I was supposed to die here. I didn’t. But I should have. 

The rebellion was real. This was what the Duchess wanted me to help. I was supposed to help facilitate the murder of hundreds of people. For what, to save slaves? To feel better about what was done to them? And that woman… 

“Benji?” I heard Hatter ask. His voice cracked.

It was cold. Not as cold as the Duchess’s palace, but the tips of my fingers were freezing. 

“Mm." My tongue felt numb. It was all I could manage.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured. “I’m so sorry.”


	13. Chapter 13

Murky water covered every orifice. Clawing at my throat, a stench of rot and decay. Cackling and fear growing inside that could never be quenched. Faces flashed by. Wyvern waiting for a savior, Sadie, wishing I could stop the world for her, the Duchess, always asking for me to try my best and never managing to quite accomplish it. And the cat, that damned cat watching me with eyes and a gleaming grin that never left. He was the face of the Jabberwocky I desperately tried to run away from. All of the people I’d failed because of my death were lined up on either side of me. Each of them shouted in turn. The Duchess called for my head. Sadie wept for me. She would never hate me. Wyvern was made of stone with a monster guarding him. Sigil mocked me, telling me how much she knew. A strange woman with green eyes and vibrantly red hair watched me. A mole dotted her cheek. And at the very end, past it all, as I tried to run through mud to escape the creature with the fact of the Cheshire cat, I saw Asentual. 

I’d failed him most. I’d been stupid, and this is where it got me. I couldn’t protect him anymore. He’d remember what had happened one day. And then he’d break apart into pieces. He grinned at me, like he always did. He waved and beckoned. But I couldn’t get near to him. I couldn’t reach him. I was going to get swallowed by the Jabberwocky that laughed and jeered at me and then it would be the hatter’s turn. He already looked so helpless. His grin morphed into a cry and he begged for me to get to him. But the world shattered apart and he was dropping away.

“He doesn’t love you,” the cat gurgled. I turned and wished I hadn’t. The eyes had gone blue and long hair flowed from the thing’s rotting ears. His head changed into the face of the Duchess and her cold eyes and prim lips were worse than any grin. 

“He’ll never love you. You’re a toy. You’re a play thing. You’re a dog. Not his equal. You will never be his equal. And then he will die. After you.”

I wanted to scream no, but water filled my lungs. My legs were too heavy to swim, they dragged me down under the current. Eels squirmed around me every which way, their slimy bodies tangling around me. 

“He will leave you. And you have failed. The world will end with you as the lynch pin to it’s destruction. You failed me.” The Duchess snarled. “You aren’t worthy to be my Hand. You aren’t worthy to be a dog.” 

The eels covered my vision, and everything was dark. 

“Careful, that’s the Hand of the Duchess, not just a noble.” 

“Right, right, sorry. I would be more careful, but my hands just won’t stop shaking. If I get something wrong, and that woman... They said she was fearless. I’m scared of what will happen.” Two voices. The younger one was much closer than the elder one. It sounded as though the girl was by my ear. 

“You’re human same as I, girl. She doesn’t come for humans. Though fear is always healthy.” 

“She killed people, ma’am. No one deserves death.” 

“You haven’t lived the life of a slave proper. I don’t envy the girls in that Red Light District. I’ll bet that’s why it happened there.”

“This isn’t that. They care for us well here, and I can do some good.” 

“You’ve never pissed the Queen off. Do you know what happens to a human who looks at the Queen the wrong way?” 

“I…” 

I didn’t make a noise, for fear of scaring them. The world had melted from darkness into gentle streaming light on my eyes, but I dared not open them. The humans talking had no idea. I’d never heard them talk among themselves like this before. In the back of my mind, the mission still stayed. I needed to know. 

“They end up dead, is what. Executed. They like to play along with this talk of no murder, but you’ll be dead without trial if you do anything a noble deems wrong. That Queen never gives trials to humans. Barely does for nobles as it is. She just likes to see their heads roll.” 

There was a wetness on my forehead, carefully dabbing against beads of sweat. It was cool against the heat. My head was hot. Unnaturally so. “I suppose I’m lucky I never see her, then. I’d rather be safe here.” 

“Nowhere’s safe, dear. No matter how much you wish it were. Not even my home was safe, and I did everything I could to keep those red haired bastards away. They’re all devils, even this one. Don’t let the handsome face fool you. It’s the handsome ones who are the worst.” 

“He doesn’t seem like a devil.”

“He’s not awake. And he was a victim of that woman and her ilk. They killed hundreds. He was nearly one of them. But why do you think that is?” The dabbing paused. “That’s right, dear. He was in the Red Light District, raping as he pleased. He deserved to die.” 

“If they’re all devils, what about that woman?” The voice retorted back. “The one who started it all. They said her hair was as red as a thoroughbred Queen noble.” 

“Some of them are crazy. Most of them. That doesn’t mean they’re good.”

“But she was freeing them.” 

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to deal with the madness the nobles get up to. Whatever new fad they’ve got going on, it all ends up hurting us. That’s how it’s always been. They never listen to God anymore, never pause to think about what they’re doing. Incestuous, lecherous, immoral and some even have a homosexual nature, especially in this sinful Capital. All of it’s wrong and terrible and we’d do best to never interact with it. Impossible, but that’s the standard you should keep for yourself. They’re not like us. They’re not human.” 

“But we can have children with them. We look like them.” The dabbing left my forehead, but then there was a hand, gently stroking. It was soft and soothing. Her hands were gentle. 

“I’m not a monster,” I said quietly. The hand drew away quickly with a gasp. I opened my eyes, and blinked at the old woman on the other side of the thin room, then at the girl a few years younger than me who’d jumped away from my bedside table. Her eyes were fearful. I looked at her a moment longer. Black hair. Blue eyes. She must have had duchess in her for eyes like that. So bright. 

I let myself fall back against the bed. “Sorry,” I murmured. 

“No, i-it’s fine, I’m sorry s-sir I shouldn’t- I-I-“

“I won’t say anything,” I sighed. “I promise. Thank you for taking care of me.” 

“… How do we trust you?” The older woman asked. “You’re as blue as they come.” 

“That woman didn’t kill me,” I watched the crone curiously. “Why?” Her lips closed and the lines around her eyes grew thicker, but she said nothing. 

“Are you one of them?” The girl asked softly. “The nobles who rescued those people? I won’t tell.” 

“No,” I said too quickly, then bit my lip. Her eyes widened, then she went back to quietly caring for me, her nimble fingers moving from padding my forehead to changing the blankets. I was naked, but she didn’t seem to care and simply went about her job as though she’d done it countless times before. She probably had. 

The older women left the room in a huff. 

“Where am I?” I asked the girl.

“The Palace,” she answered quietly. “The wounded of higher status were brought here. The others were given to the hospitals closest.” Hundreds dead, they’d said. Hundreds. How many more wounded, I don’t think she’d know. I felt a chill down my spine, then a spark of memory. Gingerly I moved to the side to see where the blade had cut me. A long nasty row of sutures lined the cut. 

“You had a fever the day after you were brought in,” she said softly. “You’re been asleep for six days, fighting it off.” 

“Six…”

“We gave you water, but you wouldn’t take food. We were worried you wouldn’t wake up, sir.” I smiled dryly. 

“I thought I wouldn’t.” All at one, the weakness hit me. Hunger and thirst like nothing I had felt before. “Could I have some water, please? And something to eat?” It was all the excuse she needed to leave. Nodding emphatically, she rushed out the door without a moment to spare. She was afraid. I supposed she had good reason. She reminded me of Sadie, in a way. But there was so much more pressing down on her. So much fear.

I closed my eyes. I felt like heaving, but there was nothing inside.

“They told me you were awake.” Asentual. My eyes were open in an instant. I wasn’t sure if an hour had passed since the girl had left, or only a few minutes.  
He strode through the door as lithe as ever. But his eyes were hollow, and there were dark circles under them that watched me though as though I could disappear at any moment. He sighed deeply, leaning against the wall beside me. 

“Barely. You don’t look much better.” 

“I didn’t think you could get any thinner, dog. But it looks like it was possible.” He was ignoring me, probably because he didn’t want to entertain where they trail of conversation went. I hated when he did that. He was doing it all too often. “Did you ask for food?” 

“The nurse will come back soon enough.” 

“Should be sooner.” He let the conversation drop, instead simply staring at me. The silence hung in the air, as tenuous as the water I’d swum in my dream. I could barely remember it now. But the anxiety clawing away at me now reminded me of it. 

“Where were the guards that day?” I asked him. As if I could be talking about any other day.

“Partying, with everyone else. I’ve talked with the Queen about the lack of training among the mercenaries hired from the King’s domain. I doubt she cares. Ours were there, though. Too little of them, unused to real combat. Slaughtered, like everyone else.” 

I looked at him incredulously. “Did any of their side die, or was it a complete massacre?” 

“A couple. No one taken captive, though. Heard reports of them killing themselves, rather than be taken in for questioning. It was a massacre, Benji.” He breathed out a sigh.  
I sat up in the bed. Slowly, I couldn’t go too fast without waves of dizziness, but I wanted to see him clearly. The door opened again, and the girl from before moused her way into the room to hand me a platter of food. Soft bread still warm from the oven, fresh strawberries and blueberries. Nothing strong or heavy. 

Her eyes darted constantly back to the hatter’s like a fearful animal as she carefully placed the platter by my bedside. She didn’t want to stay, and I didn’t blame her. But before she could leave, Asentual spoke up. I flinched. 

“You’re a sweet thing for taking care of my dog.” 

“Y-y-yes. Sir.” She bowed her head low, looking unsure what to do next. He made as if to move towards her. I coughed, and he stopped in his tracks. 

“Please, don’t harass my nurse.” 

“Harass? I would do nothing of the sort. I just wanted to thank her.”

“Let her be. And don’t touch her.” I gave him a meaningful look, and she took the hint to scurry out of the room as fast as her legs would carry her. When the door closed, Hatter’s eyes narrowed and he strode to me instead, sitting down beside me. 

“What was that?”

“She’s afraid of us. They all are.” I picked at the bowl of strawberries as I mumbled. “I didn’t want to frighten her.”

“They’re all frightened far too easily. The best thing you can do is get them used to what will inevitably happen. And a kiss is nothing.” 

“It won’t ever happen to her if I can help it. She’s not an entertainment girl, she’s a nurse taking care of me.” 

“You’re playing the knight in shining armor now, are you?” 

"No one else is." I looked up at him seriously. “Who was that woman?” 

He scowled and turned away, but I could see the guilt in his eyes. 

“It was Margret, wasn’t it?” I asked. He stayed silent, so I ate. The moment the food touched my lips, I knew it was the best thing I’d ever eaten. The berries were perfectly ripe and full of sugar, yet tart and the bread was fresh. I watched Asentual as I ate. For once, he wasn’t one for conversation. The air stagnated as time grew on. But he remained still, faced away from me. I could hear his teeth grinding. “If it was Margret,” I said, “then that’s something you should tell the Queen.” 

“You think I didn’t realize that? I’ve told the Queen everything.” Hatter turned back with a withering glare. “I told her about Margret and the threat she poses. About what her being a figurehead could mean. She disappears, and suddenly comes back with the knife she stole the day she ran away, killing everyone in sight. She’s a murderer. My sister is a monster.” A monster, and yet she’d freed people. Slaves. She was the very person the Duchess wanted me to be a part of. “The Queen wants more death. Hers, and everyone else that participated. But the moment the death was over, the killers disappeared. How can a mob like that cease to exist? How can people be there one moment and gone the next? It wasn’t just suicide, it was disappearance. A mass exodus.”

“What?” I stared at him. “There has to be a logical reason. Perhaps there were more in league with them that helped them escape, or maybe that cloak that Margret wore-“

“None of that had made any sense, we’ve been through it all.”

“But maybe if I looked through the facts we could-“

“Stop. Benji, please. I’ve been dealing with the aftermath for the past week, I don’t need more of it. I came here to see how you were, not to conspire with you on getting rid of a treasonous plot.” 

“But this is why I’m here!” I exclaimed. “I could protect you. I could do your job. That’s why the Duchess allowed me to come, Hatter. Not to play games.” She agreed so I could learn more. I had to know more. Even if it killed me. If not to join them, then to make sure a massacre like that never happened again. There had to be a way to fix this problem without causing more bloodshed. Though, I was only one man. And the sting of the sutures was only getting stronger the further I woke. They’d healed over good enough, but it was still there. And a deep itching sensation I couldn’t escape.

“How? You couldn’t even protect yourself.” He gripped my hand. His own was cold and clammy and as tight as a vice. “I had to save you. You would have died if I wasn’t there. You went the wrong direction, Benjamin. You ran the other way. You did the most ludicrous thing you could have. You could have died do you understand me? You should have. She should have killed you.” 

‘I protected you,’ I wanted to say. ‘When the Jabberwocky came, and the Cheshire tested me, I fought that thing, and I won. I never touched you when you were broken, except to comfort you. I didn’t fight you on losing your memories. I did everything you asked of me. I was loyal. I was brave. I was everything you ever wanted me to be. And you’ll never know.’ 

“You’re crying,” the hatter deflated. 

“I would assume this situation allows me to.” Even so, I wiped the tears away quickly and broke off a piece of bread to hide any sobs. It hurt, him looking at me like I was so weak. Like I couldn’t do anything. I was a dog, not a porcelain doll. 

“Why didn’t she kill you, that’s the question I keep asking myself.” Asentual let go of my hand to look at his own. They were shaking. “Why did she cut your side, when she could have so easily gone for your neck?” 

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “She… I remember seeing her face. At the last moment, she seemed hesitant.” 

“Surprising that a killer would be hesitant to kill after she had done all that.” His voice was venom, and the room went quiet again. I looked longingly to the food on the plate, but suddenly found I wasn’t hungry. 

“What comes next?” I finally said. Hatter’s gaze darkened. 

“We leave.” 

“What?” I stared at him. “We can’t.” I’ve gotten so close. We couldn’t go now. We had too much left to understand. I needed to know more. If I left know, I would have failed the Duchess completely. As it stood, I still didn’t know whose side was better, or whose side was more sincere- no. 

That was a lie, and one I had to swallow. Margret’s side was willing to die. Even if evil, there was one thing that I didn’t believe before. But seeing her at that moment before that I could just remember at the corners of my vision, I understood. She was a leader to them. It wasn’t a game. It wasn’t another way to wind away the hours, and it wasn’t an attempt to find a new hedonistic desire. What she did was honest. 

Honest killing. I had to suppress a laugh. 

“I can’t continue to fight this with Margret being the one in charge of the operations, if all of the witness accounts are the be believed-“ 

“You were there, Hatter, you know that those accounts are true-“ 

“Benjamin.” I froze. His tone was icy. “I know. … I’ve been dealing with this shite for too long.” He sighed. “I shouldn’t take this out on you. But she’s connected to this. And I’m connected to her. And you saw what happened. I couldn’t end it, take her into custody. I let her escape – let her, I practically forced her.” He laughed coldly. “All of this is a mess, and it’s a mess that I can’t clean up. You and I need to get out of here with our bodies still containing all our blood and bits. It’s a bit too late for you, but… I don’t want you dead. I mean that.” He tilted my chin up, and I gazed into his eyes. Mesmerizing as always. Every time I looked at them I forgot myself. He knew that. He was always using that as a way to get me to agree with him. 

“You love to manipulate me, don’t you?” His face twitched into a smile for a split second before dropping. 

“You lend yourself to being manipulated.” 

“Why am I always lesser to you?” 

“You’re a dog, Benji. That’s what you signed up for.” I pulled away. 

“No it’s not. It’s a role you gave me. I asked for a lover. But you made me a pet.” 

“Benji…” He was at a loss for words. That was a first. 

“What am I, Asentual?” 

He paused, but when he spoke again, it was confidently. “You’re the closest friend I’ve had in my entire life.” 

I snorted and shoved weakly at his chest. “A friend?” 

“A best friend.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer, then kissed me softly. His lips were soft whereas mine were dry and chapped. But he didn’t care. It was sweet, and chaste, and he never asked for more. When he pulled away, I felt oddly unsatisfied. “You’re my closest friend, Benji. Loyal to the bitter end. Even if you’ve got a stick up your arse.” 

“Friends don’t kiss friends,” I grumbled. 

“And that’s what makes it kinky.” He grinned. 

“Really? Is that what you’re going with?” 

“Eat your bread, dog, it’s good for you.” He reached over to grab the rest of the loaf, then shoved it in my face. I ate it while glaring at him. “It’s an absolute mess, you know. I wouldn’t stay for it. Hundreds dead. More injured. Families torn apart. And no one’s stepped foot in the Red Light District since what happened. Understandable, but I sincerely hope it doesn’t last much longer. Though that is Sigil’s job – what I care about is the fact that King soldiers are utterly useless. And I hate them.” 

“I could have told you that. In fact, I most certainly did.” With the bread finished, I turned to the blueberries.

“Brilliant. Well it’s too late now. Really, the King should have a lot of explaining to do, but he’s been quiet on the matter. I have a feeling he doesn’t care. Actually, I have a darker feeling that he’s vying for the Queen’s land and gaining a foothold to become the most powerful Royal, but that’s just me.” I gaped at him. 

“You can’t be serious.” 

“Deadly- sorry, bad choice of words. Unfortunately, he seems to be getting just what he wants by doing nothing. But this terrorist plot is currently only affecting the Capital. Maybe he’ll show a bit of sense and stop letting us falter if he comes to realize that this plot extends to all of Wonderland, and not just here. They use quite a bit of slaves there, you know.” 

“Do you think he’ll see sense?” Asentual shrugged. 

“Who knows? He’s got an old codger of a Left Hand that hates literally everyone, and a little arrogant arse of a Right Hand. Both up his own arse struggling to get deeper in there and pick his nose for him on the other side.” 

“Lovely imagery.” 

“I aim to please.” He licked his lips. “Now, onto more important matters. How to fuck you when you’re in a weakened state.” 

“… No.” I tried to shimmy away, but it was hard to move. “Leave me alone.” He pressed closer with a whine, and I growled. 

“Come on, Benji. I’ve not fucked anything for six days and orgasms are lovely for pain tolerance. My hand hurts from jerking myself off.” 

“You’ve gone that and longer on your trips don’t lie to me.” I snorted as he cupped my cheek and pressed a kiss to my neck, then beaded kisses down further with a purr. He was almost acting submissive. I enjoyed it, but cold shiver went up my spine at how thin of a line he was walking. 

“Perhaps I have, but you’ve been here, looking so cute recuperating, and I found it hard to resist myself. You’re a very deep sleeper, you know. And it would be so easy to take advantage of that.” He grinned knowingly at me, and I flushed. 

“Shut up.” 

“Never.” He pressed closer and tugged the blanket down to expose my groin, then lapped at my mouth and started to kiss me intimately, his tongue probing my mouth. I cursed myself at already being half hard. I could never get enough of his kissing, and that was my fault. I found myself lost in his mouth, tugging him closer and closer and feeling what I was afraid I would never have again. All the while he was stroking my shaft gently and rhythmically, making me wish I had the strength to arch against him. 

He parted from my gasping mouth, grinned, then knelt down and pressed his lips to the tip of my cock. I jumped and winced with a whine and thread hand through his hair. 

“Sensi-“ 

“Shh.” He lapped gently but didn’t take long to fully close his mouth over me and suck. He was ridiculously talented with his tongue. I didn’t understand how he could lap under the glans and all over the most sensitive parts that he seemed to know innately. I could do little more than sit there and take it, but I was starting to feel more than happy to. It had been long enough being traumatized by dreams. And he was desperate too. Looking into my eyes up at me as he sucked down to the base, it was as though he also thought he’d never get the chance again. He was afraid. 

I loved him for it. 

“I-I” I hadn’t heard the door open, but the young nurse’s stammering made me jump and try to push Asentual’s head away. He wasn’t in the mood for that. 

“This isn’t what it looks like,” I whimpered. The hatter paused, turned his head to the girl, then parted from me to grin. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Patient doctor confidentiality?” 

“He’s weak, you shouldn’t-“

“But he’s also really horny. Look.” He prodded my cock with a finger and grinned when I flinched. “It’s hard as a rock.” He stroked it lightly. I glared at him, but he wasted no time in going back to sucking before I could try and push him away. I gasped as my hand sought purchase through his birds’ nest of hair. My cheeks flushed as I looked over at the girl meekly. I wanted to apologize, but I was far too tongue tied. Her eyes on me just made this worse. Not to mention she was just as red as I was. 

“Give me a few moments, pl-please.” She ran out the door, and I hung my head in shame.

“You’re an ass…” I mumbled. He responded with a purr that send shocks down my cock, and a grin when he sucked up to the tip. 

“You got harder the instant you realized she was watching, dog. Now, is that my fault, or your fault?”

“Your fault, obviously.” 

“Should I invite her back to watch you until completion?”

“Shut up."


	14. Chapter 14

“I would never. If I did, then you wouldn’t blush the way that you always do.” He looked back down at my cock and licked his lips, staring at me hungrily. I shifted uncomfortable in the bed, then winced at the movement. 

“Please, Sensi.” I whimpered softly. “When you do it, I shake, and my side hurts.” He paused, then looked up at me. I was flushed, still desperately hard, but it was fading with that incessant beating of pain coming from my side. 

“Ah…” He breathed out softly and kissed my inner thigh instead. His eyes wandered over the deep laceration that stretched from under my breastplate to the meat of my thigh, following a hand that ghosted around it without touching it. “It’s deep. You think it will scar?”

“I certainly hope not,” I sighed. “It’s terrible to look at.” The slice had felt clean when she had made it, but the cut was jagged. It had come from the make of the blade, the one that had looked almost purple and was off center, pulling sharply to one side. Almost like a skinning knife. It had left a nasty mark. The sutures had done their job, but it wasn’t pleasant. 

“Does it feel terrible?” He stroked my cock lightly and I flinched when it made me twitch. He went slowly, though. The reaction wasn’t as shocking as it could have been. I let out a needy noise, even though I tried to hold my breath. I didn’t want to egg him on, but that seemed to be all I was doing.

“It’s like one half of my side is on fire. Itchy, mostly. I get pain whenever I try to move.” He sighed. 

“How are you going to be able to get up without popping stitches?” 

“I… I didn’t consider that.” I blinked. “Sitting up is difficult, but not impossible. And I’ve been here long enough that it’s beginning to heal.” I prodded the scabs and wished promptly that I hadn’t. It was like needles poking deep into my flesh. 

“You had a bad infection.” He sighed. “I visited you as often as I could, but there was so much mess to clean up. If it wasn’t for all of the paperwork and mystery, you’d be the one I’d be sleepless over.” He stroked my cock absently as he watched the sutures rise and fall with my breaths. It hurt, but I couldn’t help but react. His tongue licked the tip of me and I jumped again with a sharp pained moan. “I dreamed about fucking you for ages. Sometimes it kept me going through the day.” 

“Why didn’t you just get an entertainment girl?” I whimpered. His grip tightened on my cock. 

“No matter how blue they dye their hair or even if they’ve got a cock, Benji. They’re still not you. And there’s the added problem that the place I usually get them from recently had a terrorist attack, and now no one wants any business. Fair, really.” He looked into my eyes as he stroked, hypnotically watching me as I cringed and bit back breathy whines. I hadn’t had any in a week either, and it showed after so many days of sex without end. I craved the touch, as much as I hated to admit it. And he craved watching me. 

“Sometimes I wonder if you like sex more, or if you just like watching me suffer,” I groaned. He laughed with a gleam in his eye. 

“I wonder that too. I love fucking you, that’s for certain. But I also just love watching you squirm. Having a clear head to think of all the things I can do to you helps me come up with wonderful plans. I had a plan for your birthday you know. And many others after that. All of these opportunities to watch you contort in embarrassed pleasure. I like to see just how far I can push you to the edge. How far before you break…” He swallowed me again in his mouth. His cheeks hollowed with just how hard he worked it. It was like a vice pulling me into his mouth. His eyes gleamed watching me shake and moan as I desperately grabbed onto his hair again, knocking over his hat in the process. Every movement came with a little pain, but I barely cared about that now. I just wanted more of him, the hot and wet hole that was pulling me in. He was sinfully good at it. Bottoming out again, I could feel the back of his throat, but he didn’t seem to care. Did he have a gag reflex? He didn’t look bothered. 

“H-hatter, I-I-“ I was so close, but then he pulled away again from the frantic bobbing of his head and generously stroked me instead, squeezing until it nearly hurt. 

“You’re already this close? You’re just as bad as me.” 

“You’re just r-really good at that.” 

“Am I? You’re the only cock I’ve ever sucked. I suppose that’s a compliment.” He chuckled as he squeezed harder and watched me flinch, then knelt back down to lick languidly over me. “Do you remember that first time, dog?” His purr made everything shake as he slipped my tip in his mouth. His lips spread slowly over the shaft, but pulled away before I could get invested. It made me whine needily as he sat back on his heels. 

“Yes,” I breathed. 

“You sucked me so well. You nearly made me lose myself. Seeing that mouth move, and you so invested in it when you’d never even thought about it. You told me you weren’t into men.” He chuckled. “And neither was I.” His eyes narrowed as he stroked over my shaft, back and forth, achingly slow. I tried not to squirm for the pain of the sutures, but I found the pain lessening as the heat grew in my groin. I wanted to come, I needed it desperately, but the pace he kept never heightened, and it was so tight it choked everything back. I couldn’t seem to find the strength to do it myself either. I was at his mercy to do what he pleased with me. Every time I tried to sit up further, that pain from my sutures would send me right back onto my back. He looked amused. It wasn’t funny. 

“I did what y-you made me do,” I whimpered softly. “You ass.” He had been, lying to me about everything. I was afraid then. And stupid, shouting things that gave me nothing but pain. And then he came along, that prick made me suck him off and fall in love with him.

“Right, I did make you.” He grinned coldly. “You were so afraid, so confused. And had this lovely mouth that the slavers showed off. It just looked so perfect for a cock to be in there. I couldn’t help myself but buy you. And they weren’t kidding, that tongue wrapped around my head, pushing you deeper until you took me as far as you could go? I still get shivers thinking about it. You were too good at it. Made for it.” With his talk, he started to pick up the pace. I was panting desperately by the end of it, arching into his hand regrettably even with the pain of the stitches shifting. “I think, when you heal, we should do it again. You don’t give me nearly enough blow jobs, dog.” He grinned teasingly. “I always like you best with a cock at least somewhere around you. Whether that’s in your ass, or your mouth, it’s a win for me.” 

“Please,” I wailed. “Please let me come…” 

“But then this will all be over, and that pain will be overwhelming and you’ll be tired.” He slowed his pace again, waiting me with an easy grin. 

“Fucks s-sake, Sensi…” he laughed heartily. I would have thought it sweet if he wasn’t currently antagonizing me to the point I’d wring his neck if I could reach him. “Just, please-“

“I don’t think I could fuck you without popping a few stitches, so I wonder how else-“

“Stop ignoring me!” He blinked, moving faster as he peered over at my face. His eyes filled my vision under there was nothing else but that mesmerizing yellow. I gulped and a trickle of fear went down my spine. 

“Do I ignore you a lot?” 

“All the bl-bloody time,” I growled through panting. He was speeding up again, closer to the point that I was at my limit. I was ready for him though. If he planned to stop, I’d steel myself. 

“Well that sounds rather rude of me.” 

“You’re a w-wanker.” 

“I am, that’s what I’m doing.” 

“Ass.” 

“Wonderful dirty talk, Duchess noble. Truly, you are the most linguistically eloquent of all the Kingdoms.” I was nearly in tears. He grinned when I whimpered, and kissed me softly. “Sorry, dog, you’re just so cute when you cry.” His purr emanated softly as he lapped up one of my tears.

“S-sadist.” 

“Perhaps.” He pulled away to give me room to breathe, the sharp gasps that they were. His grip tightened again, and I strained sharply, gritting my teeth against the lack of pleasure and sharp pain.

The warm wet feeling of his mouth touching my glans already oversensitive from the edging nearly sent me over. If it weren’t for that vice like grip, I would have shot myself all over his face. But he kept a close, careful grip on me that had me gasping. Sucking, deeper and deeper, he found himself at my root in moments, having to move his hand out of the way in order to get all of me inside him. I tossed my head back with a whine. 

His suction made me finish seconds later, holding onto the blankets and arching off the bed. 

I glanced down at him with fevered eyes. He hadn’t swallowed, just holding it in his mouth as he waited for me to finish. Then he drew back up to me, watching me like a hawk watching prey. He pressed his lips against mine, then parted my lax mouth. 

My eyes widened as I realized what he was doing, but he gripped my cheek as he made me swallow my own semen, his tongue tangling with mine. I was flushed to the roots of my hair as I tasted myself, the salty tang that reminded me of him, and yet was different enough that I could taste it. When he finally moved away, a line of saliva dripped down between us. I couldn’t feel my tongue. It was lolled out. I was completely blank, staring at him. 

“So cute.” He smiled softly. “Like how you taste?” 

I nodded dumbly. I couldn’t look away from him. In the dull haze, he could have asked for anything. And I would have agreed to it. He was made of sex. There had never been anyone like him before, I was convinced. No one in the world was like Asentual. His body, his mind, the way he knew people. I could never hope to match that. But I never wanted to be away from that. 

I wanted to be his equal. But he made it so hard. 

“I think I’ll lie here for a while, with you. What do you think?”

“I…”

“I suppose you wouldn’t think right now, would you.” The blankets wrinkled as he pushed himself in beside me on my good side, then kissed my cheek. “Get some rest, dog. If you’re so insistent on wanting to help me, I’ll let you take a look at what we have. But I don’t want to stay here for long.” His hand trailed along my hip. “We’ll go to the Lord’s kingdom in a few days.”

“Fuck,” I muttered. Whatever plans he had, I didn’t care. I couldn’t get what he had done out of my head. The taste, the feeling, his eyes. “You have pretty eyes,” was all I could say. 

“And you have a pretty mouth,” he purred. 

….

He wouldn’t leave my head. I had documents to look through. I couldn’t be thinking about that right now. Not the way he looked when he parted his lips and made me taste myself, nor the way his mouth closed around my manhood, not about any of that. I had work to do. Four days. He’d given me four days to look through everything and see what I could find that he could have missed. Four days find a way to prove to the Duchess whether we should try and commit treachery and cut off all other kingdoms to save the humans from their bonds of slavery. 

And now only two days with two already wasted, with me spending far too much time thinking his cock must have been hard and he didn’t even do anything he just made me feel amazing – 

“FUCK.” 

The sound of birds coming through my window in the morning light of another hot summer day didn’t help either. I’d close the window, but it was already as stifling as it was, not to mention it was hard to move. There was little to quench the heat that the Capital always had but the iced wine that sat melting beside the pile of papers. More of them lay around the floor of the office, in patterns I thought had made sense at the time. But now they seemed like the work of a mad man. Had I been drunk when I thought that the rapidly deteriorating mining economy was somehow connected to a terrorist plot? It was hard to remember. 

Two days left. And I had been spending every day in this muddled sense of confusion that only grew with every conflicting report and every piece of correlating evidence. Or it could just be me looking far too deeply. 

It didn’t help that every time I found something that sounded true and real, there would be flashes back to what had happened in front of me. I didn’t want to relive that, it was difficult to remember even passing thoughts of the carnage. But I had to bite back the bile that would rise in my throat. Being weak would lead to nothing but uselessness. I was already useless enough, barely able to move from my bed to my office and back without my nurse’s help. 

Isabelle. A sweet girl. She didn’t want anything to do with me, of course. I didn’t blame her for that. Asentual had burned that bridge pretty quickly. Now she couldn’t seem to look me in the eye when she tended to the slowly healing wound on my side. I tried to make conversation, but she knew. It was no surprise that humans were disgusted by the act of two men engaging in sex acts, or women, but that was compounded by her being so shy. I couldn’t even talk to her while I was drowning in work. Perhaps that was for the best. 

Humans were strange. As I prodded the list of names of the deceased- some circled who I thought could have a connection in some way- I thought back to the way they talked with each other. They never talked to me anymore, but I still heard them gossip among themselves when they thought I was asleep. Their voices were soft, but the large rooms of the Palace carried easily. 

All sorts of gossip, none of it about nobles. That old woman who played Isabelle’s mentor barely talked about us, as though we were nothing to them. The lady made it her business to know it all. 

I’d never heard humans speak so openly before. When I closed my eyes, it was like Asentual once said. They didn’t sound different from anyone else. Isabelle checked my sutures to see if any had popped, and no matter the way I looked at her, I saw a person. They were people. Weaker, less colorful people, without royal heritage. But people, there was no doubt about it. 

Isabelle may very well have been smarter than I was. She certainly was when it came to medical care. That old crone of a mentor, whom she called Nanny, taught her everything she knew. They worked so hard here, doing whatever they could. Sometimes I forgot that they were slaves just as much as the entertainment girls were. Being paid nothing, forced to do this. Perhaps they didn’t want to be doctors, or take care of ill patients. I was afraid to ask Isabelle. It seemed she liked it, but I had done so much assuming of humans that it was starting to make me sick. All I seemed to do with humans was assume. The more I tried to pay attention to them, the more I seemed to learn about a world going on under my nose. I’d spent so much time enjoying pleasure and Asentual’s games, or the careful cloak and dagger of nobility in the Capital, that I hadn’t ever really… Looked. Seen that they had lives. Children. Husbands. Wives. It hurt to think about. Inside, I kept turning to Margret’s massacre and seeing the devastation they caused. But it made me ask why. It was impossible to pin down an answer. Or could I accept what I might find?

The ink on the page beside me was running. I’d left the quill on the parchment for too long. I removed it, but it was clear that the page was a lost cause. Though I didn’t really have plans to write anything in the first place. What was there to glean with a list of deceased, a list of suspects, a list of witness statements, and a list of complete drivel?  
The witness statements. Looking them over again, I thought perhaps this time I would see something different. But every one. Every single one. Disappeared. Suddenly vanished. They there once and gone the next. This woman looked away and when she looked back, they were gone. One killed herself while this man watched. They turned into magic bats and flew away. Margret was actually a mountain dragon, this Lord noble swears it.

They got worse the more I trailed down the page. It was no wonder that Asentual had lost his mind pouring over these. For every one that seemed a viable answer, there were  
three more that were impossible. And even the viable ones didn’t give the one answer I as looking for, which was a location. 

Or perhaps I should have been asking a different question. In between the lines, I looked for it. A reason to disbelieve their cause, a reason to go against my Royal. I couldn’t find it. 

“Find your answers?” The voice made me jump. I turned abruptly, but Sigil was already in the room before I could catch her. It hurt to move so quickly, so I swivelled my head around instead as she lingered over the papers on the floor before moving to my other side. The one with the cut. 

“Sigil. It’s a pleasure to see you,” I said carefully. “I haven’t found what I wanted, no. But I’m determined to keep trying.” 

“Cute. You have Asentual in a tizzy, you know,” she purred. Her voice had changed again. I wasn’t sure what it was this time. But if it was anything like the throne room, I was to be on my guard.

“I am just trying to see if I can help,” I sighed. “He worked hard when I was unable to. And I want to try.”

“He was upset, just giving you that time limit. He wants to leave. Now.” Her grin widened. “You don’t. What are you looking for?” I paused, staring hard at the parchment in front of me. I couldn’t seem to see what the words were. My fists clenched. 

“Some way of stopping something like that from happening again.” 

“You’re not a hero, are you Benjamin?” She twirled a finger around curl of my hair. I stayed as still as stone; I don’t think I could have moved if I tried. “You don’t seem like one.”

“I’m just trying to help Asentual,” I said nervously. Her eyes wandered down my face to my chest, then to my groin with a penetrating stare. I looked away with a faint heat to my cheeks. 

“Helping Asentual would be getting him far away from here. He’s afraid, and God knows he doesn’t like the guilt of having so many dead on his hands.” 

“He didn’t kill anyone. He did everything he could to avoid what happened.” I glared at her, but she merely smiled sweetly. It didn’t reach her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to insult your precious hatter.” Swiftly, she drew herself into my lap. I winced as her legs glided over my healing wound. She pressed down harder, and I gasped in pain. “I understand how much you love that creature. What’s not to love? Such pretty eyes, as golden as stars…” She was a snake, darker than Asentual could ever be. Her head glided back and forth, with eyes so emerald and yet so black. Her smile was scarlet, her teeth stark white. She smiled, and the canines looked almost like fangs. “But you’re a Duchess noble. All Queen nobles are like that, to the others. We’re the best. The most dangerous. Do you read your history, Benji?” 

“I-I…” 

“Of course you do, you’re a Duchess Noble.” She trailed a hand down my chest. I would have shuddered if not for the pain. She smelled metallic, the closer she got to me. Her hair nearly hid her eyes. Black and red tendrils. I was too terrified to look away. “You know everything about that. About the stories of magical creatures, a world that didn’t make sense because it was seen through the eyes of a child. What a wonderful thought, eh? To have the Jabberwocky naught more than a poem. Talking rabbits running late, and the only responsibility for the hatter was showing for tea with his animal friends. And the Queen had a King, and the world ruled with trials and fair judgement. Even if the guards were only cards. Cakes, drinks, magic, beautiful gardens… I should think oysters would taste delicious.” As she spoke, I was acutely aware of her pulling at my bowtie. 

“I don’t know what you’re on about.” I tried not to whimper. “I should be getting back to work. Please. You’re hurting me.” 

“Hurting you?” She dug her leg harder into my side, and I gasped in pain. “Dreadfully sorry.” 

“Please…” I begged. 

“Do you say that to Asentual often? Like that, with that desperation?” She grinned secretively, then blinked. “Oh, but I’m getting off track.” She twined her hand around the tie and tugged it apart, staring hungrily at my neck. “The world was supposed to be fair. But that’s the way of stories. Everything is better when we can barely remember it. But memories are not reality.” I watched helplessly as she pressed her mouth against my neck, and sucked hard. The pain from the suction distracted me from her leg digging into me, but it all hurt. 

“Get off of me,” I tried to sound harsh, but she cut it off when she covered my mouth with a hand. 

“You bark so much, no wonder Asentual calls you a dog. Is that what it is? All he does is try to make you heel? Makes for strange role play.” Her eyes darkened further. They looked black with the only light dappling behind her. “You’re not here to save people. You’re not here to make your master happy. You didn’t get killed by Margret.” My eyes widened, and hers narrowed. “But you’re with the hatter. So either Asentual is stupid, or he’s in on it. And if there’s one thing Asentual is, it’s a whore. He’d never want to end what he believes is his playground. His very job is raping and enslaving young girls. But he’s not stupid either, at least not entirely. He’s gullible. But he’d see it by now.” I tried to draw her hand away, but she had both of mine pinned down in a split second. 

“I’m not a rebel,” I gasped. “I swear it.” 

“No. You’re not.” She sneered. “But you’re thinking about it. What do you see in those papers? Do you feel sympathy for the women you rape? The men you let fuck you? That girl who takes care of you, do you think about the ways you can have her when you’re up to it again, or do you think of the ways you can help her escape?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I breathed. “I’m a Right Hand. I’d never.” 

“Right, there is that tricky little tidbit. Which means your Duchess is plotting.” She bit her lip. “A bother. Everyone’s plotting but the Lord these days, only because he’s hiding and rotting away. But everyone else… I can feel it on my skin, can you see?” She held up her arm, spotted with gooseflesh, and broke into a wide grin. Her eyes were huge and wild. “Something terrible coming. So much more death on the way.” 

“You’re insane.” I stared numbly at her. 

“We’re all mad here.” Immediately, she frowned and scowled at me with a withering glare. “It’s all a matter of what defense you need to survive. You’re a slut, and I’m a murderer.” My heart dropped. Even in the heat, I was shaking. My fingers were numb. 

“You’re admitting you’re a killer…” 

“It’s the worst kept secret in this Palace. I don’t care if you happen to know. You won’t tell anyone. Because I could do anything to you.” Her eyes trailed back to my chest, and she popped open my collar. “You’re so thin. You might just be young, though… How old are you, eighteen? Nineteen? A waste of a pretty face, to have your arms lacking such muscle. It makes me want to cut you open and see that traitorous body from the inside out.” 

“I’m n-not.” She pressed her mouth against my chest, sucking with the same intensity on my nipple as she had my neck. I winced and yelped this time, trying to throw her off. She was incredibly strong. The amount of pressure she had on me I wouldn’t expect from someone nearly a head shorter. “Stop it!” 

“You react so easily.” She looked back up at me listlessly. “It’s too easy. And yet, you’re not hard. Do you not like women? Is it just your sister?” I stared at her incredulously.

“Sigil, I’m not fucking –“

“I’m honest with you.” She pouted. “Why can’t you be honest with me?”

“I a-am,” I insisted, flinching at the stutter in my voice. 

“Liar.” She sighed, and trailed a hand down my stomach, parting my shirt to look at the edge of the deep gouge that was slowly healing over. “It’s a wonderful cut. That blade she stole from us was one of my favorites. I had my eyes on it for ages…” Her voice faded. “But Queen always loved her more. I was always the second choice. And yet, she threw it all away.” I held my breath as she dragged her nails around the ugly wound, catching each fingernail on the individual stitches. Agony ripped through me as she pulled just enough that I was fearful she’d try to open them. “Your loyalty should be to the Queen first, and the Duchess second.” Her eyes lolled back to me. “But they’re all mixed up, aren’t they? You’re confused who to listen to. Should you listen to your Duchess? Or fail her and listen to your Queen? Or fail her, and die a lover listening to your hatter? Or fail all three and develop a backbone, going it alone?” She laughed softly, pressing her head against my quickly beating heat. 

“Oh, that’s a nice feeling,” she purred. “Your heart is going so fast. It’s so warm and comforting. I wonder what it would look like.”

“Please…”I breathed shallowly. “Let me go. I won’t betray anyone. I’ll stop, I’ll run away.”

“Sweet boy. I suppose I should never entertain the idea of you growing a backbone. Tell me, Benji. Who do you think I listen to?” 

“The queen,” I hissed. She tugged at another stitch, and I bit back a scream. 

“No. I listen to my children.” She dropped her hand from my wound. “I listen to those who have nowhere else to go. The noble girls who will never be the top of the food chain, because it’s men like you that truly hold the power. A Left Hand is lesser to a Right, is that not the way of it? One is always dominant, and it’s never left. I care for the children of two different Kingdoms, who’s hair will forever keep them from our world. I listen to my sweet things who cry for help and purpose. The Queen tells me what to do, but it is the realm I serve. And sacrifice is necessary to keep Wonderland alive and breathing. Sacrifice include the slaves you care about.” 

“I don’t care about-“

“I know. But one day you will. I see it in those beautiful eyes of yours.” She looked up at me seriously, her lips pursed in a sweet sadness. “Don’t forget me when that day arrives. Don’t forget what I’ve said. And don’t forget how easily I could kill you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though Wonderlanders often invoke the name of the Christian God, whether in vain or in a vague pious sense, they are not religious in the usual sense. There are churches, of course, and as this world is one is made originally from Alice’s mind (according to legend) the world follows the various pieces of hers in terms of religion. But they have turned their backs from what we would consider a godly life. “God” is only used in terms of a swear word or a vague concept of an afterlife, but no thought is poured into the possibility of what could actually come from the things they do, nor do they attend church or care for church service in any fashion, for the most part. There are always exceptions, of course. But sin is only an object to use as naughty seduction or to flavor a conversation with when talking about latest exploits. Begging forgiveness is reserved for role play. 
> 
> It’s humans who continue to hold onto the religion that Alice supposedly once held, along with the sins that go with it. Humans more religious than others often hold even more contempt for Wonderlanders than usual because of this. They, humans, for the most part believe in the existence of Alice, and often name their children in the fashion of the world that their messiah came from (that is to say, normal names such as Isabelle or Henry). They adopt many different aspects of Alice’s life to try to get closer back to the world they believe Wonderland once was. This lack of care for Christian standards by Wonderlanders allow them to live their lives without a fear of hypocrisy or cognitive dissonance, and lets them enjoy depraved lives with a sprinkling of God in between to keep them thinking they can be saved.


	15. Chapter 15

I stared at her speechlessly, her hand poised at my wound. My heartbeat dipped. Everything felt numb. A murderer was on my lap, and she wanted me dead. 

I needed to be brave. I had been brave, once. I stared at her, willing myself to move, to do something. I wanted to yell. I wanted to shout that she was wrong, that I could fight her, that she would never kill me without a struggle, and no one would let me die without someone having something to say about it. I wasn’t alone. 

“Sigil. I believe that’s enough,” the voice said from the behind me. I immediately relaxed with a shudder at Asentual’s familiar twang, especially with the cold hostility that came with it. The woman’s eyes narrowed as she looked behind me, then slowly stood up, leaving my wound and my body room to breathe. I tried to catch my breath, but it came in shaky gasps and made my head faint.

“Ah, see there’s the knight in shining armor. He’s the one always protecting his maiden.” She looked disdainfully behind me, where I could feel Asentual’s rage as much as hear him. “Your dog isn’t as brave as his barking would lead me to believe.”

“Get away from him, before I have you executed.” 

“I am away,” she purred. “And you and I both know the Queen would never allow her precious Left Hand to die. I’m not the one with treachery all around me, Rettah.” I stared at her in disbelief. She knew about him. How many more know about his life before? 

“Leave and stop speaking in circles, or I swear, on the Queen’s own life, I will do everything in my power to see that you end up in the slave barracks used like the toilet you are. And afterwards only then will I have your head removed from your shoulders. Do you understand me?” She wasn’t moved by his speech, but with a chuckle she did as she was told. Her whispered voice carried from behind me. 

“Your dog isn’t to be trusted,” she murmured, just loud enough so she knew I would hear. Then the footsteps carried away. I stared at the window. I couldn’t seem to turn my head. My body was shaking with movement, and yet I couldn’t seem to move myself to see him. 

He came to me instead, his eyes full of worry and fear. Less gaunt now that he had gotten his fair share of sleep, but still enough that I worried for him. I could only imagine what he felt, seeing me like this. I wish I could speak properly. My teeth chattered. 

“Benji,” he uttered softly as he knelt beside me. His eyes turned to my wound, and he flinched. “That doesn’t look good. I’ll get Isabelle.” 

“D-don’t…” I wanted to tell him not to coddle me. Not to let me stay like this. I was strong, damnit. I could be strong. I wouldn’t let something like her get in the way, no matter what she said. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to talk. He grasped my hand.

“I won’t leave you,” he sighed, and pressed the back of my hand to his cheek. “I should have been watching. I underestimated just how far I could trust Sigil. It seems as far as I can throw her is still much too far.” He watched me closely. I didn’t turn my head. My eyes wouldn’t leave the window. I was still as a statue. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to say something more. I wanted to cry. I was too afraid. Worse than any Jabberwocky. Worse than any slaver catching me out of the blue. Something who knew me, knew everything about me, was fully prepared to destroy everything I had. Because of a secret I didn’t want to keep. This wasn’t a game anymore. And I couldn’t fight back. She was stronger than me. 

It made me wonder how the humans felt.

“Benji, you have me worried.” He stood up, and tugged my arm. It hung uselessly at my side. “I’m getting Isabelle. I’ll be back.”

“Pl-please…” I whispered. I wanted to beg him not to stay in this. To let me continue my work, but even that I knew was a lost cause now. He let me go, and left the room and me to suffer in silence. 

I’d failed. 

“Did the stitches pop?” Her voice echoed through the hall along with the sound of running, minutes later. 

“No, but they’ve been pulled. Gruesomely. I’m less worried about that and more about what happened to him. He’s…”

“What?” Isabelle burst through the door without care. She whirled around to my side with her kit on her side, her eyes focused not once on me but on the problem at hand. Nothing mattered but the patient’s health. She was strong for that. Caring about her job, putting others in front of herself. Even though she hated me, was disgusted me, she came running. 

“This.” Asentual followed immediately after, slamming the door behind him. “Blank. He won’t look at me.” 

“What did she say to him?” As she spoke, she was already getting out her supplies. She didn’t need to pause to move my shirt with it already unbuttoned, and so went about her business with exact care. I didn’t flinch. Everything on that side was on fire anyways. It could very well have gotten infected again. Another six days of near death, and it still didn’t seem to hit me. Nothing did. I just wanted to move. Asentual looked so worried, peering down at me, and all I could do was subtly shake in my arm chair like a sickly puppy. 

Isabelle worked painstakingly to fix the sutures. The entire time, Asentual watched me. For any sign of a reaction, or a glance in his direction. And I did see him, somewhere off in my mind. I did know what they were doing for me. But it was difficult to react or even think properly, with everything weighing down harder and harder.

Asentual didn’t look right either. There was something on his mind. Something much deeper than worry for me. He’d gotten a good night’s sleep, and eaten well, but those dark circles under his eyes weren’t from insomnia. Something had happened again, something no one seemed to be able to stop. 

Maybe if I had that sword, I could save the world. Maybe then I could be everything the Duchess wanted me to be. Or for myself. I could never seem to be the hero, no matter how hard I tried. Every time, I’d be split apart by something stronger. Every single time, I’d be dragged to and fro by someone else who had infinitely larger plans than I could ever hope to understand. Did everyone have such distaste in being a pawn? How could people live in a world where nothing ever mattered and yet, one wrong move, one wrong care… 

“There,” Isabelle carefully cut the last replacement stitch and looked over her handiwork one last time, then stood up with a grunt, grasping the nurse’s kit with her nimble fingers. She turned to Asentual abruptly. “Don’t let her come near him again. What she did was dangerous. Those could develop infection again.”

“What about what happened to him?” He blinked. “Why is he-“

“You need to get him out of here. Away from this. Whatever she said, it was too much. He’ll be alright, but… Rest. And then leaving, far from here.” She seemed to realize what she was saying, and who she was saying it to, for she looked down with her eyes slightly wide. “I-I mean… No disrespect, sir.” She flinched as what she said sunk in. “I m-mean…”

“It’s fine. Thank you for helping him.” He stood up, and her entire demeanour changed. She scampered away again with the fire that was lit under her gone in seconds. Once again, she was simply another human, and not someone who had saved my life. I wished I could have thanked her. I wish I could have helped her. My tongue was tied in knots, much like my stomach. 

The door closed again, and then the only sound was those birds. The ones at the window that never seemed to shut up. Asentual watched me quietly, then walked slowly until he knelt before me. I worked up the smallest amount of nerve to move my head from the window, to his face. I’d only ever seen him look this way before the loss of his memories. His eyes were downcast, looking at my knees with his mind far away. Both of us seemed to be in different worlds. I wonder what his was like. 

He grasped my hand, the one Isabelle had lain in my lap, and sighed. 

“I love you, Benji.” 

It was quiet again. 

Tears dripped down silently. His hand tightened around mine as I cried, unable to stop myself no matter how much I willed it. They fell anyways. And maybe they should have.

“Sensi…” His name felt foreign in my mouth.

“I love you,” He squeezed my hand again. “And because of that, we need to leave.”

I stared at him silently.

“There was another attack.” 

“… Oh.” I went quiet again, but the shivering more than made up for my silence. He waited for the shaking in my hands to subside again before he continued. My breath still came in pants, but they were better than they had been. “How many…” I muttered. 

“Twenty one dead. They targeted a slave barracks, and stole at least a hundred. Probably more. It’s difficult to say.” He gripped my hand tighter. “I gave you four days. But this is where it’s led you. What did Sigil say?” There was a stone in my throat. I gulped it down. 

“I c-can’t…” I couldn’t explain what she said. It would put him in danger. The thought of confiding in him hurt to think about. 

“I won’t make you.” Still treating me like a child. “But I have a feeling I know. We have to leave this.” He stood up slowly, and softly pressed his lips against mine. They were warm, comforting. I felt so cold in comparison. He moved away, kissing my forehead, then my cheek, then my chin, then my shoulder. 

“It hurts…” I whimpered. I didn’t mean the cut. 

“And that’s why we’re leaving.” He slid a hand through my hair. “Spend the next days healing. I won’t leave your sight. And then, we’re gone. I won’t let this break you further. Or me. Let Sigil play games.”

“My m-mission-“ Maybe it was already over. I knew what I had seen, and what was at stake. Anyone who wasn’t blind could see it. But everyone was blind. And I wished I was too. Looking at him, his eyes full of worry and trust, seeing him in the most vulnerable way that I knew no one else would ever get to see… It hurt. He was in bed with a traitor. Or traitor to be. I kept looking at him, trying to see him on the other side of a battle, and it hurt. It felt like claws digging into my side, worse than any wound. 

“Isn’t worth this,” he said firmly. “We’re leaving, dog. I know what’s best for you, remember? And what’s best for you, is getting as far away from the Capital as you can.” I regretted ever nodding my head to what he said. 

….

We prepared for the road ahead, knowing the moment my wound healed enough that I could handle travel. I knew there had been more attacks, I could feel it whenever Asentual came to visit me. But he would tell me nothing. Perhaps it was better that way. The less I knew about the terrorist attacks, and the less I knew about politics in general, the better. It meant Sigil would be less inclined to visit, and visit she never did. But I knew the real reason why. 

When I regained the ability to walk normally, I would sometimes press my head against the door and hear the sound of Asentual’s pacing. After what happened, he wouldn’t let her near me. I could faintly hear him speaking with her, exchanging harsh words, but for the most part she left us alone. Only Isabelle and Asentual came through my door. Isabelle to silently check my progress, and Asentual to make me feel worse and worse. There was something eating away at me more painful than any fear or any pain. I couldn’t seem to see it no matter how many hours of the day I spent staring mindlessly at the ceiling. But it hurt. No matter what I did, it wouldn’t go away.

Every day was so long, it felt like the minutes had become hours. Asentual was there, of course, to touch me, to take care of me and pass away the hours as it felt like my side rotted more than healed. But I didn’t want anything more. I couldn’t understand why. He stopped trying to initiate after a while, and in the end, we held each other and waited for the cut to heal. It left a jagged scar that stretched with every movement, but at least it was hidden by the new traveling clothes Asentual had bought. When he gave them to me, I could barely smile. 

Then the time came for Asentual to collect Misty and us to leave the dreaded city, and it couldn’t have come fast enough. We left in the early light of a breezy summer day when the sun was barely on the horizon. I could tell the hatter was antsy to get moving too. Misty was the same after being stuck in a stable for so long. Being transferred to the Palace stables was the one trip she’d gotten in a month, and it showed in her behaviour. She was still nice to Sensi, but with me she nipped whenever possible. And I felt sorry for the stable boy, who got the brunt of her pent-up frustration. 

When we made it onto the southern road she calmed down and grew more docile the less buildings there were around us. I felt it too. In the city, all I could get was congestion, but the minute we were beyond the sprawling collection of dilapidated stone and wood, I felt almost bright, like I could breathe again. Though no matter how sweet the air was that slowly chilled the further down the road we went, no matter how much Asentual sang to himself to pass the time away, or chatted aimlessly about the different woman he’d found in the Lord’s kingdom, the trips he’d taken, the things he’d seen, I found myself withering away. It was slower than the castle, but it happened. Every time I heard his voice, every time he talked about slaves, every time he brushed his hand back against mine, it hurt. And nothing anyone did seemed to be able to change that. 

The rows of wheat and barley stretched out as far as the eye could see. Misty paced along the road at a comfortable speed, and I watched the world slowly turn around me. The sun would rise in front of us and make its way into the sky to shine on fields of harvest due to the Lord’s eternal autumn. And then it would set behind us, and we’d make camp between a small grove of trees for the night to keep the chill of the night wind from buffeting us. And then we’d get going again, once again in some mindless direction. There was nowhere to go. For all of Asentual’s talk, there was nothing else to see. The further we traveled, the further I deteriorated with something at the back of my mind I caught glimpses of. Guilt, fear… 

Asentual knew something was wrong, but he was helpless. I could see it in his eyes, that panic every time I went to sleep without a word. Maybe he thought it was Sigil that had done this. Perhaps she was the catalyst. 

But there was far, far more that left me staring awake at night at the sky. I was lying, always lying to the one person I loved more than anything. The one person I trusted, who I knew trusted me. It was me he came to, that day he was afraid and broken. It was me he trusted to take care of him. My heart broke a little further the more I realized how far I’d gone to ruin it all for my Duchess. If he knew, then he’d hate me. The constellations that I used to watch in wonder were just blurry lights now. And his snoring just reminded me that he was there. He’d hate me.

He’d hate me.

He stopped Misty on the road, a week or so out from the Capital. I didn’t realize we weren’t moving until I looked down for the first time in what seemed like ages and saw that her legs were still. The horse whinnied softly in frustration, but the hatter was silent, gripping the reigns so tightly he was white knuckled. 

“Benji.” 

“… Yes?” I mumbled.

“What’s wrong?” 

“I… I don’t know.” Too many things. The least of which was fearing for my life. But I couldn’t tell him. 

He got off the horse with a growl and started pacing on the gravel road. The fronds of wheat grew right up to the edge of the road and tickled him as he passed by them. 

“I don’t understand why you can’t just talk to me!” He hissed. “We’ve been gone from the castle for ages and I thought the air would help you here, but you haven’t said a word to me in two days. Yes. That’s the first thing you’ve said to me since I asked if you wanted your share of rations.”

“I-I’m sorry…” 

“Sorry?” He turned abruptly to me. I stared at him. He looked like a mess, his eyes yellow pools in sunken eyelids and his face even more pointed than before. When he wasn’t smirking, he looked… Strange. “I don’t want an apology. I want you to talk to me. Please. Tell me something, anything.” Numbly, I slid down from the speckled horse to face him. I found I couldn’t look at his face for long. 

“I don’t know what to say.” 

His eyes darkened. Then he stormed towards me so violently that Misty took a step back towards the wheat. But I just hung there and let him do what he wanted. It surprised me when he stopped in front of me, and gripped my hands. 

“I told you I loved you, Benji, and I meant it. I really did. I don’t know what Sigil said, or what’s been happening with you, but ever since then you’ve been… This. I can have her executed, you know I can. But I care about you, and seeing you like this, hurts.” I gritted my teeth. 

“Stop it.”

“If this is about before, where you were worried I didn’t love you, I mean it this time, I really do-“

“Stop it!” I shoved him away and wiped my eyes before any more tears could fall. “Don’t touch me.” His hands dropped slowly as he stared open-mouthed. Years ago, I would have thought he great Asentual incapable of looking heart-broken. 

“I…” I began, then bit my lip. My head was pounding. My hands were shaking again. I hated it. All I ever did was cry and shake like a child, and run away when I felt things were tough. I’d always been a child. I had to face him. I had to face Sigil. The Jabberwocky. The Duchess. The Queen. The King. I couldn’t run away anymore. I had to tell Asentual the truth. And I had to make my choice. If he was going to hate me for the rest of my life, if he never wanted to see me again, then it would be on my grounds. Not Sigil’s or anyone else’s. And not when we faced each other down on whatever broken battlefield this treachery might create. 

“I’m a traitor,” I whispered to my shoes, then looked up at him clearly. “I’m a traitor!” I yelled. 

His eyes widened. I clutched my hands tighter. It seemed pointless to wipe away crying like this now. Nothing would stop it. I hated it. 

“I… The Duchess told me about the world. And the group. The people who want to save the h-humans.” I gasped for air. “She told me to help. She told me that if there was any merit, any at all, that I should make the call the join them. If there was any reason to believe that their intentions were for a better Wonderland, then I was to tell her. And join their side.” 

“You… You saw what they did!” I tensed as Hatter roared and shoved me back, but before I could stand up straight he had me by the collar of my shirt. My eyes widened in surprise at the sheer rage on his face. But it was more than that. He was even worse than before. I was no better than his sister. “You saw what they were capable of! All of those people- you!” He gestured to my side, then turned to me with his eyes full of betrayal and confusion. “How could you possibly say they have merit, when you were cut? You could have died, and you want to join them?!” 

He was right, of course. And hearing him yell at me like that was almost a relief. But he was wrong, too. No matter how hard he shoved and pushed, he was still wrong. And he knew it. He had already showed me that. “You taught me, from the last day we had together in that brothel. You showed me that humans were worth saving! You did it yourself. When you close your eyes, the sound of a human’s screams and a Wonderlanders’ aren’t any different. Those girls you protect by showing them ways to hide themselves, they’re only the few lucky ones.” I stared at him, silently pleading with him. “You always said not to upset the balance, but- I understand why they did it.” I gulped. “I understand why Margret is doing what she’s doing. Why anyone is doing what they’re doing.” 

He snarled, and tightened his grip, but he couldn’t seem to find anything to say. 

“Hatter,” I whimpered. “This world is dying.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know,” he growled. I gaped at him. 

“Then why aren’t you trying to fix it?”

“What can we fix? What can we possibly do to change something that’s been this way for a thousand years? What we ever hope to accomplish with Royals that are insane and want us dead?” He was crying too. I watched as a few tears fell that he didn’t seem to notice. “Why do you have to do this, Benji? We didn’t have to play their games. I… Benji… I don’t have anyone without you. No one knows me like you. No one knows me at all.” He was right. But he didn’t know how right he was.

“I don’t want to. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I… It keeps hurting, every time I think of you. I keep seeing you and knowing what I hide away. Every time I look at you and I see you it hurts because all I do is lie and I hate it!” I saved you once. You were hurt. You made me lie so you could feel safe again. I’ll never be able to tell you everything. “I hate that I can’t tell you things, and I hate that I have to fight something I never wanted to!” 

“Then why are you doing this?!” He let go of my collar, but he didn’t want to let go of me. His hands tightened on my shoulders. 

“I don’t want to!” I whimpered. “But this rebellion will be a stale mate without the Duchess. And I’m her Hand. I’m… I’m supposed to do what she asks of me. It’s all I’ve ever been trained to do.” 

“You’re more than that and you know it,” he growled with his eyes staring intensely at mine, then broke down with a sigh, his fingers digging into my skin. His entire body seemed to collapse, holding onto me with the barest of strength as he spoke softly. “You’re not your uncle. You can’t be the villain.”

“Maybe we’re the villains.” I clutched him tighter. “All I see around us is pain, and hurt, Sensi. I didn’t think there could ever be anything else. But if there could…” 

“Then I’d have to fight you. I can’t turn my back on the Queen. She’d kill me.”

“I can’t turn my back on the Duchess either,” I whimpered. “But I… I…” My breath caught in my throat, and I hitched back a sob. He smelled the way he always did, cinnamon and sex. He felt just like before, every time I met him. Every time we were together in his arms. Travel and sex, fun and enjoyment of the world. I never wanted to be apart from him. 

“I don’t want to live in a world where I have to fight you,” I whimpered. 

His grip tightened on my arm until it hurt. “You don’t have to.” 

“I want that to be true.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said you were my only real friend, Benji,” he breath tickled my neck, and my shoulder was damp with tears. 

“I know.” I held him tighter.

“And I don’t want to be without you.”

“I know.” 

“Nothing is fair, is it?” he looked up at me with a watery grin. “Me falling in love with the one Duchess Noble who decided to end slavery.”

“I haven’t decided that.” I pressed my head against his. His face, his scent, his eyes… It was worth it. Worth everything. “I don’t want to hurt you. I never… There’s nothing within me that could.” 

“I can’t do that either, dog. You’re mine, remember?” He kissed me softly. “And I have to take care of you. I bought you, so you’re my responsibility.” 

“Jokes can’t save me from having to deal with this.” I sighed with a tired smile, and pressed my forehead against his. “As much as I enjoy yours.”

“Then…” he looked up at me seriously. “Don’t.” 

“What?”

“Don’t make the decision now. Let me talk to the Duchess.”

“Why?”

“I don’t… Entirely disbelieve in what you’re saying. But I want to hear her sincerity. If she wants to bring the Kingdom to war, then I want to speak to her about it and get her to fully realize the extent of her actions. This wasn’t something she should ever have pinned on you alone. But Royals are like that. Selfish and self-serving.” I blinked. 

“You’re taking the decision away from me?”

“No, but I want to be your second opinion.” Tentatively, he grinned and pressed closer. “If you’re going to fight me, I want to make sure it’s for a bloody good reason.” 

“Don’t joke about that.” I hugged him tighter. “I never want to fight you.” 

“It might be you never have to.” His body relaxed further into my arms with a sigh. “I want to help you, Benji. I don’t want you to suffer in silence. You’ve been holding this in for ages, and you never told me. That hurts more than anything else.” My stomach roiled. There was something else too, but I’d never be able to tell him that. For good reason. But this, this was enough. 

“I’m sorry,” I sighed. “I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid of what might happen if anyone knew.” 

“I suppose it’s my fault. I kept going on and on about wanting to enjoy you and show you everything we didn’t get to see before. But I never stopped to ask questions.” 

“It’s not your job to ask questions about me,” I reasoned, but he just chuckled. 

“It’s what friends do for each other, dog.” Flushing faintly, I smiled and sunk into his arms. We both ended up sitting by the side of the road tangled with each other and watching Misty snack on the wheat floating in the breeze. She was calmer too now, with everything said and done. And for the first time in ages, before the Capital, before any of this, I felt light.


	16. Chapter 16

The sun was still high in the sky when we stopped by a circle of pine trees to set up camp. It was only a short walk from where Hatter had stopped us, but neither of us wanted to move. I didn’t want to leave the road, to be honest. I was quite content just sitting in the dirt never letting go of him, but eventually that moment ended when Misty waddled over to bite at his hat. We meandered down the road after that and found the first place possible to settle down for the night, as an excuse not to continue. I wasn’t sure where we were going now. 

I grabbed the rations from off the back of Misty, when another bag what I presumed were supplies rolled off with it. I hadn’t really helped Hatter with unloading and setting up camp before, so it had gone unnoticed. But now that I looked at the bag, it started to make me wonder. I’d never seen him unload it for food. It was always with the pile of other supplies we carried, but was never opened. Hatter wasn’t one to make Misty carry more than she had too. That’s why I was already unloading her to give her free reign of the spiky grasses around us. 

I made a move to grab it when Asentual called over from the other side of the tree line. “Benji, there’s a stream!”

“Is there?” I called back, and quickly dropped the rest of the supplies from Misty to run over to him. 

Beyond the thin line of trees was a small creek that ran perpendicular to the road, bubbling quietly with water translucent and shimmering against the sun. It wasn’t enough to swim in, but Sensi had already taken advantage of the cool water by dipping his feet in. He sat his hat and himself down on one of the boulders that lined the creek. 

“Come here, dog.” He motioned for me to sit beside him. I pulled off my shoes and placed them beside his, then dropped down beside him and tested the water with a toe. It was more than cool, but after walking on the road it was a welcome relief. 

“That is nice,” I said. He nodded in agreement. We sat in silence and watched the flat lands of wild grasses that stretched across the other side. Fences stretched far across the field, some long forgotten where nature had reclaimed itself and refused to be divided. At the very edge, tree lines kept the skyline from touching the fields, a healthy dark green mixture of maples and pines. I could tell if I squinted. I looked up at the sky. The sun said we were facing south. 

“This is the most south you’ve ever gone, isn’t it.” I looked back at him. He was watching me intently. 

“Oh… Yes. I’ve only ever traveled with you, you know.” 

“I know. Still colder here than it was in the Capital.” He yawned. “And no ocean in sight. Unless you call those fields an ocean.” 

“It’s somewhat like an ocean,” I reasoned. “When the wind blows, it’s like the fields turn into waves.” 

“I suppose. But it’s not as fishy. And there’s no one walking around with dildos inside them.” 

I flushed and turned my attention back to the water. He chuckled softly, resting his chin against my shoulder. 

“You blush so easily, dog.”

“You’ve got a silver tongue,” I complained. 

“As I’m sure you know by now, I can certainly do plenty of things with my tongue,” he purred. “Ah, and now you’ve gone redder.” 

“Is this payment for all those weeks you didn’t get any?” I asked, and nudged his side for good measure. He faltered for a moment, and I thought I’d gone too far. But then he smiled. 

“I’m just happy that you’re back to your old self. I couldn’t stand you being unable to function. Regardless of sex. I have been a little pent up, but I can manage.”

I smiled tentatively, then frowned. “What are we going to do, then?” 

“Hm?”

“About everything. I mean, we can’t keep going through the Lord’s Kingdom with all of this. More people are dying all the time, as we speak.” He raised an eyebrow. 

“Did you lose your sense of direction, dog?”

“What do you mean?”

“I turned us north when we started walking. I mean to take us directly to the Duchess.” 

“I… Really?” I stared at him. 

“Of course. I meant what I said. You’re a priority, of course. This was meant to be your rest and relaxation anyways, and if this place gives you no rest nor relaxation, then I’ll do what will.” I gripped his hand in mine, and sighed as I pressed my face against his neck. My body still tensed when I felt him, but all of that was just a physical reaction now. He was the most comforting thing in the world. 

“Thanks, Sensi.”

“Not a problem.” Tentatively, he squeezed back, then closed his eyes as he let the water splash on his feet. 

“Really, I mean it.” I leaned down and pressed my head against his chest. His heartbeat was fast enough to make me curious. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine.”

“Aren’t we trying to work on telling each other the truth?” He groaned and fell back against his boulder. 

“It’s just strange, all of this love shite.” He opened one eye to glare at me. “I’m not supposed to fall in love, you know. I’m meant to be the daring bachelor that fucks anything that moves.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you tend to do that anyways.” 

“Yes, but it’s different now. Most of the time I just want you. And then you’re busy losing your mind over world ending problems and I have no one to stick it in.” 

“Sounds rather selfish, hm?” Languidly I moved over him to place my head against his chest again. He was warmer than anything, and comfortable too. I purred as I pressed my face into his neck. His hands caressed my hair to the back of my nape. “And you’ve always got those poor girls you do whatever you want with.” 

“I never keep a girl from enjoying herself, dog, you know that. I’m simply making the best of a bad situation. And of course it is. I’m being selfish. But I’m also being a horny bastard that wants to fuck his best mate and that’s just a recipe for selfishness right there.” 

“I’m sorry you’re incapable of masturbation. Whatever will you do?” I looked up at him with a grin. 

“Die, most likely. Suffer, wither away in the prime of my life, then die a horrible death with nothing but Misty for company, and she just wants an excuse to eat my hat.” 

“We can’t have that, then.” 

“Not unless you want me dead, no, we can’t.” I chuckled, then blinked as I remembered.

“Oh, by the way. There was a bag with the other supplies. I haven’t seen you use it, is it more rations?” His grin widened until it went from ear to ear. 

“Oh, nothing like that.” 

The unexpected reaction made me shiver. “You’re scaring me, hatter.” He tugged a strand of hair and chuckled. 

“Maybe you should be scared.” I stared at him a moment longer, then rolled my eyes. 

“It’s sex toys, isn’t it.” 

“… No?” I rolled away from him with a groan.

“You packed toys? Really? Misty doesn’t need to be carrying that.”

“I felt they were an essential addition. I had plans. Ideas. All sorts. And we didn’t get to do all of them when we were in the Capital.” 

I glanced at him incredulously. “You put me through orgies, dungeons, public demonstrations, Jasper – everything in between, and you have more?” He shrugged. 

“People have been fucking since the beginning of time. It gets boring after a while, so there’s always new inventions to spice things up in the bedroom…” His eyes gleamed. “I’ll show you after dinner.” Somehow, his expression made me both aroused and afraid at the same time. 

“… What if I say no?”

His hand gripped my throat. Somehow, he’d managed to get on top of me in seconds and pinned me against the boulder. Lithely, he stroked his other hand down my cheek while the other tightened until I choked on my breath, watching me like an interesting bug he wanted to squish. 

“I’ll make you.” A noise died in the back of my throat. My heart pounded in my throat. Half aroused, and half thinking back to what had happened before. But he was careful, gentle, and had no real pressure against the pin. And before I could choke harder, he let go and pressed his lips gently against mine. He purred faintly. “But I know you’ll do it anyways, the sweet fuck toy that you are.”

“I’m not a fuck toy,” I growled. “I’m a dog. Don’t forget that.” 

“Of course,” he laughed. “Though, I’m sure I could put you into a lot of roles.” 

“I'll only go as far as dog" I glared at him. "Then... I suppose I should be prepared for… whatever it is you want to do to me. What should I expect?” 

“Well, we’ll wait and see what happens. First, though, I’m starved.” With that, he stood up and stretched his arms behind his back, then grabbed his shoes and padded back towards Misty. He left me lying on the ground and watching the sun slowly go down, thinking of what he could possibly do to me. Leaving me with an erection I couldn’t seem to will to go down. He got up and left so easily. Sometimes I wondered if any of his dirty talk actually touched him, or if it was all for show. 

I glanced back at the tree line. He was adjusting his pants. 

He scowled back at my laughter. 

…..

“So then, there I was, pants around my ankles, balls deep in the Lord girl who could NOT shut up about how I wasn’t as good as her brother – and yet she was still screaming in between breaths mind you- when out of nowhere, her father shows up with the very man in question. See, apparently he was a lesser emissary because everyone knows the Lord wasn’t about to let his Hand go, so he sent this noble with nothing better to do. Turned it into a whole family get together but the wife was out drinking. I bet she knew about the incest and couldn’t bear it.” Asentual chewed at a particularly tough piece of jerky. “So I say to the man who’s walked in on my banging his daughter, I say… Well I can’t remember exactly what I said but it was bloody funny. And before long I’ve got the brother in her ass, me in that slit and her father using that mouth she would not shut up with. However! Even after all of that, I’ve decidedly sworn off all Lord noble girls from the court.” 

“How is that even possible for you? I didn’t realize you had standards.” He tossed a dried blueberry at me. 

“Well, I’m with you aren’t I?” he laughed. “I can’t stand Lord noble girls because they’re almost as bossy as Queen noble girls. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that the Lord’s kingdom is just ruled by the Left Hand. Most of what I see from those Lord nobles is submissive men practically begging to have their arses stretched, and then those women ready to tear the cock off of anyone who looks at them the wrong way. Felt’s a blast, of course. I’ve got loads of friends in the Capital, Lord nobles and all. But the Capital changes people. No one’s the same in the city as they are in court.” 

I nodded as I chewed thoughtfully on my own dried meat. “I suppose it’s the freedom. You’re expected to be a certain way in court. The Royal being right there sets a certain standard you’re expected to maintain. I love the Duchess, of course, but… I know she wants certain things of me.” Like planning the entirety of the world’s future, and whether I should let it go to war. I swallowed. “And I have to represent her. Court nobles are a different breed.” 

“Certainly inbred.” 

I balked. “Oi! I’m a court noble and I’m not inbred!” 

“You’re fucking your sister. I feel like this could be genetic.” 

“Well it’s… It’s not!” 

“You paused.” He watched me curiously. “Did you have to think about it? I’ve never actually seen your parents.” 

Abruptly, I looked back down to my ration. The dried blueberries didn’t like it when I picked at them. They flew out of my hand, and a few landed by the crackling fire between us. For the moment, the words fell dead in my mouth. This was a door I hadn’t opened for a while. It almost felt boring now, turning the handle and seeing what was inside. Old, and decrepit. He seemed to notice, because he gave me more than enough time to think, instead putting his attention on poking at the fire with a long branch.

“They’re gone,” I said eventually, choosing my words carefully. “Father disappeared, mother’s dead.” 

“Both Duchess nobles, were they?”

“… Yes. Not related. At least, directly.”

“How did she die?” My mouth twitched. 

“Poisoned by bad food. I didn’t think it would get bad, but then it got worse and worse… The cook got executed for it.” I looked up at Hatter for some kind of reaction. His face betrayed nothing. “Kind of a sad way to go, isn’t it? I don’t remember much. I was five, I think.” Depressing. She had never been there though. Not really. She was just another noble that dressed to impress the Duchess and did everything she could to get on the list for her tea parties.

His eyes narrowed. “And your father?” That was a harder one. It hurt more than I thought it would, to think about.

“Some say he ran off to the south, or maybe the Capital. He was always the black sheep of the family. Perhaps he’s dead.” I shrugged, and thought back to vague and half formed memories. He hadn’t been there much either. My mind kept searching for a face to grasp, but it would always turn back to my uncle. “I don’t really care much for either of them. My uncle was there, I suppose. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but he wasn’t much better.” 

“Flimsy as relationships go, was he?” 

“No. As rigid as a board. Kept me from doing what I liked.” I swallowed the last of the berries and set the jerky aside. “With him around, I could never pull the pranks I wanted. But I had Sadie and the Duchess for company I could count on. That was all I needed.” 

“Was it, though? It made you into quite the prick.”

“That’s a bit rude,” I grumbled. “I wasn’t that bad.”

“No, you really were.” He smirked. “You threw your title around like it meant you were a Royal yourself. And you just finished saying all you did was terrorize other nobility while you were in court. I saw the way your mouth got you into quite a bit of trouble that first time I met you. That mouth of your just kept running on and on, and even as scared as you were you tried to maintain some bravado. Probably got you whipped. I knew I had to break you down.”

I swallowed hard, feeling my face warm. “Well, I’m not like that. Anymore. Maybe.” I pulled my legs as I sat, and watched the fire, then glanced up at him. “Am I?” 

“Not really. You’ve changed. I’ve watched you.” He closed his eyes and yawned. “I’ll never get all of the snark out of you, but that’s alright. I don’t think I’d want a boring Benji that obeys my every whim…” He shrugged. “I’m sorry for your terrible life, dog. I suppose you get your adventurous spirit from your father.” 

The thought made my stomach churn. “I’d rather not get anything from my father, if I’m honest. He left Sadie alone, and that was unforgivable.” It was her who cried when he left. I remembered that much. Just blue hair, and a face I wish I could punch. 

“I’m sorry for bringing it up, then.” He let the topic drop. Both of us watched the fire, but he couldn’t sit still for long. He nimbly stood up, plodding around the fire to sit down beside me. “Put it out of your mind.”

“I’ve tried to.” It was so easy to lounge against him. “And I have.” That was ages ago in the past. Whatever happened didn’t matter now. What mattered was I had my head in Asentual’s lap and was staring into those eyes that competed with the stars above him. Bright and glowing almost as much as the fire. 

“That brought down the mood a tad,” he sighed, stroking my hair absently. “What say we bring it back up?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well it’s after dinner, isn’t it?” He smirked down at me. “Why don’t we see what I have in my bag of goodies for today?”

I flushed faintly. “Alright. Try not to kill me.”

“I’ll try not to. How far should we go, do you think?” 

I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not entirely certain how to answer that question.” 

“Well then.” He gently nudged me off as he clambered over to the pile of supplies. “I’ll surprise you.” 

I watched him nervously open the bag and look through the supplies that he carefully kept just out of sight. “I don’t like the sound of that. Whatever you do, if it’s too much I’ll run.”

“Then I’ll have to catch you. It’s almost as if that’s my job, isn’t it?” He rolled his eyes with a lazy grin, then turned back to the bag. The curiosity grew. Eventually, I crouched beside him, but even then, he kept the bag’s contents out of my sight. I tried to peek over, and he moved his body with a chuckle. He set lube down to the side, which both relieved me and worried me all at once. That was a rather large bottle. 

“Dare I ask?” 

“You can ask, but I’d prefer to keep it a secret. Ah, here they are.” He smirked as he dangled up a set of leather cuffs in his hands. “How about I cuff these behind your back? They’re pretty comfortable, a lot softer on the wrists than rope.” 

I frowned. “What if I want to hold onto you?” 

“I don’t think you’ll be able to hold onto anything after this.” He reached back to kiss my cheek faintly. “Come on, dog. It won’t be so bad. You know I do these things because they feel good to you.” The hatter turned around to press closer, and soon he had me on my back with me probing his mouth with my tongue and letting him probe mine. I gripped his shoulders to brace myself against his forceful mouth, but he tugged my hands away with a faint click and tug. 

I found myself cuffed with my hands behind my back, and I hadn’t even noticed. He tangled his tongue with mine a little longer, then lapped down my neck as he pulled at the buttons to my shirt, a trail of saliva connecting us for a moment. His kisses made my jaw go slack, shaking from something so simple and yet so incredibly mind-numbing.

The traveling clothes were much the same as before, with the only real difference being the overcoat he thought looked good on me. I didn’t wear it much. It was easy to undress me, he’d done it countless times before. Though he couldn’t take off the shirt completely, what with the cuffs in the way. So, he let it spread in front and admired my chest down to my navel for the moment. His eyes boring into me only made me more uncomfortable, and more aroused. The erection I’d been trying to ignore since the creek had come back in full force, and he pawed it with a grin when he noticed. 

“A nice print, isn’t it.” 

“Shut up,” I murmured. He rolled his eyes and stroked it harder. His eyes wandered over the healed cut that stretched almost painfully with my hands behind my back. It was a red and angry thing, but it wasn’t open, and it no longer needed stitches, so that was something to be thankful for. His stroking lessened as he looked it over, almost trailing off. 

“It looks good on you,” he said thoughtfully. 

“Does it? I thought it looked terrible.” 

“Well, it’s interesting. Adds to this physique of yours.” He stroked his free hand over my stomach, then settled at the edge of my pants, before working the belt slowly off and tugging it down to show off my leaking need. His grin widened. Him staring at me only made it worse. I tensed and untensed uncomfortably.

“Cute.” 

“Stop it.” 

“I can’t help it.” He poked it with a finger. “You’re getting off just to me watching you. And your dick is cute. Remember when Sadie flicked it?” 

“Yes, and it wasn’t very –“ I gasped and flinched when he flicked the head with a finger. The shock was electric, painful and something else. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. 

But he was smirking incessantly as soon as he saw my reaction. “See? Cute.” 

“You ass,” I growled. “That hurt.” 

“You’re still as hard as ever, though. And language, Benjamin. Don’t make me get the ball gag.” 

“You…” I stared at him incredulously. “Why don’t you just tell me everything you’ve got?”

“That would take away all the fun,” he chided as he grabbed the lube. I decided to pick my battles, and let him pull my legs up onto his shoulders so he could see all of me. Knowing Asentual, whatever he had in store was going to need this. He always capitalized on things I reacted the most to. Based on his smirk, the way he’d brought far too much lube, and the canvas bag, I was going to assume… Large. Whatever it was. And he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. It was probably better that I went along with what would help me. “Surprises are some of the best things I can give you. And this isn’t something you’d run away screaming at… Yet. For now.” He paused. “Maybe.” 

“You’re not helping, here. Don’t break me.” He shrugged. 

“I’m trying, dog. Here, loosen up. Breaking you is the best part, you know.” I thought he would take a finger, but abruptly I felt the nozzle of the lube push against my entrance, and made a noise of surprise when he pushed it in. 

“What are you-“ He pushed sharply down on the container, and a squirt of lubrication pushed in with a vengeance. It was cold. Quick. Wet. Forceful. I made a noise I didn’t think I was capable of. He looked up sharply when I squealed, sharp and harsh coupled with a shudder. My hands pulled desperately against the shackles.

“I’ve never heard you sound like that before.” He smirked maniacally. 

“Warn me next time,” I hissed.

I bit down on my lip hard as he removed it, then gently pushed in with a few fingers to spread me apart. 

“Why would I want to do that? I liked it. Oh, That looks lovely…” He muttered under his breath, moving them in and out slowly and making me shudder every time. I moaned lowly as he stretched me enough that I could take a few fingers, then let me go to find myself again as he searched through the bag. 

My legs seemed to crumple against his shoulders. “Why’d you do it like that?” 

“Because I thought it would be more fun. And with that noise, it seemed like it was. Did you like that?” 

“…” I bit down hard on my lip. He glanced back with a grin. 

“Then I suppose I should do it more. I bet it felt like a shot of cum. Too bad it was cold... Unless you preferred it that way.” Flushing, I closed my eyes and growled softly. He wasn’t wrong. That was the worst part. He read me like a book, the way I tensed around that shot. 

“Stop saying things like that.” 

“Well dog, you never answer me, so I’m left to try and puzzle things out on my own. I’m surprised you’re still so coy when we’ve done so much.” He glanced back at me, and stroked my weeping cock teasingly. I shivered as I arched back against the touch. “I like when you act like a whore too. It’s just as cute as yelling at me to stop.” 

“Well I feel like yelling today,” I snapped when he let go of me. The heat dissipated, leaving me completely unsatisfied. My cock twitched, cold in the night air. “Since apparently you’d rather tease me.” 

“The best part about teasing is you draw out a feeling that would otherwise last only a few minutes. And then, when all is said and done, and that orgasm hits you, it’s better than any other. Do you want me to keep stretching you, or do you want the next bit?” His eyes darkened. 

“How…” I gulped. “How big is the next bit?” 

He lolled his head to the side, watching me amusedly. “Big. It will be difficult to push it in.” I suppressed a shiver. 

“Okay. I think I’m loose enough. I’ll… I’ll try it.” 

“I don’t think you’ll ever be loose enough for what I really want.” He stroked over my stomach gently, then glanced at me with a subtle smirk and held something up in his hands. “But it’ll be fun to try and get you there~” 

I blinked in confusion. It was a tangle of spheres, beads really. Glass, all attached to a long string. There must have been ten of them, each of them about as large as a fist. 

“What’s that, exactly?”

“You don’t remember the party? With the dancing girls and all of those silks over by the hookah cafe?” He blurted in surprise. “How drunk were you?” 

“I don’t know which night out you’re referring to, but I barely remember most of them with all the drinking.” I sighed. It wasn’t his fault, I tended to be excessive. “So how does it work?” Probably something with the string, maybe a dildo involved somewhere. There was no way those balls would end up anywhere near me. 

“They go inside you,” he declared. I stared at him, then at those beads, then back. 

“You can’t be serious.”

“Deadly.” He grinned. 

“That’s too much,” I pleaded. Just the thought of it made me shake. Behind my back, my hands clenched. He turned his eyes down towards my entrance and grinned wider.

“I’ll stretch you more if you like. But they’re going inside you Benji.” His grin turned cold. “Whether you like or not.”


	17. Chapter 17

It was cold, nearly freezing. Not warming up the beads had left them to end up as chilly as the night air. The glass that was pressed up against me hadn’t been warmed up by Asentual’s hands, and I think he preferred it that way. I wanted to hold my breath, but he warned me to relax. And he was right. I needed to, or it would hurt. He was trying to be careful, but he could only do so much for me. And I could feel it, just at the edge of me, pushing in. Massive, making my toes curl and my breath hitch as he worked slowly, carefully. 

“You’re doing great, dog,” he crooned as he stroked at my hole, then tried again to see if he could push the bead in any further. I flinched against it. Rough, and still tight. No matter how much lube he’d put in, it still felt impossibly large. He’d pushed me apart with his fingers even more, but still hadn’t managed to make me loose enough that this didn’t hurt, at least a little. 

“Fuck…” I whimpered. As tight as it was, that was what was keeping me going. It was unimaginable how good it felt, wet, cold, and desperately being pushed inside, and I was at his mercy with my legs wrapped around his neck. When he passed the thing through, finally breaching at the widest point inside of me, I nearly screamed with my head tilted back and my body arched off the ground. My arms strained violently against the cuffs as I felt that bead make its home inside. But the shape of the sphere kept it from coming back out. 

My nails bit into the palm of my hand as I struggled to get a hold of myself. Blearily, I looked up to Asentual. He wasn’t focused on me, exactly. More so the insertion he’d made. He was a man obsessed, staring with a slight grin at what he’d done. Shivers ran up my spine as he stroked gently around my bruised entrance. But there was more, far more left to go. 

“Are you ready for the next one?” He asked.

I nodded breathlessly. “Please…” 

“Already begging?” he purred as he began to push the next ball on the string. “Good. I want to leave you a mess.” I moaned and tensed as he held the large bead against me, almost teasing me with its size, before slowly pressing it inside of me. This one went inside easier, and joined up with the first one he’d popped in. As they connected, I flinched. The vibration of the two pieces of glass meeting each other inside me could be felt all the way up to my chest. Both of us waited for it to settle, the hatter with a grin on his face a mile wide, and me with parted lips. I couldn’t pretend to hate it anymore. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t love what he was doing to me. As much as I played the part of finding what he did disturbing, or wrong, I ended up loving it as much as he did. He was ridiculously giving.

“Why d-don’t you ever let me do something for you?” I whined. My breath changed into another gasp when he lined up the next bead and pushed it in, carelessly in compared to the others. It met with the second and again, that vibration made me shake. It almost hurt. Almost. Instead it made my cock leak even more than before, left unattended while he focused on filling me. 

“I don’t like letting myself submit? I find the hottest parts of sex are when I’m breaking someone down into a well-fucked mess. I do love fucking your face, and I do have the full intention of using your ass when I’m done. But right now, I want to see you take all of these.” His grinned eerily as he nudged in the next bead, his eyes dancing against the dying fire. “What do you think, dog?” 

“I-I’m not complaining but there’s too m-many-“ I did scream this time. The next one went to join the others, and the first seemed to push deep enough to press on something that made me see stars. He’d nudged in enough of those glass things that the first of them pressed up against my prostate. Every last one of them was ending up rubbing at that specific spot as he methodically pushed them inside in succession, stretching me out further and harder the more rough he was with them. He didn’t seem to care, now that he knew I could fit one. Now, he seemed to think all of them could fit, and the more he pushed, the more difficult it was to keep track of anything. He went too fast, but damned if I was going to let him stop pressing against that button that made me want more. The pressure began to build slowly in my abdomen, growing as he pushed in another. He paused to stroke gently at my entrance, watching me whimper and struggle against my bindings as the beads connected with each other repeatedly, constantly putting pressure on my prostate, and stretching me deeply and intimately. It was almost too much. It almost hurt, with the size and sheer amount of them. Bigger than any cock. With the next one, I finally ceded to the pressure and clenched back involuntarily. 

The result was overwhelming tightness. My entire body clenched, and I wailed as I tried to push them out. Hatter chuckled as he watched, holding my ass closed with one hand and stroking my stomach with the other. The most recent ball bulged, almost pushing out, but he pushed it back in with a grin and watched my futile struggle subside. It was too much. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted them out. But at the same time, all I could feel was heat building inside that ended at the apex of my groin that he refused to touch, and I couldn’t if I tried. No matter how much I grappled with the leather cuffs. At least they weren’t chafing. 

“No pushing them out,” he tutted. “I’ll just push them back in. You only have a few more to go. We’re more than halfway.” 

“I can’t-“ I choked back a cry. “Please…” Eyes half closed, I pressed the side of my face against the ground and pushed back again. But it was useless with the way he held me. And my hips were raised too much to let gravity do its work. He was always there to push it back in and continue with the next. 

“Benji, just look at how much it’s stretching you. Your body looks amazing.” His voice was a purr, almost sweet compared to what he was doing to me. For once he sounded romantic, and it was only when he was using my body to make himself aroused. As he pushed the next bead in against my wheezing gasps and cries, I opened one eye to see what he was referring to. My stomach was already bulged with what he had done to me. You could see the beads. The more he pushed them in, the more of a circular bump inside that made me half aroused and half disgusted. He passed the next and held my tightly closed to let it settle, purring louder as I flinched when it connected with the others. The bulge moved. I panted desperately, my toes curled. The pressure was only growing even when I thought I was beyond where I’d break. Break. I needed one. 

“Break,” I whimpered. “Break. Please.” 

“Break?” He echoed, looking thoughtful. “Well, I can try something else, maybe.” With one hand still on my entrance in case I tried to push again, he leaned over and licked the head of my cock. 

It was everything I needed. I was almost there already. With the gentle lapping of his tongue, I arched closer and whimpered pathetically for more. His mouth obliged, sucking down deeper until his mouth covered my head, and I was so, so close. 

I arched ever closer and felt his mouth sucking so roughly on the head of my cock that it hurt. I wasn’t about to tell him to stop. Just a little longer, so close, I was almost there, and I could feel the edges of my vision fading as pure pleasure took over. But he left too soon. He gave one last lick to my cock that beat red with blood, then let go and let it wither against the cold air. It twitched furiously. 

“How’s that?” He asked. No. Please no. I was almost there. 

“Why w-won’t you let me come…” I choked out. I felt like crying. 

“Because right now, you’re extremely loose. When you come, everything’s going to tighten up again. I need you on the verge, because only then can you take all of this without too much difficulty. “ He pressed the second last bead against me, and listened to me choke back a scream. I wanted to murder him. I wanted this pressure gone. I wanted to stop looking like I was pregnant. I wanted more. 

“N-no…” I looked on with a whimper at the last bead, dangling still on the string, just as big as all the others. He held it in his palm like an apple and watched the glass glitter against the firelight, then pushed it slowly inside. 

“You’re so loose now,” he muttered under his breath. His eyes stared intensely at what he did to me, making me feel ever more violated and unable to contain myself. My prostate was constantly getting massaged by the hard glass, and everything seemed to move every time I tried to change my position. No matter what I didn’t I couldn’t get rid of the feeling. And I was bloated beyond anything I’d seen before. Hatter watched in wonderment at my stomach with his free hand stroking over it gently. “I can feel them,” he exclaimed. “They’re hard underneath.” 

“Don’t-“ I tried to move away from his touch in embarrassment, but I couldn’t get anywhere with them moving around. One wrong move, and something would pinch and I’d be rendered useless again. He rubbed over my entrance gently for a little longer as he ogled my stomach, until finally he tugged down his pants with a soft shudder of his own. His hardness was leaking too, but he could touch it freely to ease his own ache. He stroked himself lazily as he watched me with a clear need in his eyes. Jealousy and lustful was an… Interesting combination. 

“Fuck it, I’m fucking you like this.” 

“Wh-what?!” 

He grinned as he pulled closer to me, replacing his hand holding onto me with his cock. “You look amazing and I want to fuck those things into you, obviously.” 

“N-no, th-there’s no bloody r-room- SENSI!” I screamed out as he thrust inside. All of those beads knocked against each other at the same time, pressing in on my abdomen and rubbing ceaselessly over my abused prostate. I couldn’t handle the pressure, the heat, the feeling of him moving even slowly. I finished on my own stomach, and he’d barely started. 

“What, already?” He blinked, flicking my cock again with his finger. This time I barely felt it. 

I was floating. Everything felt amazing. For a split second, it didn’t even feel like enough. He continued to thrust inside me, making the beads move back and forth, grinding and rocking in places I don’t think they should have been. But it was good, painfully good. He seemed to realize how dazed I was, because he leaned over the bulge of my stomach to gently catch my lips with his own. His kiss was deep, intense, and I lost myself in it. I didn’t mind what he was doing to me in that moment. His movements were growing quicker, and I reached my hips up to meet them. I was in a compromising position there for him to do what he pleased. With the angle he had, he rocked so far that I wondered if he’d lose those beads in me. I wasn’t sure if I would have minded. 

It took me a full minute to come back to my senses and start to feel that growing ache in my backside that was less pleasure and more cruel pain. He noticed it too.

“You’re tightening up more,” he muttered between thrusts. “Are you alright?” 

“Hurts…” I mumbled. It wasn’t fair to him. I wanted him to feel it too, that amazing orgasm like I’d experienced. But it was getting unbearable. “A lot…” 

“I don’t want it to hurt.” He sighed with a soft groan, and pulled himself slowly out of me. But he kept the beads in with a hand, turning to my side with his cock standing straight against his abdomen. I stared at it feverishly, then reached out to take it in my mouth. It seemed to surprise both of us. 

But he was quick to turn it around. “Hungry, dog?” He purred as he watched me. His taunts used to make it difficult to do anything raunchy, but now I just wanted to do what made him happy. Emulating what he had done to me, suctioning him off like nothing else, that seemed to make him ecstatic. For once, I could get back at him with the effort he always did to me. 

With his free hand, he stroked my hair, but very quickly that grew not to be enough. My head was pushed further and further onto the cock that tasted like me, until I could feel him at the back of my throat. It made me nearly choke, and only then did he let up. Just enough to get back into a comfortable position for a few minutes, until he began to push me closer again.

“How far can you really go, dog?” He mumbled. His voice was wavering. I was doing something to him he could barely handle. Maybe if I did more, I could really make him lose it. 

My eyes tilted up to his dark and wavering grin. He was in control. He was dominant. He was the master here. If I made him lose himself, then nothing would happen, right? He wouldn’t be hurt. He wouldn’t have any memories returned. 

I pressed closer of my own volition and swallowed him down my throat.

“Fuck…” I heard him grunt. But I was more preoccupied. Holding him like this made my throat spasm, my stomach roil and everything seemed to fight back against going so deep. But one thing kept me here. I wanted him to moan. I wanted him to keep my head tightly up against his cock, shoved to the hilt, and feel his hands gripping my hair until it hurt and I truly needed to breathe. It felt right, said my brain, though the rest of my body might be arguing against that. 

He let me go only when my vision grew hazy, and only then to fuck my face as hard as he could. 

His hips moved only just, but he gripped my head and shoved me back and forth with all the force he could manage. I smelled me, and him, and nothing else seemed to matter. It was amazing, feeling every shiver and shudder from him as he ended up arched over me with his head down, breathing hard. He called my name once. I heard it on his lips, and then came a breathy moan, and then his cum directly down my throat. 

He held me there for a moment. The only movements were the slight thrust he couldn’t seem to control from his hips. The milky substance made me want to choke. But I didn’t. I’d accomplished exactly what he wanted. When he pulled away with a huff, I was proud. Even the pain of those beads barely registered, for the moment. 

The feeling of him in my mouth was its own kind of titillating. Pulling slowly away, I found I was hard again, but when I looked over to see Hatter, he was off in his own world that I had just returned from. I couldn’t do anything about my own need, but it could wait. He lay down beside me - one hand still holding my ass to keep those dreaded things from falling out - and I rolled over to cuddle against him. 

“Sensi…” I murmured, pressing my face against his neck. His insistence on keeping those anal beads inside was frustrating me. I couldn’t sit still. “I’m ready to go again, if you want.” 

“Again, dog? Give me a minute.” He closed his eyes with a shiver. “I’m still reeling from you.”

“Can you pull them out then, at least?” I whimpered. “The beads…” 

“Why would I want to do that?”

“They hurt, obviously.” Every movement ached, as much as he liked the way it looked.

“But you look so much better with them in,” He opened one eye and grinned at me. His face was flushed from effort. Cute. He called me that, but he never seemed to get that he was too. 

“You’re not the one that has to suffer,” I groaned. “If you won’t pull them out, can you at least untie my hands?” 

“But then you’ll just do it yourself. I know you, dog. I’ll take them out of you.” 

I sighed in relief. “Thank you-“ 

“But only if you let me use another toy.” 

“…” My eyes narrowed. “What other toy?” 

“Just… Another toy. It won’t be too bad. And it’s not even close to the size of those beads. I was going to save it but now… I want to try it. I bet you you’ll love it.” He always said he knew what was best for me. He was so confident that was the case. Confident enough that I might believe him, in a state of orgasm afterglow. 

“… Fine.”

“Great.” His eyes gleamed as he sat up, then pulled my legs back over his shoulders as he tugged at the string that connected those beads. 

I held my breath and tried to relax, but him pulling them out didn’t feel any less overwhelming. 

I screamed. Loud. I couldn’t help myself. He didn’t even give me a chance to deal with them being removed one at a time. He pulled steadily and quickly enough that in seconds, they were gone and I was left feeling more empty than I ever had before. I couldn’t stop shaking, and my legs may or may not have been choking him. But he didn’t seem to mind. He was grinning as he held them up and admired them. 

“I’m glad I managed to get that in you. I was worried they wouldn’t fit.” 

“WOULDN’T FIT- What do you mean, wouldn’t fit?! I-I thought you knew what you were doing!” 

“Shh Benji.” He stroked over my stomach gently. “I do, it’s alright. Look at you now…” His hand dropped and suddenly, I felt as his fist pushed into me. 

It was alarming, how easily he managed that. Pushing it up to his wrist, then his lower arm, and watching how my stomach seemed to bloom with his hand. Staring down at it and feeling that intimate connection was strange… And alluring. 

“See how loose you are now?” He crooned. 

I didn’t know what to think. My brain was growing hazing as he pushed his arm back and forth. He was so much warmer than the beads, and softer. But it was still raw, and I winced after a while despite trying to hold back how much it hurt.

“It’s w-weird…” I muttered. He nodded, then pulled his hand back out. “It’s not going to be like that… Forever, is it?” 

“No, you’ll tighten up again. The muscles have just really stretched. It left a nice gape. But you’ll heal.” He grinned. “And I’ll enjoy it for now.” 

“You’re insane,” I whimpered. But I was relieved all the same. As much as I might have enjoyed the feeling, I didn’t want to end up actually broken. And for him to move his arm in so easily was worrisome. He laughed, then turned back to grab something from the bag. 

“Maybe I am. Because I wanted to try this.” He held up something thin and metal, with a loop on the end. It reminded me of a stirring stick for tea. I squinted at it. Didn’t seem to be all that terrifying.

“What is that supposed to be?”

“A sound.” I remembered something vaguely. Back ages ago, when we were in the King’s palace. He’d said something about-

I paled. 

“Keep that thing away from me before I kick you in the face.” I tried to back away, but my legs didn’t seem to want to cooperate.

He groaned. “Benjiii it’s not that bad. If it proves too much for you, I’ll stop. You know I will.” 

“I do NOT know that you will and if you touch me with that I will murder you.” Just looking at the thing made my skin crawl. My eyes widened as I stared at it. 

But then he moved closer, and before I could tense away, he gripped my cock in his hands. The fact that I was hard again made me curse my body. I thought perhaps thinking about it would have mad it drop, but no. As hard as ever. Damn this cock. It was his fault he trained it this way. 

“I’m not going to do it if you truly think you can’t manage it, Benji,” he breathed. He was closer to me than before, sitting by my side with one hand on my cock stroking gently, and the other holding the thing that was far too close for comfort. I stared at it. Viscerally, a reaction of fear bubbled up whenever I thought about what it would do. Something inside me. In the wrong direction. Somewhere it should never go. Pushed inside, and I’d have to trust him for that.

But he looked so trusting. He wasn’t grinning, wasn’t teasing me. His eyes were soft, watching me as a partner instead of a master for once. He might have even listened to me, if I said no. 

“… If I tell you to stop if it gets to be too much, will you?” I asked quietly. 

“Of course,” he replied with adamant attention.

“Then…” I breathed in sharply. “Go ahead.” I was going to regret this. 

My breath was in my throat as he circled the tip around my head. “I got lessons while you were healing,” he said softly. “I didn’t want to hurt you if I was going to do this.” 

“Oh, good. I’m glad you’re not going to tear my cock in half when you impale it.” A small relief. Every time he moved around the head of my shaft, I flinched. It was warmed in his hands, but I still somehow felt that chill from the metal. It was wet, slick and hard. No matter how much lube he used on the thing, it looked no less daunting. 

“Okay. A little bit at a time,” he muttered. I nodded faintly and watched with numb intrigue as he slowly and carefully pushed the thing at my cock’s head, then nudged it inside. It disappeared inside so fast, if it weren’t for the feeling that came with it, I would have missed it. It felt strange, and wrong, and overwhelmingly tight. Painful, and yet the further down he drew it, the better it seemed to get. My arms strained even harder against the leather cuffs, aching to hold onto him. Almost agonizingly slowly he pushed it in. Sometimes he’d stop and go back to stroking, and that’s when I knew I’d made the right call. 

The combination of playing with my cock and the sound moving slowly inside was electrifying. I clenched up with a sharp whine, already closer to finishing than I wanted, and he was only halfway in. I gasped desperately for air. It came out in wheezes. 

“You’re doing great,” he murmured as he went further. He stopped about three quarters in. “I don’t want to push it any further this time. Next time, we’ll try more.” 

I could only moan in reply. My brain was hazy. It was the strangest feeling in the world, going from intense tight discomfort, to amazing pleasure as he stroked inside and outside at the same time. This time he didn’t tease me. The warm of orgasm built up quickly and steadily, and he could tell by my reactions I was close. He didn’t pause, didn’t tease, instead gaining speed in time with the thrust of my hips against his hand and the strange rod that almost all the way inside me. 

I was panting, unable to control the drool at the corners of my mouth, crying out who knew what, until finally he pulled the sound at the same time a powerful orgasm hit me. I’d finished again, but this time the cum seemed to dribble out where the metal rod had been instead of hitting my stomach. I held back a whimper as I watched my cock, and looked at the aftermath of what he’d done to me. It wasn’t bleeding, but it was raw, red and hot to the touch. The semen that flowed out was painful even with the rush of the orgasm. 

“Ah…” I bit my lip as I lingered looking at it a little longer, then dropped back onto my back and closed my eyes. 

“You alright, Benji?” I felt him nudge my back up just enough to unlock the cuffs and free my hands. My shoulders burned from the position they’d been in for so long and hung uselessly at my sides as he nudged me towards the fire and onto a bedroll. 

“I… I’ll be okay, I think.” His laugh made me feel better, and when he lay down behind me and wrapped his arms around my chilled frame, I felt even better. 

“It was just a test to see if you could like it. I would say that’s a resounding success.” 

“It really… Really stings,” I complained. 

“I’m sorry, dog.” His lips fluttered against my neck. “I didn’t realize how painful it would be. Maybe we should-“ 

“S’fine…” I murmured. “… Didn’t feel too bad.” I couldn’t ignore the way I’d felt in the moments he was playing with me from both angles. It was worth going back to. “But don’t spring it on me out of the blue next time. You know you can tell me about things instead of springing them on me, right?” I yawned. 

“But that ruins the surprise,” he pouted. 

“What’s a surprise to you is a heart attack to me.” The embers glowed a dull red as they died out. I reached for a log and threw it onto the fire with what little energy I had. It flared up again, illuminating my face in warmth. 

“Fine,” he sighed. “I’ll clarify next time. Benji, I want to stuff you with anal beads. Benji, I want to try putting metal down your piss hole. Benji, I want to fuck your face until you gag. These sound completely reasonable and approachable with a clear head. And in your regular state of mind, I have no doubt that you would agree to it.” 

“You don’t have to be an ass about it,” I grumbled. “A lot of the things you suggest sound terrifying.” 

“Well, you need to trust me.” 

“Trust me first.”

He squeezed me tighter in his arms. “I do, Benji. I just forget sometimes.”


	18. Chapter 18

“I never get used to seeing that tree line.” The closer we got, the worse I felt. 

“What, Wonderland Forest? It’s not that bad. Just lime green and black, is all.” 

“No, not that.” I gripped Hatter’s form tighter as Misty trotted steadily along the path that was headed straight for those strange trees. After travelling for more than a month, one would think I’d be happy to see a landmark that marked us being closer than ever before. But the unease wouldn’t let go. “I mean… The feeling you get. Even when we’re not inside the forest, it’s still there. Like it’s trying to push us out.”

“I don’t feel anything,” he dismissed. 

“Well, it’s there. Look.” I held out a trembling hand. It wouldn’t stop, even though I’d finally managed to get a hold of my emotions. I knew I was safe with him, now that he had the mental strength to get through the forest, but it wasn’t fear that made it shake. I was fighting against the urge to turn away. “I didn’t feel it as much before, but I was in a rush then.” Now that I thought about it, the first time I’d ever entered the forest, I hadn’t felt it. In that carriage that separated me from the outside world, it was like nothing was wrong. But now I could see the forest and feel the still air disturbed only by me and him. I watched the way the trees made the sunlight disappear with a canopy so thick the only thing you could see was green. It was different. 

“Don’t shake, dog.” He clasped my hand in his own. “We’re going to be fine.” 

“I’m not scared. This isn’t me doing this.” 

“Well, look at my hand.” He held up a steady palm, and grinned. “It’s fine. Completely normal, nothing wrong with it. I get that the forest is a foreign idea. It’s definitely dangerous, no denying that. But we’re going to be alright. I promise.” He didn’t understand. He grinned at me with that brash confidence he always did. It made me feel like we might actually be alright. 

“You know, I used to think that bravado you had was warranted.” I smirked back at him. “Now I realize it’s just you really good at bluffing.” 

“Bluffing?” he gasped, affronted. “Not bloody likely. I’m just that good. No other Queen noble like me. I’m telling you, I’m the best there is.” 

“The best at making a bloated ego, maybe.” He snorted, then turned to drive Misty on further. 

“I heard stories about the effect that the Forest has on others,” he said as we approached the first stand of trees. They grew closer together very quickly, the further we went. Soon the gloomy trail would be lit by green. “I usually dismiss them as paranoia. But maybe you’re right. This place is strange, always has been…” He paused, though Misty continued her trot. “The Cat and I are good friends. Maybe that’s why I never feel afraid, going in.” 

Ah, that Cat. The insufferable prick that made me beg for Hatter and spoke in riddles. Not to mention pitting me against every Wonderlander’s worst nightmare. I suppose I could see why he was friends with Asentual. For all of the redhead’s confidence and apparent understanding of the world, he was extremely gullible sometimes. Easy to manipulate, even, if what I saw of him before the memory wipe was anything to go by. I wish I could protect him more. 

“You know the Cat’s an ass, right?” I asked, then bit my tongue. I couldn’t know that. “I mean, from all the reading I did about him.” 

“The Cat’s not that bad.” Misty stumbled when we entered the deeper forest. She could feel it too. The slow way she walked, the heavy plodding, as if the world weighed down upon on her. “He’s just different. A little snippet from a Wonderland before, so he acts differently. I kind of like it, actually. It’s a refresher after the Capital. I thought you would too.” 

“… Do you think we’ll see him?” 

He sighed. “Doubtful. I mean I’d like to, but he’s reclusive. Especially when I bring people around. Then it’s like he was never there. But the Cat is one of my closest friends, dog. He’s a protector whenever I go through the forest. Without him, I’d probably be one of the unlucky ones.”

“Do you KNOW he’s a protector?” He wasn’t. He’s a trickster intent on nothing but malevolent joy, and he had Sensi wrapped around his little finger. 

“I feel it.” He reached back to stroke my side. “Be calm, Benji. We’ll be out of here soon enough. And then onto the Duchess. It’s the birds on the other side I’m more afraid of. Those things in the tall grass from the north, now they’re a handful I’ll have to deal with on my own. Good thing Misty can outrun them.”

“Hm,” I grumbled. Even his touch couldn’t seem to set me at ease. As he led the spotted grey mare further into the forest that smelled of death and decay, my stomach twisted and turned. I was tired of feeling this way; I thought I’d left it on the road to the Lord. I was happy and freed then, but now it all came crashing back. The deeper we went, the more I second guessed myself. And the silence only broken by the hoof falls of Misty worsened it. 

Hours passed in silence before Asentual spoke up. “What do you think we should do, after all is said and done?” 

“What?” 

“I mean, if there wasn’t a rebellion, or too much Hand work to be done – god at this point I’d quit my job and be happy – but if there wasn’t work to be done, what would you want to do?” 

“Oh.” I hadn’t thought of that. “I… I don’t know. I never considered that. The Duchess needs me and all, and you could never be pinned down for long. So I’m not sure that would ever happen.” It wasn’t as though there would ever be a time I didn’t have work to do. 

His mouth twisted in thought. “Hypothetically speaking, though.”

“Well…” Asentual and I… Together. Travelling for a while, then settling down, enjoying each other’s company, living somewhere away from people. Drinking in each other every morning and going to bed every night beside each other. Feeling his arms around me as I fell asleep, his warmth pressed against me. Every day would be another adventure in learning how the other worked, and as we’d grow older we’d both learn more commonalities between us. I could picture him thirty, forty, with a beard and those same glowing eyes that never faded. It wasn’t just his looks that kept me around, though. It was everything about him. We could have a place off in the country far away from politics or violence. Maybe one day, thinking about chi-

“I don’t think that would work,” I said quickly. “You love cities and travel, and I’d much more prefer staying somewhere out of sight of crowds. Also, wouldn’t you get bored?” I clenched my hands tighter around him and hoped he wouldn’t notice. 

“I suppose,” he sighed. “But I’d be willing to suffer if it meant I could have you to myself every day.” 

“But then you’d never get to look at a woman’s parts ever again.” He took the bait.

“Well that doesn’t count,” he laughed. “I’ll bring in a few people to help me put you in your place, dog. Not to worry. We’d have a kind of base of operations, I’d think. With a sex dungeon in the basement. I’d have it outfitted with only the best kinds of sexual torment. I like the idea of playing with you, day in and day out~” 

“Perhaps it’s not best to dirty talk me while we’re on your poor horse.” 

“Misty’s seen everything, I’m not worried.” He grinned back at me, and I rolled my eyes. Whatever life he might have been talking about wasn’t the one I’d thought up. But that didn’t matter. There was no telling what would happen in the coming years. I couldn’t assume anything, even if the thought of being with him… No. It was too much. He loved me, how far was still a guess. 

Chatting aimlessly while trotting through the forest was helpful when it came to ignoring that gnawing anxiety. Hours passed that seemed to melt into one another, until the darkness that began to cling to the trees was more than just shadows. The sun was setting, leaving us in the middle of the forest with nothing but darkness all around us. The canopy was too thick to let in starlight. When I stopped being able to see the road, I gripped Asentual tighter. 

“I got a lantern, dog. Not to worry.” He grabbed it from the sack behind him, then lit it, and the world became a twisted orange illumination. 

“I don’t like this,” I murmured. “It doesn’t feel real.” 

“Nonsense. I’ve walked through the forest at night before. We’ll be fine. I promise.” Every step further down the path made my stomach leap. The slightest scent that I could translate into decaying flesh brought my mind back to the Jabberwocky. Every step made me wonder where it was that I fought that creature, and if it wanted revenge. Even the smallest noise, whether it was the rush of a small breeze, or Misty making a pebble fall to the side of the road, had me jumping. Sensi tried to calm me down at first, but there was no way to stop it. He eventually sighed, and kept one hand on mine as he used the lantern to guide Misty’s way. 

“You’re alright, aren’t you girl?” He said softly to the horse. “You’ve done this before. You know what you’re doing. We’re nearly there, aren’t we? That’s right…” 

“A dog, horse and cat walk through a wood meant to kill them. The dog jumps, the horse walks, and the cat laughs.” The voice came from just behind my head. I was afraid to turn around, but I did so, slowly. And came face to face with the sickly eyes of something illuminating the darkness, watching me only inches away. 

“S… Sen…” I tried to talk, but I was too frightened. 

“What’s that, dog?” He angled the lantern to look further ahead, squinting without turning around. 

“Sensi…” 

“Hm?” He turned back, and blinked. “What’s wrong?” I couldn’t look away from the eyes. I was afraid if they did, a mouth would join them. “You alright? Why are you staring into space?” 

“C-cat…” 

“Cheshire?” He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t see anything.”

“It’s- it’s right there!” I finally screamed. “Don’t you see him? Those… Those eyes! Oh my god, the mouth-“ His mouth had appeared in the shape of a grossly over-exaggerated smile. It grinned at me as wide as anything. When it opened, I thought it would swallow me with it. 

“Cheshire,” Asentual finally sighed. “Whatever you’re doing, stop scaring my dog. He’s already frightened as it is, with the darkness. Ah, there you are.” He turned in front as the eyes beside me disappeared. The cat had appeared in front of us in full this time, a smallish skeletal thing that walked along the air at pace with the horse’s plodding. His nearly hairless stature didn’t do anything to make me feel better. Not to mention he was far too close. No animal should have been that color, that strange indigo with markings trailing down his hairless hide.

“Darkness approaches quickly these days,” the cat said conversationally to the hatter. I turned away and pressed my face against Sensi’s back. I was in no mood for riddles, and everything he said was one.

“Yeah, got dark pretty fast. But we’re making good time. I’m not tired yet and we’ll probably be on the other side come dawn.” 

“Dawn never approaches for some.” Asentual shrugged.

“Too right.” He sighed. “Hear about the goings on in the Capital?” 

“A darkness envelops Wonderland as always, hatter. The world keeps turning and it is a wonder no one’s found a way to spin it off its axis. Perhaps that will be the Queen’s newest pastime.”

“Probably… I was going to go to the Duchess with Benji here. See about… Trying to fix something. With Wonderland. I mean, it’s not really my thing, but Benji’s all for it. You know anything about the Duchess? I never ask you about her.” 

“Sees. Like me. Your dog is blind.” The cat’s chuckle was an ugly thing. “Strange, for it to be a guide.”

“I’m sure he can see just fine,” hatter huffed. “He’s just a little different, is all.” His hand drew back to grip my side, and the tension left me for a moment. 

“Difference makes the world go ‘round. But I am more interested in you, hatter. The darkness enclosing around you and begging for you. The strings attached that dance to the beat of damnation until tangling inside a web of lies. And why Alice hates you so. You’re a hatter aligned with a failing world. Change is in the air.”

“… Right…” I blinked up again to see Asentual hesitate from watching the cat. The creature had stopped actively walking now. Instead he floated beside us while cleaning a paw, as stable as though the air he was on ground. “I don’t think I understand exactly what you mean, but I’m no puppet. And this darkness can beg all it wants, but I’m not interested in whatever it wants. What are you trying to say?” 

“That darkness doesn’t wait forever. Perhaps you’ll see something else. Perhaps you will even breathe.” The cat grinned at me with an abrupt turn of its head. I froze. 

“And your dog, poor little thing, can take care of what comes next.” 

“What are you saying?” I hissed. His grin made me want to wring his neck. I remembered what he did before. How he made me beg for him to help. 

“We don’t have to be enemies, you and I,” the cat crooned. “I am capable of a great many things. Shopping for friends is a difficult process. We could be closer than water and oil. And in a world of uncertainties where one equals two, that is a rare commodity to be treasured.” 

“I would never be friends with you.” He was taunting me. Of course he was. He knew I couldn’t say anything to Asentual, so he was using every opportunity to drive me up the wall. I suppose it was better than being terrified of everything. The rage that burned inside me instead was far more palatable. “All you do is talk is asinine riddles and create more problems than you solve.” I glanced to Asentual. He didn’t seem bothered. 

“You both argue so much it’s like you’re old friends,” the hatter chuckled. “Don’t mind me.”

“Old friends and older enemies,” the cat chimed in. 

“He’s an ass and I hate him,” I growled. “His talk makes my head hurt.” 

“Talking over time makes one realize there is never anything to be said. As much as talk is cheap and actions expensive, more expensive is thought. And a penny for yours?” The cat snorted. “So, what then happens when thought is free? I’ve always wondered. I can have yours whenever I please. It’s not freeing, it’s murder. A fools’ errand. But that isn’t what is at hand. No longer. Something is approaching.” 

The drivel he chatted seemed to change. “What do you mean, something is approaching?” 

“Something out of my power and jurisdiction. You are safe within the forest, do not fear. Dogs and cats will not be harmed as long as the Cheshire Cat is here to be your lantern.” As he spoke, he padded across us to the lantern that Asentual held and twisted and turned around it, until his eyes poked out from inside the small metal casing. I turned away in disgust, but Asentual laughed. 

“Well, if it’s the birds, I know how to deal with it. After we leave the forest we won’t be far out from the Duchess. I’ll ride Misty hard if you say there’s something to worry about.” 

“Nothing can be saved but all. Life sacrifices death. And so, the cycle continues.” The cat’s head poked outside of the lantern that still somehow shone a bright orange glow. His grin almost seemed to droop as he stared at Asentual. 

“The hatter was there in the beginning, did you know?” 

“Of course.” Asentual grinned. “I know the stories. And you’ve told me anything my education’s missed. I’m not sure I’m actually a descendent of that hatter, but it’s certainly a nice story.” 

“Stories hold kernels of truth in order to grow flowers of deception. You’ve never been one to deceive, though.” The cat’s eyes drooped further. “No more than your entire life has been a lie.” 

“Ah.” Asentual dropped the lantern down a few inches. “I know.”

“You know you aren’t yourself,” the Cheshire murmured. 

I blinked. “Are you talking about his change? Even if something did happen to him once, that doesn’t mean he’s not himself.” He wasn’t a lie. Whatever magic happened, that didn’t mean he wasn’t Asentual, nor that he wasn’t just as important. 

“Now you’re speaking nonsense,” the cat tutted. I rolled my eyes. 

“Funny how you say that. Now what do you want from us?” 

“Naught. A sadder end.” The Cheshire cat removed himself from the lantern and began to slink away. Into the darkness, he walked, until piece by piece, he disappeared. The last thing we both saw were his glowing eyes in the darkness. 

“What do you think he meant?” I asked. Asentual continued in silence for a while, then shrugged and raised the lantern again. The light was fading from the small metal case, but the world around us was growing lighter. We were near the end of the forest, and the trees ahead were thinning enough to show the dawn peaking through the canopy. Riding all night, and yet I wasn’t the slightest bit tired. The anger and fear kept my nerves awake. 

“I don’t know. But I’ve learned its impossible to get what he means to say. I just kind of… Go with it. That usually works for me in the end.” He grinned back at me. “It’ll be fine, I’m sure. We still have the Duchess to go to.” 

“Right…” But something was eating away at me again. It could have been the forest. Though even as the hours passed, and the sunlight got stronger and stronger, I still felt a stone in my stomach. I held Asentual tighter and listened to the sounds of Misty gaining speed the closer we got to the end of the dreaded woods. It was calming. I felt him against me, the scent of him so clear, his ratty hair tickling my nose. I was surprised he hadn’t knocked the lopsided hat off as long as he’d ridden his horse. 

We left the breadth of the forest and its clawing hands in the form of black branches reaching out to push us away, and into the tall fields on the other side of Wonderland. We were free again, with fresh air blowing blue curls out of my face. The fields moved not unlike the ones of the Lord, but these grass oceans were completely wild and untamed. No plow had ever reached them, allowing the grass to grow as tall as me in some places and taller still in others. With Misty though, we were high enough that it was easy to navigate.

There was a path to light the way as well that we took, but it wasn’t until it led us to a dilapidated shack in the middle of nowhere that I realized we were taking a slightly different route to the Duchess. My eyes narrowed when we merely passed it without a word. The finger of shadow that the shed cast against the rising sun was the only one for miles around. In the middle of nothing. The wood it was made out of wasn’t black like the Wonderland forest, which meant that it was taken from the forest on the other side of this endless ocean, and that was days of travel. It seemed like a thankless and extravagant process for such a sad looking shed. 

“Asentual?” I asked. “Why are we passing by here?” 

“Just… Wanted to see it, I suppose.” His eyes lingered on it with an unreadable expression. “Sorry.”

“What?” I gripped his shoulder. “What is it? You can tell me.” 

“It’s… My home. Before I was in the Capital. I wanted to see-“ He froze in his seat, and even Misty stopped moving.

“Hatter?” I turned around in confusion, then held back a noise when I realized his reaction wasn’t for me. 

There was someone on the ground. 

At the steps leading up to the shack, lying face-down half hidden away by the tall fronds of grass that swept up to the edge of the house. A mop of black hair trailing down in feet obscured their face, almost covering strange clothes ratty and rotten. Dark grey, maybe black, ripped to pieces with the shirt so ratty it rode up to the chest. I could barely tell it was human. 

“What is that?” I murmured. 

“I don’t know.” Asentual slid off of Misty with his eyes focused on the person’s body. Then the hatter turned back to me with worry in his eyes. He kept glancing back to the body. “Get somewhere safe, out of sight. I don’t like this.”

“Ah…” I could protect him. I was more than a nuisance. “Are you sure I can’t help?” I may not have had the Vorpal blade, but there must have been something I could do. I wanted to believe I would be able to help if something happened. But every time… I’d freeze. 

“It’s probably nothing.” He inclined his head over to the tall grass. “Just take Misty. I’m worried this could be an ambush. Or those bloody birds.” 

He wasn’t wrong about that. I was already getting nervous just looking at it. “Don’t get too close,” I warned, and turned the horse around to lead her into the taller grasses. Even still I kept an eye on Asentual and the strange phenomenon. After another thought, I slid off of the horse and gripped her bridle tightly in my hands. Without me on her, we wouldn’t be seen. 

I didn’t like this. I didn’t like it at all. Anxiety welled inside me telling me to grab him and run, turn away and never return to this. Why did he want to come here? What other things had he yet to explain? We’d have time of course, but why – 

The body twitched. Asentual took a step back, taking his whip out of his belt for good measure. I watched through the fronds wishing I had a backbone. 

“Hello?” He asked. The body twitched again, then abruptly sat up on their knees. I stared at the girl. Younger than me or Sensi, with searing strange eyes that gazed at Hatter without any focus to them. Purple. Everything else just seemed to pale in comparison to those fearful eyes. 

Her face was darker than his or mine yet pale with death. Color was trickling back into them slowly, bit by bit as she stared at Asentual with her hands lying uselessly at her sides. Confused. Scared. Sad. Achingly sad, when she looked up at him. It was though she didn’t truly see him. 

She stood slowly, and her hands clenched at the strange belt she wore. Her clothes were so ripped and broken apart, it was hard to tell what dress they had been before. If it really was a dress; it didn’t look like clothing I’d ever seen before. 

Those dark violet eyes stared at Asentual as he took in her form. Sizing each other up, neither moving. I wanted to tell him to run. She was wrong. Everything about her was wrong. She was strange and terrible and he should be running by now and both of us should be running as far as we could that stupid hatter wouldn’t just get on Misty and run – 

“Well, hello there,” he drawled with a lazy grin. “You look a little lost. What’s your name, sweetheart?” She wavered in standing. Unsteady on her feet, looking down at what appeared to be the remnants of grey shoes unlike any I’d seen. 

She upturned her head to the Hatter, and her eyes narrowed. That sadness was now suspicion. Defensiveness. 

“You should come with me, I think.” He held out his left hand, the other holding the whip to the side. “I promise I don’t bite.” He grinned charmingly. I smiled despite myself. He was using his silver tongue, as always. 

But she wasn’t reacting. The way she watched him was wrong. She was supposed to smile. Disarmed. He wasn’t dangerous. 

“Who are you?” Her voice was just as wrong as the rest of her. Cracked and broken, and clipped strangely. Her accent was different than any I had heard before. Her hands hovered at her belt, gripping and un-gripping, but he didn’t seem to notice. I didn’t like her eyes. I didn’t like them at all. 

“Name’s Asentual. Most call me Hatter, some call me Sensi. But I’m more interested in you, love.” He took a step forward. “You a human? You don’t seem like you belong here. And those are some lovely eyes. I’ve never seen anything like them. Now I don’t have to take you by force, but whatever you’re doing there I wouldn’t recommend. And maybe it would be fun,” he grinned. “I’ve been told I have some skill in tying people up-“

“Say that again.” Her eyes kept looking at him, from his eyes to his chest. It wasn’t right. She was a viper, and he kept getting closer. I wanted to scream. Only I covered my mouth and tried not to let the shaking alert my presence. What he was saying wasn’t the right answer. No normal person reacted this way. There was something about the way she tensed and watched him that set off every alarm in my head. 

“Aw come off it, sweetheart, I don’t mean anything by it.” She looked at the whip, and he held it up with a cold smirk. “What, this? Only if I have to punish you-“   
It happened too quickly. One minute he was holding the cat-o-nine-tails. In the next, the girl had swords. I could barely catch the way she grabbed at her belt, holding two hilts that were missing the blades, and when I blinked, they were suddenly there, blades protruding from Hatter’s chest. Her arms were held upward defensively, her eyes wild as she stared at the man that had simply tried to talk to her. 

They sunk into him like butter.

I couldn’t breathe. 

The shimmering metal dark, so sharp that Asentual was nothing to them. The redhead gaped at her, choking out something I couldn’t hear. Then, he collapsed. His hat rolled to the side. She let him slide down the twin swords gracelessly. 

When he fell to the ground, she kicked him away. 

I knew I should be breathing, I knew the way I tightly gripped Misty’s bridle should have made my hands hurt. But I couldn’t feel anything. My vision was fading in and out. I knew it couldn’t be real. It had to be fake. I was dreaming. Another horrible nightmare, and the girl would turn around again and it would be Sigil this time. The swords would turn into the knives she had on her pendant and she’d laugh at me. But then I’d wake up, and I wouldn’t see Asentual lying on the ground. He’d be beside me.

He lay there motionless, and the girl stared at her swords. Bloodless. That couldn’t happen. This had to be a dream. 

This was a dream, because Asentual twitched. 

“What?” She muttered, and re-gripped her swords for a better hold on them. Her stance changed again into a different coiled snake. 

The body of the hatter moved again, then groaned. It slowly moved onto its hands and knees, rubbing the marks where the sword had gone through. But there was nothing there. Nothing but torn clothing. No wounds. 

I couldn’t understand. 

I didn’t want to. 

Asentual was safe, then. He was alive, and this was a dream. 

“What the hell are you?” She growled, and held up one of her swords to the face of him, this time standing straight with one leg back, poised to turn away.

A man with green eyes stared back at her. He brushed his hair out of his face, but when the movement made her hand twitch the sword closer, he dropped it immediately and began to whimper. 

“I’m s-sorry if I did anything wrong – I’m Rettah. I promise, I don’t want to hurt you, please don’t hurt me-” 

“What are you talking about?” She growled. “You just said your name was Asentual. You were threatening me.” 

“Asentual?” He blinked up at her in confusion. “Who’s Asentual?” 

“The… The man you just were.” Her voice faltered. She turned her sword up and away, and with one motion both of them became hilts once more. There appeared to be some kind of mechanism on them. The weapons were strange, and terrible. She kept them in her shaking hands. “You don’t remember? Anything at all?” 

“What?” He stared at her in confusion, then glanced down at himself. His eyes widened. He held up his hands and flexed them. “I’m not… Twelve, am I?” 

“No? Should you be?” 

“I thought I should.” His face tensed up, as if in pain, and gripped his chest again. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry if I scared you. Everything is really confusing, and I don’t know how I got here.” 

“Sorry, it’s… It’s alright.” It took her a moment, but then she crouched down closer to help him to his feet. She’d pocketed those hilts. Only now did she have sympathy. “I think that pain’s my fault. When… Asentual threatened me, I stabbed him there. But there’s no blood. I’m not sure what to think of it, but what happened to you, it seems weirdly familiar. You had yellow eyes when I met you, and you called yourself Asentual. Are you sure that’s not ringing any kind of bell?”

“That sounds extremely weird. I’ve never even heard the name before, and I- I don’t have yellow eyes, right? I’ve got green?” 

“Now you do.” She chuckled faintly. “That’s what you’re worried about?” 

“I like my eyes. They remind me of my sister. My sister…” His eyes widened. “I hope she’s alright and who are you? You know my name, but I don’t know yours.” He blinked up at her. She smiled. He went faintly pink. 

“My name is Shift.” 

“Who is Shift?”

“What?” She blinked. 

“I mean, who is she?” He smiled sheepishly. “It’s just a name? Or is there more?” She blinked at him. I didn’t want to believe that flush on her cheeks. It wasn’t real. Everything wasn’t falling apart. It couldn’t be.

“Well, I suppose…” She breathed in deeply. “A traveler. I think this might be the newest place I’ve been, but it was a difficult ride here.” Her voice was pained. 

It should have been. She should suffer. 

“You never stay?” 

“No, not really. I feel… All over the place, really. I don’t really like to stay long. Because everything is just… Kind of…” 

“It’s okay,” he supplied. “I feel all over the place right now too.”

“I suppose you would.” She sat down beside him. “I’ve got the same problem as you, I think.” 

“I’m not sure I even have a problem, if I can’t remember it.” 

Her smiles were so sad. I hated them. “Isn’t that the worst kind of problem?” 

He chuckled. “Okay, maybe. But I also don’t know which way is up or down, almost. Speaking of which… do you know where we are?” 

She paused. “… No, I really don’t. I just got here.” 

“Well,” he glanced at the shed, and brightened. “I know this place! Okay, not completely turned around. This is my old house. Right, we can at least get our bearings, then.” He smiled at her. “Well, Shift the traveler. It seems you have a bit of a problem with clothing. At least I can help you with this. I’m pretty certain there’s some old clothes around here that should fit you. I mean, you’re definitely as tall as I remember my sister.” 

“Is that meant to be a compliment?”

“Oh, sorry…” He smiles sheepishly. “Just an observation. You’re not that short… But do you want to come inside? It’s probably in a terrible state of disarray, but maybe there’s something we can use.” 

She glanced down at her attire. “These do look completely awful. Perhaps it’s time for a change. Seems I had… Problems in the last place. You’re not the only one with memory problems here, sadly.” 

“Was the last place rough?” He asked. 

“A little. It’s hard to explain, and I’m only catching pieces. Do you… Happen to know the name of the country we’re in, or the place, or anything like that?” 

“You mean you’re not from Wonderland?” 

“Wonderland? Like… The story?” She blinked. “The one by that English author?”

“The story?” He stared at her.

“… Gotcha,” she said. “So maybe we should talk about this after I get changed. It’s a long story. Very, very long. And honestly, I’m not sure you’re going to believe half of it.”

“You’re really strange, Shift the traveler. But you’d be surprised what I’d believe. I did think I was twelve a few minutes ago.” He didn’t grin right. There was nothing behind it. It was so normal. So innocent. 

“Am I strange to you? I’ve been trying to hide it.”

“Absolutely. Let’s go get you something that isn’t rags.” He practically jumped at the door to open it, letting her step in before he followed. 

The door clicked shut. 

I’d fallen against the ground. My legs couldn’t seem to stay up. Nor could I catch my breath. It came in patches of aching gasps. Everything was darkened. Every breath was a wheeze, a whine, threatening to break into sobs as I gripped my hair and listened to the sound of a dead man walking away.

Gone. He was gone. Asentual was gone. 

How could one explain what else had happened? I couldn’t understand it, but I felt something breaking in my heart. 

Alone.

I’d break into tears, but I was still too numb. I couldn’t do anything more than wheeze. And grip my hair, until it felt like falling out. 

I turned up to Misty, still trying to catch my breath. She stared ahead at the shed. Did she know? Did she realize? Did she care, or was I the only one?

“Where?” I whispered. I used her to climb to my feet that wobbled uncertainly. “What do we do?” He had the plan. He knew what to do. He was the only one. And now… Now…

Now nothing. He was gone.

He had to be. Rettah was before. A different person. Asentual wasn’t that person that forget everything and got up from the ground forgetting I was ever here. And now he was gone. I’d never feel him. Never hold him – I couldn’t. I couldn’t admit that. I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what the feel, my head spun about and nothing made sense. There was no other way to explain what I’d just seen.

“Come on, girl.” I didn’t recognize my own voice, or my own actions. But I still managed to get on the mare and lead her south. I made her ride fast. Hard. Every movement jittered through me and felt painful, but I relished any feeling at all. Because everything else was cold and broken. And every thought I’d ever had was being washed away. I gritted my teeth with wild eyes, feeling the breeze blowing past us and feeling more wrong the further away I moved from what had once been Asentual.

Galloping as much as she could away from a ghost, I pushed Misty until she was breathing as hard as I was. 

If I ran fast enough, maybe I could catch a memory. 

Gone. 

I lost you.


	19. Epilogue - Part 1

“Thank you, Benji.” The Duchess inclined her head slowly as she perched with divine elegance, seated on the throne of the conference room. It was much smaller than the one in the main hall, but when she sat on it, you could never seem to draw your eyes away. “The transcriptor will log your report.” I bowed my head, and made a move to leave. Her ethereal voice stopped me. 

“And… The hatter…” 

“I don’t know,” I said gruffly, twinging at the name. “I just told you what I saw.”

“You described it as his death.” I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my skull. It made me flinch again. She knew I didn’t want to speak. It didn’t mean she was going to allow me to stay silent. “Is it true, though? The magic concerning it leaves much up for debate.” 

“He’s gone,” the voice out of my mouth said with a chill. “That’s all that matters, in terms of the Right Hand of the Queen.” I couldn’t afford to think otherwise. It was a fool’s errand. 

“Gone? But then… Rettah, would he not be the true Right Hand?” She wouldn’t shut up about it. None of them would. The moment I told them what had happened, I’d been pelted with questions I couldn’t answer, and reminded of things I’d rather forget. No one would let me be. No one would simply take what I said, and leave it be. 

“He’s not Asentual,” I growled. “Therefore, he’s not the Hand. He’s just an impostor in the body of the hatter.” I turned back with a glare at her. “Your majesty,” I added, with icy breath. 

“Benjamin.” For once, she looked affronted. “I mean you no ill will. I merely wanted to understand your opinion on the matter. You’ve given us the facts on everything else, and for that I appreciate your cooperation greatly.” She smiled faintly. Once it would have made me relax. However now I could only hear the but that was about to come next, and it made every muscle tense. “But I have yet to hear of your thoughts on the matter.” There it was. 

“Wonderland is broken,” I said stiffly. “We go to war, and we end the Queen’s reign. The King’s as well. And the Lord has done nothing to stop this tyranny. You made your mind up on the idea from the start, and so have I, now. I agree with you. Is that it?” 

“Not on that, on Asentual-“ 

“He’s dead. Stop asking me.” 

“How can someone be dead that is still walking? There are far more ramifications than you think, for something like this Benji. The Right Hand is dead, yet not dead. Asentual is gone, yet not gone-“ 

“He’s GONE,” I yelled. “Do you understand!?” I took a step forward, and only then realized that my fists were clenched, and aimed towards my Royal. Immediately, I faltered, trying to remember how to breathe. It was so difficult these days, figuring that out. I took one gasp, then another, then lowered my eyes when I realized the transcriptor was staring at the two of us with moons for eyes. 

He coughed. “I… I believe I have enough, your Majesty.” 

“Right.” She took a breath of her own. “Benjamin.”

“Yes, your Majesty.” Was she going to try it again? Did she ever know when to stop? 

“I want you to go to the Capital, and find a man by the name of Jacobs. He’s a Duchess noble that frequents a bar in the alcohol district. I’ll give you the name when you’re ready to go.” 

“Another trip?” I snarled. I never wanted to see the Capital again. I didn’t want those memories flaring up. I wanted them beaten as far down as I could manage inside me. Let them seep out in nightmares for all I cared. 

“You’re the only one in this court with the experience to do this.” Her eyes fluttered closed on that porcelain face. “The only one I can count on.” 

“Isn’t that always the way of it,” I scoffed. I was nothing but her errand boy again, here to save the world. Here to do her bloody laundry because no one else in this godforsaken palace ever bothered to leave and try living their own lives. 

“Benji, please. I need you to find Margret.” 

I paused. 

“I need to find her,” she continued. “And tell her that the Duchess is with her. Jacobs will lead you to another man by the name of Quill, who will lead you to her. And when you find her, tell her she has all the power and money of the Duchess on her side. She won’t take that information from anyone less than you.” 

“… Why do you know all this?” She opened her eyes. As blue as gemstones. 

“I have a few loyalists that have been watching this rebellion take place since its infancy. I knew two hundred years ago that something was terribly wrong, and I’ve waited since that day for the rest of the world to realize it too. Now that it’s finally happened, I don’t want to miss a thing.” Her smile was cold. “Do you?”

My mouth twitched. “No, your Majesty.” 

“Then you leave in two days. Say goodbye to your sister. She misses you terribly.” 

….

Sadie held me so loosely that to anyone else, it would feel like a feather. But she was hugging me as tightly as she could. Today was simply a bad day. A shattering day, where her mind seemed to flit back and forth between the past and the future. 

“Only a few days?” 

“One, Sadie,” I reminded her. Though she didn’t hold me as tightly, I gripped her like my life depended on it. We lay on bed intertwined, as we always did. The same familiar smells only made my heart ache more. But I wouldn’t listen to it. Today wasn’t the time. I wanted my sister. She was here, and someone I could hold and know was here and alive and real. “One more day, now. I’ve already spent all yesterday with you too.” 

“Why can’t you stay longer?” she whined. Needy, as always. But I never minded. I stroked through her hair with a smile. 

“Because the Duchess has plans for me. I need to leave, to help save –“ 

“Save the realm. I know. Sounds all very gallant, doesn’t it?” Her voice cut like a knife, no matter how sweet and tinkling it was. She paused to cough, and I felt her fractured body twitch with each shudder of breath. “I hope at least Sensi will make time for me. I miss my paramour.” 

“Don’t… Don’t talk about him, please.” I didn’t want to tell her. I couldn’t. I gave her a lie instead. I just wished she wouldn’t pick at it so much. 

“Why?” 

“Just don’t.” Her eyes narrowed. 

“What happened, Benji?” 

“Can we please cuddle?” 

“No, you never stopped me from talking about things before. Why did Sensi return to the Capital? Why didn’t he come back with you? It doesn’t make sense that he would leave you alone.” 

“He was busy,” I lied. “Please. Drop it, Sadie.” Why couldn’t we hold each other like we always did? Why couldn’t I just feel her form beside me, and listen to the sound of her breathing?

“Then fuck me,” she grabbed my collar. 

My breath caught in my throat. I’ve never been less hard in my life. “What?” 

“Fuck me. I missed you a lot. I want my brother inside me again.” I reeled back to the other side of the bed as she pressed closer. 

“Sadie, no- that was… That was a mistake.” That was with Hatter, and that was the only reason I could stand it. 

“No, it wasn’t.” She tried to wriggle closer. “That was you finally taking the plunge. You fucked me, Benji, and it was the best feeling in the world.” Her eyes gleamed as she drew closer, smiling sweetly. “I missed you so much, I touched myself every day thinking of when you and my paramour would return. I wanted both of you inside me this time. He isn’t here… But you are. And your cock. We could do so much together. Even if you have to leave, can’t you give me memories? I just want memories…” I fell off the bed trying to pull away from her and had the air knocked out of me in the process. 

Even still, I was quick on my feet to stand up again, staring at my sister pouting as she moved into a position to show me just how little she was wearing under her nightgown. Everything felt cold. So cold. No matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to get warm. I rubbed my arms. It didn’t help. 

“Please?” she whimpered. “All you do is tease me with your cuddling. I just want my big strong brother to finish inside me.” 

“I need to leave,” I muttered. My head was pounding. I gripped it in my hands as I turned to leave. But as I did, I found her hand on mine. 

She was out of bed with tears in her eyes. 

Out of the bed she said she couldn’t leave.

“Please don’t go, Benji.” The tears fell like little jewels. Her eyes were melting ice. “I can’t lose you again.” 

“Touch yourself thinking about me, then,” I gripped her hand tighter. “Or get someone else. Since it seems you can get out of bed fine on your own.” 

I slammed the door behind me. The sound only made a greater cacophony of pain in my head. 

….

“Benji?” I looked up from the whiskey. It was my third glass. 

“Yes?” 

In his late thirties, nursing hard liquor watered down with melted ice. Sounded like what had been described to me. But then again, he was the only other person in the bar with blue in his hair. It came in long streaks, longer than the regular brown. Ratty unwashed clothes, and skin dotted with dark freckles on splotchy skin. A mongrel look, that fit in with the rest of the mongrels in this dive. 

“How are you holding up?” He asked. 

“Excuse me?” I glared at him. He flinched. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I just heard from another contact.” 

“You didn’t need to hear anything.” 

“Hey, it’s information. No one else knows, don’t worry.” That wasn’t the point. I continued the murderous look until he turned away, then drained the last of my drink. Good alcohol was wasted on him, nursing it like it was paint thinner he was afraid to touch. It might as well been, but it made it easier to breathe. To live. The fire burning on its way down into my stomach was a welcome feeling. At least it made me feel something. 

“Stick to what I need. I’m not here for small talk.” 

“Ah… Right.” He poked at his drink. I caught him mumbling under his breath. “Jeez, I didn’t realize just how bad it’d gotten…” I bit back a lash and waited for him to say something that mattered. 

He cleared his throat, then dropped his voice to a whisper. “Two alleys from here, take the right. I’ll be there. Leave an hour after me. I’ll take you to Quill.” 

“Fine.” 

He looked at me another, then sighed and drank the last of his whiskey. He paid for his tab and mine, then left without another word. 

Pity. Everyone always gave me pity, and sadness. 

I left the bar when he said, and did as he asked. It’s what I always did these days. Every order, done without question for the sake of not thinking about anything beyond the goal. I took the lesser known path into the city to remain undetected. I said nothing to any guard or any Queen. Those were my orders. I’d been ordered to get rid of my clothes too. 

The ones he’d gotten me. 

I’d stood over my dresser willing myself to put them away and never pick them up again. I was too weak. And yet their pity allowed me to be weak. No one said a word when I showed up looking like a purebred noble in a sea of near-human Wonderlanders. They gave me a cloak, and moved on. 

“Benjamin?” A familiar voice spoke. My legs had found their way to the meeting spot without my mind. It took a moment longer for that to reluctantly follow, still muddied from the drink. And whirling from the laughter that bounced from building to building in the Capital at night. I wish I’d had the time to down more before I had to leave. 

“Yes?” I asked. The cloaked figure in front of me stood next to what I presumed was Jacobs. It was dark enough in the night that it was difficult to catch the color on that ratty haircut. But when I heard his voice confirming me to the figure beside him, I felt the ease creeping back, knowing I hadn’t been spotted by anyone other than who I wished. 

“My name is Quill,” the figure said. A clipped and refined voice, not unlike my own. There was no hiding that he hailed from a court. I narrowed my eyes as he pulled down his hood. 

The blue was hard to catch on Jacob’s with how dull and patchy it was in the light, but there was no denying that Lord noble’s bright yellow hair. In the barely visible din of the stars, it looked almost white. 

“A Lord noble?” I questioned. “Really?” The most cowardly of Nobles. The Lord hadn’t even responded to the attacks. To make matters worse, if this one was from a court, then he probably lacked any backbone. 

“Were you expecting something else?” A dry, bored tone. At least it wasn’t pity. I could catch the yellow eyes in the faint light as well. Yellow. Luminously yellow. As purebred a Lord noble as I was a Duchess.

I looked down. 

Perhaps I was wrong about him. 

“No, I suppose not.” 

“Good. Do you have anything planned for tonight?” 

“Why?” 

“I’d rather not waste time. You’re vetted, Jacobs is vetted, and I don’t require vetting. So, we shall skip the formalities. I’ll lead you to where you need to go, and then you can speak to the Queen.” 

“Queen?” I blinked incredulously at my shoes. 

“A further sincere Queen than Wonderland has ever seen,” he said. Solemn. Cold. Devoid of emotion. I was liking him more and more. He wasn’t about to pay for my drink. 

“Someone who deserves to rule.” He shuffled past me further into the alley. I followed the back of his head, then glanced back to see if Jacobs was following. But the man was gone, vanished in the night air.

We were alone, in the soft rumble of the Capital’s nightlife. It had grown quieter since the last time I’d visited. But that was something I’d rather kill than think about. 

“Here,” the Lord noble muttered when we got to the dead end of the alley I’d been standing at. Between us, two ancient buildings stood, lopsided at the top of their several storied structure. He glanced up the bricks, as if searching for something on the side of the left building. It was nothing but old stone and dust. 

“Which building is this?” I asked.

“It was a manor once. Bigger than the Palace. Now it’s been chopped into pieces for a block of distilleries.” His mouth hardened. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at his eyes, but he said enough with that thin line of a mouth. “A lot of old Wonderland is buried and suffocating beneath the new twisted world.” 

“You’re a traditionalist, then?” 

“Is that what they call it these days?” He seemed to find what he was looking for, pressing a brick that I couldn’t see as any different than any other. But whatever he did worked. 

The wall that I had been certain was load-bearing twisted and churned. The low rumble of movement could be felt under my feet and up to the wall itself as it slowly pulled out, then moved to the side on its own through the guidance of a pulley system I could barely see between old and ruined cracks. Finally, the passage revealed itself. An entrance to some secret lair in the middle of the bloody distillery district, and no one had ever bothered to look. I stared at it uncomprehendingly. Quill stepped inside, and I followed behind him just in time that the wall didn’t close with me halfway through. Open-mouthed, I watched it close behind us. 

A tunnel remained that burrowed deep into the bowels of the Capital. Glowing braziers were lit cheerfully and hid in alcoves, the only light by which we could see. I noticed the man’s face when he turned to make sure the door had locked securely behind us. Older than me, perhaps his late twenties. He also had his own shock of freckles, perhaps more than Jacobs. His face wasn’t anything beautiful, an average looking man if ever there was one. But there was no denying the hair, and the eyes, and what it meant. There was a Lord Noble of excellent breed helping the rebellion gain traction. Perhaps they weren’t entirely doomed. 

He turned back around to lead me down into the earth. 

He said nothing as we walked. The sound of plodding was getting on my nerves. The silence between us was going more stagnate the more we traveled. 

“Are you allowed to tell me anything?” I finally asked. 

“About the rebellion?”

“About anything. I’ve gotten nothing but orders to meet with Margret. And you. But… That wall. What you just did. I haven’t heard about any of this.” 

“Oh.” His voice echoed down the tunnel. “I suppose you wouldn’t have.” I waited for him to respond again, but he gave me more silence for minutes after. We were left walking with nothing but the sound of our shoes clicking against dirt and stone for company. It required paying attention to every step and movement, with the slope of the descent steep enough that a wrong move would send me barreling into him. “Are you aware of the old stories, Benjamin?” He finally asked. 

“Everyone is.”

“They’re true.” 

I stared at the back of his head. “What?”

“Alice existed. The gardens existed. The caterpillar existed. Once, the entire world was filled with magic that made no sense.” He paused, listening to something I couldn’t hear, then started walking again when he seemed satisfied. “The world was once… Good. As good as it could get.”

“Is this your traditionalism speaking?” I raised an eyebrow. 

“No, I’m giving you objective fact. Alice died, and that is why the world went to ruins. A girl from a world unlike ours left this realm and was never seen again. It left the place shattered without the imagination of said little girl to be their guiding light. I don’t know how much you believe in the metaphysical, but this world was hers. This place was everything she dreamed of. And when a shell of a person’s subconscious is left to their own devices, it deteriorates. There’s nothing physical for it to hold onto anymore. I suppose your Duchess has told you that Wonderland is dying?”

“Of course,” I growled. “Everyone knows in one way or another. Isn’t that part of the reason we’re here? But what you’re saying sounds like little more than a story, and a far-fetched one at that. What makes you think I’ll believe you?” Alice making the world? Even that story wasn’t one that was often discussed. Wonderland was its own being. 

“I don’t ask that you believe the things I say. I ask that you look at them for yourself.” The tunnel echoes were getting stronger the further down we traveled. There were questions running through my mind that I ached to ask, but then Quill turned a corner, and I saw the bottom of the world. 

A hole, larger than anything I’d ever dreamed of, stretched from the tunnel we’d come to the end up, to hundreds of feet in the other direction. Perhaps thousands. On the other side lay the multiple entrances to other tunnels that looked like tiny warrens in comparison to the sheer size of the drop in front of them. People moved like ants across slopes that connected each entrance gingerly across the edges of this anomaly, with small fires lighting up in alcoves what would otherwise be total darkness. The echoes of chatter, and laughter, and even sobbing echoed so loudly I thought my head would explode. The sounds of people living their lives were captured in this pit that, when I looked down, seemed to have no end. 

It was darkness at the bottom. The side passages that wound around the cavity of the world eventually disappeared into shadows that welled from the end. 

“What is this place?” Standing too close to the edge was making my head spin, so I drew away and looked instead up to the ceiling. Stalactites dripped water from the covered hole, sending it to oblivion. It was impossible. The sheer size of this hole meant that the majority of the Capital existed underneath something this enormous. Whole blocks could be taken out if this place collapsed. 

“The rabbit hole,” Quill answered. I stared at him, but he ignored me, and began to walk down a side passage that wound its way down the enormity and ended at another tunnel that pockmarked the circular hole.

“I don’t remember it being this size in the books.” 

“A lot of the story has changed over hundreds of years. Places move. Worlds sound different, until it’s impossible to distinguish fact from fiction, unless you speak to someone who was there. And the majority of those people aren’t exactly right in the head.” 

Gingerly I followed him, sticking as close as I could to the side of the wall. I was regretting the drink now. “So it’s real. The story actually happened.”

“And the Queen went mad after Alice left.”

“Alright, pause there for a moment. I’d like to know who’s idea it was to even have a base here in the first place?”

“Perhaps if you weren’t drunk, you’d have a better time of navigating this. It was mine.” 

“… What? I thought you were some kind of… Scribe or something.”

“I suppose I am.” He almost sounded pleased beneath the monotone. “A scribe that started this rebellion.”

“Margret started the rebellion.”

“I suppose she did.” 

“But that doesn’t make any sense!” I hissed. It was impossible to understand this man. The only thing he had seemed remotely passionate about was history, and perhaps Margret. But everything he said was in the same clipped monotone that was driving me slowly insane. I didn’t understand anything of what he meant, even as I began to sober up trying to not fall to my death. 

“I apologize for the lack of clarity, Benjamin,” he sighed. “You’ll see Margret soon enough. Her quarters are through this tunnel.” He stopped at a ledge that led to a tunnel larger than the others, though still minuscule in comparison to the hole they were all connected too. Laughter and the occasionally body escaped from this one that seemed more active than the others. I supposed it was the lack of sunlight that led to constant activity here. 

This tunnel was chiseled larger than the others, enough for multiple people to walk back and forth shoulder to shoulder through the hall. It seemed to be a central hub, with other tunnels connecting earlier than the massive hole all to this larger one. The system seemed nonsensical, but no one within the large crowds of people walking back and forth through the halls ever questioned where they walked. 

It shocked me, just how many there were. Free humans. Everywhere, walking back and forth, chatting with each other, building weapons, writing, eating. Children ran up and down the halls screaming with laughter, with noble children scattered between then. An orange haired girl ran after a squealing cohort with a stick in her hand. 

“That was…” I stared after her. 

“Don’t stare at her.” He glared back at me, and I flinched. 

“But she was a half breed.”

“She couldn’t control who her parents were as much as you could.” His voice was curt, with hurt underlying it. Strange. Passionate about these things, and yet a voice so chilly and cold. Somehow, he could make such a boring and normal face look so terrifying. 

“I didn’t realize your saving people extended beyond humans,” I mumbled. “Sorry.” 

He picked up my voice easily, even with the chatter. “We save whoever needs saving. If you choose to work with us, if the Duchess chooses to work with us, then that must be your prime directive. This isn’t gallantry. This isn’t glory. This is lives we’re trying to give back.” 

I straightened. “I understand.” That was something he could expect from me, at least. I wasn’t here to play a game. 

He stopped outside an old wooden door, the edges on the bottom worn from age. Knocking once was all he needed. 

The door opened, and the woman that nearly killed me opened the door. 

Margret stared at me, half in confusion, and half in wary fear. She knew me, knew what she had done to me. And I knew her. That was one thing I don’t think anyone in this mission had accounted for. 

Quill looked between us for a moment of awkward silence as we tried to comprehend each other, then bowed his head. “I’ll let you two be. I have work to do.” He left before I could say anything to him. Scurrying off like a mouse, off to pretend that he wasn’t of some greater importance. Just a scribe, he’d said. That was a lark. 

“… Benjamin… Right?” She seemed almost sheepish now, watching me. 

“Yes,” I said, trying to hide my nervousness. 

“You’re here to prove that the Duchess is on our side.” 

“I…” I coughed. “Yes. That’s right.” 

“Right…” She smiled tentatively. A kind smile. I was thankful she looked almost nothing like him. Otherwise, it would have been impossible to look at her. Regular green eyes, nothing strange or yellow about them. “I’m sorry for… Cutting you.” 

“It’s alright. I’ve been patched up since then. I’m alive. Thanks to you.” I stared at her for a moment longer, watching her stand awkwardly in the frame of the door. Was she afraid to invite me in, or did she have better things to do? I understood her secrecy. Most seemed to expect me to want to know more about this place. I just wanted to finish my job. However, there were some things that still left me curious.

“Why didn’t you kill me, that day?” I asked. That was something I didn’t understand.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I suppose… Your face made me hesitate.” 

“How romantic.” I rolled my eyes. 

“Not like that. I just didn’t see something I thought I would. You know you almost cost me the mission, right?” She smiled slightly. There was no malice behind it. “We didn’t want that many witnesses, and you were important enough that they spirited you straight to the palace. That had everyone afraid of what you might say. But I’m happy nothing came of it. Well… Something did. The best possible scenario. You here, at my doorstep. I’m surprised that stabbing you was what it took to get you to join us.” 

“Were you expecting me?” 

“We were expecting the Duchess. And maybe a Left Hand, not definitely not a Right.” Her smile faded. “Men are less likely to join our cause, when they have everything they could want.” 

“And yet here I am.”

“I appreciate it.”

It wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. 

“So…” I continued. “What do I do now, then?”

“We’ll have to discuss what the Duchess can offer us specifically but…” She moved from the side of the doorframe and closed the old wooden thing quickly behind her before I had a chance to look. She seemed touchy… Twitchy, even. Her hands shook when she locked it. “I suppose it would be in everyone’s best interest if you had at least a token tour of the facilities.” 

“I don’t intend to spend time here.” 

She chuckled. “I suppose not. But even still, aren’t you curious?” She sounded almost… Teasing. 

“You’re a very strange individual.” She laughed and started walking regardless. I caught up beside her, and we continued deeper into the large corridor. Her awkward smile was very, very different than his. She wasn’t him, at all. Older, mature, and calmer. I remembered the first time we’d seen each other, and how much I stared at her face. When she first intended to kill me she seemed like some kind of war goddess, but now in the light she was real, real and normal. It was strange, the ease I felt with her, like old friends meeting again after years of separation. It made me wonder though, how much she knew about him. 

She mustn’t have. Otherwise I doubt she’d be so jovial with me. This calm and relaxed demeanour was impossible with someone that did nothing but pity you. 

I decided to enjoy it while it lasted. 

….

“And this is the rest of it.” Margret stopped outside of the last section of the tunnels. “These tend to be for those refugees that are more structured, with older families. Honestly, I wish we had more of them.” This particular alcove was quieter. I supposed at this point, most of the children had finally been put to sleep. I could hear a baby crying, but that was further back in the tunnels. Here, the warrens of this strange place were etched out in more stable and definite patterns, with the doors seeming new and well maintained. 

“It’s nice here,” I continued to admire the few families out of their apartments and enjoying quiet conversation. It was so different seeing nobles and humans together as though there was nothing between them, but that seemed to be the way this world worked. It made me wonder if a world like that was possible. 

The thought flitted around, when I noticed a face. All at once, I felt a surge of something inside me. 

He was taller than I remembered. 

My heart. 

His face was different now. He’d never had baby fat with the lack of food before, but now it was healthy. Handsome. 

I didn’t believe it could be real.

And yet, still just as beautiful as the last time I’d seen him. It was strange, to see him smile. But he did, he even beamed as he stood next to an elderly King noble that dressed in court leathers the color of his kingdom. But him, the face, he was in black. A shirt so dark, it would make his hair black, in the right light. But he could never hide the subtle tinge of green no more than he could hide the black eyes. 

I would never forget who Wyvern was. 

When our eyes locked, he stared at me the same way that I felt. Lost. Confused. Broken. For a second it was like my heart wasn’t broken. Like there was something I could still cling to. 

Then he turned it into eyes of hatred.


	20. Epilogue - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end. Another story awaits. 
> 
> Margret's story, and Rettah's (maybe) wait in the wings to tell the tale of a Twisted Wonderland from the other side of the country. 
> 
> The world is changing, and it takes more than one person to tell that story.

“This place is a tad overwhelming.” I turned to Margret. “Do you think perhaps I could be alone for a bit, to think over all of this?” 

“You’re asking me to let the Right Hand of the Duchess loose inside a rebel fortress.” She smiled slightly. “I suppose I could.”

“Thank you.” The drink was all but gone from my system, but I could still act it enough to make it seem like I needed a moment or two to process. Margret nodded half to herself, though she seemed to realize something was amiss. I must have looked too much at Wyvern, or perhaps it was the look that he gave me. I couldn’t seem to get away from that gaze of hatred. The one thing I didn’t expect from him was that look. Out of all of the reactions I had ever pictured of us meeting again, I had never once considered it being so… Murderous. 

“What do you want with Wyvern,” she whispered, just loud enough for me to hear. 

“He’s a friend.” I sighed. “An old friend.”

“I didn’t know he had any old friends with his past. Be careful with him. He’s suffered. If I hear anything from the others about misconduct well… Don’t hurt him.” I knew what had happened. I watched it happen. I would be the last person to ever want to hurt him. 

Her eyes were wary as she turned to leave. I didn’t understand why she trusted me as much as she did, but she did all the same. Strange, her judge of character. I wouldn’t have let someone like me loose so easily, but perhaps she’d gotten a taste of correct assumption in her line of work. 

The man beside Wyvern turned to leave with Margret, much to my surprise. The elderly King noble bowed his head to me and smiled at the glowering teen, then disappeared along with the Queen noble into the depths of the tunnels. Though the others stayed to talk among themselves, it seemed like the crowd was dispersing with the disappearance of the King noble that tied them all together. The murmuring died down to quiet as they left to their separate rooms, some laughing and some yawning about the end of a busy day. Wyvern tried to follow. but when I finally realized what I was doing standing thunderstruck in the hall, I strode towards him. 

“Wyvern,” I breathed as silent as a whisper as I met him. Every step felt so uncertain and confusing. Wyvern was a name I never thought I’d say again, and it felt strange on my tongue. 

I only just managed to catch him at the edge of his door. He turned around abruptly when he realized I was following, and that name I kept in my heart broke away with every second. He wasn’t the same. 

“Keep the fuck away from me.” His voice was venom, and he was bristling like a cat. There was no trace of him from before. I looked into those eyes of fury and I tried to imagine what he had been before. But I couldn’t see it. Any of it. He wasn’t the Wyvern I’d left.

I wasn’t upset. I couldn’t be. Because that mean he’d found a way to be strong. He was pieces of a puzzle put back together, and he was far stronger than I was. 

“I just wanted to talk,” I said carefully. I wasn’t even sure what to say. What could one say to him in a situation like this? I was a ghost of a memory he never wanted to remember. I knew that feeling all too well. “I’m happy that you-“

“I don’t want any memories of what you did to me reappearing in my mind along with you,” he snarled. “Leave me alone, or I’ll get my father to kill you. I swear it.” It hurt, as true as I knew it was. To see him again, to see his face and finally have something that took me away from the world. To have a pocket of change in my mind, and have that face hate me? It stung, to say the least. That different person that looked at me with hatred wasn’t the one I’d met when he was a scared boy in the recesses of a dungeon left forgotten and rotting. He was wirier than before under his clothes, and there was so much life that hadn’t been in his eyes before. He was alive inside. It made me happier than words could explain, and yet he would never want to hear any of them. I almost couldn’t fathom that hatred. 

But then, I’d treated him like a plaything. That’s what the hatter had taught me to do. He remembered it. And he hated me. 

“I’m sorry for what I did.” No apology could ever fix something like that. What reason was there to apologize? I was doing nothing but assuaging my own guilt. “I shouldn’t have.”

“Shut up.”

“No, I-I shouldn’t have touched you. You were in a position of weakness. The last thing –“

“Please,” he whispered. I flinched as he leaned his forehead against the door. His eyes were faraway. “Don’t talk. Shut up.” I flinched again. Even attempting to make myself feel better, just hurt him. 

“I’m sorry.” His eyes fluttered closed as he processed my words. They weren’t any different than the others. But now, at least, he didn’t look so angry.

“Fuck you,” He finally said after a moment. My heart caught in my throat at how tired he sounded. Perhaps he wasn’t what I thought. Perhaps he was just as broken. “Fuck you for what you did.” 

“I’m sorry. I want…” What did I even want? I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to forget. I wanted to be the one to have rescued him. I wanted to have done it the day I’d met him. “To… to help you. Please.” I looked at him earnestly and tried to ignore how the way he raised his head to me made me feel. That adorable look of confusion. It made me forget hatter for a split second. Between that confused look, between the chill and the fear and the wariness of what I was planning, there was that familiar look I’d remembered and tried so hard to forget before. 

“How can you possibly help?” He muttered. “What could you do for me?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I knew the kind of world you lived in. I knew what you went through, from that snapshot and-“ No, I didn’t.

“You don’t know,” he said softly. “No one does. My father won’t ask, because he’s afraid of the answer. No one here knows where I came from, other than as a prisoner in the King’s palace. No one understands. And certainly not someone who entered to see me in one of the only moments of respite I had.” His grip on the door frame tightened under his knuckles whitened, then loosened. 

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You did it anyways. And now you’re back and ruining everything I worked up towards.” I flinched, but said nothing. He was right. I was a terrible memory. It was the same as him, every time someone brought his name up, or tried to comfort me. It just hurt. Every time. “You said you wanted to help,” he continued. “But you have no idea what it’s like.”

“I want to understand.” I didn’t want him to hate me. He could never know how many nights I stayed up thinking about him, about what could have been. If only he hadn’t told me to leave Wyvern behind, if only I had the slightest amount of back bone. So many if onlys. 

“… Come inside. I don’t want anyone to hear us.” 

“What?”

“Inside.” He walked in, leaving the door open for me, with the same faraway look. 

“You m-mean…”

“You want me to help you understand, right?” I nodded mutely and followed him through the door that he slammed shut close behind me. 

The room was as bare as the others that Margret had shown me, with a candle beating warmly and a bed to one side of the room. A wardrobe on one end, and shelves of books on the other. It was calming, quiet, and gave no information as to his personality. It might as well have been a guest room. Which made it all the more difficult to understand what kind of person Wyvern was. 

He watched me look around his room with an unreadable expression. I was relieved that he didn’t hate me. At least, I hoped that. He associated me with evil, and that warranted hate. But now that he was talking to a manifestation of his past, he couldn’t pretend it was black and white anymore. I turned to look at him and saw that inner turbulence. He stared at me like he was trying to put the pieces back together of a stranger. But I wanted to kiss those lips. 

I hadn’t felt anything since Hatter. But now, I realized how much I’d forgotten myself. 

“I live alone. I didn’t want my father… That close. He looks too much like him.” Wyvern broke the tepid silence. “He was that man you saw before, the one I was talking with.”

“Like who?” I asked. 

“Cleave.” I winced. 

“Sorry, I should have realized.” The two had the same large size, the same pale green hair, but their faces were very different. Cleave was decades younger, and his eyes were a cold and harsh black compared to the soft ones I’d only caught a glimpse of before that tall King noble had left with Margret. I remembered the way Wyvern’s abuser had looked when he stood in the doorway to warn us off even thinking of helping him. He faced that thing every day. 

“S’okay,” he mumbled. Wyvern sat down on the bed with his arms crossed and watched as I took in the room. “You… Asked. I remember asking.” I asked because he told me to. I asked because I was obsessed with him. I asked because in a time of his need, the first thing I thought about was kissing him because I was in the throes of Wonderland madness.

“I did,”I sighed. “I shouldn’t have even thought about it.”

“I said yes.” He thanked me. 

“Your mind was being played with, wasn’t it?” I reminded him. He went quiet, and I dropped my gaze. 

“… You want to know what it was like?” He ventured after another long silence. 

A coldness crept up my spine. 

“What was it like?”

“I could show you.” He was watching me when I snapped my head back up. 

“Do you… Mean to torture me?”

“Cleave didn’t just torture.” His eyes grew darker. “He did other things.” Other things I remember a younger him admitting to. I kicked myself for ever finding that attractive. There had been something wrong with me. Someone whispering in my ear to forget the past and enjoy the present. Someone I loved more than anything. It hurt to ever think he could have been wrong. But even now, with Wyvern looking at me like he’d rather kill me than fuck me, I found myself nodding along with all the obedience that Hatter had instilled in me. I was already back to old habits, this one being once again attracted to someone I’d fantasized of saving. Over, and over. 

“He hurt me.” Wyvern stood up and took my hand. It was shaking, and mine was too. “He made me suffer.” He pushed me towards the bed, and I took the hint quickly as he started to undress. I wanted to hold his hand and help his fingers that struggled with the buttons. His breath was in pants, but it wasn’t from arousal. He wasn’t attracted to me. He was afraid. So afraid. “He made me watch my sister die. He didn’t flinch at the screams. From her or from me.” I was undressed by the time he had done the same. It was dirty. Wrong. I was taking advantage of a boy that looked like he would cry if he had the strength to. All of that false energy he’d had before in the hall, the anger and chaos he tried to front was gone. 

He stood nude before me, and I stared in awe at his body. Paper thin scars littered his body, almost impossible to see unless you looked for them. Yet still so beautiful. He was mesmerizing, and he looked at me like less than a piece of meat. 

I stopped ogling when he slammed my head down against the bed. It didn’t hurt me as much as shock me. I glanced up to see him shaking with a desperate and hollow look. Broken inside. Maybe I wasn’t the same as him. Maybe I would never know pain like he did. But I’d know loss. And that was what he showed me. 

“Do you want to let me show you how bad it was?” He hissed. “Are you sure? I don’t want to do something you’ll truly regret. This isn’t a punishment.” I numbly nodded at him. I hadn’t wanted anything for too long. 

“Then lie back on the bed so I can tie you up. You’d run.”

….

“Wyvern-“ I winced as the knife cut into my chest, moving alongside the scar of the deeper cut that marked me even now. The ones he slid across my form were lighter, too light to leave lasting marks. But they itched and burned, and hurt perhaps more than the one Margret had given me. There were more things beside him. Things he wouldn’t show me at first, but he’d always show me the weapon right before he’d use it against me. Then he’d dig it in feather-light into my skin. Picks, knives, ice, his own fingernails. I’d never felt more pain. Not even after Margret, waking up, or Sigil when she’d picked away at me. Wyvern knew exactly how much to hurt. It was a culmination of cuts, turning into a stinging mess of agony. 

He looked over to me with dead eyes, and inched the blade in another hair into my skin. The cold silver against hot mutilated flesh brought forth an urge scream and drive it away. But my hands and legs were firmly tied to the bed, and I had enough sense to hold my tongue in case someone heard. His own hand shook like a leaf, struggling to maintain any sliver of power I’d given him. I wanted to shake too, but I was terrified of the consequences. If I moved too much, I’d end up with cut far deeper than the superficial ones he littered on my chest and stomach. 

“He didn’t punch me, or kick me,” he muttered, trailing the knife further down my abdomen. His hands shook more the closer he got to my groin, and I suppressed a whimper of pain. My eyes were watering. 

But I felt something. I felt something, and it wasn’t numb. Because he was making me feel alive, in the worst possible way. Everything was pain and itching and cutting and I could actually feel something, because Wyvern was looking down at me. There was something from my past that didn’t need to be overwritten with lies or loss. 

“He always played with knives. He kept them sharp.” He slid the blade away from me and held it up. It was a regular dagger, one he’d gotten from the armory. I didn’t ask why he kept it in his room; I supposed I already knew the answer. Not even his father was enough to keep the monsters on the inside away. “He’d burn, sometimes. But his favorite was always knives. He was better than me. More careful. And his hands never shook.” He glanced down at his own hand unable to keep still, and grit his teeth.

I said nothing. No matter how much I wanted him to stop, he needed it. This. Whatever insanity this was. I couldn’t tell him to stop. 

He drove his knife back into my chest, and I gasped in pain. “Wy-“ I held my tongue and let the word turn into a moan of pain as he drove it slowly upward, until a red line ran from my breastbone to my neck. Tears fell down, hot and heavy as the drops of blood lingering over me. He glanced up at the sound of his name, but I said nothing more. I wouldn’t tell him to stop. I wouldn’t tell him I couldn’t take anymore. He never had that chance. 

“Enough?” He asked. 

“No,” I gasped. He nodded, then glanced down to my cock. I hadn’t realized it was hard, but he let me know when he reached down to stroke it. My body jumped at the touch. I would have reacted more if not for the knife he kept trained on my stomach, forcing me in place as he began to pump slowly, then faster when he turned to me. 

“Confused?” He asked. I nodded with a whimper. The pain was sharp and impossible to ignore, and yet it almost seemed to melt away with his grip on me. What kind of monster was I, for getting off to something this terrible? It hurt like hell, confusing my mind and left me gasping, and yet the more he touched me, the more I was alright with this continuing. Wyvern was touching me, actively choosing to touch me, and that was enough for my body to react to it. I was caught in bliss, feeling the cuts disappear along with their sting, until I felt something cold touching the edge of my shaft. 

My eyes flew open to see the knife at the edge of my cock. 

He brought it closer, ever closer, until I was certain I could feel it’s edge on the flesh of my head, keeping a firm grip on it with his other hand in case I tried to twitch away. I wanted to scream. I desperately wanted to run. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to do anything but this. 

“He never did anything here. Nothing sharp, anyway.” He drew the knife back, then placed it on the bed with a sigh. I let out a relieved breath and sank back into the bed, heaving. Glancing up at him, I noticed his eyes just seemed tired now. He wasn’t getting any pleasure from this. Doing these things, they merely seemed to exhaust him. He slowly stroked me, but there was nothing behind it. 

“Wyvern?” 

“What.” 

“Are you… Are you sure you want to do this?” He looked so exhausted, bags under his eyes as the soft black pupils bored into me. 

“Are you afraid?”

“Y-yes,” I admitted. “But I won’t stop. Not until you want to.” 

“Maybe you’ll change your mind after, then.” I blinked. 

“After what?”

“You were right about the things he did to me.” He mumbled as he turned back behind the bed. “He fucked me. A lot. I was a toy, to him. My own cousin. He was always a monster, but my dad never let me talk to my uncle. So, I didn’t know. I never knew anything about that side of the family. I didn’t realize there were things like that, living in the same palace I did. I didn’t know monsters could look so human, before him. I didn’t know monsters could be family.” He pulled something out that took me a moment to see. 

A sounding rod. I supposed he thought I’d be more terrified at the sight. When he looked at me, expecting me to be afraid, his eyes widened. 

“You’ve done this before.” 

I glanced away sheepishly. “Once.” 

“But you’re not afraid.” He stared at me. “You’re hard.” 

“It’s… Not terrible, if you know how to do it right.” I tentatively look back over at him. “Did your monster know how?” 

He flushed. He turned pink, to my surprise, and set down the rod beside me.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “It must have confused you.” 

“You have no idea,” he sighed. “All it was, day after day, was pain and comfort. Pleasure and torture, all mixed into one. He wouldn’t feed me for days, and then he’d come back with a feast fit for a king, straight from the kitchens. I couldn’t believe him. I couldn’t trust him. I never knew what kind of person he would be. Sometimes it would be the same person at the same time, and I’d stare at a monster and…” He clenched his jaw. “Let me fuck your cock. Shut up.” 

He gripped my shaft tighter in his hands, enough to make me flinch. But I tried to relax as much as I could. He wasn’t as skilled as Hatter, and that meant things could go very, very wrong if he wasn’t careful. So, I kept quiet, breathing slowly as he stroked me while rolling the metal rod in his hands to warm it up. 

When he placed it at the slit of my head, I drew in a soft breath and waited apprehensively for that feeling. It came slowly, because he moved the rod only at the edge at first, constantly looking back to me as if questioning if what he was doing was alright. His hands were shaking harder, and his breath came in pants of fear. He was more afraid than I was. 

“It’s okay,” I murmured. He jumped at the sound of my voice, and I realized my mistake when the rod was pushed quicker than intended inside me.

It separated my glans, only at the tip, but it was enough to make me shudder. Thicker than the one that Hatter has used on me, but warm. There was a sharp tug more than a pain of something going where it shouldn’t have. I held in a breath as I waited for Wyvern to get a better hold on himself, then moaned when he pushed it further down.   
He rolled it in deeper and deeper, pulling it down with his fingers and listened to me trying to hold back moans. The stings of the cuts disappeared again when he inserted the thing, with all attention on it and what he was doing to my poor shaft. Though tears crept back into my vision, I couldn’t help but want more. I wanted to arch against his hand. I wanted to feel him touching me. When he began to stroke my head as he pushed the thing in, deeper and deeper, warmth in my abdomen began to grow as my mind dimmed. My mind began to wander, and for a moment in the light of the candle, his hair looked red. 

“He was rougher,” Wyvern said, his mouth set in an unsatisfied scowl. But his eyes kept darting back and forth, and his hands were a mess of shaking. “I don’t know how to be rougher.”

“Are you okay?” I asked between huffs as he pushed it down further. “We can stop-“

“I don’t want to stop!” He hissed, and drove the sound in sharply. I winced at the sudden move. Sparks of pain dotted my vision. Somehow though, it was still good. Hatter had never hurt me. And yet, I didn’t realize the pain could be this good. “I… I can’t stop. If I stop, th-then…” His shoulders sagged, and he let the rod go, still halfway inside me. “I’m weak.” I groaned internally. He’d let go, with precum dripping down my cock and the road twisting and turning with every flinch of my body. I had to contain myself, if I wanted to help. I had to stop panting.

“Th-then you’re n-not him,” I grunted. I wanted to hug him, but the ropes were too tight. “And that’s alright. You don’t n-need to be him.” Wyvern was crying. I needed to hold him. I needed to hug him. I was too invested in this. I had forgotten that this was meant to be for him. 

“I can’t even show you what he did to me. I can’t even tell you everything.” 

“You don’t have to,” I blurted. “You don’t have to tell me everything, not if it hurts. What do you want? Do what makes you feel better. Follow what makes you hurt less.” 

“Hurt… Less…” He looked at my cock, then up to me. I flinched as he tugged out the sound, then crawled over until he hung over me, his eyes boring into me as looked down below. A few tears splattered my nose. “You’re hurting too, aren’t you?” 

“Yes,” I answered hesitantly. “I am.”

“You lost him.”

“Yes…” I said. I never felt so small, being looked down on by a boy that was smaller than me.

“I don’t know how to go with my gut.”

“Close your eyes,” I coached. “Then you’ll be able to figure out what you want.” 

He did as I said, biting his lip until a thin line of blood appeared. Then he fell against me. 

His body was warm, almost feverishly so. I tried to ignore the way his legs fell perfectly in between my crotch, straddling me. He’d left me unfinished, so close to being undone. He must have felt it. But instead of disgust, I felt something surprising poking my stomach. The more he felt me, the harder he got.

“Benji,” he whimpered. “If you promise to be loving…” He swallowed, then turned to look up at me. “Can you… With me? Please?”

My heart leapt into my throat. “Fuck you?”

“Make love.” He tugged a lock of my hair. “Do it so it doesn’t hurt. Do what I ask. But love me.” 

Everything I’d ever wanted, laid out at my feet and begging me to take it. I was taking advantage. I had to be. But he wanted me as much as I wanted him. 

“Are you sure?” I whimpered. “Are you really sure you’re okay with that?”

“Please,” he begged by my ear. “I just… I want to feel something.” 

“Untie me, then.” I kissed his cheek, feeling my heartbeat quickening. “I’ll do everything you want.”

….

As I got feeling back into my wrists, Wyvern pressed closer. His breath was hot against my ear, whimpering in between pants as he worked his own fingers inside himself while straddling my front. I let him do what he liked, afraid to touch him and break the fantasy in front of me. Instead, I caressed along the wiry muscles of his back. He moved at his own pace, rocking deeply into his own hand as he stretched himself out. His sweet whimpers echoed around the room. My face heated the more I heard. His face was as flushed as mine must have been. When he looked up to me and slowly removed his hand, my jaw went slack. His eyes were heavy lidded and his lips were parted, begging to be kissed. 

Neither of us spoke as I turned him around against the bed, then guided myself inside. He flinched at the penetration, and immediately I paused until I could see a faint nod. 

We moved slowly, lovingly. Often I’d find his mouth and pepper kisses from there down to his neck as I thrust carefully inside him. When he bucked his hips to go faster, I’d oblige him. My brain was fogged from something that I never thought would happen, but I couldn’t lose control of myself, lest I hurt him. In between thrusts, I saw a blurry face every time I wanted to close my eyes. I was doing this wrong, he’d say. I could go faster. I could be rough. He wouldn’t mind. He loved when I was rough. Loved it so much, he wouldn’t let me do it again, because he was afraid of what he might turn into. 

Wyvern whimpers spurred me onward, to move faster against him. He didn’t sound anything like him, but I could pretend. I held his hand tightly and when he closed his eyes, I nibbled at his ear until he opened them with a gasp. He couldn’t fall back into wherever he seemed to. I wanted to overwrite it. I wanted him to be better than me. At least one of us wouldn’t have to live in the past, then. I gave him everything he wanted, I moved my hips until they mashed against his, deep inside, and watched as his stomach rippled and tensed in response, coupled with panting. He pretended to be someone else, but he would never be able to hide this part of him. I never tried. Hatter had showed me there was no use in pretending not to love pleasure. I could almost hear him now, laughing and spurring me onward. He’d find this hot. Or maybe he was the one beneath me. The one panting and clawing at my back, egging me onward with breathing moans and eyes half closed. He was the one I could be fucking if only he didn’t have to forget.

Every movement, every thrust, everything brought back to him. Kissing Wyvern made me think of him. I could smell cinnamon, sex, and everything that made up Hatter. It reduced me to nothing more than a mindless machine, silently begging for him in between thrusts. I hadn’t realized until now, just how much more alive I could feel. The cuts were nothing. Incomparable to the real thing. 

He gripped my back as he rocked his hips against my length, and pressed his face into my shoulder. Hatter, Wyvern, it didn’t matter who. I just wanted to feel alive again. I wanted… I wanted…

“Cleave…” He whispered. A chill crept into my chest as I paused, and the world went back into focus. I didn’t want it to. I hated it. He stopped moving, his eyes flying open as he fell back to the bed, shaking. “I-I mean… I…”

“It’s okay,” I heard myself saying. “If… If you’re going to pretend I’m Cleave, can I pretend you’re Sensi?” The both of us stared at each other, neither sure what to say.

Wyvern broke the silence with a sheepish smile. 

“I don’t think I’d make a very good Sensi.” 

I pressed my lips against his, then thrust deeper inside him. I listened to that whine. The sweetest sound in the world. “You’re doing fine. Trust me.” He whimpered, arching his hips back up to meet mine, and I went back to plunging into him. Into the boy I remembered from so long ago, and into Asentual that was still laughing in my mind. He cried out Cleave’s name like an oath, and I let him do it. It was too much for me to call out for Hatter. But my mind said his name like a mantra, over and over as I thrust into his substitute. 

Wyvern and I were never fast. The knives and weapons he wanted to hurt me with were left forgotten. I learned everything that made him moan, and he did what he could to try the same. He was clumsy, but I couldn’t have cared less. This was the person I wanted, and inexperience wouldn’t stop me from making him finish as many times as he could. We ended up tangled in each other’s bodies feeling our heartbeats as we struggled to orgasm so soon after finishing the first time. It became a game, to see who could find themselves ready to go again after they’d lost themselves in bliss. I’d fall half asleep only to wake up and see him rocking against my cock, his head dipped against his chest as he tried to contain those adorable noises. Time slipped away from the both of us in a haze of heated pleasure. I got used to the sound of his whimpers, but I never wanted them to stop.

I came inside him, around him, on his face, everywhere he wanted me to. He in turn finished on his stomach more times than I could count. Everywhere smelled like sex and Wyvern. His face was so cute, and so sexual all at the same time. When his eyes fluttered closed and he whimpered his cousin’s name for the hundredth time, I pretended he was Asentual. For a moment, it would almost work. 

Green would never stay red for long, though. Not even in the light of the dying candle that soon burned away to nothing. 

When the light finally died, we were holding each other and staring at the pure black of the room. So dark that I couldn’t see the hand I held up in front of my own face. All I could hear was the sound of his breathing, and my own. 

His cock was still half hard on my side. But I was spent for the moment, and exhausted. He sounded half asleep too. 

“Wyvern,” I mumbled. There was no response. I smiled sadly. “I wondered if…” He moved closer to press his nose into my shoulder. 

“Mmm,” he groaned. “It’s dark. Sleep.”

“Alright.” I pulled him against me. His body was heated and shivering, his ass sorely used from all I’d done to him. But he was satisfied. He seemed almost happy as he drifted off to sleep, his breathe soon coming slow and quiet. He left me in the dark. Holding onto him and pretending I could tell smell Hatter beside me. I never would. I knew that now. I’d never be able to touch him again. Whatever had happened, I’d gotten as far away from that as I could. And now it was just me. 

It wasn’t, though. Wyvern was here, a different kind of soul, and yet I still felt him. I knew him. I could understand him. He hurt, and so did I. We could be broken together. We could be happy together. 

….

It’s strange, the way that life becomes so normal when you’re willing it to be that way, but Wyvern and I made it work. For a few days, I felt alive. There was a schedule, a method to the madness of it all. We woke up together and enjoyed the few minutes of the morning. It would be just as dark as the night, but a knock on the door woke up Wyvern, who realized in a few minutes just how heavy of a sleeper I was. I expected something awkward, perhaps him kicking me out of his room, or awkwardly asking that I never return. What I didn’t expect were the sweet kisses along my neck as he gently urged me to get up. He brought me out of the darkness of sleep where the nightmares hid, and both of us held each other as we waited for the memories of it to subside.

Then I’d break away to let Margret fill me in on the information I’d bring back to the Duchess. A shopping list of supplies to keep the underground running, information on plans, everything that the royal would need to know to help them. We didn’t have many guards to spare, nor did we have much food, but all of that could be bought with the gems from our mines. With the richest Kingdom backing them, there was almost a hope in hell that they would succeed. Listening to Margret’s plans, sometimes I wondered if any of it was actually her idea. When it came down to it, everything she said seemed to come from the words of that scribe. He only joined us occasionally, seemingly more interested in the job of actually procuring the information rather than relaying it to a glorified envoy like me. But when he spoke, I knew where the real strength of this rebellion hid. He was right about what he said. She was the leader, but so was he. I watched the way they spoke to each other. She laughed at the deadpan sarcasm, and he smiled when she grew passionate about helping everyone she could. The two of them talked for hours, and at times all I could do was listen. I’d try to ask a question only to find them staring into each other’s eyes. 

I wasn’t about to ask questions. Perhaps that was why Quill was so quick to care about hybrids. It didn’t matter. I didn’t have the time to think about who Margret wanted to fuck when I was busying my mind on other, more important matters. Like ways to make Wyvern cry out at night. Or ways to make him happy. There were things they had planned for him that I overheard in meetings, but that wasn’t on my mind either. As long as he was safe, I didn’t care. 

He never told his father about me. I supposed that was for the best. I wouldn’t have known how to approach a topic like that anyways. A traditionalist King noble who had an inkling of his son’s abuse, finding out that he was fucking a man? I didn’t want to have that conversation, and neither didn’t Wyvern. The youth still wouldn’t tell me everything Cleave had done; if his father knew even less, he might make a rash decision. Perhaps he’d think I was taking advantage. 

I wasn’t taking advantage of him. I was helping him. At least, I thought I was. Whenever he wanted me, I was there to overwrite all of the fears he had. I did always what he wanted, what he asked, and left him happy and entirely willing to cuddle until the day changed to the next. Even if I saw Asentual in him, and he saw Cleave, it was like two broken pieces that fit together. It couldn’t have been healthy for either of us, but it was the first time I’d ever been able to think about the hatter since I’d last seen him. I could think about what he might say, what he might do, because I knew that Wyvern would be there behind it. I was satisfied with being his secret, if it meant the two of us could care for each other. 

I was so many things. It was almost as though I could belong. Like I had found something that stuck, and I could have lived there for as long as I wanted. 

I wish I hadn’t seen that red hair. 

I wish I hadn’t seen that face among the crowd in the main hallway, clueless as he looked around, shouting for Margret and stopping anyone that would give him the time of day.

I wish I hadn’t seen the mess of black tendrils that followed him with eyes as purple as a dark flower, acting as though she could ever be innocent. 

I heard the cries when Margret left her room to see the commotion, and saw him. I heard the laughter and cheers and crying all at once as one by one, people began to realize who he was. It faded when I turned a corner, leaving Wyvern’s room with what little luggage I had, and walked as fast as I could towards the nearest exit.

Wyvern gripped my arm when he saw me pass by. He must have been curious at the cacophonous uproar, as he was on his way in the other direction. We met by pure chance, both taking the same deserted tunnel in and out of the catacombs. I was almost there, almost out of the base, and within hours I could have been out of the city and on my way back to the Duchess. But he had to catch me. I couldn’t just leave. I couldn’t just try to forget I had ever seen Rettah.

“Where are you going?” He demanded. 

“Did you see him?” I couldn’t look him in the eye when I was here, failing him. 

“Who?”

“I can’t get away from him.” Maybe he hadn’t heard me. My voice was as silent as a whisper. I was afraid to speak. 

“What do you mean? Benji, what the hell are you trying to say?” I had to say it. I had to tell him. I wouldn’t last, I couldn’t, not with a ghost living amongst us. 

“I’m leaving, Wyvern.” 

He let go of my arm. 

“What?” His voice cracked. 

“I’ve stayed long enough. I have information to deliver, so we can get started with communication. I shouldn’t have stayed this long to begin with.” 

“But we… You could stay, you don’t have to leave. We could send another messenger. Margret would understand.”

“I have to leave.”

“… Why?” Was all he could whimper. “Did I do something wrong?” No. You didn’t do anything wrong. I loved you. I love you. I never wanted to have to do this. I wanted a happy ending. I wanted to be together. “If it’s about the cuts, I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to scare you, I should never have done that, I didn’t know what I was thinking, I-“

I pulled him by the collar of his shirt into my arms, and kissed him. 

“You did nothing wrong,” I muttered when I finally pulled away. 

“Then why?”

“Asentual is dead. But Rettah isn’t. That is who occupies his body now.”

Total confusion. He didn’t understand. He stared uncomprehendingly at me. It wasn’t something I could say with what little time I had. It wouldn’t be long until someone mentioned me. I didn’t want to deal with any connection. I couldn’t see Rettah. I couldn’t look at the face of the hatter and have the reaction be nothing but a stranger. 

“I don’t understand-“ he began, but I stopped him. 

“Talk to Margret, if you need to know. But I can’t… I can’t keep living here, with him there. I can’t do that. I’m sorry.” I ran a hand through his hair. I wanted him to come with me. I wanted to bring him back to the Duchess and keep him safe, but we could never do that. His father would never let me, and time and time again I’d been told by Margret that he had a role to play. “I wish I could. But my place…” I swallowed. “My place was never here to begin with. It was always at the Duchess’s side.” He gripped my hand and glared up at me. I deserved those angry tears. 

“How dare you?” He snarled. “Why would you do this to me? What was I to you, a sponge to soak up your grief?” 

“Wasn’t I that to you?” I growled. “We both used each other, didn’t we?” 

“But I-I… I loved you!” 

“I know.” I forced him to let go of me. “And I loved you too. From the moment I met you. I’m sorry.” 

He slammed into me when I tried to walk away. 

“You ass!” he snared. “Don’t you dare run away from me!” 

“Wyvern, let go-“ I stumbled back and fell to the ground with him pinning my shoulders. 

“No, I’m not letting go! Why would you do something like that to me, only to pull it away? Are you Cleave? I didn’t ask for you to really be him!” 

“I’m not trying to hurt you!” I yelled back. 

“Fuck you!” He slammed his lips against mine. I had to gasp for air when he finally released me. “You made me think I could actually feel something, and now you’re just leaving me here to rot again.” The two of us wrestled in hallway with the sound of grunts echoing until it drowned out any noise from the tearful reunion. He hit me in the gut of my scar, and I kneed him close enough to the crotch to make him jump, but neither of us let up the brawl until it was me, on top of him, breathless and half hard. His lip dripped with blood and side was on fire. I tried to catch me breath, shaking and realizing just how immature we were. It was laughable. 

“I’ll come back, you ass!” He paused with one hand on my neck that he had started to strangle me with. His eyes narrowed. 

“Promise.” 

“I promise,” I hissed. “I’ll come back as soon as I hear he’s gone. I have to travel anyways. I’m not going to be gone forever.”

“Well… Fine.” He faltered, with a hint of a growl in his voice. “I guess I’ll… I’ll just fuck a bunch of women until you get back.” 

“Well, fine,” I growled. 

“Fine.” 

“Fine!” 

I clambered off of him and grabbed my bag. He threw rocks at me until I was out of sight. The asshole had managed a hard punch. I was out of breath by the time I was on the surface. My side hurt like nothing else. 

The clouds barely blotted out the sun that shone hot on another scorching summer day in the Capital. Everywhere I looked, I could see places Hatter and I had been, places we always said we wanted to go. Places that we never would.

But they were memories I could hold onto. I wouldn’t let that impostor ruin my memories of him. Remembering him, the lightning in a bottle that he was, and everything that came with him, I wouldn’t let it turn bitter. No one would ever be able to call me dog just like he did. No one would ever be able to grin, laugh away the anger, or tell me he loved me in quite the same way that he could. I wouldn’t forget that. Not even Wyvern would ever be able to compare to him, and I don’t think I’d ever want him to. Even if the rest of the world hated Sensi and saw him for a villain. Even if they heralded his fake as a hero, I’d remember the truth. Asentual was everything to me, and he was so much more than a hatter.

**Author's Note:**

> Took longer than it should have but it's back. 
> 
> Once again, these notes will be used to give out Twisted Wonderland facts and information. If anyone would like to know about something more in the world, write in the comments to have it featured and explained. 
> 
>  
> 
> Wearing the colours of the court one belongs to is a sign of loyalty, respect, and authority. Usually, the closer someone is to their respective royal, the more likely they are to have colours related to them. The further away they are from their respective courts (whether that is by physical, emotional or genetic distance), the less likely they are to wear the colors that correspond to them. It is highly common for nobility that live in the courts to wear the colours of their court, and common for those outside of the courts to not do so. However, if someone who is obviously of strong lineage is not wearing the clothes of their respective court, this can often be a rebellious notion in that they do not wish to be associated with their court. This is seen occasionally with Lord nobles refusing to wear Lord colours as they do not wish to be associated with the cowardly persona. 
> 
> Asentual, interestingly enough, does not wear anything red other than the band of red on his heirloom of a hat that has been passed down to him from generations ago.


End file.
